My daughter got beat up for bullying another child

[Anonymous]

She should be embarrassed.
I would tell my daughter how completely disappointed I was with her, that character is everything, and if you can't be a good person, nothing else matters. It is absolutely inexcusable and I expect it will NEVER happen again.
I would tell my daughter that if I ever heard she was bullying again, she would be grounded and other priveleges revoked for a long time (maybe 6-12 months)

This is what a long line of good parents have told their kids for decades. This is how you raise good, responsible adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP. Does your daughter still have a phone? Your answer will tell me how serious you are taking this. How exactly are you punishing your daughter?

I haven't punished her yet. I kind of feel like the beating she got plus suspension is punishment enough.

Then you are showing her that her behavior is acceptable. Is she going to have a nice week off school now? Watch some TV? Maybe go get a smoothie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP. Does your daughter still have a phone? Your answer will tell me how serious you are taking this. How exactly are you punishing your daughter?

I haven't punished her yet. I kind of feel like the beating she got plus suspension is punishment enough.

Then you are showing her that her behavior is acceptable. Is she going to have a nice week off school now? Watch some TV? Maybe go get a smoothie?

She's been crying and moping around. But I will ground her for a month with no phone starting tomorrow. She's definitely miserable though. I know her suspension won't be easy.

[Anonymous]

I vote for writing out the apology letter. It is a separate decision whether or not to send it to the other family. (And I agree that if the apology letter is going to be sent, the parents of the other girl should be directly involved in that and their feelings and views should be treated with respect.)

I have ZERO tolerance for bullies. Having said that, I do believe that bullies are crying out for help. I am not sure that your daughter needs more punishment, but she does need help-- whether it is professional help or cyber-monitoring etc. She likely also needs more of your time and attention.

Since this turned into such a big brouhaha, everyone in the school (community??) will now about it. As such, there are going to be parents that do not want your child around. There are likely to be kids that will shun your daughter/put her down/bully her/tease her etc.

If you can treat this as a WAKE-UP call, you and your daughter will both be better off in the long run. But it can only be a wake-up call if you up your parenting. Check in with the school. Know her friends. Talk to her about tough situations. Talk to her about peer pressure. Talk to her about consequences. Talk to her about being a good citizen. Follow up the talk with actions-- does she do any community service? Does she help out at home? Is she compassionate? Does she see these traits modeled in her family?

The situation SUCKS..... but it is an OPPORTUNITY. Take it!

[Anonymous]

Huh? Your daughter got what she deserved. Enough said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both girls were suspended. The girl she bullied got a longer suspension however, due to the fact that my daughter was badly bruised, and the other child was physically unharmed.

-OP

Good. Let your daughter learn her lesson. I'm glad the other girl stood up for herself, finally. I do agree that someone should have notified you if there was a complaint.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop bullying, OP. She's trying her best and she's admitting she isn't sure what to do. It's natural to feel protective of your own daughter, even if she is wrong. And her daughter isn't a sociopath. She's a young teen who made a huge mistake. I hope this can be a turning point for her.

Another snowflake parent!

No, PP, I do not feel protective of my kids when they do something wrong like this. I excoriate them.

OP is not doing her best.
She's whining her way into complacency and is partly the reason why her daughter has decided to act like this.

Now I understand a little better why there are some truly entitled and bratty kids - they are the perfect reflection of their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP. Does your daughter still have a phone? Your answer will tell me how serious you are taking this. How exactly are you punishing your daughter?

I haven't punished her yet. I kind of feel like the beating she got plus suspension is punishment enough.

NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!!

+ a million.

OP, have you stopped to consider that perhaps you have been a key enabler in all this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm gonna have her write out an apology letter.

No, in person. She should face the girl's parents...

These are both really bad ideas. The school handed out its discipline, and OP can add on whatever discipline she wants, but putting these two kids together so they can make-up wouldn't do any good for either of them.

Making up has nothing to do with it. People should be held accountable. Apologizing in person to the family makes the bully realize her actions hurt more than just the girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm gonna have her write out an apology letter.

No, in person. She should face the girl's parents...

These are both really bad ideas. The school handed out its discipline, and OP can add on whatever discipline she wants, but putting these two kids together so they can make-up wouldn't do any good for either of them.

Making up has nothing to do with it. People should be held accountable. Apologizing in person to the family makes the bully realize her actions hurt more than just the girl.

I wouldn't want OP and her kid standing on my front porch. I'd tell her and her bully kid to get the hell off my property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP. Does your daughter still have a phone? Your answer will tell me how serious you are taking this. How exactly are you punishing your daughter?

I haven't punished her yet. I kind of feel like the beating she got plus suspension is punishment enough.

Then you are showing her that her behavior is acceptable. Is she going to have a nice week off school now? Watch some TV? Maybe go get a smoothie?

She's been crying and moping around. But I will ground her for a month with no phone starting tomorrow. She's definitely miserable though. I know her suspension won't be easy.

Eh, is she tweeting about it tonight, while she still has the phone?

[Anonymous]

Why do you feel sorry for your daughter? She tried to mentally and physically control another person.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to excuse OP's daughter's behavior at all. But I think she should take a hard look at the friend group. The queen bee rarely does her own dirty work--she makes the ones lower on the social totem pole pour the juice and take the fall. If your daughter is being pushed into doing this because she's a weaker personality and is being dominated by a bigger bully, the solution will be a little more complicated. She needs to learn that those girls are not really her friends, needs to learn how to recognize real friends, needs to learn to stand up for what is right, etc. once your daughter is over the initial defensiveness, I'd try to figure out the whole social dynamic and how she fits in. Then figure out a way for her to find a new place in the social scene of her school.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe the entitled attitude of the OP. Her kid is one of the school bullies, relentlessly bullied at least one girl for fun, and yet SHE'S the victim? Give me a break.

I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

Is your daughter a queen bee or is she in the popular clique and easily influenced into doing things? I’d spend a lot of time this week getting to the bottom of what’ drove your daughter behavior - has she been a mean girl before? Is this new or old behavior?