PSA-Hoco

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

I am the OP. I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans. That doesn't mean walking up to everyone and asking. It doesn't even mean asking people in their classes. It just means being mindful to be inclusive and to check on those they do talk to.

Welp, you probably should have said that more clearly. Because people responded to what you wrote.

And FWIW, I think you're just changing your story now because you read through 10 posts of people saying your ask is unreasonable

What are you talking about? In the first post, OP wrote:
“Have your kids reach out to the kids they know to make sure that if they want to go, they have someone to go with.”

And just now she wrote:
“I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans.”

She hasn’t changed her story at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

I am the OP. I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans. That doesn't mean walking up to everyone and asking. It doesn't even mean asking people in their classes. It just means being mindful to be inclusive and to check on those they do talk to.

Welp, you probably should have said that more clearly. Because people responded to what you wrote.

And FWIW, I think you're just changing your story now because you read through 10 posts of people saying your ask is unreasonable

What are you talking about? In the first post, OP wrote:
“Have your kids reach out to the kids they know to make sure that if they want to go, they have someone to go with.”

And just now she wrote:
“I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans.”

She hasn’t changed her story at all.

So, every single person that you know, you consider a friend?

Because she started off by saying "check in on people you know" and then over the course of 10 pages, it changed to "friends should check in on each other"

Word matter. And those are different words

[Anonymous]

If the kids considered her child a close friend, they would be checking in. OP doesn't understand how social circles work, and it is certainly making her child confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

I am the OP. I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans. That doesn't mean walking up to everyone and asking. It doesn't even mean asking people in their classes. It just means being mindful to be inclusive and to check on those they do talk to.

Welp, you probably should have said that more clearly. Because people responded to what you wrote.

And FWIW, I think you're just changing your story now because you read through 10 posts of people saying your ask is unreasonable

What are you talking about? In the first post, OP wrote:
“Have your kids reach out to the kids they know to make sure that if they want to go, they have someone to go with.”

And just now she wrote:
“I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans.”

She hasn’t changed her story at all.

So, every single person that you know, you consider a friend?

Because she started off by saying "check in on people you know" and then over the course of 10 pages, it changed to "friends should check in on each other"

Word matter. And those are different words

Look, we know your kids aren’t going to do it, so just move along. They’re happy, you’re happy, nothing more to see here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

I am the OP. I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans. That doesn't mean walking up to everyone and asking. It doesn't even mean asking people in their classes. It just means being mindful to be inclusive and to check on those they do talk to.

Welp, you probably should have said that more clearly. Because people responded to what you wrote.

And FWIW, I think you're just changing your story now because you read through 10 posts of people saying your ask is unreasonable

What are you talking about? In the first post, OP wrote:
“Have your kids reach out to the kids they know to make sure that if they want to go, they have someone to go with.”

And just now she wrote:
“I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans.”

She hasn’t changed her story at all.

So, every single person that you know, you consider a friend?

Because she started off by saying "check in on people you know" and then over the course of 10 pages, it changed to "friends should check in on each other"

Word matter. And those are different words

They're not really. One thing is also consistent is that you are raising self-centered, non inclusive kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Please listen carefully. Your kid is having social issues. They clearly don't quite get what to do to make it better. You are suggesting things that don't make any sense. It just isn't how social circles work, and it isn't age appropriate for kids to be including their parents in these decisions. It is your child that has a problem. Instead of throwing out blame to the world, actually work on it. Make sure that you are teaching them social skills. Please get help from someone else, as this post makes it very clear why your child isn't learning them from you.

Please don't take this harshly. There are many people here on the spectrum. They need direct instruction. Please make sure that your child is getting this instruction from someone more qualified than you.

I would much rather a kid get instruction from OP than from someone like you.

For some of us it was very clear what OP meant. And the age really doesn't matter. Because even at work, when you see a colleague struggling, do you double down and say "yeah, you deserve it because you have no social skills" or whatever the issue may be. Or do you say "hey, I've been there before, let me see how I can maybe make it a little bit easier on them."

I do not struggle socially. I am ver extroverted and make friends easily (before you accuse me) but I have always appreciated a lunch invite from a peer when I started a new job, or a neighbor reaching you and inviting me to a block party after just moving to the neighborhood. I guess some people are just wired to know that we are not alone in this world, that there is value in inclusivity, that you don't lose social capital by inviting the "fringe kid" that it might mean more to them than you'll ever know. Others will always feel insecure enough about who they are and will take pleasure in someone being less than them in their mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

I am the OP. I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans. That doesn't mean walking up to everyone and asking. It doesn't even mean asking people in their classes. It just means being mindful to be inclusive and to check on those they do talk to.

Welp, you probably should have said that more clearly. Because people responded to what you wrote.

And FWIW, I think you're just changing your story now because you read through 10 posts of people saying your ask is unreasonable

Welp yourself. I am not changing my story and I don't think my ask is unreasonable. It would be a lot happier for many kids if each kid took a more inclusive approach to events like Hoco. I can't believe you are arguing about something that could make a difference for the experience of just one...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Please listen carefully. Your kid is having social issues. They clearly don't quite get what to do to make it better. You are suggesting things that don't make any sense. It just isn't how social circles work, and it isn't age appropriate for kids to be including their parents in these decisions. It is your child that has a problem. Instead of throwing out blame to the world, actually work on it. Make sure that you are teaching them social skills. Please get help from someone else, as this post makes it very clear why your child isn't learning them from you.

