DH wants "open relationship" after my affair...

[Anonymous]

Seems like you want to have your cake and eat it too. You can fuck around, but DH cannot? That's what makes OP and people like you a CPOS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If OP is willing to perform sexual acts with another man that she is not willing to do with her husband and actually does do so, then she has no basis for objecting to her husband wanting and filing for divorce.

Because the whole basis of rebuilding a marriage that includes a family with two children is sex. Gotchya.

Have you been under a rock for the last 30 or so years? No, the whole basis of rebuilding a marriage is not just sex, but it's been shown over and over again that relationships with healthy sex lives that meet both parties needs are the most stable. Those that have imbalance where at least one person feels deprived are strained or end in divorce. No only is there an imbalance of what each partner wants here, OP has destroyed the sexual relationship between them, has shown that she has interest in sex, but not with her partner. Most healthy people who have sexual interests outside of their marriage either divorce/separate first to have those sexual interests answered or they choose not to engage in those sexual interests. But to do so, covertly, for 2.5 years and then be unwilling to do such acts with her husband is more than just betrayal, but also rejection of him as a partner. She is the one who has ended their marriage, but she wants him to have a marriage in name just for her benefit and not for his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well that would depend wouldn't it? If her husband wants her to do all these things with him now as a condition of moving forward with rebuilding the marriage, that's one thing. But it's also possible that he wants to do this as a way of taking sexual revenge against her, then dumping her. Here, dirty whore, now I've had you in every way you'd let yourself be had by other people, I've taken what should have been mine from the get-go, and now I can toss you off without a second thought. It's a closure, of sorts. I mean, it can be. I am curious how come I'm the only one who sees this as a possibility. Then it's a means of sexual humiliation, and OP might do well to decline.

Then he would be worse than her, so I agree with your last statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm...well, OP, you really set the table, didn't you? You opened "pandora's box"--and this is what you get. You "want your old life back"?--forget it, it's gone. Your marriage may survive, and you may be happy again, but your marriage will never be the same. Sadly, you should have considered your marriage, your daughters, and your husband's love before you fucked the gym stud.

Your husband now has all of these "mind movies" of you, his loving, wonderful wife, the mother of his children--spreading her legs and letting some gym stud fuck you silly, every "furtive" chance you got. Don't worry about *you* being "tortured" by whatever anger and demands your husband has for you, now. He is going to be tortured every day for the rest of his life with you with the haunting, unbidden thoughts of you, moaning as the other man pumps his cock into you. Your husband will be tortured about wondering if you really desire him--instead of secretly yearning to be in the gym stud's arms. You have mind fucked your husband forever.

Now, you can help your husband heal, and learn to trust you and love you again, but *you* need to do the work. Get counseling; apologize and show total remorse and devotion to him. If he wants the affair details, give them to him. Such may help him reconcile the fears, the unanswered questions, and the mind movies. Be honest and transparent with him in *everything*.

You may have a chance at rebuilding your shattered marriage into a happy one. Paradoxically, experimenting or embracing an "open marriage" may be a temporary part of the rebuilding process. Whatever it takes. You betrayed your husband. You offered yourself up to another man, and gave yourself to him, over and over, and over. Your husband is absolutely destroyed.

You need to love him, and commit yourself totally to the marriage and to doing whatever it takes to rebuild it into something new.

Centurion

Are you the husband? You sure sound like it. Should she lick his shoes clean also?

[Anonymous]

Troll post written by Centurion. He was really mad when his wife F###ed another guy.

[Anonymous]

OP,

My advice is to expect that this will lead to divorce and that your relationship with your daughters and your finances will never, ever be the same. I can't believe you think he's being mean. You moved in with the guy you were having an affair with after getting caught.

I haven't read all the posts ... if you haven't met with a lawyer, you should. It's great that you're working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll post written by Centurion. He was really mad when his wife F###ed another guy.

Facts only. Word up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll post written by Centurion. He was really mad when his wife F###ed another guy.

Facts only. Word up.

I stand by it.

