PSA-Hoco

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

You're the problem, it's you.

Just know that at some point in your life your kids are going to want to be included too.

Everyone is invited to homecoming. The entire school. Everyone already is included

Still playing dumb? mkkkayyyy Yes, dear, everyone is invited. Move along.

I go places alone all the time. I always have. It is nobody else's responsibility to provide friends. It doesn't really work that way. You need to put yourself out there. It sounds like your child isn't doing that in a way that works for them.

Ok. And just like it's true my child can put themselves out there, it's also true that your child can think outside of themselves for a second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone has a friend group. Have your kids reach out to the kids they know to make sure that if they want to go, they have someone to go with. If every kid did this, maybe one persons experience would be different.

Love this! As a parent with a kid at a new school, the intense pressure to have planned fun on this particular day is really too much. My DD wants to go but hasn't cemented any plans with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

I am the OP. I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans. That doesn't mean walking up to everyone and asking. It doesn't even mean asking people in their classes. It just means being mindful to be inclusive and to check on those they do talk to.

Welp, you probably should have said that more clearly. Because people responded to what you wrote.

And FWIW, I think you're just changing your story now because you read through 10 posts of people saying your ask is unreasonable

Welp yourself. I am not changing my story and I don't think my ask is unreasonable. It would be a lot happier for many kids if each kid took a more inclusive approach to events like Hoco. I can't believe you are arguing about something that could make a difference for the experience of just one...

Does each kid include your kid? Did they ask around about plans or not?

You want your kids to not care about anyone. Just their plans and their friends.
What does it matter what this kid is doing.

Its a weird rule that only applies to other kids. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone has a friend group. Have your kids reach out to the kids they know to make sure that if they want to go, they have someone to go with. If every kid did this, maybe one persons experience would be different.

But then all the middle aged moms in leggings wouldn't get to make braggy social media posts with their DDs and copycat friends. They all have to have the faux low effort hoco post which makes no mention of the draconian efforts they took to engineer the night and photos - "Look at Katy, all grown up. Hope it's a great night!" (Of course it will be because you spent $300 on a tissue paper thin butt cheek length, sleeveless mini dress, paid for makeup, and coordinated with 12 parents to meet at your house, drive the kids to the monuments and ride in a party bus to the dance and dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was proud of DD last year as a sophomore, she went to hoco by herself. She's not part of a friend group but gets along with lots of different people, and she bounced from group to group. I picked her up at 11pm at the end, and she said she had a blast. She plans to do the same this year.

This!!! Honestly, THIS is what all parents should be encouraging if your child doesn’t decide to go with others. There is zero shame in walking in alone. You don’t need to group to attend.

You don't but can we all agree that the best part of Hoco for most of the girls is the getting ready together and having a group for photos?

My freshman daughter did this last year with some friends. It was a big group- maybe 10. This year most of her friends didn't do it (maybe 4 of the 10 met up beforehand) because it requires driving by parents with more than one large vehicle. She didn't seem bothered by it. I dropped her off and she met her friends at the dance. I'm glad she doesn't agree with your stance or she would be unhappy about the whole thing.

Same. But my freshman daughter preferred to get ready at home, not in a group. She went with two other girls. They got ready separately and one parent picked them up. They took one picture outside of the school before going in. Not all girls want to do giant group, lined up according to dress color in the rainbow, with bent knee, and bouquets picture.

I also think things will change a bit when she can drive next year. When social things require parents with large cars (and a willingness to drive), it makes it harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone has a friend group. Have your kids reach out to the kids they know to make sure that if they want to go, they have someone to go with. If every kid did this, maybe one persons experience would be different.

But then all the middle aged moms in leggings wouldn't get to make braggy social media posts with their DDs and copycat friends. They all have to have the faux low effort hoco post which makes no mention of the draconian efforts they took to engineer the night and photos - "Look at Katy, all grown up. Hope it's a great night!" (Of course it will be because you spent $300 on a tissue paper thin butt cheek length, sleeveless mini dress, paid for makeup, and coordinated with 12 parents to meet at your house, drive the kids to the monuments and ride in a party bus to the dance and dinner.

Jeez, you are letting these women live rent-free in your head....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

You're the problem, it's you.

Just know that at some point in your life your kids are going to want to be included too.

Everyone is invited to homecoming. The entire school. Everyone already is included

Still playing dumb? mkkkayyyy Yes, dear, everyone is invited. Move along.

I go places alone all the time. I always have. It is nobody else's responsibility to provide friends. It doesn't really work that way. You need to put yourself out there. It sounds like your child isn't doing that in a way that works for them.

