DH wants "open relationship" after my affair...

[Anonymous]

OP's husband kicks her out but gets upset that OP stays with OM for a few months.....why??? After being kicked out of the home, doesn't she have a right to go where she wants to? And I would ask the same question if genders were reversed.

[Anonymous]

OP's husband kicks her out but gets upset that OP stays with OM for a few months.....why??? After being kicked out of the home, doesn't she have a right to go where she wants to? And I would ask the same question if genders were reversed.

Well, I don't know OP, but from my own perspective, if I found out that DH was cheating and kicked him out, I would be more likely to consider reconciliation if he went to sleep on his best friend's couch vs. moving in with the woman that he was cheating on me with.

[Anonymous]

Want your old life back, after you betray your devoted husband for THREE years? Youre lucky youre alive at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DH, however, has been very (I think unfairly) strict with me. He told me to get an apartment on my own, find a job (I was a SAHM who had been out of the workforce for a good 12 years. I am now working a job with a non-profit that is low paid - $20 - $30K - even though I have an Ivy education) and to seek individual therapy before we do family therapy. He says he wants to know all the sexual details of my relationship with OM and that I should be willing to do with DH anything I did with OM and that he may want to explore having an open relationship.

The first part doesn't sound unreasonable. I would be unwilling to do the bolded myself, and so would just agree to get a divorce instead.

Its a pretty valid requirement, considering he was providing her food, shelter, clothing, and a gym membership, which she used to fuck another man for 3 years. Paid for by him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Want your old life back, after you betray your devoted husband for THREE years? Youre lucky youre alive at all.

Right. Cheating justifies murder.

I hope you aren't married.

[Anonymous]

One thing I'm picking up from this discussion is that it seems fairly common for women to apparently be willing to do sexual things with other men that they would not be willing to do with their husbands. If this is common in the world at large and word got out, men would pretty quickly get the idea that being a husband is for chumps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing I'm picking up from this discussion is that it seems fairly common for women to apparently be willing to do sexual things with other men that they would not be willing to do with their husbands. If this is common in the world at large and word got out, men would pretty quickly get the idea that being a husband is for chumps.

This question needs to be a new thread, because you're right in implying that this is a big deal for both men and women. Although, maybe it depends to a great extent why infidelity occurred in the first place. And, I'd really like to hear if men reserve special moves for OW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's husband kicks her out but gets upset that OP stays with OM for a few months.....why??? After being kicked out of the home, doesn't she have a right to go where she wants to? And I would ask the same question if genders were reversed.

Of course she's free to do whatever she wants and go wherever she wants, but if she doesn't see what's wrong with going to her cheating lover's place to live with him, then she has no business objecting to DH wanting a divorce. If she wanted to work on rebuilding her marriage, she should have considered what adding salt to the knife wounds that she inflicted on her husband would do. And because of that, she may find that she has caused a irreparable rift in her marriage. If she truly wants to rebuild her marriage at this point, her only recourse is to seek the individual therapy that he asks and to stop hiding information from him (she spent 3 years hiding important details from him and now he wants her to rebuild his trust by coming clean with all secrets). As for performing sexual acts with him, it's really inappropriate of him to ask, but he's responding to being so horribly betrayed that he wants her to prove that she loves him as much as she loves the lover and she should be willing to do what she did with him with her husband. If she isn't willing, then it proves that she is still not willing to make sacrifices to restore her marriage. She might as well just divorce and take the shattered remains of the life she destroyed with grace. But apparently, grace isn't really her style.

[Anonymous]

ts a pretty valid requirement, considering he was providing her food, shelter, clothing, and a gym membership, which she used to fuck another man for 3 years. Paid for by him.

Food, shelter, clothing, and gym are also pretty valid requirements for someone who keeps house, raises the kids, and does all the cooking/cleaning.

If their agreement was that one parent would stay home, he wasn't doing her a goddamn favor by paying the bills.

And once again, it doesn't justify sexual coercion.

Old life back, no. End of marriage, sure. Joint custody, yes. Kids need both their parents.

Same as if cheating spouse were a DH.

This thread is getting old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

ts a pretty valid requirement, considering he was providing her food, shelter, clothing, and a gym membership, which she used to fuck another man for 3 years. Paid for by him.

Food, shelter, clothing, and gym are also pretty valid requirements for someone who keeps house, raises the kids, and does all the cooking/cleaning.

If their agreement was that one parent would stay home, he wasn't doing her a goddamn favor by paying the bills.

And once again, it doesn't justify sexual coercion.

Old life back, no. End of marriage, sure. Joint custody, yes. Kids need both their parents.

Same as if cheating spouse were a DH.

This thread is getting old.

Not even remotely the same if husband was the cheater.

How good was she keeping house and raising her kids? She certainly had time to engage in sex with another man for THREE years. Did he fuck her in her maritalbed? Most definitely. While hubby was away paying for her ass. Raising her kids? She ruined her whole family. Great job she did.

He has every right to know exactly what she did with gym stud. Everything she did on his dime, behind his back, when she was supposed to be "raising the kids". Hell never trust her, but hes giving her a chance to be his slut.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she went home after the relationship with the OM didnt work out. Don't see how this could end well for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she went home after the relationship with the OM didnt work out. Don't see how this could end well for OP.

Did she actually go home? Has she had sex again with DH? I didn't read the whole thread.

[Anonymous]

No. No and no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. No and no.

this and OP wanted sympathy (which she got from a few men-haters). the most amazing thing is that folks are jumping on what OP said her H wanted (i.e., to be his slut and do to him what she did to the OM for 3+ years) - which given the circumstances, how can we take her at her word that DH actually said that in the first place? H most likely is cataloging all the details for the divorce papers to reduce any financial support owed to her and possibly to have primary custody and/or possible sole legal guardianship as her judgement is very seriously called into question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she went home after the relationship with the OM didnt work out. Don't see how this could end well for OP.

Did she actually go home? Has she had sex again with DH? I didn't read the whole thread.

I don't think her DH wants to have sex with her again, at least not in a loving way, maybe a slutty way.

Think about it this way. By marrying her, providing, care and giving her children, I am sure her DH had the expectations that her pussy would now belong to him or at least have exclusive use of it. Let's face it, no man will marry a women if she does not have a snatch down there, essentially, that's the price. And that is the reason he's committed himself to providing for her even with all things being considered. The OP went out and let some random dude poked her in all kinds of way down there. Well, that's a gross violation of her husband and the life she promised him. Her DH is the victim here and the OP deserve to be thrown out on her ass. Did she think her Ivy degree entitled her to special treatments? Welcome to the bread line OP.