DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship

[Anonymous]

Her having sex is fine. Having sex while you and your DH are home is disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe in a prude, but id never allow my 16yo daughter and her boyfriend in her bedroom with the door closed.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her having sex is fine. Having sex while you and your DH are home is disrespectful.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if the responses would be different if it was the mother of the boyfriend posting?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People really ok with a 16-yr old girl having SEX?

When do you think it is ok? Do you think girls should wait until they are 28 and married? Or marry the first person they fall in love with in college at age 19?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DD has a had a boyfriend (that we like very much) since September. I finally asked and she told me that they were in a sexual relationship but not to worry because they went to her doctor (gyno) together and she is on the pill. They have sex in her room.

Okay - yikes! I'm very glad she is responsible and went to the doctor with her boyfriend to get on birth control but... my daughter is having sex while DH and I are downstairs watching TV!!!

DD is a top student, always ranked first or second in her class, and an accomplished ballet dancer. I have always been very lax with curfews/rules because she has always been so responsible. This sex thing just threw me for a loop.

Yet another parent who raised her child with zero morals, but hey, as long as she makes top grades and is "an accomplished ballet dancer" (oh, wow!!!), that is all that matters.

Thanks for the warning to this mother of young girls. Yours is an end result I would consider a complete failure.

You and your parents are the only moral failures here. The sad part is you'll never understand why.

Oh, really? Then why don't you explain it to me, in your great wisdom. Yes, if my 16 year old was having sex (IN MY HOME, WHILE I WAS DOWNSTAIRS IGNORING HER WHILE I'M WATCHING TV), you'd better believe, that is a complete moral failure on the part of the parent.

Sex itself is not a moral issue. It's a natural biological and social function. It's the how, who, when about how each person treats the other within that sexual relationship that is a moral issue. OP's daughter is approaching this responsibly. If she were having sex with a much older man, or casual sex with multiple partners, or sex within an emotionally abusive or manipulative relationship, that would be entirely different.

NP. Sex is a normal biological function - absolutely. So, does that mean 12 is old enough to have sex? Hey, what about 10? It is a *moral* decision as to when it is appropriate for a person to have sex. If it's so normal to have sex at 16, then why do so parents insist their daughters have an abortion if they get knocked up at 16? Why can't it be normal to be a parent at 16? After all, the biological reason to have sex is to have babies.

I think there is a huge difference between a 12 year old and a 16 year old having sex. I personally don't think a 12 year old has the maturity to truly consent to sex. And nonconsesual sex is against my morals. So I would not condone or allow that. The average age for sex is 17, so the OP's kid is that far behind. And instead of having sex in secret and without protection, she thought it out beforehand and got contraception. And she's been open about it with her mother. And when women do that, they are much less likely to get pregnant.

I mentioned that sex was both a biological function as well as a social function, and the reality is most people in romantically intimate relationships have sex. 95% of America is ok with premarital sex. They differ on the when, how, and who. As far as having a baby at 16, that's one of the biggest predictors of poverty, and therefore it's prudent to wait until you are older to have a child. I don't know any parents who have "forced" their daughters to have abortions, and that's illegal anyway. The OP and her daughter may wish to discuss if the pill if the most effective birth control for her. Maybe an IUD or something else is better. She also has the opportunity to discuss the emotional impact of romantic and sexual relationships with her daughter, if she hasn't already done so. It's not my ideal age. I'd prefer my son wait til college (since people are asking about moms of boys), but it is reality for many. Best to be smart, prepared, respectful of self and others when it happens. And open communication with the parents is one of the best ways to guide kids in these complex issues.

[Anonymous]

I thank God I don't have girls.

[Anonymous]

Op, I was a top student, ballet dancer, and was having sex at 16. Maybe the divorce in my family and loss of my dad had an impact, or maybe I just thought I was ready. Looking back, I think it was too young, but I didn't have a caring boyfriend and it sounds like your daughter does and that's she's done the right thing.

anyway. I went on to go to a top university, graduated summa, am employed, married with kids, and never got an std or unwanted pregnancy, so I turned out okay.

the best thing is that you keep open the lines of communication with your daughter. the fact that she trusts you, and feels that she can tell you, means that she will go to you if she gets into trouble, is hurt, etc. But 'rules' are not going to stop her from what she wants to do at this age, so communicating your feeligns and concerns is probably the best you can do--and be understanding of hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thank God I don't have girls.

So if you were the mother of this OP's daughter's boyfriend, you would be okay with it?

[Anonymous]

Your daughter sounds like a smart girl and it's great that she's planned for birth control. But, IMO 16 is way to young to be having sex. Period. I'd put a stop to the bedroom visits and let her know in no uncertain terms that you do not approve of her being in a sexual relationship at this age. You may not be able to stop her, but you don't have to let her think that it's all fine and dandy with you. At least I wouldn't tell my kid that I'm ok with him/her getting it on at that age. Birth control fails, kids forget, diseases get spread, gossip starts, and hearts get broken. She's just plain too young for sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People really ok with a 16-yr old girl having SEX?

When do you think it is ok? Do you think girls should wait until they are 28 and married? Or marry the first person they fall in love with in college at age 19?

NP. How about 18, when they are legal adults. When they are minors (and 16 is), they are still under the care and responsibility of the parents. Sex is an adult act. Why do you think it's still considered child porn when 16 yr olds send nude images of each other?

[Anonymous]

Age if consent is 16 in many places!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thank God I don't have girls.

But your boys could be doing the same thing. Why is this a gender issue?

[Anonymous]

Given everything that OP described about her daughter, I honestly wouldn't have a major problem with it. She is responsible and seems to have a better head on her shoulders than most 22 year olds I know.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the 11 pages but all I want to say is that you are lucky she told you and that she is responsible to get on the pill. Just remind her that she has to take it at the same time every night. If she is a good student and has no other issues, I would not freak out over this. Keep the lines of communication open.