DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love these parents who think they can control every aspect of a teen's behavior! Were they ever teenagers themselves?

I don't pretend to control my teens, but my role as a parent is set reasonable boundaries so I can can guide my kids to grow up to be healthy and happy adults. I have known too many kids f'ed up by parents trying too hard to be friends and not parents. Honestly, I would not care if my teens kids sneak around if they were careful and in a caring relationship, and I don't want to facilitate or encourage them. I want the kids to have to put some effort into getting away with things, so they can put some thought into what they are doing. In a couple of years, when the kids are in college, I know they will do whatever they want when they are at school, but it still does not mean when they come home, they drug alcohol or have partners sleep over.

So it's ok if they have sex in a car/park/classroom/church/chemistry lab, but it's not ok if they have sex in your house? I don't understand that thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love these parents who think they can control every aspect of a teen's behavior! Were they ever teenagers themselves?

I don't pretend to control my teens, but my role as a parent is set reasonable boundaries so I can can guide my kids to grow up to be healthy and happy adults. I have known too many kids f'ed up by parents trying too hard to be friends and not parents. Honestly, I would not care if my teens kids sneak around if they were careful and in a caring relationship, and I don't want to facilitate or encourage them. I want the kids to have to put some effort into getting away with things, so they can put some thought into what they are doing. In a couple of years, when the kids are in college, I know they will do whatever they want when they are at school, but it still does not mean when they come home, they drug alcohol or have partners sleep over.

So it's ok if they have sex in a car/park/classroom/church/chemistry lab, but it's not ok if they have sex in your house? I don't understand that thinking.

Different poster. It's not OK/desirable at all, but if I can't control it completely I'm at least going to control the part I can and not condone it happening in my house where it is more or less as though I am giving my blessing to the behavior. It will not happen in a situation where I reasonably can have a say in whether or not it happens, because I believe it should not be happening so to my way of thinking allowing it to go on when/where I could prevent it would be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you allow them to "hang out" in her room this is going to be happening. This is why a lot (if not most) parents don't allow significant others to hangout in bedrooms. If I found out my teen was having sex in his girlfriend's bedroom while her parents were watching TV I would be livid.

+1

+100

Boys alone in a room. No f*ing way. Condoning underage sex in my home- no way. Now--if they sneak them into the rec room after your asleep that's entirely different .

[Anonymous]

I would be fine with my 16 year old being involved in a sexual relationship. While I wouldn't be crazy about it happening in my house, I would never forbid it either.

OP is very lucky to have such a good relationship with such a smart, level-headed girl. The DD drew very clear lines in the sand for her boyfriend - that she wasn't going to play "get away closer" or be the cast as the defender of the Holy Grail. And the fact that she had the boyfriend split the cost of both the doctor's visit and her BC pills speaks volumes about her self-worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love these parents who think they can control every aspect of a teen's behavior! Were they ever teenagers themselves?

I don't pretend to control my teens, but my role as a parent is set reasonable boundaries so I can can guide my kids to grow up to be healthy and happy adults. I have known too many kids f'ed up by parents trying too hard to be friends and not parents. Honestly, I would not care if my teens kids sneak around if they were careful and in a caring relationship, and I don't want to facilitate or encourage them. I want the kids to have to put some effort into getting away with things, so they can put some thought into what they are doing. In a couple of years, when the kids are in college, I know they will do whatever they want when they are at school, but it still does not mean when they come home, they drug alcohol or have partners sleep over.

So it's ok if they have sex in a car/park/classroom/church/chemistry lab, but it's not ok if they have sex in your house? I don't understand that thinking.

Different poster. It's not OK/desirable at all, but if I can't control it completely I'm at least going to control the part I can and not condone it happening in my house where it is more or less as though I am giving my blessing to the behavior. It will not happen in a situation where I reasonably can have a say in whether or not it happens, because I believe it should not be happening so to my way of thinking allowing it to go on when/where I could prevent it would be wrong.

I feel the same. I'm not allowing my child to have sex in my house. I don't think its a good idea and I'm not condoning it in my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Age if consent is 16 in many places!

So, if 18 was the age of consent, then you are not oK with it. So, it's just moral relativism. I don't care what the gov't says.

That's unwise.

It's unwise to ignore that even if the gov't says age of consent is 16, I would want my DCs to wait till they are 18? We are not talking about all gov't laws, just this one, you know, the topic thread.

The way I read your statement you were talking about letting your kid have sex under 18, even if the legal age of consent were 18.

That PP may think 16 is old enough socially, physically, and emotionally to have sex, but would still forbid it if the law said 18. Morals and laws often don't align. But I think most would try not to break the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Age if consent is 16 in many places!

So, if 18 was the age of consent, then you are not oK with it. So, it's just moral relativism. I don't care what the gov't says.

