DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thank God I don't have girls.

But your boys could be doing the same thing. Why is this a gender issue?

+1. Mom of all boys and you can bet no 16 year old son of mine will ever find himself "studying" in a girl's bedroom, with the doors closed, with her parents downstairs watching TV. Forget about OP; how dumb are THESE parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe in a prude, but id never allow my 16yo daughter and her boyfriend in her bedroom with the door closed.

I know, this is craziness! I find it hard to believe that no one ever walked in or past the room and heard noises. Weird.

[Anonymous]

I love these parents who think they can control every aspect of a teen's behavior! Were they ever teenagers themselves?

[Anonymous]

To all those posting who thinks 16 is too young categorically when did you start having sex? Also are you drawing a magic line between intercourse and other sexual conduct and do you have teenagers???

I am the one who posted that it was in part my parents' crazy hard line approach which contributed to reckless behavior and no adult to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your little girl is grown up. People used to be married at 16.

More than 120 years ago. Wake up. She is still a little girl

That's going a bit too far the other direction, don't you think?

[Anonymous]

Any "parent" (again, word used generally and only to follow the thread of this discussion -- I frankly am not sure I even consider the waffling OP to be a parent) who would let a 16 year old girl and her boyfriend "study" behind the closed door of her bedroom while said "parent" can zone out with a glass of wine and the TV downstairs is a complete and utter fool. As OP proves everytime she types a new post.

You need to get therapy immediately to try to neutralize your toxic negativilty. You could have expressed your opinion without excessive meanness but you chose not to. Your "parents" failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all those posting who thinks 16 is too young categorically when did you start having sex? Also are you drawing a magic line between intercourse and other sexual conduct and do you have teenagers???

I am the one who posted that it was in part my parents' crazy hard line approach which contributed to reckless behavior and no adult to talk to.

The stats back you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Age if consent is 16 in many places!

So, if 18 was the age of consent, then you are not oK with it. So, it's just moral relativism. I don't care what the gov't says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Age if consent is 16 in many places!

So, if 18 was the age of consent, then you are not oK with it. So, it's just moral relativism. I don't care what the gov't says.

That's unwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call BS on the fact they went to the doctor.

Could be. I don't think doctors can give 16 year olds BC without a parent's consent. I mean if she went to a practice there would be a receipt or something--if you demand to see it, she will feel you don't trust her. But I think you could come back with: "Look, you are still under 18, this is a major health issue. It is not a question purely of trust at this point, but a matter of following up on a matter directly related to your health and well being. As your parent, it is still my responsibility to see that your health care has been delivered in a reasonable way. At the very least, I want you to give me the name of the doctor and or clinic or a receipt for the diaphragm or whatever they were given."

That is going to be a contentious conversation and you aren't going to get to walk away feeling like the good buddy mom. That just the way that is. She is still under age--you need proof that these things are being done. As for the fact that this has happened--that's life! Our kids grow up, and they do grown up things. Your daughter sounds like she has made very good choices but you need to follow this one up.

Are these still around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love these parents who think they can control every aspect of a teen's behavior! Were they ever teenagers themselves?

I don't pretend to control my teens, but my role as a parent is set reasonable boundaries so I can can guide my kids to grow up to be healthy and happy adults. I have known too many kids f'ed up by parents trying too hard to be friends and not parents. Honestly, I would not care if my teens kids sneak around if they were careful and in a caring relationship, and I don't want to facilitate or encourage them. I want the kids to have to put some effort into getting away with things, so they can put some thought into what they are doing. In a couple of years, when the kids are in college, I know they will do whatever they want when they are at school, but it still does not mean when they come home, they drug alcohol or have partners sleep over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those of you suggest that they not have sex in her room, where do you suggest they go? All things aside, at least they're in a safe environment in her room.

OMG, I just got flashbacks to high school. Of course my parents did not let me hang our with my boyfriend in my room, and his mom didn't let us hang out in his room. We still had sex, in his car. Kids will find a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Age if consent is 16 in many places!

So, if 18 was the age of consent, then you are not oK with it. So, it's just moral relativism. I don't care what the gov't says.

That's unwise.

It's unwise to ignore that even if the gov't says age of consent is 16, I would want my DCs to wait till they are 18? We are not talking about all gov't laws, just this one, you know, the topic thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Age if consent is 16 in many places!

So, if 18 was the age of consent, then you are not oK with it. So, it's just moral relativism. I don't care what the gov't says.

If 18 were the age of consent, I would say that the government should change the age of consent to 16. I'm not the PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds to me like your daughter (and her boyfriend!) are both mature and handling this responsibly.

And I understand the !!!! feelings (as much as I can, with my children not yet in high school), but children do grow up and start doing grown-up things, for good or bad. And if they're going to have sex, then I'd rather it happen comfortably and safely in my child's own home, instead of uncomfortably and unsafely who knows where.

I agree with this. For me I think my reaction would come down to the state of the relationship between DD and Boyfriend. If it's a stable, healthy and respectful relationship -- I would talk to DD about the potential consequences (all of them, including what if BC doesn't work, what if your relationship doesn't last, what if your relationship does last are you going to regret being that serious that young, societal perceptions, etc) and then I would just make sure that the couple is being legal and safe. I would impress on DD that she and her BF are making an adult decision so they need to handle it maturely and they owe her stepfather and BF's parents the respect of not sneaking around. Someone -- either DD or I -- would be telling DH/her stepfather, because I do not keep secrets from my partner. Secrets about personal lives invite drama and ruin relationships. I would make it clear that while I would keep my silence on the issue to everyone other than my DH I would also never lie to or intentionally mislead BF's parents.

I would tell DD my personal feelings, that I would prefer she not be having sex as a minor, but I wouldn't try to force her to stop having sex (that would not work) or compel her make me a promise she had no intention of keeping about how she would stop having sex (bad idea for our relationship). I DEFINITELY would not force the couple to break up, or purposefully engineer a conflict with the boy's parents with the intention that that would force the two to break up.