Help - gay brother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older brother was gay (passed away at 34 in 2003). I am male and 4 years younger than him. I am so lucky to have had him in my life for many reasons. One of the most important ones was as an example of a gay man. Luckily, I naturally accepted him with open arms when he came out to me in 1991. Probably because I already knew what a wonderful person he already was and so being gay just didn't matter to me. I wish he were here now. OP, I'm not going to slam you over your comments but I will say that in the scheme of things this doesn't matter. Be grateful you have him. That is all.

Did he commit suicide? Honest question. Seems a lot of gay siblings/friends referenced in this thread committed suicide. It makes me wonder what loved ones can do to help.

[Anonymous]

Would you people stop with suicides? Mental illness in people is not their families' fault. Unless you're willing to fault them for passing on depression-tainted genes.

Stop with the "die, bitch" comments. Do as you preach, morons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you people stop with suicides? Mental illness in people is not their families' fault. Unless you're willing to fault them for passing on depression-tainted genes.

Stop with the "die, bitch" comments. Do as you preach, morons.

So being rejected by your family doesn't contribute to depression?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you people stop with suicides? Mental illness in people is not their families' fault. Unless you're willing to fault them for passing on depression-tainted genes.

Stop with the "die, bitch" comments. Do as you preach, morons.

NP here. You have a very limited understanding of mental illness. I don't have gay siblings (that I know of) but my father and 2 brothers killed themselves. Without a doubt, rejection by family can trigger depression in someone even if there is no family history of depression. There are a myriad of reasons why someone can be pushed to suicide, look at the suicide rate among military veterans. Do you think they all have 'depression-tainted genes'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you people stop with suicides? Mental illness in people is not their families' fault. Unless you're willing to fault them for passing on depression-tainted genes.

Stop with the "die, bitch" comments. Do as you preach, morons.[/quote
The lever of hatred towards OP is appalling. Thanks for not stoning her to death.

[Anonymous]

Op, at least he is not transgender and you are not supposed to clap your hands and cheer while witnessing the Making of A New American Family:
http://time.com/4475634/trans-man-pregnancy-evan/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you people stop with suicides? Mental illness in people is not their families' fault. Unless you're willing to fault them for passing on depression-tainted genes.

Stop with the "die, bitch" comments. Do as you preach, morons.

I posted about my friend's brother committing suicide. I don't know if he killed himself because of the rejection of his family, but I DO know that my friend has a hard time dealing with just that question, "if I had accepted him would he still be here?" It's a pretty tough place to be. It's a cautionary tale to love people because you don't know what's going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I have always been very close. I grew up admiring and looking up to him, and he admired me too. He was the fun jock, I was the smart, popular little sis. Together, we were a dynamic duo.

Thanks for letting us know about how "smart and popular" you are. It sounds like you "loved" him for the image the two of you projected (and how it enhanced your status) and now it no longer matches your expectations. Silly man, he thought you actually cared about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, at least he is not transgender and you are not supposed to clap your hands and cheer while witnessing the Making of A New American Family:
http://time.com/4475634/trans-man-pregnancy-evan/

OP here. Funnily, yours is the most helpful post to me because it cracked me up and helped me see the bright side. At least my brother is not declaring himself a woman and trying to insist I have a sister? I'll take what I can get.

As I expected, there are many hateful posts here accusing me of being hateful. Um, you're moralizing while wishing death and evil things on a stranger? Whatever works for you.

I don't feel guilty about not being accepting of homosexuality. It is a problematic lifestyle and I don't care if my opinion goes against popular thinking. Last night, I told my brother that I love him, but do not support his homosexuality and do not want to meet his boyfriend. I also will not have anything to do with him telling my parents. That one is on him. I can love someone without accepting everything they do. This low standard, anything goes standard of love that some of you are advocating is your spin, not objective truth.

[Anonymous]

^ How did he react, OP?

I think you're right not to get involved in his telling your parents. But I worry you will regret your refusal to meet someone who is important to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, at least he is not transgender and you are not supposed to clap your hands and cheer while witnessing the Making of A New American Family:
http://time.com/4475634/trans-man-pregnancy-evan/

OP here. Funnily, yours is the most helpful post to me because it cracked me up and helped me see the bright side. At least my brother is not declaring himself a woman and trying to insist I have a sister? I'll take what I can get.

