DH wants "open relationship" after my affair...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't Virginia a "no fault" state for divorce. I don't think there is any state where one can assign fault. That you had an affair really doesn't matter in terms of settlement, yes? But I'm not a lawyer, which leads me to my advice:

You need to consult a lawyer in VA and get accurate advice.

No. Infidelity, abandoning the family, etc. can affect property allocation.

OP, what's up with his request for details? That makes this story sound trollish or like a fetish. Also, talk to an attorney ASAP.

Very trollish. Wants details and for her to perform the same acts? Wtf? Fake.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that his "open relationship" request is just a desire to have a little of what you had? Tell him the details he's asking for. Do the things with DH that you did with OM. Apologize repeatedly. Go to therapy on your own now and keep begging him to go with you.

I don't know how I'd react if my DW did that, but if she were still alive, I have to think that she would only talk to my lawyer. The fact that he's still talking to you says you've got a chance, but you have to accept some pain after the pain you caused. Be happy you still have that chance.

[Anonymous]

I think he's within his rights to ask for a lot of the things he's asking for. However, demanding that the OP do everything she did with the OM really rubs me the wrong way. Like it's a way for him to sexually humiliate or abuse his wife before kicking her to the curb and taking her kids. I would not have any sort of sexual relationship with someone who coerced me that way, nor would I be able to look at them the same way ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No sympathy. You fucked up. Except for demanding the intimate details of the affair (maybe you should provide those -- in graphic detail -- if you want to twist the knife?), I would probably do the same thing.

I hope he gets custody, too.

What a horrible thing to say to somebody . Honestly what are u a Pollyanna do gooder?

[Anonymous]

I do have sympathy because I have 3 friends in the same situation. All 3 lost the house, custody of their children, their community friends and repect.

Your husband is right unfortunately.

You have no right to live in your husband's house, you have the right to equity built during the marriage, which hopefully is not in the negative because you will be responsible for that too.
You have no right to physical custody of you children until you have built a life. That means visitation, hopefully not at your pathetic apartment.
Get a real job. Make money. Build a life. Stop being a child and letting somebody else support you. Create you own life instead of being somebody that is hanging onto somebody elses's life, your old life.

It will take you about 2 years just to be on your own 2 feet. Use this time wisely because with an Ivy education a court of law is not going to give you alimony longer than 2 years. It will take you another 2 years for your kids not to be totally embarrased by you, your living situation, and your life.

Don't go back to your husband. Husbands and male affair partners want nothing to do with the cheating wife once it is all said and done.

You pissed away a prefect life, and Ivy league education and you children's well being. Grow up!

[Anonymous]

Hmmm...well, OP, you really set the table, didn't you? You opened "pandora's box"--and this is what you get. You "want your old life back"?--forget it, it's gone. Your marriage may survive, and you may be happy again, but your marriage will never be the same. Sadly, you should have considered your marriage, your daughters, and your husband's love before you fucked the gym stud.

Your husband now has all of these "mind movies" of you, his loving, wonderful wife, the mother of his children--spreading her legs and letting some gym stud fuck you silly, every "furtive" chance you got. Don't worry about *you* being "tortured" by whatever anger and demands your husband has for you, now. He is going to be tortured every day for the rest of his life with you with the haunting, unbidden thoughts of you, moaning as the other man pumps his cock into you. Your husband will be tortured about wondering if you really desire him--instead of secretly yearning to be in the gym stud's arms. You have mind fucked your husband forever.

Now, you can help your husband heal, and learn to trust you and love you again, but *you* need to do the work. Get counseling; apologize and show total remorse and devotion to him. If he wants the affair details, give them to him. Such may help him reconcile the fears, the unanswered questions, and the mind movies. Be honest and transparent with him in *everything*.

You may have a chance at rebuilding your shattered marriage into a happy one. Paradoxically, experimenting or embracing an "open marriage" may be a temporary part of the rebuilding process. Whatever it takes. You betrayed your husband. You offered yourself up to another man, and gave yourself to him, over and over, and over. Your husband is absolutely destroyed.

You need to love him, and commit yourself totally to the marriage and to doing whatever it takes to rebuild it into something new.

Centurion

[Anonymous]

Hold up--you had the affair 3 yrs ago but have been separated 8 months? What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

For those that have never been there... rebulding from an affair includes every detail of the affair if that is what the betrayed spouse need to heal.

13:15 hit the nail on the head.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hold up--you had the affair 3 yrs ago but have been separated 8 months? What am I missing?

It started 3 years ago, she got caught 8 months ago.

She whored around with an other man for YEARS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Unfortunately this is NOT BS. This is what happens when bored housewifes have an affair. They get an apartment and lose custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold up--you had the affair 3 yrs ago but have been separated 8 months? What am I missing?

It started 3 years ago, she got caught 8 months ago.

She whored around with an other man for YEARS!

I'm surprised DH hasn't already started divorce proceedings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold up--you had the affair 3 yrs ago but have been separated 8 months? What am I missing?

It started 3 years ago, she got caught 8 months ago.

She whored around with an other man for YEARS!

Then she left her kids and moved in with him.

After your DH locked you out, if you were really sorry, if you really had your family's best interest at heart. You would have went to a counselor the next day and begged to move back home.

The only one I truly feel sorry for - your daughters. They will suffer the most.

[Anonymous]

Wait, what has OM been doing that DH has not been permitted to do? I'm not getting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No sympathy. You fucked up. Except for demanding the intimate details of the affair (maybe you should provide those -- in graphic detail -- if you want to twist the knife?), I would probably do the same thing.

I hope he gets custody, too.

+1