SAHMs, how did you decide when or if to go back to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.

Well no, OP is clearly in a different ball park financially than that.

I do agree with your main point that staying in the workforce gives you more flexibility and bargaining power. But I think the women taking time off to SAHM are more likely to not want to return to that type of position in the first place. If they had the flexibility and finances to leave the workforce for many years, they probably aren't looking to return to a high power position that would suck up a lot of time, require travel. It's just not what they are looking for, especially since they still have kids and those schedules to work around (albeit kids not as young as prek/elementary ages).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.

Well no, OP is clearly in a different ball park financially than that.

I do agree with your main point that staying in the workforce gives you more flexibility and bargaining power. But I think the women taking time off to SAHM are more likely to not want to return to that type of position in the first place. If they had the flexibility and finances to leave the workforce for many years, they probably aren't looking to return to a high power position that would suck up a lot of time, require travel. It's just not what they are looking for, especially since they still have kids and those schedules to work around (albeit kids not as young as prek/elementary ages).

What you’re missing is that women get penalized in almost all industries and levels of seniority for stepping out of the workforce. Unless you’re talking about menial labor or retail jobs, SAHMs really do have a harder time demanding flexibility when returning to work. It isn’t just for high powered positions.

OP really isn’t in a different ballpark financially from a family with a DH earning 500k. It’s all pretty similar in terms of education, neighborhoods, schools etc. Now if OP’s entire HHI was from inherited wealth, then sure that’s a different “ball park” as you say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.

Well no, OP is clearly in a different ball park financially than that.

I do agree with your main point that staying in the workforce gives you more flexibility and bargaining power. But I think the women taking time off to SAHM are more likely to not want to return to that type of position in the first place. If they had the flexibility and finances to leave the workforce for many years, they probably aren't looking to return to a high power position that would suck up a lot of time, require travel. It's just not what they are looking for, especially since they still have kids and those schedules to work around (albeit kids not as young as prek/elementary ages).

This makes NO sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.

Well no, OP is clearly in a different ball park financially than that.

I do agree with your main point that staying in the workforce gives you more flexibility and bargaining power. But I think the women taking time off to SAHM are more likely to not want to return to that type of position in the first place. If they had the flexibility and finances to leave the workforce for many years, they probably aren't looking to return to a high power position that would suck up a lot of time, require travel. It's just not what they are looking for, especially since they still have kids and those schedules to work around (albeit kids not as young as prek/elementary ages).

This makes NO sense.

The type of job where you have to put in the time and years to build up the seniority needed to get more flexibility and bargaining power - think corporate attorneys, finance, etc - are not the ones that wealthy former SAHMs are looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.

Well no, OP is clearly in a different ball park financially than that.

I do agree with your main point that staying in the workforce gives you more flexibility and bargaining power. But I think the women taking time off to SAHM are more likely to not want to return to that type of position in the first place. If they had the flexibility and finances to leave the workforce for many years, they probably aren't looking to return to a high power position that would suck up a lot of time, require travel. It's just not what they are looking for, especially since they still have kids and those schedules to work around (albeit kids not as young as prek/elementary ages).

What you’re missing is that women get penalized in almost all industries and levels of seniority for stepping out of the workforce. Unless you’re talking about menial labor or retail jobs, SAHMs really do have a harder time demanding flexibility when returning to work. It isn’t just for high powered positions.

OP really isn’t in a different ballpark financially from a family with a DH earning 500k. It’s all pretty similar in terms of education, neighborhoods, schools etc. Now if OP’s entire HHI was from inherited wealth, then sure that’s a different “ball park” as you say.

I think the lifestyle for a seven figure family is just different from a 500k - we'll have to agree to disagree on that. Simply affording private school alone for three kids for example - let's say $120k a year. That's a stretch for a 500k family.

The wealthiest SAHMs (this is a subset of returning moms, remember) aren't "demanding flexibility" from specific positions - they are applying for (and fortunately! this is all good news!) getting the type of jobs that come WITH flexibility by default (local government, nonprofits, preK teacher). And yes some of those jobs might be menial like a pilates teacher - again, by choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.

Well no, OP is clearly in a different ball park financially than that.

I do agree with your main point that staying in the workforce gives you more flexibility and bargaining power. But I think the women taking time off to SAHM are more likely to not want to return to that type of position in the first place. If they had the flexibility and finances to leave the workforce for many years, they probably aren't looking to return to a high power position that would suck up a lot of time, require travel. It's just not what they are looking for, especially since they still have kids and those schedules to work around (albeit kids not as young as prek/elementary ages).