As I expected, there are many hateful posts here accusing me of being hateful. Um, you're moralizing while wishing death and evil things on a stranger? Whatever works for you.

I don't feel guilty about not being accepting of homosexuality. It is a problematic lifestyle and I don't care if my opinion goes against popular thinking. Last night, I told my brother that I love him, but do not support his homosexuality and do not want to meet his boyfriend. I also will not have anything to do with him telling my parents. That one is on him. I can love someone without accepting everything they do. This low standard, anything goes standard of love that some of you are advocating is your spin, not objective truth.

It's not a lifestyle. It's who he is. It's only problematic because of people like you.

I hope he disowns you. You don't deserve him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I have always been very close. I grew up admiring and looking up to him, and he admired me too. He was the fun jock, I was the smart, popular little sis. Together, we were a dynamic duo.

Thanks for letting us know about how "smart and popular" you are. It sounds like you "loved" him for the image the two of you projected (and how it enhanced your status) and now it no longer matches your expectations. Silly man, he thought you actually cared about him.

+1

OP, you have the maturity of a 15 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, at least he is not transgender and you are not supposed to clap your hands and cheer while witnessing the Making of A New American Family:
http://time.com/4475634/trans-man-pregnancy-evan/

OP here. Funnily, yours is the most helpful post to me because it cracked me up and helped me see the bright side. At least my brother is not declaring himself a woman and trying to insist I have a sister? I'll take what I can get.

As I expected, there are many hateful posts here accusing me of being hateful. Um, you're moralizing while wishing death and evil things on a stranger? Whatever works for you.

I don't feel guilty about not being accepting of homosexuality. It is a problematic lifestyle and I don't care if my opinion goes against popular thinking. Last night, I told my brother that I love him, but do not support his homosexuality and do not want to meet his boyfriend. I also will not have anything to do with him telling my parents. That one is on him. I can love someone without accepting everything they do. This low standard, anything goes standard of love that some of you are advocating is your spin, not objective truth.

It's actually NOT a problematic lifestyle, any more than being straight is problematic. I know over a dozen gay couples who are happy and successful and thriving. As I said earlier, please give me your brother's email and phone number. I will be his new sister. A supportive, inclusive, and accepting sister, complete with a supportive, inclusive, and accepting extended family. We will take good care of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, at least he is not transgender and you are not supposed to clap your hands and cheer while witnessing the Making of A New American Family:
http://time.com/4475634/trans-man-pregnancy-evan/

OP here. Funnily, yours is the most helpful post to me because it cracked me up and helped me see the bright side. At least my brother is not declaring himself a woman and trying to insist I have a sister? I'll take what I can get.

As I expected, there are many hateful posts here accusing me of being hateful. Um, you're moralizing while wishing death and evil things on a stranger? Whatever works for you.

I don't feel guilty about not being accepting of homosexuality. It is a problematic lifestyle and I don't care if my opinion goes against popular thinking. Last night, I told my brother that I love him, but do not support his homosexuality and do not want to meet his boyfriend. I also will not have anything to do with him telling my parents. That one is on him. I can love someone without accepting everything they do. This low standard, anything goes standard of love that some of you are advocating is your spin, not objective truth.

If people like you didn't spew hate, then there would be nothing problematic about homosexuality! LOL. You claim to be concerned that he will be marginalized, but don't you see that you are the person doing it? I think he is better off without you.

I love how you are so concerned about taking a moral stand against meeting his boyfriend, and how his lifestyle will reflect upon you. My guess is that you are the embarrassment in his life, and he had to think long and hard before deciding to introduce you to the people he cares about. It's pretty embarrassing to have a sister that's a bigot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ How did he react, OP?

I think you're right not to get involved in his telling your parents. But I worry you will regret your refusal to meet someone who is important to him.

He was upset, as I knew he would be. But he was not surprised. My two-month silence speaks for itself.

Just because this man means something to my brother doesn't mean I have to meet him. If he was dating a prostitute, felon, or other person whose morals I disagree with, would you expect me to meet that person too?