So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

+1. But she’s complaining about her MIL offering her coffee while she’s slaving away at breakfast. Obviously, that’s a kind gesture and OP just wants to hate her MIL. Not much to defend.

NP. You can’t “offer someone coffee” when they’ve already made the coffee, and it’s in their home. That’s like “offering” someone money from their own wallet!

Haha! “DIL, you deserve a treat! Why don’t you take $200 from your wallet and buy yourself something nice?”

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

Aww, and you even tried to be one of the cool girls by referencing a DCUM in-joke.

Your reading comprehension is terrible. And you should speak with a professional about why you can’t go 90 minutes without stuffing food in your face (which, luckily, you wouldn’t have to do at OP’s anyway, since she’s repeatedly stated that she makes it clear to all guests that hers is an open kitchen. Whew! Dodged that bullet).

Better than being a hand maiden for a troll. Why fight OPs fight for her?

OP isn’t a troll. She’s correct in how she feels. All the ridiculous people jumping all over her like a pack of slavering hyenas are the trolls.

Whatever you say OP.

Go ask Jeff. Do it. I can’t wait to watch you eat crow.

Wow, you are unwell.

NP. “Unwell” is accusing someone of being OP and then not standing down or admitting that you are wrong when they clarify that they are not.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

Weird you jumped to sealed bottles of whiskey and steak and not the equivalent of wine and beer and crackers. Your point isn’t really that strong is it? Shouldn’t need to wildly embellish.

Wine is often far costlier than whisky.

Not in my world.

We know, you drink Barefoot and think you are classy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Ew, so sexist. Why do men get off scot free?

I'm so sick of the backwards idiots who still try to force women in to these sexist roles. This sh*t needs to die.

+1. In my family, everyone helps. And now that I’m a member of DH’s family, people are starting to see DH helping and me asking all guests for help as needed, not just female ones, his family is getting their act together, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clasic territorial competition between MILs and DILs. Question for OP, would you feel as annoyed if she were your own mother?

BS. Op is describing one rude, weirdo who needs to back the f off. I would absolutely shut my own mom down if she tried to pull this.

Same. And I would be even more annoyed at my own mom, because she didn’t receive that kind of treatment from her parents or ILs when she and my dad hosted events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts defending the op appear to be from the op…

+1. But she’s complaining about her MIL offering her coffee while she’s slaving away at breakfast. Obviously, that’s a kind gesture and OP just wants to hate her MIL. Not much to defend.

NP. You can’t “offer someone coffee” when they’ve already made the coffee, and it’s in their home. That’s like “offering” someone money from their own wallet!

Haha! “DIL, you deserve a treat! Why don’t you take $200 from your wallet and buy yourself something nice?”

Exactly, only be sure to say, “On me” so it’s clear to everyone how generous and thoughtful you are with someone else’s own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Who eats tea and cake before dinner? What country are you in? I eat appetizers and drinks before dinner. Restaurants offer the same. A waiter comes and asks if we'd like drinks and appetizers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Who eats tea and cake before dinner? What country are you in? I eat appetizers and drinks before dinner. Restaurants offer the same. A waiter comes and asks if we'd like drinks and appetizers.

And many restaurants aren’t open for dinner or cocktails at 3 p.m. Oopsies! I guess you’ll have to break into a closed restaurant and start helping yourselves. When the police and the manager arrive, be sure to offer the manager his own liquor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Help is only help if it is wanted. I have an aunt and uncle who prefer to do everything themselves, so even though most of us help in each other’s home and appreciate help in our homes, we respect our aunt and uncle when they host.

Why are you saying it is normal for “female” family members to pitch in to help on a holiday? Hmm.

I'm trying to find a solution to your inability to feed people. You need humans to hand people food. You are incapable of doing it properly, you are too narcissistic to let a family member help, so hire professionals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?

Well, I guess I’m talking about an hours-long visit, not a multi-day visit. If someone were staying with me, yes, they’d be free to help themselves, but I would be very surprised if they began to defrost steaks and open sealed bottles of whisky. When I stay at my MIL’s at Xmas, I always ask her before eating anything unopened, just in case she has it earmarked for a particular meal. This just seems polite to me. It’s how I was raised.

Weird you jumped to sealed bottles of whiskey and steak and not the equivalent of wine and beer and crackers. Your point isn’t really that strong is it? Shouldn’t need to wildly embellish.

NP. Not all of us drink Barefoot and Ménage a Trois. Many bottles of wine in my home are way more expensive than whiskey or steaks.

If you cannot afford guests drinking certain bottles of wine, they should offer you cash wine money when they open it. Maybe gas money too for the cost of you picking it up

[Anonymous]

of course, if you were a normal host, you'd have a table displaying wines and cups, so there'd be no question about which bottle of eine you cannot afford to let guests drink. But no, you are the host from hell. Before people go to your house, they eat a big meal so they won't starve. I know, I've been to homes like yours. I say come on everyone, we have to eat real quick before we go to Sally's so we don't starve, there won't be food for a long time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Help is only help if it is wanted. I have an aunt and uncle who prefer to do everything themselves, so even though most of us help in each other’s home and appreciate help in our homes, we respect our aunt and uncle when they host.

Why are you saying it is normal for “female” family members to pitch in to help on a holiday? Hmm.

I'm trying to find a solution to your inability to feed people. You need humans to hand people food. You are incapable of doing it properly, you are too narcissistic to let a family member help, so hire professionals.

When did OP say she doesn’t allow anyone to help? Help is—when a host or hostess is ready to do so—clearing the table or bringing slices of cake to other guests. Help is not telling someone who has made coffee and breakfast that they may have coffee and breakfast, as if that was ever in doubt. Do you also go into people’s closets and tell them they may wear their own shirts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Help is only help if it is wanted. I have an aunt and uncle who prefer to do everything themselves, so even though most of us help in each other’s home and appreciate help in our homes, we respect our aunt and uncle when they host.

Why are you saying it is normal for “female” family members to pitch in to help on a holiday? Hmm.

I'm trying to find a solution to your inability to feed people. You need humans to hand people food. You are incapable of doing it properly, you are too narcissistic to let a family member help, so hire professionals.

When did OP say she doesn’t allow anyone to help? Help is—when a host or hostess is ready to do so—clearing the table or bringing slices of cake to other guests. Help is not telling someone who has made coffee and breakfast that they may have coffee and breakfast, as if that was ever in doubt. Do you also go into people’s closets and tell them they may wear their own shirts?

You don't get it. you missed it

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you White?

Right, like this kind of crap doesn't happen in the households of people of color. You're a joke and a racist.

It doesn't. People of color have real problem like institutional racism and police violence. White people, especially white women are entitled, close-minded and needy. They create drama in normal situations. Reverse racism is not a thing.