What you’re missing is that women get penalized in almost all industries and levels of seniority for stepping out of the workforce. Unless you’re talking about menial labor or retail jobs, SAHMs really do have a harder time demanding flexibility when returning to work. It isn’t just for high powered positions.

OP really isn’t in a different ballpark financially from a family with a DH earning 500k. It’s all pretty similar in terms of education, neighborhoods, schools etc. Now if OP’s entire HHI was from inherited wealth, then sure that’s a different “ball park” as you say.

I think the lifestyle for a seven figure family is just different from a 500k - we'll have to agree to disagree on that. Simply affording private school alone for three kids for example - let's say $120k a year. That's a stretch for a 500k family.

The wealthiest SAHMs (this is a subset of returning moms, remember) aren't "demanding flexibility" from specific positions - they are applying for (and fortunately! this is all good news!) getting the type of jobs that come WITH flexibility by default (local government, nonprofits, preK teacher). And yes some of those jobs might be menial like a pilates teacher - again, by choice.

Nonprofit jobs are demanding jobs. No, the wives of men earning millions a year are NOT going to work for Montgomery county or local preschools. You’re clueless. The more education and successful a man is,, the more likely his wife is to be successful and educated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.

Well no, OP is clearly in a different ball park financially than that.

I do agree with your main point that staying in the workforce gives you more flexibility and bargaining power. But I think the women taking time off to SAHM are more likely to not want to return to that type of position in the first place. If they had the flexibility and finances to leave the workforce for many years, they probably aren't looking to return to a high power position that would suck up a lot of time, require travel. It's just not what they are looking for, especially since they still have kids and those schedules to work around (albeit kids not as young as prek/elementary ages).

This makes NO sense.

The type of job where you have to put in the time and years to build up the seniority needed to get more flexibility and bargaining power - think corporate attorneys, finance, etc - are not the ones that wealthy former SAHMs are looking for.

Please tell what types of jobs a wealthy SAHM is looking for? They are best suited for higher earning and high profile jobs. The problem is that they can’t get one of those jobs since they have been out of the workforce. So they continue to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

This simply isn’t the truth. You clearly think things in life are very black or white. You’ve just said you either never see your kids or you have a job that is drudgery. You seem to be an extremist.

It’s not that high of a salary but 215k and I work 9-5. TW 3x a week. Husband is similar and makes around 300k.. 5 weeks of vacation plus holidays. Same for husband. I may decide to ramp things up once kids are older.

That’s not even in the same ballpark. You have to work to give your kids an upper middle class lifestyle. My DH earns seven figures and the calculus is very different regarding the trade off if I worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

I earned more than 150k my first job out than what you currently make. Now my husband earns multiple what I make out my first job and gives me the flexibility to spend time with my kids and pursue my hobbies. All I am saying is at that pinnacle this argument about flexibility, you give up some to get some. Your job is not worth it for me to make the trade off and leave my children with the nanny and fight with school days and stuff. The only women I have seen make it work flexibly have their own businesses, which is what I intend to pursue once my children are older.0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.

Well no, OP is clearly in a different ball park financially than that.

I do agree with your main point that staying in the workforce gives you more flexibility and bargaining power. But I think the women taking time off to SAHM are more likely to not want to return to that type of position in the first place. If they had the flexibility and finances to leave the workforce for many years, they probably aren't looking to return to a high power position that would suck up a lot of time, require travel. It's just not what they are looking for, especially since they still have kids and those schedules to work around (albeit kids not as young as prek/elementary ages).

This makes NO sense.

The type of job where you have to put in the time and years to build up the seniority needed to get more flexibility and bargaining power - think corporate attorneys, finance, etc - are not the ones that wealthy former SAHMs are looking for.

Please tell what types of jobs a wealthy SAHM is looking for? They are best suited for higher earning and high profile jobs. The problem is that they can’t get one of those jobs since they have been out of the workforce. So they continue to stay home.

Or they don’t want to because it is high pressured. Those who want to have connections and can make it happen.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.

Well no, OP is clearly in a different ball park financially than that.

I do agree with your main point that staying in the workforce gives you more flexibility and bargaining power. But I think the women taking time off to SAHM are more likely to not want to return to that type of position in the first place. If they had the flexibility and finances to leave the workforce for many years, they probably aren't looking to return to a high power position that would suck up a lot of time, require travel. It's just not what they are looking for, especially since they still have kids and those schedules to work around (albeit kids not as young as prek/elementary ages).

