When sorority rush goes wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

Everything is exclusionary to an extent—clubs, internships, the newspaper. That’s life, especially at big schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The top tier means they have a better online presence. They have members with 20k followers and it helps the house get collabs. They present a rich, privileged, pretty existence. It’s easy to covet if you are an 18 yo girl. It’s the reason influencers are influencers.

The lower tier houses either aren't as good or as concerned with the curated image. They still have plenty of smart, funny, beautiful girls.

This. I just read a horrific story in a magazine about the top sorority at SMU. They hazed (the author made clear that other sororities do NOT do this, it's just the sorority had gotten so mean and toxic they started) so they were kicked off campus. They essentially started a secret society and the girls were all really hot tiktok influencers who were taking ozempic and getting botox and lip filler at 18/19 years old. Crazy shit. I'd rather be in a lower tier sorority than dealing with all that.

I think your DD should stick it out and see what house she gets before she quits rush. Honestly, I think if she gets one bid and it's the shittiest house, she should still take it and try it. She may have more in common with those girls than she thinks. Also she's still so young. In four years she will be an adult who cares about her friends and the memories she's made with them. Not the fact that they weren't the "hottest" girls on campus.

I’m hesitant to hear the answer but I’ll ask anyway. What type of hazing did they do?

Forced drinking and drugs. Seemed to be unique to the top sorority; the author spoke to members of other sororities who said their sororities didn't haze.

Doesn't forced drinking and drugs ipso facto make it not the top sorority?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The lowest tier houses mean she'll be separated from all her current friends. And the lower tier houses are not a guarantee themselves. She could very likely not be either of them either.

I guess my true question is (let's not get caught up in house tiering) is: what happened to your kid if they were either not matched to any house or separated from all their current friends? Did they bounce back socially? Did they transfer?

So this happened to me at a HUGE Greek school. It was super painful.

How big is her school? Are there opportunities to find groups in clubs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like an odd thing for a parent to be involved in. You know she’s an adult right?

There is emotional connection that is not severed by the age of 18. It would seem like you have little of that with your kid.

This is a big, emotional thing for my daughter and I'm THERE for her. If she didn't care, I wouldn't care.

[Anonymous]

FYI - the school in question is not a huge Greek school. Only about 20%of students are involved and a lot drop off as upperclassmen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

No, it’s actually not. It’s the job of college administrators to see that your student gets an education. Whether or not they choose to participate in Greek life is up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

I mean, colleges can try, and many have removed Greek life for this reason, but you can't remove human nature.
The cliques and competition just move into the vegan co-op or ultimate frisbee team or a cappella group instead of the sorority house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

I went to a college without greek life and there were still exclusionary groups. It's the way of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The top tier means they have a better online presence. They have members with 20k followers and it helps the house get collabs. They present a rich, privileged, pretty existence. It’s easy to covet if you are an 18 yo girl. It’s the reason influencers are influencers.

The lower tier houses either aren't as good or as concerned with the curated image. They still have plenty of smart, funny, beautiful girls.

This. I just read a horrific story in a magazine about the top sorority at SMU. They hazed (the author made clear that other sororities do NOT do this, it's just the sorority had gotten so mean and toxic they started) so they were kicked off campus. They essentially started a secret society and the girls were all really hot tiktok influencers who were taking ozempic and getting botox and lip filler at 18/19 years old. Crazy shit. I'd rather be in a lower tier sorority than dealing with all that.

I think your DD should stick it out and see what house she gets before she quits rush. Honestly, I think if she gets one bid and it's the shittiest house, she should still take it and try it. She may have more in common with those girls than she thinks. Also she's still so young. In four years she will be an adult who cares about her friends and the memories she's made with them. Not the fact that they weren't the "hottest" girls on campus.

Statements like “you should take any bid and try it” reveal how little you know about this process. For one thing, dues and initiation fees can amount to thousands of dollars a year or even semester. This is not some little club you’re joining. It’s a commitment of time and money. If you don’t like the house that you get a bid from, why should you get that involved?

Okay lol. I actually know plenty about "this process," thanks.

It's true that dues can be thousands of dollars a semester, however, they're not due on bid day. New members often do the new member period and decide to drop. Money isn't due until initiation.

I'm suggesting she try it for a few months. Not a few years.

The problem is, if they sign the bid card on bid day, they are locked out of any other options. They can’t COB and can’t rush again, usually for at least a year.

I agree that if a girl doesn’t like the sorority she gets, there is nothing wrong with dropping immediately. Why should new members be expected to “save” fledgling a fledgling sorority with their dues?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the explanation of having to sign the bid card on bid day as being the commitment. I wasn’t sure how all that worked. So let’s say a girl vibes with one house and not the other that have asked her back for the Preference round, if she goes through the two Preference parties and then gets a bid the next day to the house she didn’t mesh with, she doesn’t have to accept it? And then she can do the COB or snap bid that same day at a house that dropped her in an earlier round?

Do all schools work like this or just UMich?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the explanation of having to sign the bid card on bid day as being the commitment. I wasn’t sure how all that worked. So let’s say a girl vibes with one house and not the other that have asked her back for the Preference round, if she goes through the two Preference parties and then gets a bid the next day to the house she didn’t mesh with, she doesn’t have to accept it? And then she can do the COB or snap bid that same day at a house that dropped her in an earlier round?

Do all schools work like this or just UMich?

She does not have to accept it. However she is taking a HUGE gamble that the other house will be offering snap bids, or will offer COB later on. If it’s a popular house they almost certainly will not.

All schools work pretty much the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the explanation of having to sign the bid card on bid day as being the commitment. I wasn’t sure how all that worked. So let’s say a girl vibes with one house and not the other that have asked her back for the Preference round, if she goes through the two Preference parties and then gets a bid the next day to the house she didn’t mesh with, she doesn’t have to accept it? And then she can do the COB or snap bid that same day at a house that dropped her in an earlier round?

Do all schools work like this or just UMich?

I think all schools that are part of a national Panhel org operate the same way. If she signs the agreement on pref night and gets a house she doesn't want, she cannot COB or snap bid for a year. If she only would accept one, she does a signs a single preference agreement. I think the same thing applies about not being able to accept another post-bid-day bid for a year. Once you sign on bid night, you are locked in to accepting what you are offered or being shut out for a year - no fall rush, no COB, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The lowest tier houses mean she'll be separated from all her current friends. And the lower tier houses are not a guarantee themselves. She could very likely not be either of them either.

I guess my true question is (let's not get caught up in house tiering) is: what happened to your kid if they were either not matched to any house or separated from all their current friends? Did they bounce back socially? Did they transfer?

This actually happened to me. We were at a guaranteed bid school, but the girls running rush miscalculated the number of slots for the last night preference parties and about 50 girls did not get invitations for the last night, despite having full cards before that. I have to say that it was extremely painful at the time and did impact a lot of my friendships. Sororities take a lot of time and if you are not interacting with those friends regularly (especially if they live in a house), it is pretty difficult to maintain those relationships. I made other friends and did eventually join a new sorority the next year, but it is still uncomfortable to think about.