Vacation drama with mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
PP, you're stupid. Sorry, but I do believe in stupid shaming.
Did it work? Did you suddenly get smart because I told you how stupid you are?

I understand that stupid thoughts occupy your brain all day, but actually saying them out loud isn't really a good idea.
PP, you should have made some waffles instead of posting here. Even some bacon would've have helped. Just stop saying stupid things.

The difference is that PP, like other stupid people and unlike fat people, doesn't know she's stupid, and is too stupid to understand it even when it is helpful pointed out.

Nice of you to try, you wacky optimist!

So true! I was being an optimist. I was operating on PP's assumption that simply telling the person that they're fat would help the person actually that they were fat. If I told PP s/he was stupid, then perhaps that would help her/him see their stupidity.

Oh well. I tried.

eh, the point isn't making them see that they are fat. The point is making them see that *you* see that they are fat and are bothered by their fatness. The key is to act seriously offended when they fail to take your comments and attempts to educate them as a kindness to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be a dissenting voice here, but I disagree with the stigma about fat "shaming". I do think people should tell fat people they ARE fat, at least if they are family or friends. (Don't tell a stranger because you don't know them or whether they have a medical issue.)

The mom could have been nicer, but what she said is good advice.

Yes, I understand that the OP is nursing, but 3 processed waffles isn't healthy for anyone. If she eats the SAD laden with sugar, then that's the reason she's always hungry. Sugar is addictive - it's actually quite ironic that the people who constantly experience hunger are usually (fat) people who eat way too much sugar.

OP should have eaten eggs instead, or even bacon.

PP, you're stupid. Sorry, but I do believe in stupid shaming.
Did it work? Did you suddenly get smart because I told you how stupid you are?

I understand that stupid thoughts occupy your brain all day, but actually saying them out loud isn't really a good idea.
PP, you should have made some waffles instead of posting here. Even some bacon would've have helped. Just stop saying stupid things.

You are a (most likely) fat bully.

You're the one advocating telling people how fat they are. How utterly unsurprising that you call someone a bully when similar behavior is directed toward you. Agree with PP - you're (most likely) a simpering moron.

right. except that i am a different poster entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bully? Her post was spot-on.

calling someone stupid repeatedly is "spot-on"? your criteria of eloquence is kinda low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bully? Her post was spot-on.

calling someone stupid repeatedly is "spot-on"? your criteria of eloquence is kinda low.

Not PP, but spot-on means "accurate", not "eloquent". So...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: (My mom gained less than 25 lbs and I was a 7 lb baby)

Are you Asian? Otherwise you must be pretty old; that's no longer considered healthy except for women of a small build.

Actually, you are wrong pp. I was told to gain no more than 25 lbs when pregnant four years ago. Standards have changed. And no, I was not overweight to start. I was size 4.

I have a small build, only 5', normal weight size 0 and I was told to not gain more than 20. Gained 18 and had a 7.5 lb baby. Lost all the weight except for 2 lbs within 6 wks of giving birth. Gaining too much weight during pregnancy increases rate of gestational diabetes and/or preeclampsia.

Yes, Asian. And my mom was/is tiny, 5'1", even now and she's in her 50s. So the weight gain during her pregnancy with me was a large percentage of her body weight.

And yes, she ate a typical Asian diet throughout, which consisted of a lot of fatty meats, such as pork belly. And also rice and vegetables of course. She hardly ate bread though, or pasta, zero junk food, zero fast food, zero processed foods, very few sweets. And the sweets she did eat were not that sweet. I'm American, but I grew up with the same habits and I eat basically the same way, still.

Parents who have bad eating habits, addicting their children to sugar at a young age, and in many cases while they are still pregnant - I see that as child abuse. Those poor kids don't know any better.

Aside - I have one acquaintance, already fat, who gained 80 lbs while pregnant. She took it as license to eat whatever the hell she wanted, which seemed to be nachos non-stop and fast food. No kidding. The one food she stopped eating - sushi. She said didn't want to "harm baby."

