Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, well, you know -- modern women and their "fancy careers," and whatnot. Uppity.

Ah, yes, so uppity of us to insist on maintaining our own separate identity and refusing to do more work than the man in a relationship.

Looks like you didn't catch the sarcasm train.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s tradition in my family to make your maiden name your legal middle name and take the husband’s surname. It was fine and not a PITA at all. It’s even helped at times to still have my former name on my ID. I still have my identity but I like being Mrs. Smith, too.

It’s not a moral judgment here but I do think in American culture, women who don’t change their name at all are making a statement, and it’s not a statement I’d like to make, personally. I also get the impression that men don’t garner as much respect among other men if a double barrel etc. happens and I know masculine esteem is important to male identity. I know, how tragic and backwards of me, but it’s just my opinion in life. So sue me!

Nobody cares enough to sure you, but your still wrong. This is your defensiveness talking. For *you* it would have to be a statement, and emotionally charged, and it is so meaningful to you.

For others, it's just not bothering to change. My professional license is in my maiden name, as are all my academic records, and it would be a bear of hassle every time to deal with that when I change jobs, get licensed in another state, etc.

I didn't keep my maiden name at you, or at society in general. I just didn't change it. No matter how many feelings that makes you feel, it's still not about you.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, typos.

"Nobody cares enough to sue you, but you're still wrong."

I care enough to correct my typos, though.

[Anonymous]

I did not take my husband’s name and our kids have my last name. Nobody in our families had an issue with that.

[Anonymous]

DH is from an Arab country where changing names is not the norm. It was such a nonissue for me to keep my name and I liked that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was too lazy, he didn’t care, and it’s my name. Nobody cares.

The OP obviously cares, so please change your surname, so she can go back to sleep in peace.

[Anonymous]

She certainly cannot sleep with all these women refusing to change their names at her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

It’s late 2023. Women have been keeping their birth surname for decades. It only causes an issue if you run in close-minded circles.

Occasionally, someone accidentally calls me my kids’ surnames. It’s no big deal.

If you’re traveling internationally with your kids without the other parent, you need a letter anyway.

Plenty of cultures don’t have women change their names. Icelanders don’t. Ethiopians don’t. I think we can handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s tradition in my family to make your maiden name your legal middle name and take the husband’s surname. It was fine and not a PITA at all. It’s even helped at times to still have my former name on my ID. I still have my identity but I like being Mrs. Smith, too.

It’s not a moral judgment here but I do think in American culture, women who don’t change their name at all are making a statement, and it’s not a statement I’d like to make, personally. I also get the impression that men don’t garner as much respect among other men if a double barrel etc. happens and I know masculine esteem is important to male identity. I know, how tragic and backwards of me, but it’s just my opinion in life. So sue me!

Not changing your name is literally doing nothing, which means a lack of name change could just be laziness. The same can't be said about someone who goes out of the way to do unnecessary paperwork in the name of tradition, which is more in line of what a statement is.

As for men not getting respect from other men, I don't even know where to begin. Why would anybody who's secure care about the "respect" of people with ridiculous standards who don't even have a say in the marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

This isn’t true. You literally fill out some forms and stand in a few lines. It takes a couple of hours altogether. People spend more time on DCUM each week.

No big deal if you are 21 and work PT at the local department store until you get pregnant. A much bigger deal if you have multiple degrees, were licensed and published under the name you were born with, and your employer has to change everything from signage to advertising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

Just asking out of curiosity, what rock have you been living under?

[Anonymous]

“Trend”? It’s not something new. Also, I’m some cultures the mother keeps her own name.

The idea of changing your name is strange to me. You have an identity. Then you meet someone, get married, and change your identity to reflect that you are now a wife. Ok, but why does the wife change and the husband not change? Because the husband’s familial line is more important than the wife’s? Why don’t both spouses change their name, either to a hyphenated name or to some third name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

This isn’t true. You literally fill out some forms and stand in a few lines. It takes a couple of hours altogether. People spend more time on DCUM each week.

No big deal if you are 21 and work PT at the local department store until you get pregnant. A much bigger deal if you have multiple degrees, were licensed and published under the name you were born with, and your employer has to change everything from signage to advertising.

These are incredibly superficial reasons to keep your name. Also, regardless of your profession (which appears to be real estate or ambulance chasing) you aren’t as important as you think you are.

[Anonymous]

Call yourselves what you like, but if you are keeping your father’s name instead of taking your husband’s, you aren’t exactly fighting the patriarchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

This isn’t true. You literally fill out some forms and stand in a few lines. It takes a couple of hours altogether. People spend more time on DCUM each week.

No big deal if you are 21 and work PT at the local department store until you get pregnant. A much bigger deal if you have multiple degrees, were licensed and published under the name you were born with, and your employer has to change everything from signage to advertising.

These are incredibly superficial reasons to keep your name. Also, regardless of your profession (which appears to be real estate or ambulance chasing) you aren’t as important as you think you are.

Neither of these professions do much publishing. Solid effort though. C+ snark.