What are the best years to stay at home (SAHM)?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

You are the one that is not hearing. That's great for you and your friends, but not every profession/industry can accommodate being at home "most days." Some jobs require you to choose between working and being at home in time to do all the driving.
Would you go to a dentist that had to leave mid filling to drive her kid to soccer practice?

My dentist closes at 4:30, so yeah. I literally don’t know anyone who stays home to “drive to activities.” The women I know who stay home with teens do so because they don’t want to work and no other reason. They don’t make up dumb excuses no one believes. But you do you.

So who is picking up your dentist's kid when band rehersal ends at 3:30, the way my kid's does?

Their spouse? The activity bus? A carpool? Lots of options. Not everyone has no friends and an absentee spouse. Use some imagination.

Doesn't the spouse have to work? What activity bus? Not all schools have an activity bus.
Carpool? Don't THOSE people work?

Lots and lots and lots of people can do a school run in the middle of a work day. You really don’t know ANY? Almost every family I know can do this. I’m an ES teacher and my work day ends at 2:45. Again, use your brain.

You are a teacher? I weep for our youth. Use YOUR brain teacher! Not every school gets out at 2:45.

DP - come on. This problem is solvable. I get that you want to throw out every hypothetical and tell us how we must not actually doing it, we must be failing our kids, but we’re not. It actually is possible to work FT and support your kids and be a good parent. If someone chooses not to work, super. Have at it. But stop cutting down those of us who do.

I never said you are failing your kid. I am not "cutting down" anyone. There is a different poster (maybe you? But it doesn't read like it) that is "cutting down" moms who DON'T work a job where they have a flexible enough schedule to "drive everywhere." This poster says that EVERYONE can just get a job with those type of hours. I"m just saying that NO, it is not possible in every career/industry to have that type of flexiblity. If you are a concert cellist, you can not be performing at 7 pm on a friday night AND at your son's high school basketball game at the same time. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

You are the one that is not hearing. That's great for you and your friends, but not every profession/industry can accommodate being at home "most days." Some jobs require you to choose between working and being at home in time to do all the driving.
Would you go to a dentist that had to leave mid filling to drive her kid to soccer practice?

My dentist closes at 4:30, so yeah. I literally don’t know anyone who stays home to “drive to activities.” The women I know who stay home with teens do so because they don’t want to work and no other reason. They don’t make up dumb excuses no one believes. But you do you.

So who is picking up your dentist's kid when band rehersal ends at 3:30, the way my kid's does?

Their spouse? The activity bus? A carpool? Lots of options. Not everyone has no friends and an absentee spouse. Use some imagination.

Doesn't the spouse have to work? What activity bus? Not all schools have an activity bus.
Carpool? Don't THOSE people work?

Lots and lots and lots of people can do a school run in the middle of a work day. You really don’t know ANY? Almost every family I know can do this. I’m an ES teacher and my work day ends at 2:45. Again, use your brain.

You are a teacher? I weep for our youth. Use YOUR brain teacher! Not every school gets out at 2:45.

DP - come on. This problem is solvable. I get that you want to throw out every hypothetical and tell us how we must not actually doing it, we must be failing our kids, but we’re not. It actually is possible to work FT and support your kids and be a good parent. If someone chooses not to work, super. Have at it. But stop cutting down those of us who do.

+1

Seriously that is all. Stop putting down other parents who have made different choices. I stayed home till my youngest (3rd) started full day preschool at 4 and then eased back into work through a work from home job. I don’t need to work but felt I wanted to do something with the free time while my kids were in school. Laundry and cooking doesn’t take me 6 hours. It’s definitely exhausting taking kids to activities after work or coordinating with my spouse but it is doable. Working parents are making it work and our kids aren’t on screens all day. They are either in activities or doing their homework and we are also able to sit together as a family for an hour before bedtime.

Also yes if you are a brain surgeon or part of the NY Philharmonic orchestra, you can’t take your kids to activities but that is why we have to make choices as a parent and yes a lot of us are mommy tracked but so be it. For us it is the best of both worlds and we are able to have a career while the kids are in school and spend time with our kids once they are home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

You are the one that is not hearing. That's great for you and your friends, but not every profession/industry can accommodate being at home "most days." Some jobs require you to choose between working and being at home in time to do all the driving.
Would you go to a dentist that had to leave mid filling to drive her kid to soccer practice?