Please don't take this harshly. There are many people here on the spectrum. They need direct instruction. Please make sure that your child is getting this instruction from someone more qualified than you.

I would much rather a kid get instruction from OP than from someone like you.

For some of us it was very clear what OP meant. And the age really doesn't matter. Because even at work, when you see a colleague struggling, do you double down and say "yeah, you deserve it because you have no social skills" or whatever the issue may be. Or do you say "hey, I've been there before, let me see how I can maybe make it a little bit easier on them."

I do not struggle socially. I am ver extroverted and make friends easily (before you accuse me) but I have always appreciated a lunch invite from a peer when I started a new job, or a neighbor reaching you and inviting me to a block party after just moving to the neighborhood. I guess some people are just wired to know that we are not alone in this world, that there is value in inclusivity, that you don't lose social capital by inviting the "fringe kid" that it might mean more to them than you'll ever know. Others will always feel insecure enough about who they are and will take pleasure in someone being less than them in their mind.

Beautifully said, thank you. Can’t even believe it needed to be explained, but thank you nonetheless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

I am the OP. I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans. That doesn't mean walking up to everyone and asking. It doesn't even mean asking people in their classes. It just means being mindful to be inclusive and to check on those they do talk to.

Welp, you probably should have said that more clearly. Because people responded to what you wrote.

And FWIW, I think you're just changing your story now because you read through 10 posts of people saying your ask is unreasonable

Welp yourself. I am not changing my story and I don't think my ask is unreasonable. It would be a lot happier for many kids if each kid took a more inclusive approach to events like Hoco. I can't believe you are arguing about something that could make a difference for the experience of just one...

Does each kid include your kid? Did they ask around about plans or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

I am the OP. I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans. That doesn't mean walking up to everyone and asking. It doesn't even mean asking people in their classes. It just means being mindful to be inclusive and to check on those they do talk to.

Welp, you probably should have said that more clearly. Because people responded to what you wrote.

And FWIW, I think you're just changing your story now because you read through 10 posts of people saying your ask is unreasonable

Welp yourself. I am not changing my story and I don't think my ask is unreasonable. It would be a lot happier for many kids if each kid took a more inclusive approach to events like Hoco. I can't believe you are arguing about something that could make a difference for the experience of just one...

Does each kid include your kid? Did they ask around about plans or not?

You want your kids to not care about anyone. Just their plans and their friends.
What does it matter what this kid is doing.

[Anonymous]

NP, but it seems like at the core of people's objections are that OP seemed to be blaming the other kids for their kid's "exclusion"

I think we can all agree that more kindness in the world would be great. But blaming other kids for not including everyone seems at best, little bit like a fairy tale and at worst, a dangerous message to send to kids (other people are responsible for your social life; you are a victim for not being invited to this gathering).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Please listen carefully. Your kid is having social issues. They clearly don't quite get what to do to make it better. You are suggesting things that don't make any sense. It just isn't how social circles work, and it isn't age appropriate for kids to be including their parents in these decisions. It is your child that has a problem. Instead of throwing out blame to the world, actually work on it. Make sure that you are teaching them social skills. Please get help from someone else, as this post makes it very clear why your child isn't learning them from you.

Please don't take this harshly. There are many people here on the spectrum. They need direct instruction. Please make sure that your child is getting this instruction from someone more qualified than you.

I would much rather a kid get instruction from OP than from someone like you.

For some of us it was very clear what OP meant. And the age really doesn't matter. Because even at work, when you see a colleague struggling, do you double down and say "yeah, you deserve it because you have no social skills" or whatever the issue may be. Or do you say "hey, I've been there before, let me see how I can maybe make it a little bit easier on them."

I do not struggle socially. I am ver extroverted and make friends easily (before you accuse me) but I have always appreciated a lunch invite from a peer when I started a new job, or a neighbor reaching you and inviting me to a block party after just moving to the neighborhood. I guess some people are just wired to know that we are not alone in this world, that there is value in inclusivity, that you don't lose social capital by inviting the "fringe kid" that it might mean more to them than you'll ever know. Others will always feel insecure enough about who they are and will take pleasure in someone being less than them in their mind.

Beautifully said, thank you. Can’t even believe it needed to be explained, but thank you nonetheless.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

You're the problem, it's you.

Just know that at some point in your life your kids are going to want to be included too.

Everyone is invited to homecoming. The entire school. Everyone already is included

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

You're the problem, it's you.

Just know that at some point in your life your kids are going to want to be included too.

Everyone is invited to homecoming. The entire school. Everyone already is included

Still playing dumb? mkkkayyyy Yes, dear, everyone is invited. Move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

You're the problem, it's you.

Just know that at some point in your life your kids are going to want to be included too.

Everyone is invited to homecoming. The entire school. Everyone already is included

Still playing dumb? mkkkayyyy Yes, dear, everyone is invited. Move along.

I go places alone all the time. I always have. It is nobody else's responsibility to provide friends. It doesn't really work that way. You need to put yourself out there. It sounds like your child isn't doing that in a way that works for them.