So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

+1. But she’s complaining about her MIL offering her coffee while she’s slaving away at breakfast. Obviously, that’s a kind gesture and OP just wants to hate her MIL. Not much to defend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

+1. But she’s complaining about her MIL offering her coffee while she’s slaving away at breakfast. Obviously, that’s a kind gesture and OP just wants to hate her MIL. Not much to defend.

Yes, which makes it even more obvious that the super emotional and defensive posts are OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

Aww, and you even tried to be one of the cool girls by referencing a DCUM in-joke.

Your reading comprehension is terrible. And you should speak with a professional about why you can’t go 90 minutes without stuffing food in your face (which, luckily, you wouldn’t have to do at OP’s anyway, since she’s repeatedly stated that she makes it clear to all guests that hers is an open kitchen. Whew! Dodged that bullet).

Better than being a hand maiden for a troll. Why fight OPs fight for her?

OP isn’t a troll. She’s correct in how she feels. All the ridiculous people jumping all over her like a pack of slavering hyenas are the trolls.

Whatever you say OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

+1. But she’s complaining about her MIL offering her coffee while she’s slaving away at breakfast. Obviously, that’s a kind gesture and OP just wants to hate her MIL. Not much to defend.

Yes, which makes it even more obvious that the super emotional and defensive posts are OP

Agreed. Just look at the “slavering hyenas” post. Who would write that other than OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

Nope. Feel free to ask Jeff, then come back here, where we’ll be awaiting your apology. TIA.

-not OP (ask Jeff)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

Aww, and you even tried to be one of the cool girls by referencing a DCUM in-joke.

Your reading comprehension is terrible. And you should speak with a professional about why you can’t go 90 minutes without stuffing food in your face (which, luckily, you wouldn’t have to do at OP’s anyway, since she’s repeatedly stated that she makes it clear to all guests that hers is an open kitchen. Whew! Dodged that bullet).

Better than being a hand maiden for a troll. Why fight OPs fight for her?

OP isn’t a troll. She’s correct in how she feels. All the ridiculous people jumping all over her like a pack of slavering hyenas are the trolls.

Whatever you say OP.

Go ask Jeff. Do it. I can’t wait to watch you eat crow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

+1. But she’s complaining about her MIL offering her coffee while she’s slaving away at breakfast. Obviously, that’s a kind gesture and OP just wants to hate her MIL. Not much to defend.

Yes, which makes it even more obvious that the super emotional and defensive posts are OP

Agreed. Just look at the “slavering hyenas” post. Who would write that other than OP?

Me! Still not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

+1. But she’s complaining about her MIL offering her coffee while she’s slaving away at breakfast. Obviously, that’s a kind gesture and OP just wants to hate her MIL. Not much to defend.

Yes, which makes it even more obvious that the super emotional and defensive posts are OP

Agreed. Just look at the “slavering hyenas” post. Who would write that other than OP?

Me! Still not OP.

So you agree that OP’s MIL is just a horrible person for offering her some coffee? Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

+1. But she’s complaining about her MIL offering her coffee while she’s slaving away at breakfast. Obviously, that’s a kind gesture and OP just wants to hate her MIL. Not much to defend.

Yes, which makes it even more obvious that the super emotional and defensive posts are OP

Agreed. Just look at the “slavering hyenas” post. Who would write that other than OP?

Me! Still not OP.

So you agree that OP’s MIL is just a horrible person for offering her some coffee? Sure.

Not horrible, just misguided and overstepping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

Weird you jumped to sealed bottles of whiskey and steak and not the equivalent of wine and beer and crackers. Your point isn’t really that strong is it? Shouldn’t need to wildly embellish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

Aww, and you even tried to be one of the cool girls by referencing a DCUM in-joke.

Your reading comprehension is terrible. And you should speak with a professional about why you can’t go 90 minutes without stuffing food in your face (which, luckily, you wouldn’t have to do at OP’s anyway, since she’s repeatedly stated that she makes it clear to all guests that hers is an open kitchen. Whew! Dodged that bullet).

Better than being a hand maiden for a troll. Why fight OPs fight for her?

OP isn’t a troll. She’s correct in how she feels. All the ridiculous people jumping all over her like a pack of slavering hyenas are the trolls.

Whatever you say OP.

Go ask Jeff. Do it. I can’t wait to watch you eat crow.

Wow, you are unwell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

Weird you jumped to sealed bottles of whiskey and steak and not the equivalent of wine and beer and crackers. Your point isn’t really that strong is it? Shouldn’t need to wildly embellish.

Wine is often far costlier than whisky.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. It’s attention seeking behavior from a pushy person. So unwelcome! I had to deal with an extreme example of this. DH’s aunt would terrorize every host, trying to take over, making things harder, never actually contributing and then acting like she was the hostess.

1. Tried to turn every single event into a potluck and then control what everyone brought, often lying purposely so there would be mountains of food. She would set up a left over station and lord over it forcing everyone to take leftovers in disposable plastic containers with her name on it. She expected everyone to coordinate with her to return the unwanted containers.
2. When a cousin decided to have the event she was hosting catered, aunt sent us an email on how poor Ellen couldn’t cope and was going to great expense so everyone needed to pull together to bring dishes that she would assign. She announced she was taking the reins. Cousins mother had to intervene to stop her.
3. Told me that I couldn’t send the email invitations and collect RSVPs because people in
HER family only respond to her. She had the manage the list. I said no and anyone who would weirdly not respond to an email to me wasn’t going to get a dinner cooked by me. Everyone responded without issue but she later sent a duplicate email with her as a the coordinator. She invited my MI
L’s ex husband who my MIL was in the process of evicting from one of her rental properties.
4. Shows up an hour or two early and attempts to disrupt everything. Tries to throw butter into the dishes made for people who are vegan, moves furniture around, demands a full center table to display the turkey she decided to make..several hours ago and meal time/guests arrival isn’t for two more hours.
5. Brings an SUV full of crap that she gets free on Nextdoor as ‘gifts’ or for us to hold onto for her as she doesn’t have space.
6. Plops her purse dog on the counter where we are preparing food.
7. Has created so much chaos, that she is the one to great guests at the door. Starts serving appetizers.
8, The whole time both her and her husband keep going whew, hosting is so much work.
9. Sets up her leftover station and lords over who gets what and decides to include a bunch of other stuff from our fridge. Tries to take my good pots home with her because she wants all the turkey juices.
9. Even when not asked to make a toast, jumps up to give a long speech and then invites everyone to enjoy the food that was so much work.