Vacation drama with mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My mother just called me fat over the phone this morning. She was recalling when I visited her a month ago and weighed 115 lbs for 5 ft 4. As usual. Every time I let her know she's rude, but she does it again a few months later. She's narcissistic and never going to change, which doesn't mean she doesn't love me *in her own way*.

OP, if this is normal behavior for your mother, then you need a long-term strategy. Words don't matter as much as grabbing something from someone. Both hurt, of course, but you can tune one out and not the other.

I would stay and brazen it out, because that's what a lifetime of dealing with an abusive mother has taught me. Why should you be the one to leave and missing out on your beach vacation and extended family time when she's the rude one? If she's the narcissistic type to hound you in private and less in public, make sure you seek the protection of the group. Eat those waffles in front of her with everybody there. Go out and get more, so she can't accuse you and depriving others. My mother is capable of accusing me of ANYTHING, even the most irrational stuff - like fiddling with her fridge settings to make her zucchini rot, which she later said had been in her fridge for two weeks...

You and I know that when we accept invitations and presents from our mothers, it comes with strings attached - the pleasure they get from controlling and hurting their adult child. So if it rolls off your back and you keep doing what you were planning on doing anyway... it's a win for you!

OP and PP I feel your pain. Last week my mother was just in town to "help" with other kids while we have a DC that is in and out of the hospital and is going through a major health crisis that is touch and go.

I say "help" because she really is more work than help and when she does "help" it's always with a demeaning comment targeted at my husband or myself for some failure that is beyond our control. FWIW, DH and I are both overachievers with multiple degrees, careers, great kids .. we aren't slackers by any standard.

On her last night in town she looked at me and said that I wasn't aging well and really needed to start using a better moisturizer. I gave her the "WTF did you just say to me look" and she responded that she was actually being kind to me because she was informing me of how awful my skin looked. She could think of nothing that would be kinder to say. I. Was. Speechless.

Are you more educated with a better career than your mother? Because I am, and mu counselor has suggested that's why our relationship has gotten worse over the years.

PP here -- thanks for the insight. I am more educated with a better career than her. Very insightful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be a dissenting voice here, but I disagree with the stigma about fat "shaming". I do think people should tell fat people they ARE fat, at least if they are family or friends. (Don't tell a stranger because you don't know them or whether they have a medical issue.)

The mom could have been nicer, but what she said is good advice.

Yes, I understand that the OP is nursing, but 3 processed waffles isn't healthy for anyone. If she eats the SAD laden with sugar, then that's the reason she's always hungry. Sugar is addictive - it's actually quite ironic that the people who constantly experience hunger are usually (fat) people who eat way too much sugar.

OP should have eaten eggs instead, or even bacon.

Well, duh. You really think that fat people are so stupid that they don't understand very basic things about simple carbs? Maybe she was sick of eating lean protein all the time maybe she wanted a waffle (or 3) for once. The woman was on VACATION for goodness sake. Give her a break.

Mom could have said - "Hey, please don't eat those I'm saving them for the kids". Instead, she chose to lecture Op about her weight which was out of line, intrusive and just plain rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be a dissenting voice here, but I disagree with the stigma about fat "shaming". I do think people should tell fat people they ARE fat, at least if they are family or friends. (Don't tell a stranger because you don't know them or whether they have a medical issue.)

The mom could have been nicer, but what she said is good advice.

Yes, I understand that the OP is nursing, but 3 processed waffles isn't healthy for anyone. If she eats the SAD laden with sugar, then that's the reason she's always hungry. Sugar is addictive - it's actually quite ironic that the people who constantly experience hunger are usually (fat) people who eat way too much sugar.

OP should have eaten eggs instead, or even bacon.

Well, duh. You really think that fat people are so stupid that they don't understand very basic things about simple carbs? Maybe she was sick of eating lean protein all the time maybe she wanted a waffle (or 3) for once. The woman was on VACATION for goodness sake. Give her a break.

Mom could have said - "Hey, please don't eat those I'm saving them for the kids". Instead, she chose to lecture Op about her weight which was out of line, intrusive and just plain rude.

I also think you are wrong. Overweight people know that they are overweight. Would you like people to point out your problems, especially when you are relaxing and trying to enjoy your vacation? Everyone has flaws that need improvement. How about you start on yourself?

