Frustrated with husband and mother in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason she decided she changed her mind was because she stayed to watch our dog when we were away for a night as a family and my husband messed up the tv remote control and it started from “I’m
not watching the kids anymore” because she was upset about the remote and it turned into “I’m not doing this for you anymore”. I’m fine with whatever she decide: and now we are taking the kids but don’t get upset about something and change your mind a few days before the trip because it costs us big time.

It's too much for her. The dog, the kids, etc. Get that through your thick skull. Get over the money aspect and don't use that to guilt trip her or hang over her head. She doesn't want to do it so it doesn't happen. Now you know not to rely on her in the future.

This is all so bizarre. She is 61 and in good health. Literally a few years older than some of you saying she can’t handle it.

You don’t know that she’s in good health. And FFS people can be sick at all ages. I have a friend who died of a heart attack at the age of 49. My uncle was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in his early 50s. Anyone can have a stroke—just read a story about a girl at UMD who was studying abroad and had a stroke at the age of 21. They refused to stop asking about drugs so she left the ER in Ireland and returned home. They diagnosed the stroke too late and she has aphasia as a result.

You are a total B and I’m glad you aren’t getting the vacation you wanted. Serves you right.

Talk about going from 0 to 100. So don’t leave your kids with anyone or send them to school. Teacher could have a stroke, college babysitter could have a heart attack, don’t let another parent drive them because they could have a seizure on the road and die in a tragic accident.. a lot of emergency situations running through your head. I think you’re the one with anxiety.

Apples to Oranges comparison. The question here is that an elderly care provider spoke up and said that she is not capable of doing the babysitting. OP is not delegating childcare. She is basically trying to get away with dereliction of parental duties. She is in fact a neglectful parent. I hope her DH recognizes this.

Gah. Where to even start with this. I guess we should start with her dh is also going. Shouldn’t he also be “derelict” in his duties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason she decided she changed her mind was because she stayed to watch our dog when we were away for a night as a family and my husband messed up the tv remote control and it started from “I’m
not watching the kids anymore” because she was upset about the remote and it turned into “I’m not doing this for you anymore”. I’m fine with whatever she decide: and now we are taking the kids but don’t get upset about something and change your mind a few days before the trip because it costs us big time.

It's too much for her. The dog, the kids, etc. Get that through your thick skull. Get over the money aspect and don't use that to guilt trip her or hang over her head. She doesn't want to do it so it doesn't happen. Now you know not to rely on her in the future.

This is all so bizarre. She is 61 and in good health. Literally a few years older than some of you saying she can’t handle it.

You don’t know that she’s in good health. And FFS people can be sick at all ages. I have a friend who died of a heart attack at the age of 49. My uncle was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in his early 50s. Anyone can have a stroke—just read a story about a girl at UMD who was studying abroad and had a stroke at the age of 21. They refused to stop asking about drugs so she left the ER in Ireland and returned home. They diagnosed the stroke too late and she has aphasia as a result.

You are a total B and I’m glad you aren’t getting the vacation you wanted. Serves you right.

Talk about going from 0 to 100. So don’t leave your kids with anyone or send them to school. Teacher could have a stroke, college babysitter could have a heart attack, don’t let another parent drive them because they could have a seizure on the road and die in a tragic accident.. a lot of emergency situations running through your head. I think you’re the one with anxiety.

Apples to Oranges comparison. The question here is that an elderly care provider spoke up and said that she is not capable of doing the babysitting. OP is not delegating childcare. She is basically trying to get away with dereliction of parental duties. She is in fact a neglectful parent. I hope her DH recognizes this.

So I am but my husband isn’t? Wow, pretty sexist. Isn’t he also leaving the kids?

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the people who are giving you crap about taking a vacation without your kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wow, there seems to be a one or two hate-filled trolls on this thread, attacking the OP.

