Am I overreacting/rude with this text?

[Anonymous]

OP if the person you are wrought up about does this all, the time, why are you friends with them? What's in it for you?

Does she doubt/contradict a lot of people on a lot of things or don't you see her with others?

Your text may be justified but the person won't want to be around you anymore. Embarrassed, shamed, maybe hurt you didn't give them benefit of doubt or say anything f2f then, maybe angry about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

+100.
WW, especially mothers, owe infinite care, forgiveness, patience, selflessness, emotional labor, actual labor, to absolutely everyone around us, in our home of course, but to our neighbors, at kids’ schools, in the office. Everyone gets the spoils and the promotions, we get second-guessing of our intentions, morals, abilities. I would have zero patience for OP’s paranoid opinions of her friend that escalated into a sad tantrum.

Lol. So you mean you are patient and selfless to other white people you are related to. Yeah sorry, that doesn't excuse your racism.

Huh? What racism did you get from my reply? Did you read racism in my being over everyone’s demanding BS? Do you always write “so you mean” and repeat the first fifth of what someone wrote, then indict them for not mentioning the other four fifths? Not smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

+100.
WW, especially mothers, owe infinite care, forgiveness, patience, selflessness, emotional labor, actual labor, to absolutely everyone around us, in our home of course, but to our neighbors, at kids’ schools, in the office. Everyone gets the spoils and the promotions, we get second-guessing of our intentions, morals, abilities. I would have zero patience for OP’s paranoid opinions of her friend that escalated into a sad tantrum.

Lol. So you mean you are patient and selfless to other white people you are related to. Yeah sorry, that doesn't excuse your racism.

Huh? What racism did you get from my reply? Did you read racism in my being over everyone’s demanding BS? Do you always write “so you mean” and repeat the first fifth of what someone wrote, then indict them for not mentioning the other four fifths? Not smart.

Did you read your own post? Talking about how patient you are with everyone except WOC who challenge your self perceptions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friend and I were at a public place (restaurant/bar) for drinks. I told her a fact based on things I know from my career field. She insisted I was incorrect. A man at the table behind us, turned around and said "actually, she is right. I have experienced [event/situation] to be the case as well".

For context, friend is a white woman and I am a WOC. I sent her a text later as follows:
"Hey, I just wanted to say that it really hurts when you don't listen to me on things that I quite literally do for a living. It's a bit of a microaggression to be honest that you immediately believe a random white man who presents anecdata over me, your friend who has a Master's in this topic. I'm not mad at you and I don't want to stop being friends with you. I just wanted to let you know how this comes across."

She replied "oh it's not like that...."

Am I overreacting?

Yes. Sorry there was a disagreement during your conversation.

But Texting a lecture and reprimand is almost always the wrong thing to do, unless you need it to be used in court. And even then it’s He said, She said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were out of line calling her out.
Unless the issue itself was one that was racial in nature.

She was already called out by the other dude at the bar.

What more does OP want? Rub it in? A apology? More apologies? Racial reparations? More texts, emails and lectures to her?

I thought her text response was 10000% more mature than OP’s poor behavior text. And I wouldn’t fault the friend at all if she took a long time out from hanging out with Op.

Op, if you’re a serious and not a troll, apologize for your petty long text now and move on. Say you were drinking or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you assuming that your friend was not acting in good faith when she disagreed with you?

OP here,
Because she regularly hand waves and dismisses things that I say to her. She hears the same thing from someone else and suddenly she believes it. I will apologize for my rudeness, but I was just kind of over it in the moment and shouldn't have lashed out.

You seem obsessed OP. If you can’t let small things go, then good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not a microaggression.

Yes, it is. OP, I think it's perfectly fine to let your friend know how you feel, especially if this is a pattern rather than a one-off. But you should have told her right then and there. Not later, via text. That's kinda lame.

Rolling and sock puppeting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a POC lawyer, JD joint MBA from NYU, lead counsel in dozens of federal trials. I can't tell you how many times clients were skeptical of my advice until a 25 y.o. white associate confirmed what I had just said.

Ugh

[Anonymous]

OP I’d let that friendship go.
It’s not working for the both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friend and I were at a public place (restaurant/bar) for drinks. I told her a fact based on things I know from my career field. She insisted I was incorrect. A man at the table behind us, turned around and said "actually, she is right. I have experienced [event/situation] to be the case as well".

For context, friend is a white woman and I am a WOC. I sent her a text later as follows:
"Hey, I just wanted to say that it really hurts when you don't listen to me on things that I quite literally do for a living. It's a bit of a microaggression to be honest that you immediately believe a random white man who presents anecdata over me, your friend who has a Master's in this topic. I'm not mad at you and I don't want to stop being friends with you. I just wanted to let you know how this comes across."

She replied "oh it's not like that...."

Am I overreacting?

You're missing like half your story here. Why do you assume your friend believed the man over you? What was your reaction that you were apologizing for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

+100.
WW, especially mothers, owe infinite care, forgiveness, patience, selflessness, emotional labor, actual labor, to absolutely everyone around us, in our home of course, but to our neighbors, at kids’ schools, in the office. Everyone gets the spoils and the promotions, we get second-guessing of our intentions, morals, abilities. I would have zero patience for OP’s paranoid opinions of her friend that escalated into a sad tantrum.

Lol. So you mean you are patient and selfless to other white people you are related to. Yeah sorry, that doesn't excuse your racism.

Huh? What racism did you get from my reply? Did you read racism in my being over everyone’s demanding BS? Do you always write “so you mean” and repeat the first fifth of what someone wrote, then indict them for not mentioning the other four fifths? Not smart.

Did you read your own post? Talking about how patient you are with everyone except WOC who challenge your self perceptions?

lol no. Right now, I’m patient with you. You’re twisting my words to shove guilt and doubt. Nothing says I’m patient with everyone but WOC. You have a problem, and I won’t carry it for you.

[Anonymous]

For what it's worth, I would want to have someone point out to me if what I was doing or saying came across as racist (or sexist, or ageist, etc.), ESPECIALLY if my friend was hurt by it (although I'd be just as willing to listen if someone told me about something I'd said to someone else).

I think OP used words to say that it hurt her feelings, she didn't call her friend names, and she explained why it hurt her. I think that's what friends do, and I have a lot of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I agree with you - but I would have just ghosted her instead of confronting her.
I know, it’s bad not to call out micro aggressions, I do it at work, but not in personal life unless it’s something I witnessed versus being the victim.
But she is not going to change.

You don't know that? I'd say it's worth a try and if she doesn't change, then OP can decide how she feels about her friendship going forward.

I'm Gen X and we used to use a certain word as a derogatory term. A friend had a brother with Down Syndrome and she told us that the word was offensive. At age 10, we grasped that and stopped using it. Now, of course, that word isn't used because more people know better, but I always lean towards education first and see what people do with it. If OP tells her friend this is a micro-aggression and the friend waves her off, at least OP tried and now she knows how her friend really feels.

[Anonymous]

No idea if you are overreacting, but you sound like a PITA, and I would stop being friends with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he's not just a white man, he's a white man who has experience married to a WOC. The story is not exactly as how you originally described. Its not as if he tried to mansplain, he gave her perspective from a real life scenario.

And the perspective coming from the real life WOC in front of her wasn't sufficient?

What I'm saying is, she just believe the "White man". She believed the real life story, not the stat from grad school.

It's not a stat from grad school - I'm a White female tax lawyer and I knew that Black woman have higher mortality rates during birth. I'm actually kind of surprised your friend didn't know that, and I'm even more surprised that she questioned you on it when she said it. She seems like a bit of a jerk.