Update: New nephews not fitting into family dynamic - SHTF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so mad.

I don't care what the bratty boys were doing. They are family now, and you can't just excommunicate them.
They matter, and the 3 girls matter, and the grandfather matters.

Families figure out how to accommodate everyone, even when it's challenging. That is what families do.

I am absolutely sickened by this thread.

If you read this thread and the other you would see that there has been so much stress for months and months trying to accommodate this situation.

What would you do if you were so stressed out from trying everything and then have this happen. SIL agreed and then turned around and flipped out.

If the grandfather matters, shouldn't he be allowed to have a stress free 75th birthday?

Not if it means pretending that family members don't exist for convenience' sake.

And the SIL was probably shocked about the OP's request. She probably didn't know what to say and felt embarrassed and humiliated.

What the OP did is honestly unforgivable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so mad.

I don't care what the bratty boys were doing. They are family now, and you can't just excommunicate them.
They matter, and the 3 girls matter, and the grandfather matters.

Families figure out how to accommodate everyone, even when it's challenging. That is what families do.

I am absolutely sickened by this thread.

If you read this thread and the other you would see that there has been so much stress for months and months trying to accommodate this situation.

What would you do if you were so stressed out from trying everything and then have this happen. SIL agreed and then turned around and flipped out.

If the grandfather matters, shouldn't he be allowed to have a stress free 75th birthday?

Not if it means pretending that family members don't exist for convenience' sake.

And the SIL was probably shocked about the OP's request. She probably didn't know what to say and felt embarrassed and humiliated.

What the OP did is honestly unforgivable.

You obviously haven't read it then.

No one is pretending the two boys don't exist. They were asked to behave at an important family event and the mother agreed they couldn't/wouldn't and said it was best they not go.

How can she be shocked? This has been going on for months, including fights with her spouse about it.

Unforgivable is allowing your children to destroy family events, to bully and physically harm young girls and to lash out at the only person left even trying in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so mad.

I don't care what the bratty boys were doing. They are family now, and you can't just excommunicate them.
They matter, and the 3 girls matter, and the grandfather matters.

Families figure out how to accommodate everyone, even when it's challenging. That is what families do.

I am absolutely sickened by this thread.

If you read this thread and the other you would see that there has been so much stress for months and months trying to accommodate this situation.

What would you do if you were so stressed out from trying everything and then have this happen. SIL agreed and then turned around and flipped out.

If the grandfather matters, shouldn't he be allowed to have a stress free 75th birthday?

Not if it means pretending that family members don't exist for convenience' sake.

And the SIL was probably shocked about the OP's request. She probably didn't know what to say and felt embarrassed and humiliated.

What the OP did is honestly unforgivable.

It strikes me that you say "the 3 girls matter" when they are being bullied and abused by these boys and neglected because all the attention is on the boys behaviors and keeping them placated. You also said the grandfather mattered, but I guess not enough to have a stress free 75th birthday.

If they matter is it so unforgivable that the suggestion was made that the boys need to behave or stay home?

[Anonymous]

I think are forgetting what this "family tie" is here. So, assuming it's my dad's birthday, would I invite my husband's sibling + family of five (doesn't matter that it's a new wife with step kids)?

The answer to that is it would only occur to me if they were close and if my husband's sibling was an easy guesy. If not, there's no reason for the sibling of an IL to expect an invitation, so it's a non-issue for this SIL not to come to grandpa's birthday. Remember, this grandpa is not the SIL's FIL. There is no relationship between the two, other than generosity that was trampled on over the summer.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for typos easy guest

[Anonymous]

They are not the birthday father's grandkids. AT ALL. They are his son-in-laws' brother's step kids from a second marriage.

I would have skipped inviting DH's brother and avoided the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are not the birthday father's grandkids. AT ALL. They are his son-in-laws' brother's step kids from a second marriage.

I would have skipped inviting DH's brother and avoided the whole thing.

The three girls see the grandfather as a surrogate grandfather. The grandfather is also very close with the BIL. If none were invited there would have been drama about that and it would have been obvious why.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this SIL wants for these little joint vacays and get togethers to end but doesn't want to be the bad guy in the eyes of her new husband. Maybe she has instructed her boys to behave badly so that they can get out of these gatherings. If she had an ounce of consideration in her she would do something to control her kids but she does nothing. Now Op has finally put her foot down and in doing so is now the bad guy. SIL has found a way to (finally!!) get out of these events.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if OP is the PP who keeps vehemently insisting that the step children are monsters and that the OP has already done all she is obligated to do. Seems weird that a neutral observer would care that much.

[Anonymous]

The new SIL is running this show. She has managed to prevent the three little girls who the OP's dad is very fond of, from attending this special celebration. SMH.

