Vacation drama with mother

[Anonymous]

I'm currently at my parents' beach house with DH and our baby, my sister and her family, and my parents.

This morning, I took three frozen waffles for breakfast, and my mom went nuts. She called me fat and selfish and told me those were for the kids. Then she grabbed two of them and put them back in the box in the freezer.

We don't get along very well but this was beyond awful, even for her. Yes, I'm overweight. But I'm nursing an infant. I'm starving all the time, and I hadn't eaten for over 12 hours. And I hate being treated like a fat child. No one ever told me the food in the house was just for the kids, so how would I know? Everyone else has been snacking on everything that's not nailed down, so I don't think it's because I ate something she bought, at leas that's never been an issue when we've visited before.

Would you go home over this? I don't even know how to deal with her otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would leave.

[Anonymous]

Are you enjoying the trip and being there overall or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you enjoying the trip and being there overall or no?

Let's just say I enjoy being at the beach and not at work?

[Anonymous]

Have you let your mother know how unbelievably rude she is? Would she kick you out if you did? If so, then leave. If she asks why, tell her you're insulted and hungry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you let your mother know how unbelievably rude she is? Would she kick you out if you did? If so, then leave. If she asks why, tell her you're insulted and hungry.

She would tell me to leave, yes.

[Anonymous]

Damn. Where was your husband? My spouse would have told her, "I know we're guests in your home. But if you speak to wife like that again, we're leaving. You owe her an apology."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn. Where was your husband? My spouse would have told her, "I know we're guests in your home. But if you speak to wife like that again, we're leaving. You owe her an apology."

He was out running.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn. Where was your husband? My spouse would have told her, "I know we're guests in your home. But if you speak to wife like that again, we're leaving. You owe her an apology."

He was out running.

Then show him this thread. He can still say it. Hell, you can say it. You are under no obligation to out up with that shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you let your mother know how unbelievably rude she is? Would she kick you out if you did? If so, then leave. If she asks why, tell her you're insulted and hungry.

She would tell me to leave, yes.

Your mom is an asshole. I'd leave, you don't have to go back to work.

[Anonymous]

I would feel uncomfortable every time I was eating something after that.

There would be a lot of contributing factors on whether I would leave - kids, drive, the rest of the trip, etc.

Alternatively, I might go to the store and buy a ton of groceries. And if you want waffles, buy yourself a family size box of your favorite frozen waffles to make sure there are enough! And then I would plan on doing my own thing for meals with my family. If people wanted to join they could but I wouldn't want to sit in that beach house eating with my mom who treated me like that.

And next year, when she suggests a beach vacation again, I would probably take it into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Since you want to stay at the beach, go out an buy a bag of groceries just for you and your DH. Take a sharpie and write your initials on each item. Let your sister know your food is off limits (since I know how food disappears in a group environment).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would feel uncomfortable every time I was eating something after that.

This is where I am leaning, but wasn't sure if I was overreacting, especially since I think it was more directed towards my weight than eating the common food. I'm not sure getting more groceries (since we do have some of our own) would help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would feel uncomfortable every time I was eating something after that.

This is where I am leaning, but wasn't sure if I was overreacting, especially since I think it was more directed towards my weight than eating the common food. I'm not sure getting more groceries (since we do have some of our own) would help.

Your mother called you fat and selfish while eating a frozen waffle, and you're wondering if you're overreacting??? Come on, OP. You know this is not okay.

She needs to apologize now.

[Anonymous]

My mother just called me fat over the phone this morning. She was recalling when I visited her a month ago and weighed 115 lbs for 5 ft 4. As usual. Every time I let her know she's rude, but she does it again a few months later. She's narcissistic and never going to change, which doesn't mean she doesn't love me *in her own way*.

OP, if this is normal behavior for your mother, then you need a long-term strategy. Words don't matter as much as grabbing something from someone. Both hurt, of course, but you can tune one out and not the other.

I would stay and brazen it out, because that's what a lifetime of dealing with an abusive mother has taught me. Why should you be the one to leave and missing out on your beach vacation and extended family time when she's the rude one? If she's the narcissistic type to hound you in private and less in public, make sure you seek the protection of the group. Eat those waffles in front of her with everybody there. Go out and get more, so she can't accuse you and depriving others. My mother is capable of accusing me of ANYTHING, even the most irrational stuff - like fiddling with her fridge settings to make her zucchini rot, which she later said had been in her fridge for two weeks...

You and I know that when we accept invitations and presents from our mothers, it comes with strings attached - the pleasure they get from controlling and hurting their adult child. So if it rolls off your back and you keep doing what you were planning on doing anyway... it's a win for you!