That's unwise.

It's unwise to ignore that even if the gov't says age of consent is 16, I would want my DCs to wait till they are 18? We are not talking about all gov't laws, just this one, you know, the topic thread.

The way I read your statement you were talking about letting your kid have sex under 18, even if the legal age of consent were 18.

That PP may think 16 is old enough socially, physically, and emotionally to have sex, but would still forbid it if the law said 18. Morals and laws often don't align. But I think most would try not to break the law.

This is my stance unless the law is very clearly immoral. Not just more or less restrictive than our own morals and family values, but actually something that directly contradicts one of our major moral values. Morally, I'm probably fine with sex at 16 in the context of a committed relationship and would most likely be OK with allowing it assuming the couple were both over the age of consent in my area. However, if the age of consent were 18 I would not be OK with condoning violations of that, because I do not consider it immoral to NOT have sex so obeying the law would be the priority.

[Anonymous]

^ the post above (12:54) was from a new poster not either of the posters that were quoted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your little girl is grown up. People used to be married at 16.

Actually no. That stopped a lonnnngggg time ago.

The 1754 Marriage Act in England established that brides or grooms under the age of 21 could not marry without parental consent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe in a prude, but id never allow my 16yo daughter and her boyfriend in her bedroom with the door closed.

I know, this is craziness! I find it hard to believe that no one ever walked in or past the room and heard noises. Weird.

+1

I know that teens have sex. I know they smoke pot, drink, do lots of things that are not good for them.

That does not mean that I need to make it easy for them to do these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love these parents who think they can control every aspect of a teen's behavior! Were they ever teenagers themselves?

I don't pretend to control my teens, but my role as a parent is set reasonable boundaries so I can can guide my kids to grow up to be healthy and happy adults. I have known too many kids f'ed up by parents trying too hard to be friends and not parents. Honestly, I would not care if my teens kids sneak around if they were careful and in a caring relationship, and I don't want to facilitate or encourage them. I want the kids to have to put some effort into getting away with things, so they can put some thought into what they are doing. In a couple of years, when the kids are in college, I know they will do whatever they want when they are at school, but it still does not mean when they come home, they drug alcohol or have partners sleep over.

So it's ok if they have sex in a car/park/classroom/church/chemistry lab, but it's not ok if they have sex in your house? I don't understand that thinking.

If it is hard to do something, they are less likely to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love these parents who think they can control every aspect of a teen's behavior! Were they ever teenagers themselves?

I don't pretend to control my teens, but my role as a parent is set reasonable boundaries so I can can guide my kids to grow up to be healthy and happy adults. I have known too many kids f'ed up by parents trying too hard to be friends and not parents. Honestly, I would not care if my teens kids sneak around if they were careful and in a caring relationship, and I don't want to facilitate or encourage them. I want the kids to have to put some effort into getting away with things, so they can put some thought into what they are doing. In a couple of years, when the kids are in college, I know they will do whatever they want when they are at school, but it still does not mean when they come home, they drug alcohol or have partners sleep over.

So it's ok if they have sex in a car/park/classroom/church/chemistry lab, but it's not ok if they have sex in your house? I don't understand that thinking.

If it is hard to do something, they are less likely to do it.

They'll get a quickie in somewhere with no birth control. No time for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love these parents who think they can control every aspect of a teen's behavior! Were they ever teenagers themselves?

I don't pretend to control my teens, but my role as a parent is set reasonable boundaries so I can can guide my kids to grow up to be healthy and happy adults. I have known too many kids f'ed up by parents trying too hard to be friends and not parents. Honestly, I would not care if my teens kids sneak around if they were careful and in a caring relationship, and I don't want to facilitate or encourage them. I want the kids to have to put some effort into getting away with things, so they can put some thought into what they are doing. In a couple of years, when the kids are in college, I know they will do whatever they want when they are at school, but it still does not mean when they come home, they drug alcohol or have partners sleep over.

So it's ok if they have sex in a car/park/classroom/church/chemistry lab, but it's not ok if they have sex in your house? I don't understand that thinking.

If it is hard to do something, they are less likely to do it.

They'll get a quickie in somewhere with no birth control. No time for that.

If they are having sex, then maybe they will get in a quickie somewhere, or maybe they won't. But if they can count on privacy and time in my house, they are sure to use them to have sex.

Their use of birth control is not venue-dependent.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are doing a fine job. Just be there for her if they break up and make sure she realizes that this relationship may not last past high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your little girl is grown up. People used to be married at 16.

Actually no. That stopped a lonnnngggg time ago.

The 1754 Marriage Act in England established that brides or grooms under the age of 21 could not marry without parental consent.

That gave parents control, but people commonly married in their teens well into the 20th century. My grandmother was 14 when she got married in 1936.