[Anonymous]

OP, next time your mother tries to shame you for eating something:





(Good for you for leaving!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be a dissenting voice here, but I disagree with the stigma about fat "shaming". I do think people should tell fat people they ARE fat, at least if they are family or friends. (Don't tell a stranger because you don't know them or whether they have a medical issue.)

The mom could have been nicer, but what she said is good advice.

Yes, I understand that the OP is nursing, but 3 processed waffles isn't healthy for anyone. If she eats the SAD laden with sugar, then that's the reason she's always hungry. Sugar is addictive - it's actually quite ironic that the people who constantly experience hunger are usually (fat) people who eat way too much sugar.

OP should have eaten eggs instead, or even bacon.

PP, you're stupid. Sorry, but I do believe in stupid shaming.
Did it work? Did you suddenly get smart because I told you how stupid you are?

I understand that stupid thoughts occupy your brain all day, but actually saying them out loud isn't really a good idea.
PP, you should have made some waffles instead of posting here. Even some bacon would've have helped. Just stop saying stupid things.

[Anonymous]

So stop vacationing with people who repeatedly comment about your weight and snatch your food off your plate. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be a dissenting voice here, but I disagree with the stigma about fat "shaming". I do think people should tell fat people they ARE fat, at least if they are family or friends. (Don't tell a stranger because you don't know them or whether they have a medical issue.)

The mom could have been nicer, but what she said is good advice.

Yes, I understand that the OP is nursing, but 3 processed waffles isn't healthy for anyone. If she eats the SAD laden with sugar, then that's the reason she's always hungry. Sugar is addictive - it's actually quite ironic that the people who constantly experience hunger are usually (fat) people who eat way too much sugar.

OP should have eaten eggs instead, or even bacon.

Well, duh. You really think that fat people are so stupid that they don't understand very basic things about simple carbs? Maybe she was sick of eating lean protein all the time maybe she wanted a waffle (or 3) for once. The woman was on VACATION for goodness sake. Give her a break.

Mom could have said - "Hey, please don't eat those I'm saving them for the kids". Instead, she chose to lecture Op about her weight which was out of line, intrusive and just plain rude.

Even if that were right, how about OPs mom say, "you know what, honey, I'd love to make you some eggs and get you some protein. I know you must be tired with the baby and nursing and sleep deprivation. How would you like your eggs?" Or best yet, butt out and let OP do her thing while on vacation and while dealing with an infant. I'd like to kick OPs mother in the keister!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be a dissenting voice here, but I disagree with the stigma about fat "shaming". I do think people should tell fat people they ARE fat, at least if they are family or friends. (Don't tell a stranger because you don't know them or whether they have a medical issue.)

The mom could have been nicer, but what she said is good advice.

Yes, I understand that the OP is nursing, but 3 processed waffles isn't healthy for anyone. If she eats the SAD laden with sugar, then that's the reason she's always hungry. Sugar is addictive - it's actually quite ironic that the people who constantly experience hunger are usually (fat) people who eat way too much sugar.

OP should have eaten eggs instead, or even bacon.

Well, duh. You really think that fat people are so stupid that they don't understand very basic things about simple carbs? Maybe she was sick of eating lean protein all the time maybe she wanted a waffle (or 3) for once. The woman was on VACATION for goodness sake. Give her a break.

Mom could have said - "Hey, please don't eat those I'm saving them for the kids". Instead, she chose to lecture Op about her weight which was out of line, intrusive and just plain rude.

Even if that were right, how about OPs mom say, "you know what, honey, I'd love to make you some eggs and get you some protein. I know you must be tired with the baby and nursing and sleep deprivation. How would you like your eggs?" Or best yet, butt out and let OP do her thing while on vacation and while dealing with an infant. I'd like to kick OPs mother in the keister!

Op's mom could have just baked a yummy breakfast egg casserole for everyone to enjoy. Instead she set up station as the waffle guard. Bah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be a dissenting voice here, but I disagree with the stigma about fat "shaming". I do think people should tell fat people they ARE fat, at least if they are family or friends. (Don't tell a stranger because you don't know them or whether they have a medical issue.)

The mom could have been nicer, but what she said is good advice.

