Am I overreacting/rude with this text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he's not just a white man, he's a white man who has experience married to a WOC. The story is not exactly as how you originally described. Its not as if he tried to mansplain, he gave her perspective from a real life scenario.

And the perspective coming from the real life WOC in front of her wasn't sufficient?

What I'm saying is, she just believe the "White man". She believed the real life story, not the stat from grad school.

It's not a stat from grad school - I'm a White female tax lawyer and I knew that Black woman have higher mortality rates during birth. I'm actually kind of surprised your friend didn't know that, and I'm even more surprised that she questioned you on it when she said it. She seems like a bit of a jerk.

Maybe she’s not well read and doesn’t know a lot of unemployed obese poor pregnant females with bad health care globally or domestically.

If you did even a teeny tiny bit of research, you would know that black women have worst outcomes even when you account for all of the above. But it wouldn't fit your narrative, so why bother? It's easier to feign ignorance abd stupidity.

[Anonymous]

As a Armenian women, I think you were wrong and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your text was rude at all. Especially if this has happened before. If a friend said that to me I’d know they put thought into it and were trying to share their feelings w/me.

Same! It always seems that women and especially WOC are supposed to address everything perfectly. That takes so much energy and gets exhausting. Don't listen to the haters, OP. It was an aggression and you said what you needed to say.

She doesn’t need to address it at all, because her friend literally did nothing wrong except disagree with the OP. Everything else is conjecture and speculation invented by the OP. If these exercises are exhausting then by all means OP should not engage these thoughts, or stop being friends.

You don't "disagree" with people over facts.

Just like you don’t disagree that someone who was obese, diabetic, unhealthy, skipped appointments, eats at McDs, has no muscle tone, died because of covid and covid only.

Fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a POC lawyer, JD joint MBA from NYU, lead counsel in dozens of federal trials. I can't tell you how many times clients were skeptical of my advice until a 25 y.o. white associate confirmed what I had just said.

I'm a female lawyer, JD, LLM from Georgetown, Honors SLIP and DOJ attorney and I experienced the same for being a woman. I can't imagine how much worse it would be if I were a WOC. Honestly, shame on most of you posters.

Me too!

I also love to play the Fun Facts Game at the bar with my friends. So fun! Then I send them nasty texts later about how discriminatory and stupid each of them are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what you are asking. You sent the text, she said it wasn't like that. What can you do next? Either believe that isn't the place she is coming from, or pull back from the friendship.

+1.

What is this text supposed to achieve? It's either she gets it or she doesn't. Trust your instincts. If you think her arguments on POC issues are usually unreasonable and dismissive, let the friendship go.

It sounds like OP was giving her friend a chance to get it with the text.

Lol. Yeah, that’s exactly what a communications specialist would say. Not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its wild that she disagreed with you, for so many reasons, but since you said this has happened before - I would guess its just her difficult personality type.

?

So now anyone who disagrees has a difficult personality?

Ya know, sometimes people are just dumb. Or clueless. That doesn’t mean they are difficult.

And sometimes facts don’t dictate a right or wrong answer, meaning different opinions are fine.

What on earth are you blabbering about? OP stated a FACT. A well known fact, at that. This wasn't a matter of opinion. And frankly, OP's knowledge of the topic should be worth far more than one person's anecdote.

If you wanna talk about a complicated race statistic, then you have to say your premises. Or be able to answer real questions.

Otherwise, the other way to go is everyone glosses over that and moves on. To save the relationship.

I have a job where I poke holes in someone’s claim and their premises. Think litigator or private investor or both. Headlines aren’t sufficient. Omitting actual drivers won’t work. Cherry picking variables to craft your narrative won’t work. Get all the facts and premises on the table, then find outcomes and solutions. No politics needed.

And what facts did OP's "friend" have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you assuming that your friend was not acting in good faith when she disagreed with you?

OP here,
Because she regularly hand waves and dismisses things that I say to her. She hears the same thing from someone else and suddenly she believes it. I will apologize for my rudeness, but I was just kind of over it in the moment and shouldn't have lashed out.

You seem obsessed OP. If you can’t let small things go, then good luck.

Yes, silly little OP for being upset at her friend's small racism. She should just let it go.

You mean they didn’t launch into a convo about what’s driving that particular population’s health issues and pregnancy issues?

What a missed opportunity!

A missed opportunity to bust out more facts. But what if all the risk factors cancel out? Or are too correlated to income and education? Who do we blame them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be annoyed at your friend too. BUT you basically told your friend that you thinks she is racist. That's a really loaded accusation to make, especially when there are other possible explanations. For instance, maybe she still believes she is right, but didn't want to argue with a stranger who inserted himself in your conversation (weird).

If I had a friend who accused me of racism, I would feel mortified. I would apolgzie and certainly reflect on my behavior. Probably wouldn't be able to move forward though because I would feel to anxious to be around you.

Accusing a white person of being racist or accusing them of micro aggressions has now become a moral transgression. It is kind of like telling your friend that she is liar or a thief. The topic has become so loaded that it is difficult to engage in an honest conversation.

I'm sorry, WHAT? Did you literally just say that because it is so, so awful to point out to someone that what they said was racist, we should just NOT do that because it'll hurt their feelings more than it would hurt a person of color to hear the statement? Are you for real?