My dentist closes at 4:30, so yeah. I literally don’t know anyone who stays home to “drive to activities.” The women I know who stay home with teens do so because they don’t want to work and no other reason. They don’t make up dumb excuses no one believes. But you do you.

So who is picking up your dentist's kid when band rehersal ends at 3:30, the way my kid's does?

Their spouse? The activity bus? A carpool? Lots of options. Not everyone has no friends and an absentee spouse. Use some imagination.

Doesn't the spouse have to work? What activity bus? Not all schools have an activity bus.
Carpool? Don't THOSE people work?

Lots and lots and lots of people can do a school run in the middle of a work day. You really don’t know ANY? Almost every family I know can do this. I’m an ES teacher and my work day ends at 2:45. Again, use your brain.

You are a teacher? I weep for our youth. Use YOUR brain teacher! Not every school gets out at 2:45.

DP - come on. This problem is solvable. I get that you want to throw out every hypothetical and tell us how we must not actually doing it, we must be failing our kids, but we’re not. It actually is possible to work FT and support your kids and be a good parent. If someone chooses not to work, super. Have at it. But stop cutting down those of us who do.

I never said you are failing your kid. I am not "cutting down" anyone. There is a different poster (maybe you? But it doesn't read like it) that is "cutting down" moms who DON'T work a job where they have a flexible enough schedule to "drive everywhere." This poster says that EVERYONE can just get a job with those type of hours. I"m just saying that NO, it is not possible in every career/industry to have that type of flexiblity. If you are a concert cellist, you can not be performing at 7 pm on a friday night AND at your son's high school basketball game at the same time. Period.

But your spouse can. And if you are both totally unavailable then maybe don’t have kids. Are you actually asserting that the only people in that 3:30 pickup line with you are non working mothers and paid caregivers? I bet 75% of them work, and are still picking up at 3:30. You don’t WANT to and that’s fine, but it’s easily doable. I teach third graders with better problem solving skills.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

You don’t have to be unemployed for your kids to do these things. You just need someone to drive your kids there.

It’s fine to just say you don’t want to have a job. That actually makes sense.

No, PP doesn’t want a job badly enough that she wants somebody else to drive around her kids.

I don’t understand why people twist themselves in knots to prove that somebody doesn’t mean what they said.

Not the pp. Some of our best conversations are in the car. This is where kids share the most. I like to watch my kids play sports.

None of that has anything to do with working or not. I do all the driving and I work. I’m home more than my children are - literally.

If people don’t want to work, that’s fine but has absolutely nothing to do with being present for teens.

DP - agreed (and I work FT and do most of the driving). I’m so tired of the insistence that working precludes the ability to provide needed support for tweens/teens. It doesn’t.

Yes! Plenty of stay at home moms with teens who don’t talk to them much and stay in their rooms. Please don’t equate working to lack of quality time with school age kids! You can easily choose a stable, not too demanding job and make sure to be available between the hours of 5-9 for your kids.

No, not everyone can. Depending on what type of education/training/skills the parent has, it won't necessarily translate to a Monday-Friday 8-4 type of job. If I were a musician in a major city's philharmonic, do you think I'd be able to dictate that all rehearsals and performances take place mon-fri between the hours of 10 am-2 pm? Or do you think I might need to show up for an evening performance if I wanted to keep my place?

And for high school kids, many extra curriculars take place, at a location that isn't right on their high school campus, before 5 pm. Or they need to be picked up before 5 pm.

Yes. DH has an office job, but can never get home before 6:30/7. None cares if he gets to work before 9 because nobody would be there to see it. However, everyone is in the office until at least 6 and most until 6:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

You don’t have to be unemployed for your kids to do these things. You just need someone to drive your kids there.

It’s fine to just say you don’t want to have a job. That actually makes sense.

No, PP doesn’t want a job badly enough that she wants somebody else to drive around her kids.

I don’t understand why people twist themselves in knots to prove that somebody doesn’t mean what they said.

Not the pp. Some of our best conversations are in the car. This is where kids share the most. I like to watch my kids play sports.

