Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Trend? I'm older Gen X (mid 50s) and plenty of women in my age range still have their maiden names and have been married for 25-30 years.

It isn't a trend, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

Just asking out of curiosity, what rock have you been living under?

Can you not be such a judgmental snob?

When I read OP’s post, I did suspect she was from the south or Midwest. And/or from a rural background. But I would not characterize that as coming from “under a rock.”

You sound like you have lived in a bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having different last names than your children does not cause problems with international travel - even if the mother travels alone with the children. There are many cultures where married women don't take their husband's last name. It is very normal.

Even if you have the same surname, many countries will require a notarized letter from the non-traveling parent.

My kids have my last name as one of their middle names so my name was on their passports anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A trend? Most of my friends did not take their husband’s names 20-30 years ago.

It's important not to be deceived by a small sample like your friend group. The overall trend, backed by stats, shows a different story. About 85% of women in recent years have taken their husband's last name. This trend indicates a strong cultural norm and practical ease in adopting the husband's surname, even in more liberal areas like DC. The DCUrbanMom forum might have a vocal left-leaning voice, but it doesn't fully represent the wider societal views, which clearly favor name-taking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A trend? Most of my friends did not take their husband’s names 20-30 years ago.

My kids now in their 20s didn't even know that many women change their names when they marry. All of their friends' mothers had different surnames from the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my new wife wouldn't change her name I knew the marriage would end in divorce. I should have done it sooner, rather than wait 20 years.

I guess you should've changed your name.

Why would I do that?

NP. To really commit yourself to the marriage. I feel bad for her, marrying a man who wouldn't change his name. She should have known then that you all would divorce.

It is not an insurance policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call yourselves what you like, but if you are keeping your father’s name instead of taking your husband’s, you aren’t exactly fighting the patriarchy.

I kept my name because I didn’t want to change the name I’d been using my whole life. I want out to burn down the patriarchy.

[Anonymous]

Wasn’t out ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my new wife wouldn't change her name I knew the marriage would end in divorce. I should have done it sooner, rather than wait 20 years.

So you have had the divorce in mind since you signed your marriage certificate? But it is her fault things didn’t work out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t change my name after marriage but I did after I had my first baby. I’m sure it was all the hormones, but I couldn’t stand not having the same name as her. It was a bit of a hassle and I still have a credit card with my maiden name, but overall it was no big deal, either professionally or personally. The world is used to people changing their names and there are procedures in place to do so.

I understand the patriarchy argument, but ultimately, the last name I had at birth is as arbitrary as the last name my husband had at birth. Both were the product of 30+ generations of couples having the same last name and unless there’s a hereditary title or something, it doesn’t really signify.

I also do a ton of volunteer work with my kid’s school’s PTA. I see forms filled out and donations made where the parent’s and child’s last names don’t match. I also see where they do match. Either way is extraordinarily common and nobody cares or judges. Just make sure if your name is different that you put down your kids name! If I don’t know you, I have no idea that the permission slip signed by Larla Jones is for Larlo Smith!

If the man's and the woman's names are equally arbitrary, why do you rarely see children being given their mother's surname or men changing their surname to match that of his wife's/children? There's nothing equal about how surnames are chosen. Everyone has the right to choose any surname they want but to argue that the tradition is not unequal is dishonest.

If the mother gave birth to the child, everyone knows the baby is hers. Maybe it's some kind of territorial marking by the father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

Wait till you are divorced.

[Anonymous]

I laugh at all these women who change their names.

Then they are carrying around a name of a man that despise after they divorce.

Married 40 years and never changed my name. Kids have my last name as their middle name.





.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my new wife wouldn't change her name I knew the marriage would end in divorce. I should have done it sooner, rather than wait 20 years.

So you have had the divorce in mind since you signed your marriage certificate? But it is her fault things didn’t work out?

Ha. My sister changed her name because she wanted to have the same name as her kids like the OP. The marriage ended in divorce. She changed back to her maiden name. She has two daughters and if they change their names upon marriage, there will be yet another surname or two.

I didn't change my name. We're coming up on our 30th anniversary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trend? I'm older Gen X (mid 50s) and plenty of women in my age range still have their maiden names and have been married for 25-30 years.

It isn't a trend, OP.

Yeah, I get where you're coming from as an older Gen X'er. Your experience, where lots of women kept their maiden names, was pretty common in your circle. But here's the twist - the younger crowd, Millennials and Gen Z, are mixing things up. They're leaning more towards traditional roles, and it's not just about nostalgia. A big reason for this shift is avoiding the burnout that a lot of them saw in their parents' generation.

These younger generations are all about balancing work and life. They're opting for one partner, often the husband, to be the main earner so they can have more chill time and not be on that constant grind. This change is a reaction to the intense work culture that kind of got cemented by Boomers and wasn't really pushed back on by Gen X. Millennials and Gen Z want different things - they're choosing jobs that fit their values and life goals, and they're big on flexible work setups.

So, while your generation was all about keeping maiden names and dual full-time working parents, the largest groups today are redefining what's normal. They're a huge part of the population, so their choices are making waves. It's about finding that sweet spot where they can enjoy life without feeling like they're just working all the time.

For more on these shifts in generational attitudes towards work and family life, check out the insights from Pew Research Center, American Press Institute, and Johns Hopkins University

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my new wife wouldn't change her name I knew the marriage would end in divorce. I should have done it sooner, rather than wait 20 years.

So you have had the divorce in mind since you signed your marriage certificate? But it is her fault things didn’t work out?

Ha. My sister changed her name because she wanted to have the same name as her kids like the OP. The marriage ended in divorce. She changed back to her maiden name. She has two daughters and if they change their names upon marriage, there will be yet another surname or two.

I didn't change my name. We're coming up on our 30th anniversary.

Got it, let's break it down. Your story and your sister's are definitely interesting, but they're individual experiences. When we zoom out and look at what most people are doing, it's a different picture. A big survey by Pew Research Center found that around 85% of women are taking their husband's last name. So, while you and your sister made your own choices, most folks are still going for the name change.

Everyone's got their reasons, right? Some want the same name as their kids, some don't want to change their professional name, and so on. But overall, most women are still choosing to go with their husband's last name. It's cool to have different stories, but the big trend is still leaning towards name-taking.