Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

OP, I need you to sit down for this one.

I am a woman. Not only did I not change my name, I don't wear a wedding ring. And...neither does my husband.

We have two kids and have made it 21 years.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter if all goes well but divorces happen and paperwork is a hassle. Also sounds unprofessional to change your legal identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my new wife wouldn't change her name I knew the marriage would end in divorce. I should have done it sooner, rather than wait 20 years.

I guess you should've changed your name.

Why would I do that?

Exactly.
And why should she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relying on survey experiments with U.S. college students, studies have shown that name-keeping women are viewed as less committed and less communal than name-changing women

Doesn't seem like the right crowd to be surveying about marriage. Also seems like code for subservient women don't keep their names.

[Anonymous]

This “trend” has been going on for 2 decades. Many women in other countries keep their name. Seems like you are pretty naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

As someone who divorced, it's so annoying to have to change your name back. It just adds to the frustration of the situation and makes me feel like I changed my name for nothing and am going back to being a young adult again or something. It also makes it hard to date again keeping your ex's last name. I wish I had just kept my name. Maybe hyphenated it. You can still be part of "insert family last name" and not have that be your last name. No one cares anymore.

Totally disagree with your last two sentences. My friends and family absolutely lose their minds if you call them the Miller family if they didn’t change their names. They want to be Jennifer Jones and the Miller family I guess? Or Jennifer Jones, Matt Miller, and family. Actually I’ve been told different ways they want to be referred to by different people. It really makes Christmas cards hard.

What's so hard about it? just write "Dear Matt Miller, Jennifer Jones & Family".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my new wife wouldn't change her name I knew the marriage would end in divorce. I should have done it sooner, rather than wait 20 years.

Glad to hear that you changed your surname to hers and saved the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

This isn’t true. You literally fill out some forms and stand in a few lines. It takes a couple of hours altogether. People spend more time on DCUM each week.

Spending time on DCUM is a more fun way to waste you time than standing in a line to change your name for no reason other than "it's tradition".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

As someone who divorced, it's so annoying to have to change your name back. It just adds to the frustration of the situation and makes me feel like I changed my name for nothing and am going back to being a young adult again or something. It also makes it hard to date again keeping your ex's last name. I wish I had just kept my name. Maybe hyphenated it. You can still be part of "insert family last name" and not have that be your last name. No one cares anymore.

Totally disagree with your last two sentences. My friends and family absolutely lose their minds if you call them the Miller family if they didn’t change their names. They want to be Jennifer Jones and the Miller family I guess? Or Jennifer Jones, Matt Miller, and family. Actually I’ve been told different ways they want to be referred to by different people. It really makes Christmas cards hard.

Jennifer Jones is part of the family. It's not the Miller family and Jennifer Jones, for heavens sake.

Address the card, "the Miller – Jones family." It's not rocket science.

+1 Gd I've had to ask my inlaws year after year to stop addressing a holiday card to Mr and Mrs my husband's first and last name. Why is it so freaking hard to just use MY name? Why do you have to literally erase the women from these addresses?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend’s husband took her name and their daughter has hers as well. He’s probably the most stereotypically “masculine” man I’ve ever met.

Confidence and being secure in one's masculinity is sexy!

[Anonymous]

Is the the first post on this thread a Guinness World Record winner for how many times one person can use the word "surname" in one long paragraph?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my new wife wouldn't change her name I knew the marriage would end in divorce. I should have done it sooner, rather than wait 20 years.

I guess you should've changed your name.

Why would I do that?

No reason. Surely your divorce is all your lousy, non-name-taking wife's fault, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, well, you know -- modern women and their "fancy careers," and whatnot. Uppity.

Ah, yes, so uppity of us to insist on maintaining our own separate identity and refusing to do more work than the man in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

It’s tradition in my family to make your maiden name your legal middle name and take the husband’s surname. It was fine and not a PITA at all. It’s even helped at times to still have my former name on my ID. I still have my identity but I like being Mrs. Smith, too.

It’s not a moral judgment here but I do think in American culture, women who don’t change their name at all are making a statement, and it’s not a statement I’d like to make, personally. I also get the impression that men don’t garner as much respect among other men if a double barrel etc. happens and I know masculine esteem is important to male identity. I know, how tragic and backwards of me, but it’s just my opinion in life. So sue me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, well, you know -- modern women and their "fancy careers," and whatnot. Uppity.

Ah, yes, so uppity of us to insist on maintaining our own separate identity and refusing to do more work than the man in a relationship.

+1 my “fancy” career is equal to his and half the income. Why should I be subservient?