People here come up with so many excuses why they are fat and how they should love their (fat, unhealthy) bodies. The fact is that very few people have medical issues where fatness is not a choice (and I feel for those people); most people are fat for the simple reason that they are stupid and/or lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd buy a palate of waffles and alternately eat them and throw them at her.

+1M

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bully? Her post was spot-on.

calling someone stupid repeatedly is "spot-on"? your criteria of eloquence is kinda low.

\

well i gave you the benefit of the doubt because "spot-on" doesn't even make sense for such a redundant and overwrought comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: (My mom gained less than 25 lbs and I was a 7 lb baby)

Are you Asian? Otherwise you must be pretty old; that's no longer considered healthy except for women of a small build.

Actually, you are wrong pp. I was told to gain no more than 25 lbs when pregnant four years ago. Standards have changed. And no, I was not overweight to start. I was size 4.

I have a small build, only 5', normal weight size 0 and I was told to not gain more than 20. Gained 18 and had a 7.5 lb baby. Lost all the weight except for 2 lbs within 6 wks of giving birth. Gaining too much weight during pregnancy increases rate of gestational diabetes and/or preeclampsia.

NOBODY CARES. All the skinny women posting bragging about how little weight they gained, shut it. Good for you. Has nothing to do with this thread.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I guess the fat shamers missed how I gained less than 5 lbs while pregnant and have lost 25 since giving birth.

Or more likely, they just don't care, since it doesn't feed into their crazy reality where fat women deserve to be bullied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess the fat shamers missed how I gained less than 5 lbs while pregnant and have lost 25 since giving birth.

Or more likely, they just don't care, since it doesn't feed into their crazy reality where fat women deserve to be bullied.

Op, it doesn't matter because your mom was giving you grief for being 5 pounds over. For some reason she thought it was o.k. to shame a grown woman for choosing to eat waffles on her vacation.
It wasn't o.k. for her to do that. It wasn't o.k. when you were 5 pounds overweight and it wouldn't be o.k. if you were 50 pounds overweight.

There are polite ways that she could have asked you to save the waffles for the kids but she chose to berate you instead. Not nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess the fat shamers missed how I gained less than 5 lbs while pregnant and have lost 25 since giving birth.

Or more likely, they just don't care, since it doesn't feed into their crazy reality where fat women deserve to be bullied.

Yep, I think you are right -- they are just foaming at the mouth at an opportunity to attack! Attack! Attack!

(P.S. I'm thin and I'd never insult someone for what they eat or weigh. We are all adults. At least some of us are!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: (My mom gained less than 25 lbs and I was a 7 lb baby)

Are you Asian? Otherwise you must be pretty old; that's no longer considered healthy except for women of a small build.

Actually, you are wrong pp. I was told to gain no more than 25 lbs when pregnant four years ago. Standards have changed. And no, I was not overweight to start. I was size 4.

I have a small build, only 5', normal weight size 0 and I was told to not gain more than 20. Gained 18 and had a 7.5 lb baby. Lost all the weight except for 2 lbs within 6 wks of giving birth. Gaining too much weight during pregnancy increases rate of gestational diabetes and/or preeclampsia.

Yes, Asian. And my mom was/is tiny, 5'1", even now and she's in her 50s. So the weight gain during her pregnancy with me was a large percentage of her body weight.

And yes, she ate a typical Asian diet throughout, which consisted of a lot of fatty meats, such as pork belly. And also rice and vegetables of course. She hardly ate bread though, or pasta, zero junk food, zero fast food, zero processed foods, very few sweets. And the sweets she did eat were not that sweet. I'm American, but I grew up with the same habits and I eat basically the same way, still.

Parents who have bad eating habits, addicting their children to sugar at a young age, and in many cases while they are still pregnant - I see that as child abuse. Those poor kids don't know any better.