The dysfunctional SIL just waltzed into their lives a few months ago, yet she quickly forged a path of misery. Those vulnerable little girls. They probably yearn for their mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The new SIL is running this show. She has managed to prevent the three little girls who the OP's dad is very fond of, from attending this special celebration. SMH.

The dysfunctional SIL just waltzed into their lives a few months ago, yet she quickly forged a path of misery. Those vulnerable little girls. They probably yearn for their mother.

Yes, this. My heart breaks for the poor little girls.

The rest of the quoted post is spot on. OP, this woman is playing you and yours like a fiddle. Don't buy into it and let your father enjoy his birthday.

-former stepchild of a manipulative stepparent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so mad.

I don't care what the bratty boys were doing. They are family now, and you can't just excommunicate them.
They matter, and the 3 girls matter, and the grandfather matters.

Families figure out how to accommodate everyone, even when it's challenging. That is what families do.

I am absolutely sickened by this thread.

If you read this thread and the other you would see that there has been so much stress for months and months trying to accommodate this situation.

What would you do if you were so stressed out from trying everything and then have this happen. SIL agreed and then turned around and flipped out.

If the grandfather matters, shouldn't he be allowed to have a stress free 75th birthday?

Not if it means pretending that family members don't exist for convenience' sake.

And the SIL was probably shocked about the OP's request. She probably didn't know what to say and felt embarrassed and humiliated.

What the OP did is honestly unforgivable.

You obviously haven't read it then.

No one is pretending the two boys don't exist. They were asked to behave at an important family event and the mother agreed they couldn't/wouldn't and said it was best they not go.

How can she be shocked? This has been going on for months, including fights with her spouse about it.

Unforgivable is allowing your children to destroy family events, to bully and physically harm young girls and to lash out at the only person left even trying in this situation.

OP, stop sock-puppeting your thread as though people agree with you.

We've read your equally horrible initial thread. The mother didn't agree to anything. She suggested they play on their iPads and you BULLIED her into having them stay home.

You are destroying family events b/c these kids are now part of your family. (Poor them.) Also, farting and burping in church isn't a mortal sin. God forgives them.

You are nasty through and through and have zero moral ground to stand on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP is the PP who keeps vehemently insisting that the step children are monsters and that the OP has already done all she is obligated to do. Seems weird that a neutral observer would care that much.

Yes, OP is definitely a sock puppet.

[Anonymous]

Completely NP. Not sure if OP is sock puppeting. I can see both sides. A nice birthday party for dad. Not wanting the misbehaving in-law step - children throwing a tantrum.
But it is rude to invite BIL and three nieces and exclude new SIL and step nephews, even if they are brats.
So, make amends OP. Stress that you really are just concerned about having a nice party for your dad, and you didn't mean for her to be insulted by your efforts. Ask her for advice on how to have a good evening with the boys and attendance. Maybe you could arrange that if they want to sit and play video games they need to go to another room where none of the guests are. That way the boys can come, brother-in-law and sister-in-law are happy, and they will be in a room where they can throw tantrums without anyone noticing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so mad.

I don't care what the bratty boys were doing. They are family now, and you can't just excommunicate them.
They matter, and the 3 girls matter, and the grandfather matters.

Families figure out how to accommodate everyone, even when it's challenging. That is what families do.

I am absolutely sickened by this thread.

If you read this thread and the other you would see that there has been so much stress for months and months trying to accommodate this situation.

What would you do if you were so stressed out from trying everything and then have this happen. SIL agreed and then turned around and flipped out.

If the grandfather matters, shouldn't he be allowed to have a stress free 75th birthday?

Not if it means pretending that family members don't exist for convenience' sake.

And the SIL was probably shocked about the OP's request. She probably didn't know what to say and felt embarrassed and humiliated.

What the OP did is honestly unforgivable.

You obviously haven't read it then.

No one is pretending the two boys don't exist. They were asked to behave at an important family event and the mother agreed they couldn't/wouldn't and said it was best they not go.

How can she be shocked? This has been going on for months, including fights with her spouse about it.

Unforgivable is allowing your children to destroy family events, to bully and physically harm young girls and to lash out at the only person left even trying in this situation.

OP, stop sock-puppeting your thread as though people agree with you.

We've read your equally horrible initial thread. The mother didn't agree to anything. She suggested they play on their iPads and you BULLIED her into having them stay home.

You are destroying family events b/c these kids are now part of your family. (Poor them.) Also, farting and burping in church isn't a mortal sin. God forgives them.

You are nasty through and through and have zero moral ground to stand on.

Op is not nasty and has a ton of moral ground to stand on. She is way nicer than most. Those boys are monsters. Ten bucks you are the stupid SIL. Go discipline your kids, for God's sake.