None of that has anything to do with working or not. I do all the driving and I work. I’m home more than my children are - literally.

If people don’t want to work, that’s fine but has absolutely nothing to do with being present for teens.

DP - agreed (and I work FT and do most of the driving). I’m so tired of the insistence that working precludes the ability to provide needed support for tweens/teens. It doesn’t.

Yes! Plenty of stay at home moms with teens who don’t talk to them much and stay in their rooms. Please don’t equate working to lack of quality time with school age kids! You can easily choose a stable, not too demanding job and make sure to be available between the hours of 5-9 for your kids.

No, not everyone can. Depending on what type of education/training/skills the parent has, it won't necessarily translate to a Monday-Friday 8-4 type of job. If I were a musician in a major city's philharmonic, do you think I'd be able to dictate that all rehearsals and performances take place mon-fri between the hours of 10 am-2 pm? Or do you think I might need to show up for an evening performance if I wanted to keep my place?

And for high school kids, many extra curriculars take place, at a location that isn't right on their high school campus, before 5 pm. Or they need to be picked up before 5 pm.

Yes. DH has an office job, but can never get home before 6:30/7. None cares if he gets to work before 9 because nobody would be there to see it. However, everyone is in the office until at least 6 and most until 6:30.

He’s likely just telling you that because he doesn’t want to come home and take care of kids. This is common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

You are the one that is not hearing. That's great for you and your friends, but not every profession/industry can accommodate being at home "most days." Some jobs require you to choose between working and being at home in time to do all the driving.
Would you go to a dentist that had to leave mid filling to drive her kid to soccer practice?

My dentist closes at 4:30, so yeah. I literally don’t know anyone who stays home to “drive to activities.” The women I know who stay home with teens do so because they don’t want to work and no other reason. They don’t make up dumb excuses no one believes. But you do you.

So who is picking up your dentist's kid when band rehersal ends at 3:30, the way my kid's does?

Their spouse? The activity bus? A carpool? Lots of options. Not everyone has no friends and an absentee spouse. Use some imagination.

Doesn't the spouse have to work? What activity bus? Not all schools have an activity bus.
Carpool? Don't THOSE people work?

Lots and lots and lots of people can do a school run in the middle of a work day. You really don’t know ANY? Almost every family I know can do this. I’m an ES teacher and my work day ends at 2:45. Again, use your brain.

You are a teacher? I weep for our youth. Use YOUR brain teacher! Not every school gets out at 2:45.

DP - come on. This problem is solvable. I get that you want to throw out every hypothetical and tell us how we must not actually doing it, we must be failing our kids, but we’re not. It actually is possible to work FT and support your kids and be a good parent. If someone chooses not to work, super. Have at it. But stop cutting down those of us who do.

I never said you are failing your kid. I am not "cutting down" anyone. There is a different poster (maybe you? But it doesn't read like it) that is "cutting down" moms who DON'T work a job where they have a flexible enough schedule to "drive everywhere." This poster says that EVERYONE can just get a job with those type of hours. I"m just saying that NO, it is not possible in every career/industry to have that type of flexiblity. If you are a concert cellist, you can not be performing at 7 pm on a friday night AND at your son's high school basketball game at the same time. Period.

But your spouse can. And if you are both totally unavailable then maybe don’t have kids. Are you actually asserting that the only people in that 3:30 pickup line with you are non working mothers and paid caregivers? I bet 75% of them work, and are still picking up at 3:30. You don’t WANT to and that’s fine, but it’s easily doable. I teach third graders with better problem solving skills.

Or maybe one could just quit their jobs. Shouldn't that be THEIR decision and not some rando on the internet insisting that EVERYONE can "easily choose a job" that offers the flexibility described here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

You are the one that is not hearing. That's great for you and your friends, but not every profession/industry can accommodate being at home "most days." Some jobs require you to choose between working and being at home in time to do all the driving.
Would you go to a dentist that had to leave mid filling to drive her kid to soccer practice?

My dentist closes at 4:30, so yeah. I literally don’t know anyone who stays home to “drive to activities.” The women I know who stay home with teens do so because they don’t want to work and no other reason. They don’t make up dumb excuses no one believes. But you do you.

