My kid witnessed another playdate - awkward - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

You’re insane and a drama llama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were the other mom, I would have included your DD. But maybe there is something about the group dynamic that makes her feel wary to add a 4th kid to supervise. Or maybe she just wasn't up to it. That's her choice and you need to help DD manage her disappointment. Nobody did anything "wrong."

If I were you, I would let this whole matter go and invite those 3 girls over (if your DD wants to) for a playdate. Just try and be normal and hopefully everyone (including you) will soon forget this.

When does it stop? How many kids does she have to include to accommodate "hurt feelings"? Everyone doesn't get invited to everything. Its the way the world works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were the other mom, I would have included your DD. But maybe there is something about the group dynamic that makes her feel wary to add a 4th kid to supervise. Or maybe she just wasn't up to it. That's her choice and you need to help DD manage her disappointment. Nobody did anything "wrong."

If I were you, I would let this whole matter go and invite those 3 girls over (if your DD wants to) for a playdate. Just try and be normal and hopefully everyone (including you) will soon forget this.

When does it stop? How many kids does she have to include to accommodate "hurt feelings"? Everyone doesn't get invited to everything. Its the way the world works.

This. And it's a good lesson to learn early or you end up like the OP, feeling "edged out" by another mom. Stupid.

[Anonymous]

Op, your daughter spent all afternoon crying over this? I wonder if there are other ways in which its hard for her to manage her emotions, move on to another activity, etc.

The other mom was incredibly polite in responding to you in such a way when you made the situation awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT text the mom. You are coming across very insecure and frankly, psycho. Invite the girls out for a playdate next time.

Yeah, I'd say nothing, let 1 time slide. But if the group continues to exclude your kid, that's another thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter was rude to ask her friend for a playdate when she was with others. Kids are allowed to have other friends.

Let's not be maniacal here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were the other mom, I would have included your DD. But maybe there is something about the group dynamic that makes her feel wary to add a 4th kid to supervise. Or maybe she just wasn't up to it. That's her choice and you need to help DD manage her disappointment. Nobody did anything "wrong."

If I were you, I would let this whole matter go and invite those 3 girls over (if your DD wants to) for a playdate. Just try and be normal and hopefully everyone (including you) will soon forget this.

When does it stop? How many kids does she have to include to accommodate "hurt feelings"? Everyone doesn't get invited to everything. Its the way the world works.

She doesn't have to include anyone, that's why I also said in my post that the other mom didn't do anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Consider whether this girl might be your DD’s best friend but not vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2nd grade daughter came home with a party favor bag from a classmate's birthday. My daughter said that the girl had a party on the weekend and brought bags for the class. I was teasing her a bit 'hey why weren't you invited to that party?' just to see her response... she says "No Mom, she just had like 5 friends! I am not that close with her." I was very impressed. I would say to encourage general independence and not reading into people's playdates too much. Every combination of kids has the right to hang out and not include everyone else. Brush it off and do something fun to distract.

Why would you tease her about this? How odd.

DP

Sometimes some light hearted teasing gets you to see true feelings in an indirect way. I tease my kids all the time. Even this morning I told my older daughter that I'm showing up at her volleyball tonight with a headband that says Larla in blinking lights and a big finger. Then, I'm going to ask the guy she has a crush on if he knows where she is. It's hilarious and I'd never really do it. She did divulge that he doesn't know she's crushing on him. See how that communication dynamic works? Not all of us are lifeless and serious all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were the other mom, I would have included your DD. But maybe there is something about the group dynamic that makes her feel wary to add a 4th kid to supervise. Or maybe she just wasn't up to it. That's her choice and you need to help DD manage her disappointment. Nobody did anything "wrong."

If I were you, I would let this whole matter go and invite those 3 girls over (if your DD wants to) for a playdate. Just try and be normal and hopefully everyone (including you) will soon forget this.

When does it stop? How many kids does she have to include to accommodate "hurt feelings"? Everyone doesn't get invited to everything. Its the way the world works.

She doesn't have to include anyone, that's why I also said in my post that the other mom didn't do anything wrong.

But the OP did.

Just a weird move to text someone and say they should have invited your kid to something.

[Anonymous]

The subject line is funny. The only thing awkward about this is your kid inviting one to come play in front of two others while they were clearly going to a playdate, and your handling of this by texting the mom. This is not going to end well for either of you if you don't get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Op, with your comment “ how is that fair” is the problem. Fairness does not have relevance here. People are allowed to have any combination of friend groups they want. Haven’t you?

You need to change your outlook quickly as you have just set-up a dynamic where now that mother ( and possibly others) are going to think you are high- maintenance or a bit odd and definitely not encourage their children to play with your dd. Not in a mean way but just too much drama. You have potentially fulfilled a prophecy where now your dd will be invited even less often.

I am not sure how old you are or how old your dd. I have children in college and in my 50s so perhaps a generational thing but you need to stay out of your children’s relationships. These friends may come and go, cycle back, but they will definitely change in some form.

You need to understand that even if all get along it’s normal for sub-friend groups to form. Therefore, Your dd needs more than just one friend/close friend.

YOU should not have let her approach the other child as you as the adult knew what was happening.

I had a dc who always wanted to play with his friend right off the bus. However, I knew that mother did not like that as she was very “ play date at this time and this date” I reminded my child everyday for an entire year not to ask if they could play afterschool, and that our plans were x and x with that family.

Back to your dd….Once she figured out she was not invited it was your job to acknowledge her feelings, explain that sometimes friends are going to do things with others, and we may not always be included.

Then, you move on. Invite someone else, make cookies, go to library. You do not tell another parent your child was hurt by not being included.

If your child is being physically or verbally bullied then of course say something. You don’t say anything about hurt feelings when be excluded in that manner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2nd grade daughter came home with a party favor bag from a classmate's birthday. My daughter said that the girl had a party on the weekend and brought bags for the class. I was teasing her a bit 'hey why weren't you invited to that party?' just to see her response... she says "No Mom, she just had like 5 friends! I am not that close with her." I was very impressed. I would say to encourage general independence and not reading into people's playdates too much. Every combination of kids has the right to hang out and not include everyone else. Brush it off and do something fun to distract.

Why would you tease her about this? How odd.

DP

Sometimes some light hearted teasing gets you to see true feelings in an indirect way. I tease my kids all the time. Even this morning I told my older daughter that I'm showing up at her volleyball tonight with a headband that says Larla in blinking lights and a big finger. Then, I'm going to ask the guy she has a crush on if he knows where she is. It's hilarious and I'd never really do it. She did divulge that he doesn't know she's crushing on him. See how that communication dynamic works? Not all of us are lifeless and serious all the time.

This is creepy and weird and passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2nd grade daughter came home with a party favor bag from a classmate's birthday. My daughter said that the girl had a party on the weekend and brought bags for the class. I was teasing her a bit 'hey why weren't you invited to that party?' just to see her response... she says "No Mom, she just had like 5 friends! I am not that close with her." I was very impressed. I would say to encourage general independence and not reading into people's playdates too much. Every combination of kids has the right to hang out and not include everyone else. Brush it off and do something fun to distract.

Why would you tease her about this? How odd.

+1

[Anonymous]

I can't believe how many grown women live their children's social life. Not only that, they ignite drama where there's none. Get a life ladies! Let kids be kids.