Wife had Affair with Coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me and it is horrible. Everyday is so hard. So much harder being the man.

THUD....

Of course you've been both a man AND a woman, right, that's how you feel qualified to make this statement/judgement?

Not looking to get into a gender war but it is harder

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me and it is horrible. Everyday is so hard. So much harder being the man.

I take it you're not an alpha male?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me and it is horrible. Everyday is so hard. So much harder being the man.

I take it you're not an alpha male?

Not at all, I am I very understanding person. But given societal norms I believe it is harder for the male to deal with infidelity more so than a female. Not saying it is right or wrong, just my perception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me and it is horrible. Everyday is so hard. So much harder being the man.

I take it you're not an alpha male?

Not at all, I am a very understanding person. I just think given societal norms it is harder on the male than the female. Not saying it is right or wrong, just my thought.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife cheated on me and it is horrible. Everyday is so hard. So much harder being the man.[/quote]

THUD....

Of course you've been both a man AND a woman, right, that's how you feel qualified to make this statement/judgement? [/quote]

Definitely harder being the man on DCUM because you will get zero sympathy. Indeed, what you’ll get is blame — “you should have been a better husband... done more around the house... been more emotionally available... then this wouldn’t have happened.”

[Anonymous]

My husband gets a do-over if he wants, after being with me for the decade of my life where I was the most attractive. He can just go be with his younger girlfriend and do it again. I at least stayed in shape and kept working and we make the same amount, so it could be a lot worse, but it still doesn't end equally, if it ends. I don't know if my ego is less wrapped up in the sex thing than it would be if it were the other way around. Maybe. But it did feel like, I was doing the bulk of the kid/house stuff and working full time and his response of finding someone cute and fun and telling me how unfun and frumpy I was, it wasn't *good* for my ego, that's for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/255/15500105.page
I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

Right?! It amazes me that people don't realize this. ESPECIALLY affairs with co-workers. Cheaters: You often aren't as clever or sly as you think you are.

I've always been exactly as clever as I think I am. Never got caught.

You've never had an affair partner spill the beans. Or have someone else spills the beans anonymously. Or had anyone hire a private investigator or put a GPS tracker on your car or a key logger on your device. Just saying...

Nope, none of those and I've had over 15 affair partners. I guess I know how to choose well and cover my tracks. Hence, I am that clever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/255/15500105.page
I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

Right?! It amazes me that people don't realize this. ESPECIALLY affairs with co-workers. Cheaters: You often aren't as clever or sly as you think you are.

I've always been exactly as clever as I think I am. Never got caught.

Will you answer in all seriousness--are you actually PROUD of the fact that you "never got caught"?

Absolutely. You aren't supposed to be caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/255/15500105.page
I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

Right?! It amazes me that people don't realize this. ESPECIALLY affairs with co-workers. Cheaters: You often aren't as clever or sly as you think you are.

I've always been exactly as clever as I think I am. Never got caught.

Could it be that your spouse didn't care enough to try to "catch you"?

It could be a lot of things. Doesn't change the fact that I've never been caught. Many people conduct affairs for years and years and never get caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you're in the affair fog, you think you're so clever and nobody knows. But everyone knows. Eventually the spouse finds out. Nobody's as clever as they think they are.

Nope, everyone does not know if you do it right and the spouse never finds out. These blanket statements are just not the reality for many people in affairs, as much as you'd like to believe it or have others believe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/255/15500105.page
I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

Right?! It amazes me that people don't realize this. ESPECIALLY affairs with co-workers. Cheaters: You often aren't as clever or sly as you think you are.

Here’s the thing: AP partners figure they are away on business and in the clear. They go to a nice restaurant. Or they walk along a cute street and stop for coffee. Somewhere there is a kiss because hey, no one knows us here. Except the neighbor has business there too and he sees and now you have problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me and it is horrible. Everyday is so hard. So much harder being the man.

I take it you're not an alpha male?

Such a stupid phrase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/255/15500105.page
I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

Right?! It amazes me that people don't realize this. ESPECIALLY affairs with co-workers. Cheaters: You often aren't as clever or sly as you think you are.

Here’s the thing: AP partners figure they are away on business and in the clear. They go to a nice restaurant. Or they walk along a cute street and stop for coffee. Somewhere there is a kiss because hey, no one knows us here. Except the neighbor has business there too and he sees and now you have problems.

This! In today’s world, ‘6 degrees of separation’ has became more like 2 or 3. When I was traveling a lot I was constantly amazed by the number of people that I would run into that I knew or people that I would strike up a conversation with in a bar or on a plane that knew someone that my wife or I knew.

[Anonymous]

In Virginia at least, adultery (and constructive desertion) is grounds for an at-fault divorce, which can be granted quickly and result in absolutely no spousal support/alimony for the cheater. You need a PI to prove it, and all the PI needs is to document public displays of affection on the part of the cheating spouse with an AP as well as the opportunity to have sexual relations (i.e., they're holding hands and later go into a hotel room).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me and it is horrible. Everyday is so hard. So much harder being the man.

Divorce her an leave her with nothing if you can prove the adultery