Wife had Affair with Coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate survivinginfidelity.com. I liked ChumpLady much better.

Yes, yes, yes plus 1000

Read ChumpLady and protect yourself. If you try therapy, get it for yourself before you get couples therapy. And, please, please, please go see an attorney and get a post-nup. if she is really sorry and won't ever do it again then she won't have any problem at all signing it.

[Anonymous]

OP is weak which probably contributed to affair in the first place.

OP must stunt his wife’s personal growth in innumerable ways.

OP should probably just let his wife decide what to do since she wears the pants in that couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate survivinginfidelity.com. I liked ChumpLady much better.

Formerly betrayed spouse here, and I agree 100%. Two totally different (and extreme) perspectives. Eventually I stopped identifying so strongly as a betrayed spouse and moved on from it all, but it took over a year.

Did you stay married?

No. I stayed for a year. Then I left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently confirmed my wife had an affair with a married coworker that lasted several years. I confronted her with the information and she acknowledged the affair. I am struggling with whether or not I should connect with the other affair partner or even contact his spouse. This just sucks!

You absolutely should tell his spouse. He deserves to know. the Cheaters of DCUM will give you the opposite advice.

Tell the spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So she only stayed with you because the other guy was married, not because she wants it to work. Some guy gets to bang your wife and all of the good parts of her, you get no sex and all of the hassle. He's a lucky guy, all fun and no headache all on your sacrifices. [True]

Do you wonder if she did stuff with him that she won't do with you? I hear that's common.Did you ask? [Who cares. Doesn't matter. If they only did boring missionary vanilla PIV, she's still a cheater and you should still get divorced.]

It matters, you know she did stuff with the other guy that she would never do with her husband, probably still won't with him. The AP gets all of the freaky stuff.

Nope. Doesn't matter.

What would a betrayed husband do differently if his wife "only" gave some other dude the same kind of sex she gave him, as opposed to freaky stuff? Nothing. Once she takes some other guy's dick, that's it, it's over. Doesn't matter at all what she does with that dick.

Man here and it definitely matters. Look, monogamy is hard and I get the temptation to cheat. So if my wife was a sexual rockstar with me but stepped out, I could forgive. If however my wife is doing the starfish think of England sex with me and only rarely, I am out if she cheats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So she only stayed with you because the other guy was married, not because she wants it to work. Some guy gets to bang your wife and all of the good parts of her, you get no sex and all of the hassle. He's a lucky guy, all fun and no headache all on your sacrifices. [True]

Do you wonder if she did stuff with him that she won't do with you? I hear that's common.Did you ask? [Who cares. Doesn't matter. If they only did boring missionary vanilla PIV, she's still a cheater and you should still get divorced.]

It matters, you know she did stuff with the other guy that she would never do with her husband, probably still won't with him. The AP gets all of the freaky stuff.

Nope. Doesn't matter.

What would a betrayed husband do differently if his wife "only" gave some other dude the same kind of sex she gave him, as opposed to freaky stuff? Nothing. Once she takes some other guy's dick, that's it, it's over. Doesn't matter at all what she does with that dick.

Please women do not go all freaky with the new guy. She did the same old boring stuff she did with OP and most likely just as bad. Every women has been conditioned by society to think of themselves are great at sex. Why would she change anything...she is great at sex!

Have you cheated with a married woman? I have with two different women and I promise you they are bringing me their Aplus and freaky game. One mentioned that she does stuff with me she won't for her husband.

And my wife is low drive and boring in bed but I am sure if she cheated she would be doing it hot and heavy just like she did with me at start of relationship. It's notnevil, it's just monogamy kills women's enthusiasm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate survivinginfidelity.com. I liked ChumpLady much better.

Formerly betrayed spouse here, and I agree 100%. Two totally different (and extreme) perspectives. Eventually I stopped identifying so strongly as a betrayed spouse and moved on from it all, but it took over a year.

Did you stay married?

