Wife had Affair with Coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Deciding to be unfaithful is black and white. Deciding to be unfaithful does make you a bad person. Deciding to be unfaithful does make you a bad mother. The only complication is you not owning your own choices/issues and dealing with them head on. It is easy to label you as a bad person. You cheated on your family.

Yes, it does. When you decide to cheat on your husband, you are deciding to do something that cannot fail to affect your relationship with your husband, and this, in turn, cannot fail to have a negative effect on your children.

The best environment for raising children is a happy marriage. If you do something to harm your marriage, you are a bad parent.

OMG what about the children? It's entirely possible to have an affair, play golf, or end age in any number of activities and still not cheat your children out of their time with you. Again, it's an adult situation. Don't drag the children into it.

If you think your affair will not be discovered, you are deluding yourself so you can pursue your selfish desires.
If you think the discovery of your affair will not blow up your marriage, you are deluding yourself so you can pursue your selfish desires.
If you think blowing up your marriage won't hurt your kids, you are deluding yourself so you can pursue your selfish desires.
If you think your adult kids won't someday understand you cheated and despise you for it, you are deluding yourself so you can pursue your selfish desires.

There is no way to have an affair and avoid affecting your kids.

You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

THIS affair may go undetected, but the fact that PP seems so oblivious to the impact of her actions, tells me she’ll do it again. And again. And she WILL get caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

You mean that they were once physical but now they're just friends? And they still talk and hang out?

So sorry. That must hurt like hell.

Yeah, they hang out outside of work and he doesn't tell me about it. They're not having sex, but I have no idea if there's whatever physical component you can do in public. It's not great.

Sorry if they are hanging outside of work they are probably having sex. Bathrooms, cars, parking garages...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

You mean that they were once physical but now they're just friends? And they still talk and hang out?

So sorry. That must hurt like hell.

Yeah, they hang out outside of work and he doesn't tell me about it. They're not having sex, but I have no idea if there's whatever physical component you can do in public. It's not great.

Sorry if they are hanging outside of work they are probably having sex. Bathrooms, cars, parking garages...

I track him. But sure, that's a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I get that it may seem spiteful to tell the offending partners spouse about the affair, but I keep coming back to putting myself in the position if I were the unaware spouse, I would want to know.

I had a co-worker who (eventually!) found out that her husband had a long-term affair/girlfriend and everyone in her social circle knew and no-one ever told her. Really terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

You mean that they were once physical but now they're just friends? And they still talk and hang out?

So sorry. That must hurt like hell.

Yeah, they hang out outside of work and he doesn't tell me about it. They're not having sex, but I have no idea if there's whatever physical component you can do in public. It's not great.

Sorry if they are hanging outside of work they are probably having sex. Bathrooms, cars, parking garages...

I track him. But sure, that's a possibility.

The possibility is always there when you're married to a Cheater. There's just no trust and no reason to trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

My cheating spouse still works with his married harlot co-worker, too, and claims ths afair is over and that they only talk when necessary for work. Annoying and shady AF. Doesn't access work email account remotely or get work emails on his phone (purposely), so none of that can be monitored. Like you, still married bc of kids. While I feel ridiculous for staying married, it doesn't have to be permanent.

Play the long game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently confirmed my wife had an affair with a married coworker that lasted several years. I confronted her with the information and she acknowledged the affair. I am struggling with whether or not I should connect with the other affair partner or even contact his spouse. This just sucks!

Dude, toss her shit out onto the lawn. Dump her asap. There is nothing worth salvaging here, despite what others will say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

You mean that they were once physical but now they're just friends? And they still talk and hang out?

So sorry. That must hurt like hell.

Yeah, they hang out outside of work and he doesn't tell me about it. They're not having sex, but I have no idea if there's whatever physical component you can do in public. It's not great.

How do you know they're not having sex?

There are plenty of co-workers who have sex during lunchtime but never rent a hotel or get caught.