This makes NO sense.

The type of job where you have to put in the time and years to build up the seniority needed to get more flexibility and bargaining power - think corporate attorneys, finance, etc - are not the ones that wealthy former SAHMs are looking for.

Please tell what types of jobs a wealthy SAHM is looking for? They are best suited for higher earning and high profile jobs. The problem is that they can’t get one of those jobs since they have been out of the workforce. So they continue to stay home.

Or they don’t want to because it is high pressured. Those who want to have connections and can make it happen.

The (sad?) state of affairs is that plenty of women who SAH with high-earning (7 figures+) husbands are so well-educated and well-connected, that, yes, they can get many of the types of jobs PP describes, despite being out of the workforce for many years.

I recognize SAH is a risk for many women, but for some women it's just not. It's just not a meritocracy out there.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe anyone would say a house with income of 500k is the same as one with 1 million or more. That’s literally double the first household’s income! Of course it is dramatically different.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.

Well no, OP is clearly in a different ball park financially than that.

I do agree with your main point that staying in the workforce gives you more flexibility and bargaining power. But I think the women taking time off to SAHM are more likely to not want to return to that type of position in the first place. If they had the flexibility and finances to leave the workforce for many years, they probably aren't looking to return to a high power position that would suck up a lot of time, require travel. It's just not what they are looking for, especially since they still have kids and those schedules to work around (albeit kids not as young as prek/elementary ages).

What you’re missing is that women get penalized in almost all industries and levels of seniority for stepping out of the workforce. Unless you’re talking about menial labor or retail jobs, SAHMs really do have a harder time demanding flexibility when returning to work. It isn’t just for high powered positions.

OP really isn’t in a different ballpark financially from a family with a DH earning 500k. It’s all pretty similar in terms of education, neighborhoods, schools etc. Now if OP’s entire HHI was from inherited wealth, then sure that’s a different “ball park” as you say.

I think the lifestyle for a seven figure family is just different from a 500k - we'll have to agree to disagree on that. Simply affording private school alone for three kids for example - let's say $120k a year. That's a stretch for a 500k family.

The wealthiest SAHMs (this is a subset of returning moms, remember) aren't "demanding flexibility" from specific positions - they are applying for (and fortunately! this is all good news!) getting the type of jobs that come WITH flexibility by default (local government, nonprofits, preK teacher). And yes some of those jobs might be menial like a pilates teacher - again, by choice.

How is affording private a stretch? You choose three kids. You choose private. So, you choose to cut back in other areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.

Well no, OP is clearly in a different ball park financially than that.

I do agree with your main point that staying in the workforce gives you more flexibility and bargaining power. But I think the women taking time off to SAHM are more likely to not want to return to that type of position in the first place. If they had the flexibility and finances to leave the workforce for many years, they probably aren't looking to return to a high power position that would suck up a lot of time, require travel. It's just not what they are looking for, especially since they still have kids and those schedules to work around (albeit kids not as young as prek/elementary ages).

What you’re missing is that women get penalized in almost all industries and levels of seniority for stepping out of the workforce. Unless you’re talking about menial labor or retail jobs, SAHMs really do have a harder time demanding flexibility when returning to work. It isn’t just for high powered positions.

OP really isn’t in a different ballpark financially from a family with a DH earning 500k. It’s all pretty similar in terms of education, neighborhoods, schools etc. Now if OP’s entire HHI was from inherited wealth, then sure that’s a different “ball park” as you say.

I think the lifestyle for a seven figure family is just different from a 500k - we'll have to agree to disagree on that. Simply affording private school alone for three kids for example - let's say $120k a year. That's a stretch for a 500k family.

The wealthiest SAHMs (this is a subset of returning moms, remember) aren't "demanding flexibility" from specific positions - they are applying for (and fortunately! this is all good news!) getting the type of jobs that come WITH flexibility by default (local government, nonprofits, preK teacher). And yes some of those jobs might be menial like a pilates teacher - again, by choice.

How is affording private a stretch? You choose three kids. You choose private. So, you choose to cut back in other areas.

It’s a stretch on a 500k income. Not on the million income. See the point??

[Anonymous]

When I was sah, my DH’s income shot up and we bought several rental properties with the excess cash. I manage them now. It’s not a ton of daily work but it does make me feel good to know that I am taking something important off his plate. We’re looking to buy our fourth property in the next few months.