Reply to Wife had Affair with Coworker

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[quote=Anonymous]OP - I have been where you are and here is the information I can share based on what I learned:

[b]Your goal needs to be to create the best possible solution for her mistake for your kids and then you.[/b]  This may be that you stay married; however, it may not.

You and your DW need to get a complete STD panel ASAP.  She needs to tell her GYN to share her results with you directly (either you both come into the office to hear them or the GYN sends you a copy directly.)  You need this info so that you can make informed decisions about your future.

Please do not promise or commit to doing "whatever is necessary" to save the marriage.  It may not be possible.  Her problems can be too much to overcome or the cost to overcome them might be too high for you or you and your kids to bear.

See an attorney and find out what is going on with her AP and her work.  She might be his supervisor, or he might be an outside vendor (e.g., an accountant or lawyer working for her company), in which case you need a plan to deal with the fallout.  Make sure that you also understand what this means to just you.  By that, I mean that if the AP is her supervisor then you need to be aware of this during any divorce settlement discussions.  I agree with the other posters that you should not tell the AP's spouse or his company.  However, if you divorce you might be able to use the fact that the affair could become public at trial to ensure a better settlement for you and your kids (e.g., the AP may be willing to help your EXDW financially to keep it all quiet.)

Get a good therapist so that he or she can help find out what [b]you [/b]really want.  My EXDW was beautiful and charming.  She was also an evil kind of crazy.  There was no way she could really fix her problems, even though I believe she wanted to be a better mother, wife, etc.  Once you know what you really need you can move forward.  It may be you want a great wife for a life partner.  The problem may be that your current wife is not that partner.

Finally, do not waste a moment reading any post related to what may or may not have happened between your DW and her AP.  It does not help you achieve your goal, and the people writing this drivel are idiots.[/quote]

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