SAHMs, how did you decide when or if to go back to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM workaholics remind me so much of these articles

Workism Is Making Americans Miserable:

For the college-educated elite, work has morphed into a religious identity—promising transcendence and community, but failing to deliver.

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/religion-workism-making-americans-miserable/583441/

https://www.theatlantic.com/letters/archive/2019/03/readers-respond-workism-is-making-americans-miserable/584377/


How Millennials Became The Burnout Generation

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work

+ 1

There is nothing wrong with liking your job. That's obviously ideal. HOWEVER, so many people come in here thinking that if you're not working, you're not doing ANYTHING AT ALL. Which is a really weird assumption to make. What do you do on your weekends or vacations? Don't you have any hobbies or interests that you'd like to pursue? If not, you should really think about getting some. It's not healthy to only have your work giving you a sense of identity and meaning in life.

Given that most people do not like their jobs, it's also really selfish and self centered to give people a hard time for not liking theirs. That's the normal state of affairs. I feel that a lot of DCUM posters have been completely brain washed by capitalism. It's kind of sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what the working moms are not getting is that the rich SAHMs don't want to go back to work if it's going to be boring or annoying. So no retail work. No entitled clients. No tedious paper work. What's the point of that?

What kinds of jobs are actually fun?

So far we have writing, design, and science.

I am a senior level manager in local government.

I don't know about "fun"? I find it rewarding, often intellectually stimulating. I enjoy coming to work every day. I'm part of creating a vision of where we're going and implementing it. I attend meetings, do a lot of writing, a fair amount of public speaking, brainstorming with colleagues, problem solving, etc. I get asked a lot to provide input and I give it, which feels good. I make decisions.

I don't understand these questions. I think some of you haven't had a job since you were pretty low-level? Jobs get a lot better when you move further along. Sure it's more responsibility, which has headaches. But yes, it's "fun" to develop an expertise in an area and then use it to move an organization forward and see the results.

I also find it so strange when these threads have people complaining about the drudgery of work. Most on DCUM are well educated - we are not doing the grunt work of retail, restaurant work, etc. or on the factor floor. I also have a high earning husband but I have a very flexible job that I find intellectually stimulating. No, not every task, but yes, I work on several projects throughout the year that I find interesting. I'm betting these same women throw themselves into things like PTA fundraising etc. (which I'm also involved in because I want to help but also parts of it are fun).

It's the same thing - if you HATED planning the event or managing the budget or whatever you wouldn't do it but clearly there are some people who like those things. I enjoy watching things come together, I can totally get lost in a spreadsheet sometimes whether it's work or something I'm doing in a volunteer capacity for my children's schools. It's the same reason I loved grad school. I just like having a goal, working to make it happen, and achieving it. It's no mystery.

I hate spreadsheets, I hate admin work, I hate planning events, I hate fundraising, and I hate managing projects. I wouldn’t do those things unless I was really hard up for money but thank god I am not.

Great, then don't do them. Clearly some people don't. I have a job I don't need and no one forces me to manage the budget and do outreach for the orgs I volunteer for and our schools. Isn't it nice that people are different and can use their strengths differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

[Anonymous]

What do you want to do?

If I were in your shoes I’d get busy with all my pet projects and creative endeavors. If DH we’re happy with his job and work/life balance, I wouldn’t go back to work because I’d demand at least 40% household stuff from him if we were both working. I’d assume this would make his income drop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what the working moms are not getting is that the rich SAHMs don't want to go back to work if it's going to be boring or annoying. So no retail work. No entitled clients. No tedious paper work. What's the point of that?

What kinds of jobs are actually fun?

So far we have writing, design, and science.

I am a senior level manager in local government.

I don't know about "fun"? I find it rewarding, often intellectually stimulating. I enjoy coming to work every day. I'm part of creating a vision of where we're going and implementing it. I attend meetings, do a lot of writing, a fair amount of public speaking, brainstorming with colleagues, problem solving, etc. I get asked a lot to provide input and I give it, which feels good. I make decisions.