To be fair, the friend did not "say something racist." It being racist is an inference based on the OP being a POC and the other person being white, but there are many other possible reasons that have been discussed why the friend acted that way that are race-neutral. So this right is what people are taking issue with, the assumption they are racist because they reacted a certain why. I understand why OP feels the way she does in this context, but we also don't know if the friend is contrarian all the time, with everyone, and clams up when challenged by a third party. We can't assume the friend is racist and deserves to be called out.

Nope. Opinions and feelings matter more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you assuming that your friend was not acting in good faith when she disagreed with you?

OP here,
Because she regularly hand waves and dismisses things that I say to her. She hears the same thing from someone else and suddenly she believes it. I will apologize for my rudeness, but I was just kind of over it in the moment and shouldn't have lashed out.

You seem obsessed OP. If you can’t let small things go, then good luck.

Yes, silly little OP for being upset at her friend's small racism. She should just let it go.

You mean they didn’t launch into a convo about what’s driving that particular population’s health issues and pregnancy issues?

What a missed opportunity!

A missed opportunity to bust out more facts. But what if all the risk factors cancel out? Or are too correlated to income and education? Who do we blame them?

And what if they do not cancel out, you ignorant fool? Did you look it up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a POC myself, from Uruguay. I don’t understand why terms like WOC are used here. Is that the norm in the DC area? Why are all minorities lumped together against the majority?

Troll.

Stop the race baiting. We all know what Subsaharan Africans think of AAs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now we are obligated to agree with everything anyone says or else it’s a racist microaggression?

Geez I miss the 90s when everyone wasn’t so high-strung and constantly looking for ways to be offended.

Remember when friendly debates could simply end in “Whatever” and then everyone moved on? Sigh.

It isn't about agreeing with everything. It's fine if you disagree with me. But when someone else says the exact same thing 5 mins later, it makes you wonder, "why didn't she believe me?"

DP - I get that. But in this example, the man said his wife, a POC, had that experience the OP described. Is it a microagression or objectively changing her mind based on more facts/experiences?

Why does she need more facts/experiences beyond those of her friend, who works in this field?!

+1

And why is she disagreeing without looking it up? A Google search would have been all it took to confirm OP's assertions. Why say you don't think it is true without any knowledge to back up your opinion? She could have said " I never knew that!" and then do her research to confirm.

She is a combative dummy at the very least. OP does not need to deal with that on a constant basis.

I know! It’s Jsut so obvious and so obvious why it is so. What a macro aggression indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be annoyed at your friend too. BUT you basically told your friend that you thinks she is racist. That's a really loaded accusation to make, especially when there are other possible explanations. For instance, maybe she still believes she is right, but didn't want to argue with a stranger who inserted himself in your conversation (weird).

If I had a friend who accused me of racism, I would feel mortified. I would apolgzie and certainly reflect on my behavior. Probably wouldn't be able to move forward though because I would feel to anxious to be around you.

Accusing a white person of being racist or accusing them of micro aggressions has now become a moral transgression. It is kind of like telling your friend that she is liar or a thief. The topic has become so loaded that it is difficult to engage in an honest conversation.

I'm sorry, WHAT? Did you literally just say that because it is so, so awful to point out to someone that what they said was racist, we should just NOT do that because it'll hurt their feelings more than it would hurt a person of color to hear the statement? Are you for real?

To be fair, the friend did not "say something racist." It being racist is an inference based on the OP being a POC and the other person being white, but there are many other possible reasons that have been discussed why the friend acted that way that are race-neutral. So this right is what people are taking issue with, the assumption they are racist because they reacted a certain why. I understand why OP feels the way she does in this context, but we also don't know if the friend is contrarian all the time, with everyone, and clams up when challenged by a third party. We can't assume the friend is racist and deserves to be called out.

No, there are not many possible reasons. The friend is either racist or obtuse. Either way, OP has to move on. Sending texts to these kinds is a waste of energy.

You give the benefit of the doubt to a friend who uses a wrong word, for example, not to someone who will dismiss facts without bothering to do any research. That is not a friend. That's an adversary. You can interact with those kinds in classrooms and on message boards like this one.

Exactly.
It’s us against them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a POC myself, from Uruguay. I don’t understand why terms like WOC are used here. Is that the norm in the DC area? Why are all minorities lumped together against the majority?

Troll.

Stop the race baiting. We all know what Subsaharan Africans think of AAs.

For example, Asian privilege exists so not sure why it’s called WOC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m still confused about which one of you the man was saying was correct.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he's not just a white man, he's a white man who has experience married to a WOC. The story is not exactly as how you originally described. Its not as if he tried to mansplain, he gave her perspective from a real life scenario.

And the perspective coming from the real life WOC in front of her wasn't sufficient?

What I'm saying is, she just believe the "White man". She believed the real life story, not the stat from grad school.

It's not a stat from grad school - I'm a White female tax lawyer and I knew that Black woman have higher mortality rates during birth. I'm actually kind of surprised your friend didn't know that, and I'm even more surprised that she questioned you on it when she said it. She seems like a bit of a jerk.

Maybe she’s not well read and doesn’t know a lot of unemployed obese poor pregnant females with bad health care globally or domestically.

If you did even a teeny tiny bit of research, you would know that black women have worst outcomes even when you account for all of the above. But it wouldn't fit your narrative, so why bother? It's easier to feign ignorance abd stupidity.

I know. Covid and pneumonia are racist too. Age don’t matter either.