So who is picking up your dentist's kid when band rehersal ends at 3:30, the way my kid's does?

Their spouse? The activity bus? A carpool? Lots of options. Not everyone has no friends and an absentee spouse. Use some imagination.

Doesn't the spouse have to work? What activity bus? Not all schools have an activity bus.
Carpool? Don't THOSE people work?

Lots and lots and lots of people can do a school run in the middle of a work day. You really don’t know ANY? Almost every family I know can do this. I’m an ES teacher and my work day ends at 2:45. Again, use your brain.

You are a teacher? I weep for our youth. Use YOUR brain teacher! Not every school gets out at 2:45.

DP - come on. This problem is solvable. I get that you want to throw out every hypothetical and tell us how we must not actually doing it, we must be failing our kids, but we’re not. It actually is possible to work FT and support your kids and be a good parent. If someone chooses not to work, super. Have at it. But stop cutting down those of us who do.

It is for you. Not for me at this stage in life. Everybody is different and has different circumstances, options, capabilities, etc.

I noticed that somebody said that those who can be with their kids while they aren’t at school and still have full-time jobs made choices/sacrifices that gave them that flexibility. When you talk about how SAHMs of kids in school are just making excuses for not working, think about the fact that not everybody made those same smart choices that you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

You are the one that is not hearing. That's great for you and your friends, but not every profession/industry can accommodate being at home "most days." Some jobs require you to choose between working and being at home in time to do all the driving.
Would you go to a dentist that had to leave mid filling to drive her kid to soccer practice?

My dentist closes at 4:30, so yeah. I literally don’t know anyone who stays home to “drive to activities.” The women I know who stay home with teens do so because they don’t want to work and no other reason. They don’t make up dumb excuses no one believes. But you do you.

So who is picking up your dentist's kid when band rehersal ends at 3:30, the way my kid's does?

Their spouse? The activity bus? A carpool? Lots of options. Not everyone has no friends and an absentee spouse. Use some imagination.

Doesn't the spouse have to work? What activity bus? Not all schools have an activity bus.
Carpool? Don't THOSE people work?

Lots and lots and lots of people can do a school run in the middle of a work day. You really don’t know ANY? Almost every family I know can do this. I’m an ES teacher and my work day ends at 2:45. Again, use your brain.

You are a teacher? I weep for our youth. Use YOUR brain teacher! Not every school gets out at 2:45.

DP - come on. This problem is solvable. I get that you want to throw out every hypothetical and tell us how we must not actually doing it, we must be failing our kids, but we’re not. It actually is possible to work FT and support your kids and be a good parent. If someone chooses not to work, super. Have at it. But stop cutting down those of us who do.

It is for you. Not for me at this stage in life. Everybody is different and has different circumstances, options, capabilities, etc.

I noticed that somebody said that those who can be with their kids while they aren’t at school and still have full-time jobs made choices/sacrifices that gave them that flexibility. When you talk about how SAHMs of kids in school are just making excuses for not working, think about the fact that not everybody made those same smart choices that you did.

I agree at this point you are lacking the problem solving skills most people are looking for. Sorry you are “forced” not work and didn’t “make smart choices.”

[Anonymous]

I have three kids (one high school, one middle, one elementary) and have been a SAHM for my kids whole lives. If you’re capping the time to a set number of years then I suggest you stay home full time when they’re young and then go back to work to a flexible job that allows you to be home when they get home from school. The cost of childcare is absurd so financially it makes the most sense unless you’re a super high earner to be home when they’re young if you have more than one kid.

When they’re in elementary it’s great to be able to volunteer in school during the day, and likely you’ll still have a baby or preschooler at home anyway. By the time they hit middle and high school you will have zero purpose for them during the school day hours unless they’re home sick. There are no room parents, no class parties. However, I actually do not know how parents who both work long hours handle all the after school activities. I am constantly driving someone somewhere and I have a massive carpool chain going on where we all help each other.

Good luck to you and I hope you love it. It was the best decision I ever made but it’s not for the faint of heart. Just don’t beat yourself up if you don’t love it as much as you think you will. It’s not easy work.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

You are the one that is not hearing. That's great for you and your friends, but not every profession/industry can accommodate being at home "most days." Some jobs require you to choose between working and being at home in time to do all the driving.
Would you go to a dentist that had to leave mid filling to drive her kid to soccer practice?