I don't understand these questions. I think some of you haven't had a job since you were pretty low-level? Jobs get a lot better when you move further along. Sure it's more responsibility, which has headaches. But yes, it's "fun" to develop an expertise in an area and then use it to move an organization forward and see the results.

I also find it so strange when these threads have people complaining about the drudgery of work. Most on DCUM are well educated - we are not doing the grunt work of retail, restaurant work, etc. or on the factor floor. I also have a high earning husband but I have a very flexible job that I find intellectually stimulating. No, not every task, but yes, I work on several projects throughout the year that I find interesting. I'm betting these same women throw themselves into things like PTA fundraising etc. (which I'm also involved in because I want to help but also parts of it are fun).

It's the same thing - if you HATED planning the event or managing the budget or whatever you wouldn't do it but clearly there are some people who like those things. I enjoy watching things come together, I can totally get lost in a spreadsheet sometimes whether it's work or something I'm doing in a volunteer capacity for my children's schools. It's the same reason I loved grad school. I just like having a goal, working to make it happen, and achieving it. It's no mystery.

I hate spreadsheets, I hate admin work, I hate planning events, I hate fundraising, and I hate managing projects. I wouldn’t do those things unless I was really hard up for money but thank god I am not.

Great, then don't do them. Clearly some people don't. I have a job I don't need and no one forces me to manage the budget and do outreach for the orgs I volunteer for and our schools. Isn't it nice that people are different and can use their strengths differently.

You (or other PP’s) are giving her a hard time for no getting a job doing something she dislikes/thinks is boring though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

This simply isn’t the truth. You clearly think things in life are very black or white. You’ve just said you either never see your kids or you have a job that is drudgery. You seem to be an extremist.

It’s not that high of a salary but 215k and I work 9-5. TW 3x a week. Husband is similar and makes around 300k.. 5 weeks of vacation plus holidays. Same for husband. I may decide to ramp things up once kids are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

You can’t tell a SAHM this. They have to believe a certain story line in order to accept being an unpaid cook, nanny and cleaning lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

NP. I don't have a great title. I do work for one of those companies that everyone wants to work for because they are known to be really family friendly (they have awesome flex policies and 6 month mat leaves!). I make $150K. But I'm middle management and when if I describe my job you'd probably be bored. But I enjoy it, make good money, it does stretch my creative and intellectual muscles a little, I have some good friends there, and even though DH is the breadwinner, it's contributing to retirement and college funds. I don't think people are saying we all have awesome jobs and are getting rich from it, but life is not black and white and you don't have to be a CEO to enjoy working. It's not CEO or miserable factory worker working 3 shifts. There's stuff in between.

You can’t tell a SAHM this. They have to believe a certain story line in order to accept being an unpaid cook, nanny and cleaning lady.

What is wrong with you? Why be so nasty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.

Keep telling yourself this.

You can’t handle the truth. This is reality. Or share your high titled position and salary at a prestigious company and your schedule.

I'm sure that there are high paying sales jobs out there that allow you to work flexible hours from home while pulling in $350K+. You just need the seniority to get them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

-1 Almost all my SAHM friends stepped back into the workforce after 5+ years with zero issues.

They might think they didn’t have any issues but I can assure you they would have more flexibility and bargaining power had they never left. I’ve even had recent conversations with SAHMs who want a referral at my company. They ask about TW and I have to tell them that they can probably TW one day a week. The 2-3x a week is for employees who have been there a while.

You are missing the fact that many SAHMs don't *want* to enter where and how they left off. You are talking about a subset of SAHMs and likely not the wealthy ones like OP that we are discussing. Many of these women do indeed snag 2-3 days a week, but in different types of jobs - exactly the type of jobs they are (now) looking for. The women looking at your company don't represent all returning moms and what they are looking for and finding.

Huh? The SAHMs I’m talking about are all in 500k plus HHI households. But maybe this isn’t wealthy enough for you.