My daughter got beat up for bullying another child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Natural consequences. Picking on someone and eventually you might get popped. Good for the other kid.

Counseling is probably in order. I'd want to know where she got the idea that this behavior was OK.

100% agree. I applaud the other girl; if she was my child I would be proud of her. Your daughter is a jerk and a bully and somehow has been allowed to get away with terrorizing someone else. There should be ZERO sympathy for her and she should be punished for bullying by YOU.

+1 I have to say, this is the only time I would not punish my child for getting suspended from school. And if the situation were reversed, my DC bullying another child, I would probably further discipline my child, and let my child understand that the black eye was a consequence of the bullying. I would ask what my DC would've done if she had been bullied several times by someone. I'm sure OP your child would say something like, "I'd pop her one".

[Anonymous]

Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your daughter a queen bee or is she in the popular clique and easily influenced into doing things? I’d spend a lot of time this week getting to the bottom of what’ drove your daughter behavior - has she been a mean girl before? Is this new or old behavior?

She's on the popular side. The other girl is quiet and more reserved. I suspect my child was doing this for laughs and attention from her classmates smh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

Have you taken the phone yet?

Is she remorseful about being in trouble, or remorseful about targeting, scapegoating, and humiliating another child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

So, she still has her phone. And you haven't monitored it.

[Anonymous]

In high school, the girl who had been bullying me for years walked into my house unannounced (we were latchkey kids; this was the 80s) and started punching me for whatever reason. Luckily, I happened to be on the phone -- and they were heavy suckers back then -- and therefore armed, so she got the worst of it.

I'm not sorry. She never bothered me again.

I've told my kids that they have my permission to punch any bully they see hurting or teasing another child. Sometimes that's the only message that works. It appears to be a start for your daughter, OP.

But just a start. So you've got a lot of work ahead of you. Do you want to raise a woman who's a bully to her friends and co-workers? To her kids? Of course not.

So as someone mentioned, make sure she's held accountable. She loses her phone and privileges of course. She does some sort of community service during her suspension (not fun service either, but hard work). She continues to do community service for the rest of the year.

And you get her into counseling, because as many people mentioned, this crap came from somewhere. Shit flows downhill, and the bullying is likely her taking her anger out on someone she perceives as weak.

Start with the school counselors and work from there. The Women's Center of Montgomery County has sliding-scale fees for counseling. If you have health insurance, you can get mental health counseling covered under the ACA (for now at least).

It's nearly 30 years later for me, and the woman who bullied me isn't my friend. But she did eventually become a decent person who managed to raise a family and became, herself, someone devoted to community service. I hope the same for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

My DS being tormented by a kid. He told the kid to stop, and the kid continued. DS finally had enough and punched him. When the school called to tell me, they said (in so many words) that they'd interviewed all the other kids and they all agreed that the other kid was asking for it and got what he deserved. They told my son not to hit anyone again, but he wasn't punished in any way. My husband told him that he was proud of him. My kid has never been bullied by anyone again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

Have you taken the phone yet?

Is she remorseful about being in trouble, or remorseful about targeting, scapegoating, and humiliating another child?

I will in the morning. It's a little late where I am. And I think she's remorseful about both. She told me she felt bad about what she did. I'm sure she'll hate me tomorrow. *sigh*

So when she was crying, I couldn't help but hold her. But at the same time I was telling her I was disappointed in her. Do you think this gave her mixed messages? Should I be cold towards her even though she's so upset??

[Anonymous]

She got what she deserved. Hopefully she’ll learn from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

Have you taken the phone yet?

Is she remorseful about being in trouble, or remorseful about targeting, scapegoating, and humiliating another child?

I will in the morning. It's a little late where I am. And I think she's remorseful about both. She told me she felt bad about what she did. I'm sure she'll hate me tomorrow. *sigh*

So when she was crying, I couldn't help but hold her. But at the same time I was telling her I was disappointed in her. Do you think this gave her mixed messages? Should I be cold towards her even though she's so upset??

No. Don’t be cold - you are still her mother and love her. Discipline her. Teach her empathy and integrity. Show her love. Be a safe place she can talk about friends, peer pressure, etc. If you cut her off emotionally, you may lose this opportunity to really communicate with her. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, but it seems important for you both to get in to family therapy.

[Anonymous]

OP I’m sorry but your posts read so naive. How have you been a parent for 13 years? You’re lamenting that she’ll hate you tomorrow? Questioning if it’s ok to hug her? Seriously? You are a head scratcher, lady.

[Anonymous]

Of course you should hug your child while Your delivering a tough love message. She needs to know that you’ll always be there for her but that you’re also incredibly disappointed in her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

Have you taken the phone yet?

Is she remorseful about being in trouble, or remorseful about targeting, scapegoating, and humiliating another child?

I will in the morning. It's a little late where I am. And I think she's remorseful about both. She told me she felt bad about what she did. I'm sure she'll hate me tomorrow. *sigh*

So when she was crying, I couldn't help but hold her. But at the same time I was telling her I was disappointed in her. Do you think this gave her mixed messages? Should I be cold towards her even though she's so upset??

Troll

[Anonymous]

If you're not a troll, you're a shitty excuse for a parent and I expect you've been long over-compensating for single mom guilt by giving in to the brat all these years. And now you have your consequences as well.