Yah, there’s a lot of rage in here. Kids thrive from spending time with grandparents. Some of you can take any situation and twist it into something so different from what it is. It’s fine she doesn’t want to do it but I do think the time to speak up was months ago when we discussed all the options and asked her about it, not this late in the game. I actually have no issue taking the kids at all.

Kids thrive from spending time with grandparents who are *comfortable, confident and willing to take on child care.* Kids would NOT thrive in the care of an anxiety-riddled grandparent who is overwhelmed. See the difference? Did I go slow enough? Do you get it yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason she decided she changed her mind was because she stayed to watch our dog when we were away for a night as a family and my husband messed up the tv remote control and it started from “I’m
not watching the kids anymore” because she was upset about the remote and it turned into “I’m not doing this for you anymore”. I’m fine with whatever she decide: and now we are taking the kids but don’t get upset about something and change your mind a few days before the trip because it costs us big time.

It's too much for her. The dog, the kids, etc. Get that through your thick skull. Get over the money aspect and don't use that to guilt trip her or hang over her head. She doesn't want to do it so it doesn't happen. Now you know not to rely on her in the future.

This is all so bizarre. She is 61 and in good health. Literally a few years older than some of you saying she can’t handle it.

You don’t know that she’s in good health. And FFS people can be sick at all ages. I have a friend who died of a heart attack at the age of 49. My uncle was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in his early 50s. Anyone can have a stroke—just read a story about a girl at UMD who was studying abroad and had a stroke at the age of 21. They refused to stop asking about drugs so she left the ER in Ireland and returned home. They diagnosed the stroke too late and she has aphasia as a result.

You are a total B and I’m glad you aren’t getting the vacation you wanted. Serves you right.

Np and you’re really reaching here. Lots of people leave their children in the care of a 60 year old. I don’t understand bringing up crazy stories of young people who got sick. Should none of us ever stay home with our children alone?

Yes, dear. Lots of 60somethings do, indeed, take care of their grandkids and such. What with them agreeing to do so, you can tell they are comfortable and capable and up to the task. That’s how you can tell if someone is up to the task of childcare: if they are willing to do so and are comfortable with it and are OK with it.

I’ve left my kids in the care of both my parents and my ILs, all in their 70s. They were eager to do so and expressed no reservation. I’ve left my kids in the care of my aunt in her 50s, same deal. And in the care of babysitters in their 20s, same deal. All were confident, comfortable and willing to take on the task.

Age aside, would you really live your kids for 12 days in the care of ANYONE who said, out loud, directly to your face that they were not up to the task? Would you really leave your kids in the care of someone who said they weren’t up to the task and then hop on a plane to leave the country? If so, you are a terrible parent.

So you seem to have missed the ENTIRE point of the thread. Which OP has articulated a few times. She would not have been upset if MIL had said no in the first place. That isn’t what happened. Surely you can understand options are limited when she backs out with just a few days notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are crazy. My mom takes my older kids for 3-4 weeks every summer and we don’t pay anything (other than flights).
My grandma took her 4 grandchildren on vacations every summer for 2-3 weeks and always paid for everything. These are people who are supposed to love and want to spend time with their grandchildren.
Granted we are not Americans (thankfully).

What a sad world we live in where you have to pay grandparents to spend 12 days with their grandchildren. So glad my family is different.

OP, your MIL sucks

"Thankfully" that you aren't American. Then go back to your third world country. I am sick of people like you crapping over my country that has given you opportunities you would never have had otherwise!

Are you native American? Because America only truly belongs to native Americans. We all are immigrants and invaders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the people who are giving you crap about taking a vacation without your kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing.

+1
It’s a wonderful thing to do for your marriage. It really stinks this happened. So you’re now going with the kids? Have fun.

[Anonymous]

We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, just ask Jeff to delete this thread (by reporting or asking on Website Feedback) - there are too many troll posts.

Your MIL just sabotaged your vacation at the last minute and that sucks. None of this is your fault, and I'm sorry it happened.

