When sorority rush goes wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The top tier means they have a better online presence. They have members with 20k followers and it helps the house get collabs. They present a rich, privileged, pretty existence. It’s easy to covet if you are an 18 yo girl. It’s the reason influencers are influencers.

The lower tier houses either aren't as good or as concerned with the curated image. They still have plenty of smart, funny, beautiful girls.

This. I just read a horrific story in a magazine about the top sorority at SMU. They hazed (the author made clear that other sororities do NOT do this, it's just the sorority had gotten so mean and toxic they started) so they were kicked off campus. They essentially started a secret society and the girls were all really hot tiktok influencers who were taking ozempic and getting botox and lip filler at 18/19 years old. Crazy shit. I'd rather be in a lower tier sorority than dealing with all that.

I think your DD should stick it out and see what house she gets before she quits rush. Honestly, I think if she gets one bid and it's the shittiest house, she should still take it and try it. She may have more in common with those girls than she thinks. Also she's still so young. In four years she will be an adult who cares about her friends and the memories she's made with them. Not the fact that they weren't the "hottest" girls on campus.

I’m hesitant to hear the answer but I’ll ask anyway. What type of hazing did they do?

Forced drinking and drugs. Seemed to be unique to the top sorority; the author spoke to members of other sororities who said their sororities didn't haze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like an odd thing for a parent to be involved in. You know she’s an adult right?

There is emotional connection that is not severed by the age of 18. It would seem like you have little of that with your kid.

You can have an emotional connection with your children and still let them to take the lead on decisions and sorting through their emotions. Clearly a foreign concept to many on this post, including you. So many of you are confusing your own anxiety for love and connection.

This is a college board. Your kids, if you have any, are probably adults now. Why are your here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The top tier means they have a better online presence. They have members with 20k followers and it helps the house get collabs. They present a rich, privileged, pretty existence. It’s easy to covet if you are an 18 yo girl. It’s the reason influencers are influencers.

The lower tier houses either aren't as good or as concerned with the curated image. They still have plenty of smart, funny, beautiful girls.

This. I just read a horrific story in a magazine about the top sorority at SMU. They hazed (the author made clear that other sororities do NOT do this, it's just the sorority had gotten so mean and toxic they started) so they were kicked off campus. They essentially started a secret society and the girls were all really hot tiktok influencers who were taking ozempic and getting botox and lip filler at 18/19 years old. Crazy shit. I'd rather be in a lower tier sorority than dealing with all that.

I think your DD should stick it out and see what house she gets before she quits rush. Honestly, I think if she gets one bid and it's the shittiest house, she should still take it and try it. She may have more in common with those girls than she thinks. Also she's still so young. In four years she will be an adult who cares about her friends and the memories she's made with them. Not the fact that they weren't the "hottest" girls on campus.

Statements like “you should take any bid and try it” reveal how little you know about this process. For one thing, dues and initiation fees can amount to thousands of dollars a year or even semester. This is not some little club you’re joining. It’s a commitment of time and money. If you don’t like the house that you get a bid from, why should you get that involved?

Okay lol. I actually know plenty about "this process," thanks.

It's true that dues can be thousands of dollars a semester, however, they're not due on bid day. New members often do the new member period and decide to drop. Money isn't due until initiation.

I'm suggesting she try it for a few months. Not a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like an odd thing for a parent to be involved in. You know she’s an adult right?

There is emotional connection that is not severed by the age of 18. It would seem like you have little of that with your kid.

You can have an emotional connection with your children and still let them to take the lead on decisions and sorting through their emotions. Clearly a foreign concept to many on this post, including you. So many of you are confusing your own anxiety for love and connection.

This is a college board. Your kids, if you have any, are probably adults now. Why are your here?

I have kids this age. What makes you think I don’t?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It happened to my daughter. It was awful. Really traumatic and made her feel liek there was something wrong with her. She is objectively funny, smart, kind, gorgeous. I flew her home immediately-literally the day she was dropped by the top sororities. Her roommates were all into the sororities of choice and she didn’t want to be around them with all the activities, etc. This was at a winter rush school when the girls arrived a week before classes. She was invited back to the top sororities all week until the last night before bid day. She was dirty rushed by these two houses all fall. She discussed a transfer, but ended up staying. Rushed sophomore year and none of the top houses took sophomores that year, so she dropped out early on. It sucked. She still can’t talk about it without getting teary eyed. Tons of girls from these houses reached out to her afterwards. She ended up being best friends with girls from 3 different sororities and went to just as many formals as they did. They all invited her as their date (girls do this at her school) and invited to fraternity formals too. It turned out fine. Mom talking here, but my girl is pretty amazing and it truly taught her resilience. That said, I know HATE rush. My son is heading to college next year. He plans to rush and I really hope it isn’t as brutal.