[Anonymous]

OP: your DH is very angry and he is being vindictive. Look back at why you started to the affair in the first place. Perhaps because the DH was a demanding, dull and vindictive sort of guy? Now he wants you to perform certain acts with him? First confess, then do penance? I suspect that the marriage was really over before the affair began. But now you have the legalities to face, and you need to be the mother to your children. He does not have the right to keep the children away from you. You need a lawyer in a BIG way. More even than you need counseling or confession. A lawyer with experience would likely tell you that tit for tat is not going to put the marriage back together again. Like PP said, that part of your life and relationship is over. You are now on new ground, and your DH does not sound like the forgiving type. Stop blaming yourself and start looking out for yourself. Virginia can be a very hard state to divorce in. Be careful.

[Anonymous]

Let's make OP a man. Now give him advice.

[Anonymous]

So much misandry on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much misandry on this thread.

Yeah right, and I am someone that can't stand when other women - and some men - put men down. Posters are easily telling OP how much of a horrible whore she is and never deserves to see her kids.....how many times in threads where OP is a woman talking about her cheating husband do posters say he should never see the kids? Not as much as in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much misandry on this thread.

Yeah right, and I am someone that can't stand when other women - and some men - put men down. Posters are easily telling OP how much of a horrible whore she is and never deserves to see her kids.....how many times in threads where OP is a woman talking about her cheating husband do posters say he should never see the kids? Not as much as in this thread.

Above poster is correct. What stands out about this thread was the malicious, targeted way posters are addressing OP, specifically around her gender and sexuality. Her behavior makes her a cheater. A bad spouse and possibly a bad parent. Same nouns one can use for a cheating DH. Posters repeatedly referring to OP as a "whore" and suggesting she lose custody of her kids are coming from an entirely different place. And it's not a good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much misandry on this thread.

Yeah right, and I am someone that can't stand when other women - and some men - put men down. Posters are easily telling OP how much of a horrible whore she is and never deserves to see her kids.....how many times in threads where OP is a woman talking about her cheating husband do posters say he should never see the kids? Not as much as in this thread.

Above poster is correct. What stands out about this thread was the malicious, targeted way posters are addressing OP, specifically around her gender and sexuality. Her behavior makes her a cheater. A bad spouse and possibly a bad parent. Same nouns one can use for a cheating DH. Posters repeatedly referring to OP as a "whore" and suggesting she lose custody of her kids are coming from an entirely different place. And it's not a good one.

She lost custody because she can't afford to support her kids not because she is a whore. It's because she expects her ex-h to support her even though she has an Ivy League education. She makes $20k a year and refuses to get a real job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much misandry on this thread.

Yeah right, and I am someone that can't stand when other women - and some men - put men down. Posters are easily telling OP how much of a horrible whore she is and never deserves to see her kids.....how many times in threads where OP is a woman talking about her cheating husband do posters say he should never see the kids? Not as much as in this thread.

Above poster is correct. What stands out about this thread was the malicious, targeted way posters are addressing OP, specifically around her gender and sexuality. Her behavior makes her a cheater. A bad spouse and possibly a bad parent. Same nouns one can use for a cheating DH. Posters repeatedly referring to OP as a "whore" and suggesting she lose custody of her kids are coming from an entirely different place. And it's not a good one.

She lost custody because she can't afford to support her kids not because she is a whore. It's because she expects her ex-h to support her even though she has an Ivy League education. She makes $20k a year and refuses to get a real job.

+1. Folks need to read carefully because the unbelievable lack of judgement by OP (not the covert affair part but running to move in with the OM) is what could be the nail in the coffin. That her H is asking for details - that's understandable as some PPs noted due to the fact that he's destroyed by this revelation. That he wants an 'open marriage' or for OP to perform on him as she did with then ON, well that's what OP says and it's coming from someone with with little credibility.

Do you think she deserves, based on behavior, to have her girls? She can't support herself, the girls apparently hate her and at the first sign of trouble (i.e., being caught and kicked out the of the house) what did she do? Does that sound like someone with her shit together? And she think her H is being too mean. wow.

As one PP mentioned, if OP was a man, what you'll be your reaction?