Yes, I understand that the OP is nursing, but 3 processed waffles isn't healthy for anyone. If she eats the SAD laden with sugar, then that's the reason she's always hungry. Sugar is addictive - it's actually quite ironic that the people who constantly experience hunger are usually (fat) people who eat way too much sugar.

OP should have eaten eggs instead, or even bacon.

PP, you're stupid. Sorry, but I do believe in stupid shaming.
Did it work? Did you suddenly get smart because I told you how stupid you are?

I understand that stupid thoughts occupy your brain all day, but actually saying them out loud isn't really a good idea.
PP, you should have made some waffles instead of posting here. Even some bacon would've have helped. Just stop saying stupid things.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be a dissenting voice here, but I disagree with the stigma about fat "shaming". I do think people should tell fat people they ARE fat, at least if they are family or friends. (Don't tell a stranger because you don't know them or whether they have a medical issue.)

The mom could have been nicer, but what she said is good advice.

Yes, I understand that the OP is nursing, but 3 processed waffles isn't healthy for anyone. If she eats the SAD laden with sugar, then that's the reason she's always hungry. Sugar is addictive - it's actually quite ironic that the people who constantly experience hunger are usually (fat) people who eat way too much sugar.

OP should have eaten eggs instead, or even bacon.

PP, you're stupid. Sorry, but I do believe in stupid shaming.
Did it work? Did you suddenly get smart because I told you how stupid you are?

I understand that stupid thoughts occupy your brain all day, but actually saying them out loud isn't really a good idea.
PP, you should have made some waffles instead of posting here. Even some bacon would've have helped. Just stop saying stupid things.

You are a (most likely) fat bully.

[Anonymous]

Bully? Her post was spot-on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, how is this thread 9 pages long?

OP, your mom sucks. Don't engage the whackos who think eating 3 waffles for breakfast - on vacation, no less - is terrible.

I agree with you but you mean 'wackos.' 'Whackos' hurt people by whacking them. If that's what you meant, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be a dissenting voice here, but I disagree with the stigma about fat "shaming". I do think people should tell fat people they ARE fat, at least if they are family or friends. (Don't tell a stranger because you don't know them or whether they have a medical issue.)

The mom could have been nicer, but what she said is good advice.

Yes, I understand that the OP is nursing, but 3 processed waffles isn't healthy for anyone. If she eats the SAD laden with sugar, then that's the reason she's always hungry. Sugar is addictive - it's actually quite ironic that the people who constantly experience hunger are usually (fat) people who eat way too much sugar.

OP should have eaten eggs instead, or even bacon.

PP, you're stupid. Sorry, but I do believe in stupid shaming.
Did it work? Did you suddenly get smart because I told you how stupid you are?

I understand that stupid thoughts occupy your brain all day, but actually saying them out loud isn't really a good idea.
PP, you should have made some waffles instead of posting here. Even some bacon would've have helped. Just stop saying stupid things.

You are a (most likely) fat bully.

You're the one advocating telling people how fat they are. How utterly unsurprising that you call someone a bully when similar behavior is directed toward you. Agree with PP - you're (most likely) a simpering moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
PP, you're stupid. Sorry, but I do believe in stupid shaming.
Did it work? Did you suddenly get smart because I told you how stupid you are?

I understand that stupid thoughts occupy your brain all day, but actually saying them out loud isn't really a good idea.
PP, you should have made some waffles instead of posting here. Even some bacon would've have helped. Just stop saying stupid things.

The difference is that PP, like other stupid people and unlike fat people, doesn't know she's stupid, and is too stupid to understand it even when it is helpful pointed out.

Nice of you to try, you wacky optimist!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
PP, you're stupid. Sorry, but I do believe in stupid shaming.
Did it work? Did you suddenly get smart because I told you how stupid you are?

I understand that stupid thoughts occupy your brain all day, but actually saying them out loud isn't really a good idea.
PP, you should have made some waffles instead of posting here. Even some bacon would've have helped. Just stop saying stupid things.

The difference is that PP, like other stupid people and unlike fat people, doesn't know she's stupid, and is too stupid to understand it even when it is helpful pointed out.

Nice of you to try, you wacky optimist!

So true! I was being an optimist. I was operating on PP's assumption that simply telling the person that they're fat would help the person actually that they were fat. If I told PP s/he was stupid, then perhaps that would help her/him see their stupidity.

Oh well. I tried.