So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

Weird you jumped to sealed bottles of whiskey and steak and not the equivalent of wine and beer and crackers. Your point isn’t really that strong is it? Shouldn’t need to wildly embellish.

Wine is often far costlier than whisky.

People who have expensive wine have lots of it and can spare a bottle. They would have a case or more. This doesn’t track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

Weird you jumped to sealed bottles of whiskey and steak and not the equivalent of wine and beer and crackers. Your point isn’t really that strong is it? Shouldn’t need to wildly embellish.

Wine is often far costlier than whisky.

People who have expensive wine have lots of it and can spare a bottle. They would have a case or more. This doesn’t track.

A case of the dinner wine. Not a measly bottle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

Weird you jumped to sealed bottles of whiskey and steak and not the equivalent of wine and beer and crackers. Your point isn’t really that strong is it? Shouldn’t need to wildly embellish.

Wine is often far costlier than whisky.

Not in my world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

Weird you jumped to sealed bottles of whiskey and steak and not the equivalent of wine and beer and crackers. Your point isn’t really that strong is it? Shouldn’t need to wildly embellish.

Wine is often far costlier than whisky.

People who have expensive wine have lots of it and can spare a bottle. They would have a case or more. This doesn’t track.

People who have expensive wine are more particular about what bottle you take, in my experience. My cousin has a massive wine cellar but I don’t dare touch it, lest I drink some $500 bottle that he’s planning to drink in 2035.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

Weird you jumped to sealed bottles of whiskey and steak and not the equivalent of wine and beer and crackers. Your point isn’t really that strong is it? Shouldn’t need to wildly embellish.

Wine is often far costlier than whisky.

People who have expensive wine have lots of it and can spare a bottle. They would have a case or more. This doesn’t track.

People who have expensive wine are more particular about what bottle you take, in my experience. My cousin has a massive wine cellar but I don’t dare touch it, lest I drink some $500 bottle that he’s planning to drink in 2035.

Theres no chance mil went into a cellar and grabbed the one bottle designated for dinner. It was clearly left out somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

OP said her kitchen is open all day. She’s just not waiting breathlessly in it to prepare food to her guests’ every whim, like a short order cook. What the hell do you want from her?

Then why does she care if people eat at 3? Maybe her dood sucks and isn’t plentiful.

For the 100th, OP doesn’t care if people are snacking at 3pm. The issue is that MIL is announcing that SHE IS SERVING snacks to everyone, and she is including wine that that the actual hosts picked out for dinner. If MIL or any other guest were hungry, OP would be fine if they asked or helped themselves. That’s not what’s happening here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Ew, so sexist. Why do men get off scot free?

I'm so sick of the backwards idiots who still try to force women in to these sexist roles. This sh*t needs to die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clasic territorial competition between MILs and DILs. Question for OP, would you feel as annoyed if she were your own mother?

BS. Op is describing one rude, weirdo who needs to back the f off. I would absolutely shut my own mom down if she tried to pull this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

MIL HAS BEEN TOLD NOT TO DO THIS, YET SHE PERSISTS. therefore it is not “normal” in OP’s family, in her home. Have you caught up yet?

Ignoring someone's no is the sign of a person who rules by manipulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

Weird you jumped to sealed bottles of whiskey and steak and not the equivalent of wine and beer and crackers. Your point isn’t really that strong is it? Shouldn’t need to wildly embellish.

Wine is often far costlier than whisky.

People who have expensive wine have lots of it and can spare a bottle. They would have a case or more. This doesn’t track.

People who have expensive wine are more particular about what bottle you take, in my experience. My cousin has a massive wine cellar but I don’t dare touch it, lest I drink some $500 bottle that he’s planning to drink in 2035.

Theres no chance mil went into a cellar and grabbed the one bottle designated for dinner. It was clearly left out somewhere.

Yeah, because it was going to be used in 2 hours...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

I don't agree with this. My mil is like this because she is insanely jealous and insanely controlling. There is no guilt there.

In the past when hosting at my house, if someone complemented something I made, she would insist that I didn't make it. She tried doing exactly what op's mil did in my home but I shut her down. Like op's mil, she is obsessed with controlling everything else. Since I'm not intimidated by her, her nastiness leaks out in other ways. She is the queen of passive aggressive insults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

Weird you jumped to sealed bottles of whiskey and steak and not the equivalent of wine and beer and crackers. Your point isn’t really that strong is it? Shouldn’t need to wildly embellish.

NP. Not all of us drink Barefoot and Ménage a Trois. Many bottles of wine in my home are way more expensive than whiskey or steaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you White?

Right, like this kind of crap doesn't happen in the households of people of color. You're a joke and a racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

Nope. We know who the sock puppets are. I am not op and I have only posted a few times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

+1. But she’s complaining about her MIL offering her coffee while she’s slaving away at breakfast. Obviously, that’s a kind gesture and OP just wants to hate her MIL. Not much to defend.

NP. You can’t “offer someone coffee” when they’ve already made the coffee, and it’s in their home. That’s like “offering” someone money from their own wallet!