Please don't count on her again.

+1000000. There are some serious nut jobs on this thread OP. The amount of made up opinions for why this 61 year old healthy woman who doesn’t want to work but wants her son to give her $$ to do “fun stuff” is ridiculous. “She maybe fell in the shower” “she’s got anxiety” “she’s not reeeaaallly healthy!” “You’re a user”.” I mean, really. I think a lot of people on this thread need their own anxiety meds. So grandma has serious health issues that mean she can’t watch these kids anymore for 12 days - but 6 is cool? If it is one of these doomsday prophecies, how is MIL ok with watching these kids for 6 days, which is still a long time. “Oh, I’m afraid to drive because I’m old and going senile (apparently) but…I’ll do it for 6 days ok.” I’m in my 50s with two young kids. Guess I better line up some guardians now since I won’t be able to handle them for a couple of hours a day, much less ALL day, before long!

OP, what she did was shitty. If there WAS a health reason, which it absolutely sounds like it wasn’t, then your MIL could put on her big girl panties and be straight with you. Bottom line, don’t count on her for childcare anymore, and don’t give her money. Don’t bother responding to more posts because these trolls are determined to treat you like a POS.

Hoe you go and enjoy the vacation with your kids. Next time your DH suggests your MIL watching them, ignore him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason she decided she changed her mind was because she stayed to watch our dog when we were away for a night as a family and my husband messed up the tv remote control and it started from “I’m
not watching the kids anymore” because she was upset about the remote and it turned into “I’m not doing this for you anymore”. I’m fine with whatever she decide: and now we are taking the kids but don’t get upset about something and change your mind a few days before the trip because it costs us big time.

It's too much for her. The dog, the kids, etc. Get that through your thick skull. Get over the money aspect and don't use that to guilt trip her or hang over her head. She doesn't want to do it so it doesn't happen. Now you know not to rely on her in the future.

This is all so bizarre. She is 61 and in good health. Literally a few years older than some of you saying she can’t handle it.

You don’t know that she’s in good health. And FFS people can be sick at all ages. I have a friend who died of a heart attack at the age of 49. My uncle was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in his early 50s. Anyone can have a stroke—just read a story about a girl at UMD who was studying abroad and had a stroke at the age of 21. They refused to stop asking about drugs so she left the ER in Ireland and returned home. They diagnosed the stroke too late and she has aphasia as a result.

You are a total B and I’m glad you aren’t getting the vacation you wanted. Serves you right.

Talk about going from 0 to 100. So don’t leave your kids with anyone or send them to school. Teacher could have a stroke, college babysitter could have a heart attack, don’t let another parent drive them because they could have a seizure on the road and die in a tragic accident.. a lot of emergency situations running through your head. I think you’re the one with anxiety.

OP’s acting like there is literally a zero percent chance that MIL has health issues, mental health issues, or some kind of health/capability scare that is what made her abruptly change her mind. If OP cared about her MIL *at all* she would at least say, “Maybe you are right and there’s some factor here I don’t know about; I’ll ask if she’s OK.” The fact that she refuses to even ask = she doesn’t care about MIL in the slightest.

She sees her MIL often. You crazy.

DP. So? That doesn’t mean the MIL did it recently have a near-miss that makes her nervous about driving her grandkids, or that she has started to notice increased forgetful and confusion that has her feeling anxious about cognitive decline. Those things can be very scary as people get older, and there can be a reluctance to talk about it specifically because of the anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wow, there seems to be a one or two hate-filled trolls on this thread, attacking the OP.

Yah, there’s a lot of rage in here. Kids thrive from spending time with grandparents. Some of you can take any situation and twist it into something so different from what it is. It’s fine she doesn’t want to do it but I do think the time to speak up was months ago when we discussed all the options and asked her about it, not this late in the game. I actually have no issue taking the kids at all.

