Vacation drama with mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It says a lot about Americans when you're 'diagnosed' pro-ana by a stranger online simply because you don't eat like a fatass.

It says a lot about you when you toss abusive terms around when someone disagrees with you. What's your ethnicity, since you're not "American"?

I find this person's anti American tone unhelpful to this discussion.
*go USA!*

So it's okay to call someone pro-ana, but not okay to call someone fatass?

You guys are unbelievable. And probably unbelievably fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But people don't call you fat and selfish over one instance. Isn't it likely that OP reverted back into a child like role with her mom? Perhaps she did nothing but expect to be waited on hand and foot and provided for all her needs yet her mother was expecting her to behave like a guest or at least like an adult. I've seen this behavior from my sister well into her 40's where she would just be like a child, selfish and needy and not helpful in the least. I think dysfunctional goes both ways.

I think you're projecting here. The above story we've been given doesn't support your theory. Even if the daughter in this intance wasn't being helpful, the mother's behavior is inexcusable. Sure there are two sides to every story, and the truth often lies in the middle. However, we are working from a certain set of facts and trusting we have a reliable narrator.
You are embellishing with your own narrative. Stick to what we've been told.


OP, if you are still around I'd love to know what your sister said about all of this.

yes, it does. If OP were not in fact fat, she would have said something along the lines of "I just had a baby, and I've lost all the weight except for 10 lbs and I'm working on it" in her post. Or "My mom is off her rocker. I'm 5'5" and weigh x pounds."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But people don't call you fat and selfish over one instance. Isn't it likely that OP reverted back into a child like role with her mom? Perhaps she did nothing but expect to be waited on hand and foot and provided for all her needs yet her mother was expecting her to behave like a guest or at least like an adult. I've seen this behavior from my sister well into her 40's where she would just be like a child, selfish and needy and not helpful in the least. I think dysfunctional goes both ways.

I think you're projecting here. The above story we've been given doesn't support your theory. Even if the daughter in this intance wasn't being helpful, the mother's behavior is inexcusable. Sure there are two sides to every story, and the truth often lies in the middle. However, we are working from a certain set of facts and trusting we have a reliable narrator.
You are embellishing with your own narrative. Stick to what we've been told.


OP, if you are still around I'd love to know what your sister said about all of this.

yes, it does. If OP were not in fact fat, she would have said something along the lines of "I just had a baby, and I've lost all the weight except for 10 lbs and I'm working on it" in her post. Or "My mom is off her rocker. I'm 5'5" and weigh x pounds."

Do you think calling me fat will magically make me lose weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We left. She called me a selfish bitch and said I was ruining things for everyone else.

Sorry this impacted your sister's vacation too.

OP here. I'm done putting everyone else first. From now on its about my husband and child.

Go OP! I've been there. The one who ruined the vacation was your mother. You have taken the first step toward establishing boundaries. Go home, lick your wounds, talk to your husband, therapist, or friend and realize how effed up this relationship has been for your entire life. Once you've started to process it, you can figure out how to manage it moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - you were a guest in your mother beach house. I am sure she went to a lot of trouble to host you and your young family and your sister and her family.

Yes, she said something a bit mean - but you made a huge deal by leaving and ruining the vacation.

Why couldn't you have simply called her out on it and said - hey Mom, I didn't realize these were for the kids; I'm starving. You should have said something right away.

Instead you let it fester and you embarrassed your family by storming out. (Even if you left quietly, it is essentiallly storming out.)

Also, you are probably an overly sensitive sleep deprived new mother so there is that to consider.

This is your mother who was trying to provide a nice family vacation for everyone. You say she has been "toxic" for years. It sounds like you are passive aggressive.

You should have let it go (or called her out on her words right away.)

Leaving made the whole thing 100x worse.

There is no embarrassment unless other people are present. Embarrassment requires spectators.

The first thing about providing a "nice family vacation for everyone" is to get enough fucking food in the house for everyone. Then she wouldn't have had to ration food by assigning it to different family members.

Right because nobody noticed OP's family left.

They better have fucking noticed. Her mother was being a complete cunt. There are consequences when you behave badly. Mom is a misbehaving bitch= off spring don't have to put up with it. Simple. The only person who is embarrassed here is mother. She was called on the carpet. It's why she doubled down. What a piece of work. Op I think you wrote you are in therapy up thread. Good for you. Looks like we have a number of commenters here that may also be in need of some help. They can't recognize boundaries being crossed and abusive behavior.

+1000000000000000000
Abusive behavior should not be tolerated. Period. If OPs mother wants to have a respectful relationship with OP, she needs to treat her differently. It's really appalling how many people here think abuse is ok if it's family or if people are stressed.

[Anonymous]

Strive to establish the upper hand. Once your mother is an invited guest - at your place - you get to decide re: her behavior.

Op- take your own vacations.

Work to afford your own vacation house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We left. She called me a selfish bitch and said I was ruining things for everyone else.

Sorry this impacted your sister's vacation too.

OP here. I'm done putting everyone else first. From now on its about my husband and child.

Go OP! I've been there. The one who ruined the vacation was your mother. You have taken the first step toward establishing boundaries. Go home, lick your wounds, talk to your husband, therapist, or friend and realize how effed up this relationship has been for your entire life. Once you've started to process it, you can figure out how to manage it moving forward.

This is what my therapist and I are working on. Like a PP, I was so used to this that I didn't know it was abusive until an impartial third party pointed it out. I do know that 7 days was way too long for us to be in the same house together. I really should have known better on that one.