No. I stayed for a year. Then I left.

I can understand why you stopped identifying as a betrayed spouse after you left. But if you stayed, I wonder how you’d feel.

[Anonymous]

OP - I have been where you are and here is the information I can share based on what I learned:

Your goal needs to be to create the best possible solution for her mistake for your kids and then you. This may be that you stay married; however, it may not.

You and your DW need to get a complete STD panel ASAP. She needs to tell her GYN to share her results with you directly (either you both come into the office to hear them or the GYN sends you a copy directly.) You need this info so that you can make informed decisions about your future.

Please do not promise or commit to doing "whatever is necessary" to save the marriage. It may not be possible. Her problems can be too much to overcome or the cost to overcome them might be too high for you or you and your kids to bear.

See an attorney and find out what is going on with her AP and her work. She might be his supervisor, or he might be an outside vendor (e.g., an accountant or lawyer working for her company), in which case you need a plan to deal with the fallout. Make sure that you also understand what this means to just you. By that, I mean that if the AP is her supervisor then you need to be aware of this during any divorce settlement discussions. I agree with the other posters that you should not tell the AP's spouse or his company. However, if you divorce you might be able to use the fact that the affair could become public at trial to ensure a better settlement for you and your kids (e.g., the AP may be willing to help your EXDW financially to keep it all quiet.)

Get a good therapist so that he or she can help find out what you really want. My EXDW was beautiful and charming. She was also an evil kind of crazy. There was no way she could really fix her problems, even though I believe she wanted to be a better mother, wife, etc. Once you know what you really need you can move forward. It may be you want a great wife for a life partner. The problem may be that your current wife is not that partner.

Finally, do not waste a moment reading any post related to what may or may not have happened between your DW and her AP. It does not help you achieve your goal, and the people writing this drivel are idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently confirmed my wife had an affair with a married coworker that lasted several years. I confronted her with the information and she acknowledged the affair. I am struggling with whether or not I should connect with the other affair partner or even contact his spouse. This just sucks!

You absolutely should tell his spouse. He deserves to know. the Cheaters of DCUM will give you the opposite advice.

Tell the spouse

Of course he should. All of you need to get tested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please women do not go all freaky with the new guy. She did the same old boring stuff she did with OP and most likely just as bad. Every women has been conditioned by society to think of themselves are great at sex. Why would she change anything...she is great at sex!

Married women I have slept with are lavish with the spontaneous, enthusiastic BJs, and will let you in the back door on the first encounter. Not freaky, but most likely hubby ain't getting that any more if he ever did. Also, married women simply don't care if you use protection or not, so I never do.

I've only had one who insisted on condoms. Married women who haven't had sex with anyone but their husbands for years are the safest sex partners.

To be certain, they bring their A game and they want to try anything and everything they may have once suggested to H but he wasn't interested, or they were too afraid to ask. These women are sexually repressed and once you open that door, you better hang on .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how did OP find out?

He said phone records and find my phone

I don’t understand why OP thinks his marriage is salvageable. It’s not like she had a come to Jesus moment. She simply got busted.

So true. And now she is remorseful and will play whatever part she thinks he needs to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Is she remorseful?

Cheaters are only ever sorry they got caught, not about what they actually did.

This so very true. Oh, and she will be sooo sorry for the hurt she has caused you and...blah, blah blah, bullshit. But mostly, she is so mad at herself for being so careless as to get caught, abruptly ending a good thing. She will be stressed trying to figure out how to play this now and keep it all together. Until it all dies down and OP lets his guard down. Then they will be back together and more careful than ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So she only stayed with you because the other guy was married, not because she wants it to work. Some guy gets to bang your wife and all of the good parts of her, you get no sex and all of the hassle. He's a lucky guy, all fun and no headache all on your sacrifices. [True]

Do you wonder if she did stuff with him that she won't do with you? I hear that's common.Did you ask? [Who cares. Doesn't matter. If they only did boring missionary vanilla PIV, she's still a cheater and you should still get divorced.]

