My kid witnessed another playdate - awkward - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

OP, did your daughter inviter her BF over in front of the other two girls? Yes or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I read all the replies and appreciate them but genuinely don't feel I was out of line. When people can be so exclusive why not push for inclusivity? I did appreciate that the parent replied to my text. I wanted to be transparent about how it made my child feel so next time there might be a bit more self-reflection. I understand not every child is invited to each playdate, but if the opportunity arises, why not extend the offer to one more kid instead of simply changing the subject? My child clearly wanted to play. The mom in question has a large home and could have accommodated the extra child and I would have been happy to reciprocate next time. It was just an awkward situation which could have been made kinder by inclusivity.

We get it. This is YOUR world. You and your daughter are stars and you expect the supporting actors to prioritize you and your needs. Cool!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did your daughter inviter her BF over in front of the other two girls? Yes or no?

DP but does that really matter? Kids can be clueless/impulsive sometimes. They are kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, your daughter spent all afternoon crying over this? I wonder if there are other ways in which its hard for her to manage her emotions, move on to another activity, etc.

The other mom was incredibly polite in responding to you in such a way when you made the situation awkward.

Yeah, the crying all afternoon made me wonder if OP's daughter is a bit of a ... what's the nice word for crybaby now that we're adults? Maybe that's annoying and the other mother didn't want to deal with that on top of three other little girls happily playing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your daughter spent all afternoon crying over this? I wonder if there are other ways in which its hard for her to manage her emotions, move on to another activity, etc.

The other mom was incredibly polite in responding to you in such a way when you made the situation awkward.

Yeah, the crying all afternoon made me wonder if OP's daughter is a bit of a ... what's the nice word for crybaby now that we're adults? Maybe that's annoying and the other mother didn't want to deal with that on top of three other little girls happily playing.

OP didn't handle this well with the other mom but I cannot believe people are actually picking on the kid who was left out and probably also felt humiliated. She's a kid- they are still learning how to manage their emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your daughter spent all afternoon crying over this? I wonder if there are other ways in which its hard for her to manage her emotions, move on to another activity, etc.

The other mom was incredibly polite in responding to you in such a way when you made the situation awkward.

Yeah, the crying all afternoon made me wonder if OP's daughter is a bit of a ... what's the nice word for crybaby now that we're adults? Maybe that's annoying and the other mother didn't want to deal with that on top of three other little girls happily playing.

OP didn't handle this well with the other mom but I cannot believe people are actually picking on the kid who was left out and probably also felt humiliated. She's a kid- they are still learning how to manage their emotions.

I agree. The mother didn't set the tone that it's a nothingburger, for now anyway. OP, your daughter probably needs off of and mirrors your reactivity. It's one day. A friendship isn't defined by one afternoon usually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did your daughter inviter her BF over in front of the other two girls? Yes or no?

DP but does that really matter? Kids can be clueless/impulsive sometimes. They are kids.

It's not that the kid did it, it's that OP clearly doesn't see it as problematic even though it's the same kind of behavior she is complaining about from others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I read all the replies and appreciate them but genuinely don't feel I was out of line. When people can be so exclusive why not push for inclusivity? I did appreciate that the parent replied to my text. I wanted to be transparent about how it made my child feel so next time there might be a bit more self-reflection. I understand not every child is invited to each playdate, but if the opportunity arises, why not extend the offer to one more kid instead of simply changing the subject? My child clearly wanted to play. The mom in question has a large home and could have accommodated the extra child and I would have been happy to reciprocate next time. It was just an awkward situation which could have been made kinder by inclusivity.

WOW you're doubling down! No one owes your child or you an invitation. It's perfectly fine for your child to be excluded from playdates. They don't owe you an explanation. I can't believe you still feel like you were somehow wronged. You and your child are in for a world of hurt going forward.

+1. This. OP also is not teaching and preparing her kid for the real world. Friends break off, friends have other friends. It’s not about you and your kid.

I just cannot believe that OP texted the mom above. Just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I read all the replies and appreciate them but genuinely don't feel I was out of line. When people can be so exclusive why not push for inclusivity? I did appreciate that the parent replied to my text. I wanted to be transparent about how it made my child feel so next time there might be a bit more self-reflection. I understand not every child is invited to each playdate, but if the opportunity arises, why not extend the offer to one more kid instead of simply changing the subject? My child clearly wanted to play. The mom in question has a large home and could have accommodated the extra child and I would have been happy to reciprocate next time. It was just an awkward situation which could have been made kinder by inclusivity.

WOW you're doubling down! No one owes your child or you an invitation. It's perfectly fine for your child to be excluded from playdates. They don't owe you an explanation. I can't believe you still feel like you were somehow wronged. You and your child are in for a world of hurt going forward.