My dentist closes at 4:30, so yeah. I literally don’t know anyone who stays home to “drive to activities.” The women I know who stay home with teens do so because they don’t want to work and no other reason. They don’t make up dumb excuses no one believes. But you do you.

So who is picking up your dentist's kid when band rehersal ends at 3:30, the way my kid's does?

Their spouse? The activity bus? A carpool? Lots of options. Not everyone has no friends and an absentee spouse. Use some imagination.

Doesn't the spouse have to work? What activity bus? Not all schools have an activity bus.
Carpool? Don't THOSE people work?

Lots and lots and lots of people can do a school run in the middle of a work day. You really don’t know ANY? Almost every family I know can do this. I’m an ES teacher and my work day ends at 2:45. Again, use your brain.

You are a teacher? I weep for our youth. Use YOUR brain teacher! Not every school gets out at 2:45.

DP - come on. This problem is solvable. I get that you want to throw out every hypothetical and tell us how we must not actually doing it, we must be failing our kids, but we’re not. It actually is possible to work FT and support your kids and be a good parent. If someone chooses not to work, super. Have at it. But stop cutting down those of us who do.

It is for you. Not for me at this stage in life. Everybody is different and has different circumstances, options, capabilities, etc.

I noticed that somebody said that those who can be with their kids while they aren’t at school and still have full-time jobs made choices/sacrifices that gave them that flexibility. When you talk about how SAHMs of kids in school are just making excuses for not working, think about the fact that not everybody made those same smart choices that you did.

I agree at this point you are lacking the problem solving skills most people are looking for. Sorry you are “forced” not work and didn’t “make smart choices.”

Thank you for your sympathy. I have been staying from the start of this thread that I wish I had established a career so that I would have more flexibility now. But BC failed when I was in law school, and there were a lot of non-traditional students who were getting their degrees and starting kick-A legal careers when their kids were in high school. They all highly recommended staying at home during the younger years because the teen years were so flexible. Well now here I am, with essentially fifteen years out of the workforce, two kids (including a teenager with severe mental health issues), and a husband with a really demanding job. That coupled with a chronic illness and a decently heavy schlepping schedule make it so that no, I personally cannot be the mom my kids need me to be and work full-time. I’m happy for you that you made different choices, and I am grateful that my husband makes enough money to enable me to focus the bulk of my energies on being a good mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids (one high school, one middle, one elementary) and have been a SAHM for my kids whole lives. If you’re capping the time to a set number of years then I suggest you stay home full time when they’re young and then go back to work to a flexible job that allows you to be home when they get home from school. The cost of childcare is absurd so financially it makes the most sense unless you’re a super high earner to be home when they’re young if you have more than one kid.

When they’re in elementary it’s great to be able to volunteer in school during the day, and likely you’ll still have a baby or preschooler at home anyway. By the time they hit middle and high school you will have zero purpose for them during the school day hours unless they’re home sick. There are no room parents, no class parties. However, I actually do not know how parents who both work long hours handle all the after school activities. I am constantly driving someone somewhere and I have a massive carpool chain going on where we all help each other.

Good luck to you and I hope you love it. It was the best decision I ever made but it’s not for the faint of heart. Just don’t beat yourself up if you don’t love it as much as you think you will. It’s not easy work.

Your children are fortunate that you prioritized their care. What job is harder than that?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

You are the one that is not hearing. That's great for you and your friends, but not every profession/industry can accommodate being at home "most days." Some jobs require you to choose between working and being at home in time to do all the driving.
Would you go to a dentist that had to leave mid filling to drive her kid to soccer practice?

My dentist closes at 4:30, so yeah. I literally don’t know anyone who stays home to “drive to activities.” The women I know who stay home with teens do so because they don’t want to work and no other reason. They don’t make up dumb excuses no one believes. But you do you.

So who is picking up your dentist's kid when band rehersal ends at 3:30, the way my kid's does?

Their spouse? The activity bus? A carpool? Lots of options. Not everyone has no friends and an absentee spouse. Use some imagination.