There are literally a million ways & places to go for free to have sex during the day which don't involve a hotel OR being seen by other people.

You're completely delusional if you believe that there's NO chance this could still be occurring in a physical manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

You mean that they were once physical but now they're just friends? And they still talk and hang out?

So sorry. That must hurt like hell.

Yeah, they hang out outside of work and he doesn't tell me about it. They're not having sex, but I have no idea if there's whatever physical component you can do in public. It's not great.

How do you know they're not having sex?

There are plenty of co-workers who have sex during lunchtime but never rent a hotel or get caught.

There are literally a million ways & places to go for free to have sex during the day which don't involve a hotel OR being seen by other people.

You're completely delusional if you believe that there's NO chance this could still be occurring in a physical manner.

I think PP realizes this but is staying in the marriage for the co-parenting aspect. PP also said she is tracking him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

You mean that they were once physical but now they're just friends? And they still talk and hang out?

So sorry. That must hurt like hell.

Yeah, they hang out outside of work and he doesn't tell me about it. They're not having sex, but I have no idea if there's whatever physical component you can do in public. It's not great.

How do you know they're not having sex?

There are plenty of co-workers who have sex during lunchtime but never rent a hotel or get caught.

There are literally a million ways & places to go for free to have sex during the day which don't involve a hotel OR being seen by other people.

You're completely delusional if you believe that there's NO chance this could still be occurring in a physical manner.

I think PP realizes this but is staying in the marriage for the co-parenting aspect. PP also said she is tracking him.

Not PP, but nowhere in this post do I se that she's tracking goin anywhere. All she mentions is that they meet in public and I agree with the PP and say, so what that they're in public?

You don't think they could go to a public restaurant for lunch & sneak off to a single stall locked restroom for a quickie and anyone would even notice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I get that it may seem spiteful to tell the offending partners spouse about the affair, but I keep coming back to putting myself in the position if I were the unaware spouse, I would want to know.

I had a co-worker who (eventually!) found out that her husband had a long-term affair/girlfriend and everyone in her social circle knew and no-one ever told her. Really terrible.

How did she finallly find out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

You mean that they were once physical but now they're just friends? And they still talk and hang out?

So sorry. That must hurt like hell.

Yeah, they hang out outside of work and he doesn't tell me about it. They're not having sex, but I have no idea if there's whatever physical component you can do in public. It's not great.

How do you know they're not having sex?

There are plenty of co-workers who have sex during lunchtime but never rent a hotel or get caught.

There are literally a million ways & places to go for free to have sex during the day which don't involve a hotel OR being seen by other people.

You're completely delusional if you believe that there's NO chance this could still be occurring in a physical manner.

I think PP realizes this but is staying in the marriage for the co-parenting aspect. PP also said she is tracking him.

Not PP, but nowhere in this post do I se that she's tracking goin anywhere. All she mentions is that they meet in public and I agree with the PP and say, so what that they're in public?

You don't think they could go to a public restaurant for lunch & sneak off to a single stall locked restroom for a quickie and anyone would even notice?

PP said she tracks him in a different post not quoted above. But yes, tracking alone obviously wouldn't reveal who he's with at the time. How about a voice recorder, though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

You mean that they were once physical but now they're just friends? And they still talk and hang out?

So sorry. That must hurt like hell.

Yeah, they hang out outside of work and he doesn't tell me about it. They're not having sex, but I have no idea if there's whatever physical component you can do in public. It's not great.

Sorry if they are hanging outside of work they are probably having sex. Bathrooms, cars, parking garages...

I track him. But sure, that's a possibility.

See above.

[Anonymous]

My wife cheated on me and it is horrible. Everyday is so hard. So much harder being the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me and it is horrible. Everyday is so hard. So much harder being the man.

THUD....

Of course you've been both a man AND a woman, right, that's how you feel qualified to make this statement/judgement?