Aside - I have one acquaintance, already fat, who gained 80 lbs while pregnant. She took it as license to eat whatever the hell she wanted, which seemed to be nachos non-stop and fast food. No kidding. The one food she stopped eating - sushi. She said didn't want to "harm baby."

People here come up with so many excuses why they are fat and how they should love their (fat, unhealthy) bodies. The fact is that very few people have medical issues where fatness is not a choice (and I feel for those people); most people are fat for the simple reason that they are stupid and/or lazy.

Oooh, too bad. Most Asians get very overweight living here in America. You may have kept up your mom's diet, but your kids, or their kids, won't. They'll start eating like Americans. And then it's FAT CITY. Asians are TERRIBLE at processing carbs and get gestational diabetes and type 2 diabetes super easily. Waaay easier than European Americans.

So please, keep crowing about how small you are. It's only a matter of time before your descendants are the fattest in the land.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be a dissenting voice here, but I disagree with the stigma about fat "shaming". I do think people should tell fat people they ARE fat, at least if they are family or friends. (Don't tell a stranger because you don't know them or whether they have a medical issue.)

The mom could have been nicer, but what she said is good advice.

Yes, I understand that the OP is nursing, but 3 processed waffles isn't healthy for anyone. If she eats the SAD laden with sugar, then that's the reason she's always hungry. Sugar is addictive - it's actually quite ironic that the people who constantly experience hunger are usually (fat) people who eat way too much sugar.

OP should have eaten eggs instead, or even bacon.

Maybe you could take some time to read before posting a holier than thou commentary.

My husband was running with the car keys or I'd have had other options, but we were nearing the end and groceries were scarce (I'd have preferred eggs myself).

So glad that you think it is OK for a nursing mom who hadn't eaten in 12 hours to EAT NOTHING. Congrats. Point well made.

[Anonymous]

i cant believe that there are people in this thread saying that its perfectly acceptable to tell another that they are fat and a selfish bitch. what planet do they live on? this is never ok! let alone from your mother who is supposed to be your biggest supporter. OP, i think you handled the situation with perfect grace.... something your mother seems to have non of. so when are you going to cut the toxic woman off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow what an overreaction.

Who do you mean? OP or her mom?

well, mother was rude and overreacted in her own way, but leaving vacation because of that? i don't get it. i always thought these scene in american movies where people storm out of the room felt fake but i guess you people really do act like that. everyone is so sensitive.

If her mother came to her and said, "Hey, I'm sorry. I was totally out of line with that comment calling you fat and selfish. I apologize," then yes, storming out might be a bit much. But the mother didn't. Instead she doubled down and called her a bitch. Why would anyone want to spend their vacation being insulted and belittled??? OP can have her vacation wherever she wants. So she's choosing to spend it elsewhere. Can't believe you don't get that PP.

but she called her a bitch after OP cut off her vacation with her parents and sister's family. so it was a not very eloquent comment on a different and entirely over the top behavior.

of course i get it that she can spend her vacation wherever she pleases. i also get it that her mother can call her fat if she pleases etc etc. the point is not what people have a right to do, but what kind of behavior is conducive to good family relationships. while mother's behavior was unhelpful in that regard, so was OP's reaction.

I can't believe you. Uh huh, calling one another names IS conducive to good family relationships? PP you think people should be dormats to abusers just to keep everything appearing hunky dory on the surface so op's mom can pretend she has a happy extended family. You might want to try therapy yourself because you've missed a very big point about being an adult.

who said OP was supposed to be doormat and not say anything? a part of the problem is that she didn't say anything when she was supposed to! instead of reciprocating in kind she blew it out of all proportion!

if my mother called me fat, i would have called her fat/saggy/some other uncomfortable truth. i certainly wouldn't change my vacation plans which included so many other people.

This sounds like an episode of Bad Italian Opera. I don't enjoy or seek drama. I don't waste my time on relationships where one party is abusive again and again. I get pp, you enjoy drama.