My dd has a similar experience. I would discourage transferring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone been in this position?

My daughter decided to rush and things have not gone well. She is either going to end up a lowest tier house or no house at all.
She is a lovely, fun girl with a great circle of deep high school friendships and actually had a great time in the rush activities (loved meeting the girls, thought she was having great connections) but things did not go her way. I think she hitched her star to several houses where older girls from her high school are and then didn't match with them and then fell down in the rankings. Or whatever. I'm not sure. We are not a sorority household.

The upshot is that she's pretty devastated and feeling like every friend she made this past fall (which she was feeling shaky about to begin with) will move on without her as they all are doing better in the rush process. Over winter break she had been casually mentioning wanting to transfer due to the social scene and I assume this will bring up that conversation again. I support her in whatever decision she makes.

If this happened to your daughter (sorority rush did not go well AT ALL), what ended up happening?
Please be kind. I think my child had a very healthy perspective on things but it does feel to her that everyone she knows (her roommate, her hall mates, her other friends) will be joining greek life while she will not and it feels really isolating. She doesn't care about Greek life but just deeply wants friends and a community.

Thank you!

I was in a “lower tiered” house and had a great time. My friend when we rushed only got lower tiered bids and didn’t accept them. She regretted. I was her roommate as well and she mentioned many times that she should have accepted one of those bids.

Also - this is for life. My sorority alumni group has been great in new city.

[Anonymous]

My kid had a similar experience, dropped by all but four houses after the first day! This was online rush in 2022 and I truly believe if it had been in person she’d have had more options. She gave a low mid tier house and shot and loved it. She did find new friends and even ended up on exec. After first and second year, it doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP- For those who understand this crazy process: until what point (after what round) can a girl drop out of rush, and then still be eligible for COB?

My DD took one she was lukewarm on, then dropped out. Had to wait a year. There really wasn’t any COB at her school. And if so, wasn’t interested in those houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP- For those who understand this crazy process: until what point (after what round) can a girl drop out of rush, and then still be eligible for COB?

My DD took one she was lukewarm on, then dropped out. Had to wait a year. There really wasn’t any COB at her school. And if so, wasn’t interested in those houses.

COB rarely is available at “top”houses anyway.

[Anonymous]

Transferring seems extreme. You never know what could happen—a great professor that inspires career, a love, a great unexpected friendship. It’s giving this stupid superficial crap too much power over her life. Time to seek inspiration elsewhere. It’s like when I didn’t thnk I was getting a job—next. I’d immediately apply for something else. College is so much bigger than this beauty pageant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP- For those who understand this crazy process: until what point (after what round) can a girl drop out of rush, and then still be eligible for COB?

My DD took one she was lukewarm on, then dropped out. Had to wait a year. There really wasn’t any COB at her school. And if so, wasn’t interested in those houses.

COB rarely is available at “top”houses anyway.

That’s what I meant. Nothing would have been available where she was interested. All worked out well sophomore year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What in the world is a lower tier house?

You asked so please don't shoot the messenger.

Typically physically unattractive and/or overweight.

Not shooting the messenger but this isn’t necessarily true. Top tier sororities are generally the extroverts who have a presence on TikTok or Instagram. Looking at pictures, they are not better looking than lower tier houses but just more ‘social’ and have the right designer attire (whether really or fake).

Back in the day - my day - my lowered tiered house was untraditional Greek. We had people of all races, we were not all 4.0s, and had a variety of interests - so maybe quirky is the word. Average size sorority at my school at the time was 100 and we were a bit less than that. Our house was also not traditional.

We had so much fun. Parties were well attended. Friends for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Transferring seems extreme. You never know what could happen—a great professor that inspires career, a love, a great unexpected friendship. It’s giving this stupid superficial crap too much power over her life. Time to seek inspiration elsewhere. It’s like when I didn’t thnk I was getting a job—next. I’d immediately apply for something else. College is so much bigger than this beauty pageant.

Agree. I was in a top sorority, even served as rush director. I liked being in a sorority but decades later, am not in contact with anyone beyond the people I was friends with before rushing.

My DD had a bad experience, was dropped from her two favorites on day of preference party (also hurt by zoom rush). Tried to re-rush as a sophomore and none of the sororities were interested in sophomores. She has a nice circle of friends, many of whom are in sororities. She definitely felt left out at times freshman year (even though she was invited to friend’s events) and it definitely affected living situation sophomore year as many girls at her school live with sorority. She is now a junior and friends are starting to drop their sororities. It just isn’t something worth transferring over.

[Anonymous]

I’m very skeptical that COB would be an option for houses that girls did not visit in philanthropy.

[Anonymous]

If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.