Doesn't the spouse have to work? What activity bus? Not all schools have an activity bus.
Carpool? Don't THOSE people work?

Lots and lots and lots of people can do a school run in the middle of a work day. You really don’t know ANY? Almost every family I know can do this. I’m an ES teacher and my work day ends at 2:45. Again, use your brain.

You are a teacher? I weep for our youth. Use YOUR brain teacher! Not every school gets out at 2:45.

DP - come on. This problem is solvable. I get that you want to throw out every hypothetical and tell us how we must not actually doing it, we must be failing our kids, but we’re not. It actually is possible to work FT and support your kids and be a good parent. If someone chooses not to work, super. Have at it. But stop cutting down those of us who do.

It is for you. Not for me at this stage in life. Everybody is different and has different circumstances, options, capabilities, etc.

I noticed that somebody said that those who can be with their kids while they aren’t at school and still have full-time jobs made choices/sacrifices that gave them that flexibility. When you talk about how SAHMs of kids in school are just making excuses for not working, think about the fact that not everybody made those same smart choices that you did.

I agree at this point you are lacking the problem solving skills most people are looking for. Sorry you are “forced” not work and didn’t “make smart choices.”

Thank you for your sympathy. I have been staying from the start of this thread that I wish I had established a career so that I would have more flexibility now. But BC failed when I was in law school, and there were a lot of non-traditional students who were getting their degrees and starting kick-A legal careers when their kids were in high school. They all highly recommended staying at home during the younger years because the teen years were so flexible. Well now here I am, with essentially fifteen years out of the workforce, two kids (including a teenager with severe mental health issues), and a husband with a really demanding job. That coupled with a chronic illness and a decently heavy schlepping schedule make it so that no, I personally cannot be the mom my kids need me to be and work full-time. I’m happy for you that you made different choices, and I am grateful that my husband makes enough money to enable me to focus the bulk of my energies on being a good mom.

I wouldn’t sweat it. Most people don’t even like their job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

You are the one that is not hearing. That's great for you and your friends, but not every profession/industry can accommodate being at home "most days." Some jobs require you to choose between working and being at home in time to do all the driving.
Would you go to a dentist that had to leave mid filling to drive her kid to soccer practice?

My dentist closes at 4:30, so yeah. I literally don’t know anyone who stays home to “drive to activities.” The women I know who stay home with teens do so because they don’t want to work and no other reason. They don’t make up dumb excuses no one believes. But you do you.

So who is picking up your dentist's kid when band rehersal ends at 3:30, the way my kid's does?

Their spouse? The activity bus? A carpool? Lots of options. Not everyone has no friends and an absentee spouse. Use some imagination.

Doesn't the spouse have to work? What activity bus? Not all schools have an activity bus.
Carpool? Don't THOSE people work?

Lots and lots and lots of people can do a school run in the middle of a work day. You really don’t know ANY? Almost every family I know can do this. I’m an ES teacher and my work day ends at 2:45. Again, use your brain.

You are a teacher? I weep for our youth. Use YOUR brain teacher! Not every school gets out at 2:45.

DP - come on. This problem is solvable. I get that you want to throw out every hypothetical and tell us how we must not actually doing it, we must be failing our kids, but we’re not. It actually is possible to work FT and support your kids and be a good parent. If someone chooses not to work, super. Have at it. But stop cutting down those of us who do.

It is for you. Not for me at this stage in life. Everybody is different and has different circumstances, options, capabilities, etc.

I noticed that somebody said that those who can be with their kids while they aren’t at school and still have full-time jobs made choices/sacrifices that gave them that flexibility. When you talk about how SAHMs of kids in school are just making excuses for not working, think about the fact that not everybody made those same smart choices that you did.

I agree at this point you are lacking the problem solving skills most people are looking for. Sorry you are “forced” not work and didn’t “make smart choices.”

Thank you for your sympathy. I have been staying from the start of this thread that I wish I had established a career so that I would have more flexibility now. But BC failed when I was in law school, and there were a lot of non-traditional students who were getting their degrees and starting kick-A legal careers when their kids were in high school. They all highly recommended staying at home during the younger years because the teen years were so flexible. Well now here I am, with essentially fifteen years out of the workforce, two kids (including a teenager with severe mental health issues), and a husband with a really demanding job. That coupled with a chronic illness and a decently heavy schlepping schedule make it so that no, I personally cannot be the mom my kids need me to be and work full-time. I’m happy for you that you made different choices, and I am grateful that my husband makes enough money to enable me to focus the bulk of my energies on being a good mom.

