Vacation drama with mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone, we'll leave tomorrow. I just was afraid I was being a drama queen, but I guess that's what growing up with an emotionally abusive mother does to you.

Don't leave the beach, move out of the house. Get a hotel room and still see your sister.

Heck, I don't think you should leave because your abusive Mom "wins." But hi even we all have limited vacation time, moving to a hotel room might salvage this trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I' would have packed up and left as soon as DH returned and I would he e called everyone together and told them why. No one has the right to treat another person like that. However, you do sound like a bit of a martyr with your breastfeeding comment.

What are you talking about?

Breastfeeding an infant can make you HUNGRY, especially in the morning.

[Anonymous]

I'd buy a palate of waffles and alternately eat them and throw them at her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone, we'll leave tomorrow. I just was afraid I was being a drama queen, but I guess that's what growing up with an emotionally abusive mother does to you.

Don't leave the beach, move out of the house. Get a hotel room and still see your sister.

Heck, I don't think you should leave because your abusive Mom "wins." But hi even we all have limited vacation time, moving to a hotel room might salvage this trip.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, you posted that you plan to leave so please update us with whether you did so or not. I didn't see the post until just now.

Have you ever turned on her and given her a face-on confrontation before, in other cases? I know that in the moment, with her jerking a waffle out of your hand, you likely were far too shocked to call her on it then and there, but I would also think that if she's THAT much of a nut, when you leave she is going to turn it all on you and make out to everyone that you are the drama queen and not her. Is she the type to paint herself as "I'm just caring about Daughter and want her to be healthy and it didn't happen like she said!" and to then paint you as the super-sensitive villain? If so -- she really does need what's called the "short sharp shock" of you telling her that she cannot take food from your hands because you are not two years old, and that she is not permitted to talk to you that way, ever, even in her own house; and if she is going to do so and treat you like a baby, you will act like an adult and remove yourself from her house. Don't just leave without letting her know why very directly, but do it as coldly and calmly as you can, because raising your voice or going on and on will only give her more ammo to say you're the crazy one.

Where is your sister in all this? Does she get on with mom well or does she also have issues with her? Would your sister be hurt if you left, or take mom's side, or whatever? I am NOT saying to put sister in the middle of this -- you need to tell mom why you're going, not get into a family-wide discussion of whether you should. But if your sister would be left with mom there and sister will end up listening to harangues about you for the entire rest of her vacation, and you and sister get along well, I would talk to sister and tell her what you are going to do. Not ask her advice whether to do it -- tell her, as a heads-up, and explain that you are not leaving in a drama-queen pique but to put some boundaries between you and mom.

If this is one of those "our family does this every year so it's expected" vacations -- time to start making your own nuclear family's traditions and be too busy next year to find time for this trip. Invite your sister's family somewhere that mom can't or won't go, frankly, or at a time mom can't make it. If there are redeeming qualities to mom (and yes, there could be) that mean you want to keep her in your life -- on your terms, not hers-- then be sure not to stay under any roof with her from now on, but only to see her at times and places where you can control it, and can leave more easily than you can from this situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, so sorry you had to go through that! Of course you are hungry when you are breastfeeding! I'm sorry you have such an abusive mother. Calling you names and actually snatching food from you is intolerable and inexcusable.

I would gather your DH for support, and tell her to her face why you are leaving. Yes, I'd move to a hotel down the street, and still interact with the relatives you get along with. Your mom needs to know she can't continue her abusive behavior and get away with it.

But don't make a huge scene. Just explain politely and leave quietly. Let your mom be the bad guy (she is!), and you take the high road by staying calm. Don't yell at her, just explain and leave. Your actions tell the story.

When you are breastfeeding, you should never cut calories. Eat when you are hungry. You could try eating healthier food (frozen waffles are full of sugar, white flour and are highly processed), but if that's what your mom bought for y'all to eat, well, that's what you had.

Best wishes to you, OP. It's such a tough situation, but don't stand for that type of abuse. Distance is your ally when dealing with an abuser like your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to leave. If you want to stay at the beach, find yourself a hotel or find another beach. You can leave and not go back to work. But I really think you need to leave. Your mom is an asshole.

These things. What you have now is not a vacation.

[Anonymous]

I agree the mother is rude but not eating for 12 hrs when nursing is not ok, and 3 waffles at once is too much for anyone but a training athlete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree the mother is rude but not eating for 12 hrs when nursing is not ok, and 3 waffles at once is too much for anyone but a training athlete.

Bull.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to leave. If you want to stay at the beach, find yourself a hotel or find another beach. You can leave and not go back to work. But I really think you need to leave. Your mom is an asshole.

These things. What you have now is not a vacation.

I agree. I hate drama and wouldn't want to be around your mother. She is inappropriate in so many ways. The fact that she would ask you to leave if you said anything to her about what happened is such a red flag for more serious issues with this woman. Good luck op.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't care if you weigh 250 lbs and that was the last waffle in Ocean City and the poor sweet children had to eat gruel for breakfast. Your mother doesn't get to be rude, and she doesn't get to yank food off of your plate.

Time to stand up for yourself.

"Mom, do not yank food off of my plate. If you want to reserve specific foods for the kids, please let everyone in the house know in advance. Otherwise, I will help myself, and once food is on my plate, it's way too late to put it back. What you just did and the words you chose were hateful. I expect an apology and I expect you to make amends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree the mother is rude but not eating for 12 hrs when nursing is not ok, and 3 waffles at once is too much for anyone but a training athlete.

Yeah, she should have been eating while she was asleep during the night! Idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree the mother is rude but not eating for 12 hrs when nursing is not ok, and 3 waffles at once is too much for anyone but a training athlete.

Yes, and when a guest over-serves at your house, you scream at the guest that she is selfish and fat. Can't wait to be invited over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree the mother is rude but not eating for 12 hrs when nursing is not ok, and 3 waffles at once is too much for anyone but a training athlete.

I'm nursing and I don't see the big deal about 12 hours. Presumably you were sleeping for much of that, no? On the other hand, I could easily eat three frozen waffles in a sitting even when not nursing, and I'm not overweight. My mom used to comment on how much I ate at a sitting and I find that it's mostly because SHE is overweight and it makes her feel better to gawk over how much I'm tucking away and think to herself, well I only eat x amount.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree the mother is rude but not eating for 12 hrs when nursing is not ok, and 3 waffles at once is too much for anyone but a training athlete.

Yeah, she should have been eating while she was asleep during the night! Idiot.

What nursing mom gets to sleep for 12 hours?