+1. This. OP also is not teaching and preparing her kid for the real world. Friends break off, friends have other friends. It’s not about you and your kid.

I just cannot believe that OP texted the mom above. Just wow.

It's a troll. Just let this thread die people. Go out and enjoy your Friday night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2nd grade daughter came home with a party favor bag from a classmate's birthday. My daughter said that the girl had a party on the weekend and brought bags for the class. I was teasing her a bit 'hey why weren't you invited to that party?' just to see her response... she says "No Mom, she just had like 5 friends! I am not that close with her." I was very impressed. I would say to encourage general independence and not reading into people's playdates too much. Every combination of kids has the right to hang out and not include everyone else. Brush it off and do something fun to distract.

Why would you tease her about this? How odd.

DP

Sometimes some light hearted teasing gets you to see true feelings in an indirect way. I tease my kids all the time. Even this morning I told my older daughter that I'm showing up at her volleyball tonight with a headband that says Larla in blinking lights and a big finger. Then, I'm going to ask the guy she has a crush on if he knows where she is. It's hilarious and I'd never really do it. She did divulge that he doesn't know she's crushing on him. See how that communication dynamic works? Not all of us are lifeless and serious all the time.

No. It really is not at all "hilarious"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

Unbelievable. Advocate for your daughter? You cannot control kids developing new friendships. The fact you are friends with another child's mother does not mean anything as far as the child developing friendships that don't include your daughter. I clearly see why they are pulling away from you. Cannot believe you sent that text. You just blew it.

[Anonymous]

OP you had it right in the title. Awkward.
Learning op for how to deal with awkward situations. Accept situation, acknowledge feelings privately, move on.
You made it much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your daughter spent all afternoon crying over this? I wonder if there are other ways in which its hard for her to manage her emotions, move on to another activity, etc.

The other mom was incredibly polite in responding to you in such a way when you made the situation awkward.

Yeah, the crying all afternoon made me wonder if OP's daughter is a bit of a ... what's the nice word for crybaby now that we're adults? Maybe that's annoying and the other mother didn't want to deal with that on top of three other little girls happily playing.

OP didn't handle this well with the other mom but I cannot believe people are actually picking on the kid who was left out and probably also felt humiliated. She's a kid- they are still learning how to manage their emotions.

I agree. The mother didn't set the tone that it's a nothingburger, for now anyway. OP, your daughter probably needs off of and mirrors your reactivity. It's one day. A friendship isn't defined by one afternoon usually.

I try to tell my kids to be friends with a wider net of kids to get in front of it. They are early elementary school and get closer to certain kids every few months depending on class placement or extracurriculars. I think it actually strengthens friendships to do this and prevents falling outs. One best friend is kind of unnecessary. Having a number of close friends is great. Small things like this doesn’t bother them and they get invited to a lot because parents and other kids associate them in multiple groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I read all the replies and appreciate them but genuinely don't feel I was out of line. When people can be so exclusive why not push for inclusivity? I did appreciate that the parent replied to my text. I wanted to be transparent about how it made my child feel so next time there might be a bit more self-reflection. I understand not every child is invited to each playdate, but if the opportunity arises, why not extend the offer to one more kid instead of simply changing the subject? My child clearly wanted to play. The mom in question has a large home and could have accommodated the extra child and I would have been happy to reciprocate next time. It was just an awkward situation which could have been made kinder by inclusivity.

The bolded attitude will spell misery for you and your poor daughter going forward. You don't make the rules in other people's lives. Can you understand that every person is different with different bandwidths? Maybe it's no big deal to you, to add an extra child. But it is to her, and YOU SHOULD RESPECT THAT, because it's her invite and her house.

If I received the text you sent, I would have felt mortified... for you. And I would have been just as polite and urbane as this other mother. But don't make the mistake of believing that just because adults around you stay polite, you haven't raised a host of social red flags on yourself. You came off as whiny and childish.

No one owes you an apology. You were the social boor in this situation. Also, you are not allowed to pretext "inclusivity" to angle for an invite! The only time being inclusive is socially acceptable is when you work to include others - not yourself or your children. I can't believe you don't realize this. The next time you plan a get-together with your friends, or your child's friends, I'm sure you'd be unpleasantly surprised if someone used that concept to invite themselves over: you'd probably think they were extremely rude, and you'd be right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

You made a poor choice. And you're kidding yourself that sending a text to a woman who did nothing wrong telling her that she hurt your daughter was "very kind." If this is how you try to win Larla's mom back, good luck!

Wasn't your daughter also rude in asking the 1 friend to come over when others were present? You should have let it go, OP. And used that information to make future decisions - have a playdate 1-1 with bff, etc.