It matters, you know she did stuff with the other guy that she would never do with her husband, probably still won't with him. The AP gets all of the freaky stuff.

Nope. Doesn't matter.

What would a betrayed husband do differently if his wife "only" gave some other dude the same kind of sex she gave him, as opposed to freaky stuff? Nothing. Once she takes some other guy's dick, that's it, it's over. Doesn't matter at all what she does with that dick.

Man here and it definitely matters. Look, monogamy is hard and I get the temptation to cheat. So if my wife was a sexual rockstar with me but stepped out, I could forgive. If however my wife is doing the starfish think of England sex with me and only rarely, I am out if she cheats.

Chick had a 3 year affair with her coworker. This wasn't a one time deal. She was cheating on and lying to Op for 3 freakin' years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So she only stayed with you because the other guy was married, not because she wants it to work. Some guy gets to bang your wife and all of the good parts of her, you get no sex and all of the hassle. He's a lucky guy, all fun and no headache all on your sacrifices. [True]

Do you wonder if she did stuff with him that she won't do with you? I hear that's common.Did you ask? [Who cares. Doesn't matter. If they only did boring missionary vanilla PIV, she's still a cheater and you should still get divorced.]

It matters, you know she did stuff with the other guy that she would never do with her husband, probably still won't with him. The AP gets all of the freaky stuff.

Nope. Doesn't matter.

What would a betrayed husband do differently if his wife "only" gave some other dude the same kind of sex she gave him, as opposed to freaky stuff? Nothing. Once she takes some other guy's dick, that's it, it's over. Doesn't matter at all what she does with that dick.

Man here and it definitely matters. Look, monogamy is hard and I get the temptation to cheat. So if my wife was a sexual rockstar with me but stepped out, I could forgive. If however my wife is doing the starfish think of England sex with me and only rarely, I am out if she cheats.

You're talking about a different issue -- how she behaves sexually with you. Of course that should matter to you.

The issue here is how she behaves sexually with the guy she's cheating with. That shouldn't matter to you. Like I said, once she crosses the line and takes the strange dick, it's over, no matter what she does or does not do with that strange dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So she only stayed with you because the other guy was married, not because she wants it to work. Some guy gets to bang your wife and all of the good parts of her, you get no sex and all of the hassle. He's a lucky guy, all fun and no headache all on your sacrifices. [True]

Do you wonder if she did stuff with him that she won't do with you? I hear that's common.Did you ask? [Who cares. Doesn't matter. If they only did boring missionary vanilla PIV, she's still a cheater and you should still get divorced.]

It matters, you know she did stuff with the other guy that she would never do with her husband, probably still won't with him. The AP gets all of the freaky stuff.

Nope. Doesn't matter.

What would a betrayed husband do differently if his wife "only" gave some other dude the same kind of sex she gave him, as opposed to freaky stuff? Nothing. Once she takes some other guy's dick, that's it, it's over. Doesn't matter at all what she does with that dick.

Man here and it definitely matters. Look, monogamy is hard and I get the temptation to cheat. So if my wife was a sexual rockstar with me but stepped out, I could forgive. If however my wife is doing the starfish think of England sex with me and only rarely, I am out if she cheats.

You're talking about a different issue -- how she behaves sexually with you. Of course that should matter to you.

The issue here is how she behaves sexually with the guy she's cheating with. That shouldn't matter to you. Like I said, once she crosses the line and takes the strange dick, it's over, no matter what she does or does not do with that strange dick.

I see what you’re saying. While the type of wildness she engages in with the AP is interesting only to cause further pain, what you’re saying is however or whatever she’s done with that new dick (whether in the dark hole or elsewhere or spontaneous frequent BJs or whatever) it doesn’t matter! She was with a strange dick that’s not her husband’s and she’s made hundreds of lies over three years to get with that dick. Betraying all of her cows and making husband a fool?

Dude needs some sack and needs to kick her out.