Kids thrive from spending time with grandparents who are *comfortable, confident and willing to take on child care.* Kids would NOT thrive in the care of an anxiety-riddled grandparent who is overwhelmed. See the difference? Did I go slow enough? Do you get it yet?

Yes and she said she wanted to do it as long as they were in camp. She changed her mind, but no one pressured her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason she decided she changed her mind was because she stayed to watch our dog when we were away for a night as a family and my husband messed up the tv remote control and it started from “I’m
not watching the kids anymore” because she was upset about the remote and it turned into “I’m not doing this for you anymore”. I’m fine with whatever she decide: and now we are taking the kids but don’t get upset about something and change your mind a few days before the trip because it costs us big time.

It's too much for her. The dog, the kids, etc. Get that through your thick skull. Get over the money aspect and don't use that to guilt trip her or hang over her head. She doesn't want to do it so it doesn't happen. Now you know not to rely on her in the future.

This is all so bizarre. She is 61 and in good health. Literally a few years older than some of you saying she can’t handle it.

You don’t know that she’s in good health. And FFS people can be sick at all ages. I have a friend who died of a heart attack at the age of 49. My uncle was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in his early 50s. Anyone can have a stroke—just read a story about a girl at UMD who was studying abroad and had a stroke at the age of 21. They refused to stop asking about drugs so she left the ER in Ireland and returned home. They diagnosed the stroke too late and she has aphasia as a result.

You are a total B and I’m glad you aren’t getting the vacation you wanted. Serves you right.

Np and you’re really reaching here. Lots of people leave their children in the care of a 60 year old. I don’t understand bringing up crazy stories of young people who got sick. Should none of us ever stay home with our children alone?

Yes, dear. Lots of 60somethings do, indeed, take care of their grandkids and such. What with them agreeing to do so, you can tell they are comfortable and capable and up to the task. That’s how you can tell if someone is up to the task of childcare: if they are willing to do so and are comfortable with it and are OK with it.

I’ve left my kids in the care of both my parents and my ILs, all in their 70s. They were eager to do so and expressed no reservation. I’ve left my kids in the care of my aunt in her 50s, same deal. And in the care of babysitters in their 20s, same deal. All were confident, comfortable and willing to take on the task.

Age aside, would you really live your kids for 12 days in the care of ANYONE who said, out loud, directly to your face that they were not up to the task? Would you really leave your kids in the care of someone who said they weren’t up to the task and then hop on a plane to leave the country? If so, you are a terrible parent.

So you seem to have missed the ENTIRE point of the thread. Which OP has articulated a few times. She would not have been upset if MIL had said no in the first place. That isn’t what happened. Surely you can understand options are limited when she backs out with just a few days notice.

No one can predict the state of their mental and physical health. Maybe the MIL thought she could handle it and then later decided that it was too much. It seems there are two very young kids who will be left without their parents for 12 days, lots of camp activities that the poor elderly woman will have to drive back and forth to, and a pet dog too?

Yes, grandparents take care of grandkids when they want to. They cannot be forced into it just because you are paying them. Disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason she decided she changed her mind was because she stayed to watch our dog when we were away for a night as a family and my husband messed up the tv remote control and it started from “I’m
not watching the kids anymore” because she was upset about the remote and it turned into “I’m not doing this for you anymore”. I’m fine with whatever she decide: and now we are taking the kids but don’t get upset about something and change your mind a few days before the trip because it costs us big time.

It's too much for her. The dog, the kids, etc. Get that through your thick skull. Get over the money aspect and don't use that to guilt trip her or hang over her head. She doesn't want to do it so it doesn't happen. Now you know not to rely on her in the future.

This is all so bizarre. She is 61 and in good health. Literally a few years older than some of you saying she can’t handle it.

