Am I overreacting/rude with this text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you were not rude. Liberal white women are very entitled and don’t like being called out about their BS, especially by WOC or white men. And before you all start attacking me, I’m a 47 year old white male.

+1. Liberal white women are the worst. I’m surprised you came to ask this question on DCUM. From now on, OP, you can really only trust other people of color to understand these dynamics (and I do appreciate the 47 year old white male here as well). Never bring these topics up in white spaces because they will gaslight you to hell and back.

Hey, I'm a liberal white woman, and I agreed with OP above. I also agree with you, however, that most liberal white women are the worst. Just not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

Yes...AND white women deserve it. White women voted for Trump, making lives harder for all, but especially Black women. I'm a white woman who feels this, but then I remind myself of the previous two sentences.

I care about it less from POC, than I do from white men, who are 1000x worse IMO. Not all men obvs, because I'm married to a white man and have two white sons. But, generally, I don't need to be so sensitive. It will pass the better we do. And, clearly this thread proves we have a long way to go.

Not ALL older white women voted for Trump and it gets so frustrating constantly being lumped in with the ones that did. There was even another post about how liberal white women are the worst. Liberal white women certainly didn’t vote for Trump or support anything about him.

+1

It's comical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you were not rude. Liberal white women are very entitled and don’t like being called out about their BS, especially by WOC or white men. And before you all start attacking me, I’m a 47 year old white male.

+1. Liberal white women are the worst. I’m surprised you came to ask this question on DCUM. From now on, OP, you can really only trust other people of color to understand these dynamics (and I do appreciate the 47 year old white male here as well). Never bring these topics up in white spaces because they will gaslight you to hell and back.

Hey, I'm a liberal white woman, and I agreed with OP above. I also agree with you, however, that most liberal white women are the worst. Just not me.

Well, what I meant was, “not all white liberal women,” which I hope was implied. As a woman of color I certainly have absolute gem white liberal women friends- it’s just not the norm and I certainly don’t trust most white people in general (while also acknowledging how amazing some are!). I just don’t think DCUM is a place where a woman of color should come for advice on microaggressions and race/power dynamics. Especially when it’s clear that the majority of people who are gaslighting her are clearly white.

[Anonymous]

How close a friend is this person? For a close friend, I think the text is fine - you should tell them how you feel. For a more casual friend, I think the text is odd and not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

Yes...AND white women deserve it. White women voted for Trump, making lives harder for all, but especially Black women. I'm a white woman who feels this, but then I remind myself of the previous two sentences.

I care about it less from POC, than I do from white men, who are 1000x worse IMO. Not all men obvs, because I'm married to a white man and have two white sons. But, generally, I don't need to be so sensitive. It will pass the better we do. And, clearly this thread proves we have a long way to go.

Not ALL older white women voted for Trump and it gets so frustrating constantly being lumped in with the ones that did. There was even another post about how liberal white women are the worst. Liberal white women certainly didn’t vote for Trump or support anything about him.

Maybe OP should tell us who her friend voted for. Though you may not want to know the answer.

Also, neither you, nor I need to advertise who we are. It should be clear from our actions. It's a moment in time. All groups are lumped together in stereotypes, so let's remember to not be so sensitive.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what you are asking. You sent the text, she said it wasn't like that. What can you do next? Either believe that isn't the place she is coming from, or pull back from the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friend and I were at a public place (restaurant/bar) for drinks. I told her a fact based on things I know from my career field. She insisted I was incorrect. A man at the table behind us, turned around and said "actually, she is right. I have experienced [event/situation] to be the case as well".

For context, friend is a white woman and I am a WOC. I sent her a text later as follows:
"Hey, I just wanted to say that it really hurts when you don't listen to me on things that I quite literally do for a living. It's a bit of a microaggression to be honest that you immediately believe a random white man who presents anecdata over me, your friend who has a Master's in this topic. I'm not mad at you and I don't want to stop being friends with you. I just wanted to let you know how this comes across."

She replied "oh it's not like that...."

Am I overreacting?

OP defends herself on:

1) Her work experience
2) Her status as a WoC
3) Her softness at a "microagression"
4) A "Master's"

In areas where I'm an expert, I use my expertise to prove my points. Sadly, a Masters degree is a bit of a running joke among my peers in that the folks who have them think the Masters means something other than a signal that the person had no better options than to get a Masters.

[Anonymous]

OP share this video w your friend


https://youtu.be/1yJcIqj4OYk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what you are asking. You sent the text, she said it wasn't like that. What can you do next? Either believe that isn't the place she is coming from, or pull back from the friendship.

+1.

What is this text supposed to achieve? It's either she gets it or she doesn't. Trust your instincts. If you think her arguments on POC issues are usually unreasonable and dismissive, let the friendship go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what you are asking. You sent the text, she said it wasn't like that. What can you do next? Either believe that isn't the place she is coming from, or pull back from the friendship.

Actually im curious how OP responded and if the friend said anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what you are asking. You sent the text, she said it wasn't like that. What can you do next? Either believe that isn't the place she is coming from, or pull back from the friendship.

+1.

What is this text supposed to achieve? It's either she gets it or she doesn't. Trust your instincts. If you think her arguments on POC issues are usually unreasonable and dismissive, let the friendship go.

And you don't have to be dramatic about letting the friendship go. Just slowly pull away until the friendship is reduced to texts and big group parties. You don't need hostility in your inner circle.

As a POC, I had to let go of a close friendship over their opinions on POC issues. I had to let go of another over their opinions on allergies as my kids have many allergies including peanuts (and this idiot knew this and would be dismissive of my concerns when my kids were still toddlers). I don't need constant battle in my close circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

+100.
WW, especially mothers, owe infinite care, forgiveness, patience, selflessness, emotional labor, actual labor, to absolutely everyone around us, in our home of course, but to our neighbors, at kids’ schools, in the office. Everyone gets the spoils and the promotions, we get second-guessing of our intentions, morals, abilities. I would have zero patience for OP’s paranoid opinions of her friend that escalated into a sad tantrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

+100.
WW, especially mothers, owe infinite care, forgiveness, patience, selflessness, emotional labor, actual labor, to absolutely everyone around us, in our home of course, but to our neighbors, at kids’ schools, in the office. Everyone gets the spoils and the promotions, we get second-guessing of our intentions, morals, abilities. I would have zero patience for OP’s paranoid opinions of her friend that escalated into a sad tantrum.

Lol. So you mean you are patient and selfless to other white people you are related to. Yeah sorry, that doesn't excuse your racism.

[Anonymous]

Just thinking out loud but what happens when the threat of calling someone racist doesn't sting anymore. Using the term so freely desensitizes people from the true horror of its meaning, no?
What if I said in response, "yeah, ok, so I am racist" and just went on with my day. Then what? The word actually means something that is extremely important to ingest but continuing to weaponize it as it is constantly done here, it loses its meaning and certainly its sting. Then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just thinking out loud but what happens when the threat of calling someone racist doesn't sting anymore. Using the term so freely desensitizes people from the true horror of its meaning, no?
What if I said in response, "yeah, ok, so I am racist" and just went on with my day. Then what? The word actually means something that is extremely important to ingest but continuing to weaponize it as it is constantly done here, it loses its meaning and certainly its sting. Then what?

Oh hun. No.