I am sorry for your situation, but this is really a “you” problem and not a universal issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I’m not sure if it is a strategy but I think busy kids tend to stay out of trouble. My kids play sports, play an instrument, we travel, I help organize social gatherings since none of my kids can drive.

Starting in middle school, kids get into trouble with vaping and drugs. I don’t want my kids to do drugs as their extracurricular activities.

That's very, very sad. All I wanted to do at those ages was run around with my neighborhood friends and be a kid. I don't think busy equals better behaved. I'd kids want to do drugs/drink they will no matter what. Also, busy kids don't learn how to entertain themselves without causing trouble or excessive screen time.

So what does lead to vaping and drug use with teens? I think back to OP’s question, there could be an argument that being home during the middle school years would allow you to be more involved and have more knowledge as to what they are doing and curb the drug use if it starts.

But that’s what we are saying and you are not hearing. I am home when my kids are home. And I work. And same with all my friends. My husband works too and he’s home most days too. We are on it, don’t you worry.

You are the one that is not hearing. That's great for you and your friends, but not every profession/industry can accommodate being at home "most days." Some jobs require you to choose between working and being at home in time to do all the driving.
Would you go to a dentist that had to leave mid filling to drive her kid to soccer practice?

My dentist closes at 4:30, so yeah. I literally don’t know anyone who stays home to “drive to activities.” The women I know who stay home with teens do so because they don’t want to work and no other reason. They don’t make up dumb excuses no one believes. But you do you.

So who is picking up your dentist's kid when band rehersal ends at 3:30, the way my kid's does?

Their spouse? The activity bus? A carpool? Lots of options. Not everyone has no friends and an absentee spouse. Use some imagination.

Doesn't the spouse have to work? What activity bus? Not all schools have an activity bus.
Carpool? Don't THOSE people work?

Lots and lots and lots of people can do a school run in the middle of a work day. You really don’t know ANY? Almost every family I know can do this. I’m an ES teacher and my work day ends at 2:45. Again, use your brain.

You are a teacher? I weep for our youth. Use YOUR brain teacher! Not every school gets out at 2:45.

DP - come on. This problem is solvable. I get that you want to throw out every hypothetical and tell us how we must not actually doing it, we must be failing our kids, but we’re not. It actually is possible to work FT and support your kids and be a good parent. If someone chooses not to work, super. Have at it. But stop cutting down those of us who do.

It is for you. Not for me at this stage in life. Everybody is different and has different circumstances, options, capabilities, etc.

I noticed that somebody said that those who can be with their kids while they aren’t at school and still have full-time jobs made choices/sacrifices that gave them that flexibility. When you talk about how SAHMs of kids in school are just making excuses for not working, think about the fact that not everybody made those same smart choices that you did.

I agree at this point you are lacking the problem solving skills most people are looking for. Sorry you are “forced” not work and didn’t “make smart choices.”

Thank you for your sympathy. I have been staying from the start of this thread that I wish I had established a career so that I would have more flexibility now. But BC failed when I was in law school, and there were a lot of non-traditional students who were getting their degrees and starting kick-A legal careers when their kids were in high school. They all highly recommended staying at home during the younger years because the teen years were so flexible. Well now here I am, with essentially fifteen years out of the workforce, two kids (including a teenager with severe mental health issues), and a husband with a really demanding job. That coupled with a chronic illness and a decently heavy schlepping schedule make it so that no, I personally cannot be the mom my kids need me to be and work full-time. I’m happy for you that you made different choices, and I am grateful that my husband makes enough money to enable me to focus the bulk of my energies on being a good mom.

I am sorry for your situation, but this is really a “you” problem and not a universal issue.

Well, the universal issue is that no two situations are and we all just have to make judgment calls about what best in any given situation or season of our lives. What is not universal is that anybody can work full-time and be a good mom, like PPs have been saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:college

+1000