You don’t know that she’s in good health. And FFS people can be sick at all ages. I have a friend who died of a heart attack at the age of 49. My uncle was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in his early 50s. Anyone can have a stroke—just read a story about a girl at UMD who was studying abroad and had a stroke at the age of 21. They refused to stop asking about drugs so she left the ER in Ireland and returned home. They diagnosed the stroke too late and she has aphasia as a result.

You are a total B and I’m glad you aren’t getting the vacation you wanted. Serves you right.

Talk about going from 0 to 100. So don’t leave your kids with anyone or send them to school. Teacher could have a stroke, college babysitter could have a heart attack, don’t let another parent drive them because they could have a seizure on the road and die in a tragic accident.. a lot of emergency situations running through your head. I think you’re the one with anxiety.

OP’s acting like there is literally a zero percent chance that MIL has health issues, mental health issues, or some kind of health/capability scare that is what made her abruptly change her mind. If OP cared about her MIL *at all* she would at least say, “Maybe you are right and there’s some factor here I don’t know about; I’ll ask if she’s OK.” The fact that she refuses to even ask = she doesn’t care about MIL in the slightest.

She sees her MIL often. You crazy.

DP. So? That doesn’t mean the MIL did it recently have a near-miss that makes her nervous about driving her grandkids, or that she has started to notice increased forgetful and confusion that has her feeling anxious about cognitive decline. Those things can be very scary as people get older, and there can be a reluctance to talk about it specifically because of the anxiety.

The camp is at a country club .75 miles from my house. Speed limit is 25 miles an hour. I think most could handle that at age 61.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason she decided she changed her mind was because she stayed to watch our dog when we were away for a night as a family and my husband messed up the tv remote control and it started from “I’m
not watching the kids anymore” because she was upset about the remote and it turned into “I’m not doing this for you anymore”. I’m fine with whatever she decide: and now we are taking the kids but don’t get upset about something and change your mind a few days before the trip because it costs us big time.

It's too much for her. The dog, the kids, etc. Get that through your thick skull. Get over the money aspect and don't use that to guilt trip her or hang over her head. She doesn't want to do it so it doesn't happen. Now you know not to rely on her in the future.

This is all so bizarre. She is 61 and in good health. Literally a few years older than some of you saying she can’t handle it.

You don’t know that she’s in good health. And FFS people can be sick at all ages. I have a friend who died of a heart attack at the age of 49. My uncle was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in his early 50s. Anyone can have a stroke—just read a story about a girl at UMD who was studying abroad and had a stroke at the age of 21. They refused to stop asking about drugs so she left the ER in Ireland and returned home. They diagnosed the stroke too late and she has aphasia as a result.

You are a total B and I’m glad you aren’t getting the vacation you wanted. Serves you right.

Talk about going from 0 to 100. So don’t leave your kids with anyone or send them to school. Teacher could have a stroke, college babysitter could have a heart attack, don’t let another parent drive them because they could have a seizure on the road and die in a tragic accident.. a lot of emergency situations running through your head. I think you’re the one with anxiety.

Apples to Oranges comparison. The question here is that an elderly care provider spoke up and said that she is not capable of doing the babysitting. OP is not delegating childcare. She is basically trying to get away with dereliction of parental duties. She is in fact a neglectful parent. I hope her DH recognizes this.

So I am but my husband isn’t? Wow, pretty sexist. Isn’t he also leaving the kids?

I thought you said this was work related for him. So, he has to go, you were a tag along. Isn't that right? If so, you are the expendable one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason she decided she changed her mind was because she stayed to watch our dog when we were away for a night as a family and my husband messed up the tv remote control and it started from “I’m
not watching the kids anymore” because she was upset about the remote and it turned into “I’m not doing this for you anymore”. I’m fine with whatever she decide: and now we are taking the kids but don’t get upset about something and change your mind a few days before the trip because it costs us big time.

OP, you dodged a bullet. She sounds unstable and impulsive. Better to come unraveled by frustration at a remote control three days before the start of your trip than three days into it.