Ok. And just like it's true my child can put themselves out there, it's also true that your child can think outside of themselves for a second.

You don’t seem to understand that a lot of these things come together last minute. Kids are busy sorting things out all along making sure they have their own plans set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone has a friend group. Have your kids reach out to the kids they know to make sure that if they want to go, they have someone to go with. If every kid did this, maybe one persons experience would be different.

But then all the middle aged moms in leggings wouldn't get to make braggy social media posts with their DDs and copycat friends. They all have to have the faux low effort hoco post which makes no mention of the draconian efforts they took to engineer the night and photos - "Look at Katy, all grown up. Hope it's a great night!" (Of course it will be because you spent $300 on a tissue paper thin butt cheek length, sleeveless mini dress, paid for makeup, and coordinated with 12 parents to meet at your house, drive the kids to the monuments and ride in a party bus to the dance and dinner.

Jeez, you are letting these women live rent-free in your head....

I try not to but am scarred for life after repeatedly seeing the saggy no-ass-at-all hipless moms in leggings and Uggs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone has a friend group. Have your kids reach out to the kids they know to make sure that if they want to go, they have someone to go with. If every kid did this, maybe one persons experience would be different.

But then all the middle aged moms in leggings wouldn't get to make braggy social media posts with their DDs and copycat friends. They all have to have the faux low effort hoco post which makes no mention of the draconian efforts they took to engineer the night and photos - "Look at Katy, all grown up. Hope it's a great night!" (Of course it will be because you spent $300 on a tissue paper thin butt cheek length, sleeveless mini dress, paid for makeup, and coordinated with 12 parents to meet at your house, drive the kids to the monuments and ride in a party bus to the dance and dinner.

Jeez, you are letting these women live rent-free in your head....

I try not to but am scarred for life after repeatedly seeing the saggy no-ass-at-all hipless moms in leggings and Uggs.

I think I love you

[Anonymous]

Be the cool parent and host an after party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone has a friend group. Have your kids reach out to the kids they know to make sure that if they want to go, they have someone to go with. If every kid did this, maybe one persons experience would be different.

But then all the middle aged moms in leggings wouldn't get to make braggy social media posts with their DDs and copycat friends. They all have to have the faux low effort hoco post which makes no mention of the draconian efforts they took to engineer the night and photos - "Look at Katy, all grown up. Hope it's a great night!" (Of course it will be because you spent $300 on a tissue paper thin butt cheek length, sleeveless mini dress, paid for makeup, and coordinated with 12 parents to meet at your house, drive the kids to the monuments and ride in a party bus to the dance and dinner.

Jeez, you are letting these women live rent-free in your head....

I try not to but am scarred for life after repeatedly seeing the saggy no-ass-at-all hipless moms in leggings and Uggs.

Those moms when they see stuff like this:

[Anonymous]

Just wait, we’re going to get the tweens trick-or-treating version of this same thread in no time. Last year at this time, my 12 year old was getting stressed trying to figure out who he was going to walk around with in Halloween and my 15 year was stressed about who she might go to go to Homecoming with. I know that we had our own particular social struggles as kids, but I think these two phenomenons are blown way out of proportion these days because of both parents and kids wanting to post perfectly curated pictures of their friend groups on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wait, we’re going to get the tweens trick-or-treating version of this same thread in no time. Last year at this time, my 12 year old was getting stressed trying to figure out who he was going to walk around with in Halloween and my 15 year was stressed about who she might go to go to Homecoming with. I know that we had our own particular social struggles as kids, but I think these two phenomenons are blown way out of proportion these days because of both parents and kids wanting to post perfectly curated pictures of their friend groups on social media.

They are. But parents keep it going like to OP insisting others invite kids they aren’t friends with so everyone feels included. Teens need to learn to be comfortable and confident being themselves - not stressing over what everyone else is doing and waiting around to be asked to do something

[Anonymous]

These posts are kind of crazy. I think it's a really nice sentiment OP.

My child always tries look at the chat lists to see who else can be invited. Usually there are kids on the periphery of a group and it's nice to check in with them to see if they have plans. You'd be surprised how many times they do not have plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These posts are kind of crazy. I think it's a really nice sentiment OP.

My child always tries look at the chat lists to see who else can be invited. Usually there are kids on the periphery of a group and it's nice to check in with them to see if they have plans. You'd be surprised how many times they do not have plans.

Exactly. I am floored by how many parents don't want their kids to do some reaching out. Like wuttt? It doesn't need to be a grand gesture. What's so bad about "hey, what are your hoco plans?" and if the answer is "nothing yet", what's so bad about saying "feel free to join us"

It's so basic.