S/O How do you justify having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating.

They really don’t.

+1 most people don’t care. Life is not black and white: not a cheater and a woman. Cheating is not the worst thing ever… and no one cares

If you’re directly impacted, I assure you, you will care.

I’m an NP and had a very lackadaisical attitude toward cheating (it happens, it’s not the worst thing ever) until my former spouse - with whom I shared children - cheated on me by meeting hook-ups on dating sites and soliciting hookers. Suddenly it mattered a lot to me!

Well, I do not go around judging people on how they spend their money. However, if my spouse were to suddenly acquire a new hobby costing thousands of dollars, I'd be concerned. Same with cheating, it's one of the things that people negotiate with their own partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s always about $. My ex had an AP that thought she was going to be taken care of. She didn’t work and her husband wasn’t a high earner. She saw out lifestyle and thought it was her ticket to the good life. Joke was on her when she blew up her marriage only after finding out all the $ came from me. And, then when it was out in the open he didn’t want to be with her anyway. Last I heard was she had to get some minimum wage service job.

I was a long term AP and did not care about or want his $. I loved him. Would have been fine with him giving his wife everything (which IMO she deserved under the circumstances) and starting over in whatever situation that meant. Probably moving to a LOCL area like a college town. I work and do okay enough for myself & whatever he could make before aging out would have been a bonus. They had a great life that she deserved to keep. Except that her DH was an incorrigible cheater.

You don’t have any self esteem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH makes me feel so amazing emotionally and physically that I’ll take the risk of him not leaving you. It’s just too good right now!

Actually, I am not even interested in him leaving you. I don't want his socks scattered around my house, and I don't want to take care of him when he is old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

In fact, sometimes it is about the money for the cheater too. I slept regularly with my now ex. I thought we had a frequent and satisfying sex life for both of us. He never expressed any concerns. However, when he cheated, I found emails to the AP about how he wasn’t in live, was just staying with me for the kids, etc. maybe he was lying to her; maybe he was lying to me. Most likely - he was lying to both of us. In retrospect, I think he just partnered with me foe the money. I earned the same or slightly more than he did when we met, but it was clear I would go to grad school in a high paying path.

Unfortunately for him, I found out he was cheating just before I started on the high paying path and kicked him out. He dated around until he found another highly paid professional with a wealthy family. They married but, sadly for him, she made him sign a pre-nup and she forces him to spend at her level, which he can’t afford, so he is always stressed.

For many other cheaters, they justify cheating by saying they don’t wang to lose their money in divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s always about $. My ex had an AP that thought she was going to be taken care of. She didn’t work and her husband wasn’t a high earner. She saw out lifestyle and thought it was her ticket to the good life. Joke was on her when she blew up her marriage only after finding out all the $ came from me. And, then when it was out in the open he didn’t want to be with her anyway. Last I heard was she had to get some minimum wage service job.

I was a long term AP and did not care about or want his $. I loved him. Would have been fine with him giving his wife everything (which IMO she deserved under the circumstances) and starting over in whatever situation that meant. Probably moving to a LOCL area like a college town. I work and do okay enough for myself & whatever he could make before aging out would have been a bonus. They had a great life that she deserved to keep. Except that her DH was an incorrigible cheater.

Why would you want to live this way? I just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s always about $. My ex had an AP that thought she was going to be taken care of. She didn’t work and her husband wasn’t a high earner. She saw out lifestyle and thought it was her ticket to the good life. Joke was on her when she blew up her marriage only after finding out all the $ came from me. And, then when it was out in the open he didn’t want to be with her anyway. Last I heard was she had to get some minimum wage service job.

I was a long term AP and did not care about or want his $. I loved him. Would have been fine with him giving his wife everything (which IMO she deserved under the circumstances) and starting over in whatever situation that meant. Probably moving to a LOCL area like a college town. I work and do okay enough for myself & whatever he could make before aging out would have been a bonus. They had a great life that she deserved to keep. Except that her DH was an incorrigible cheater.

Why would you want to live this way? I just don't get it.

I didn’t and eventually left him. It was an unusual situation. We became emotionally close in a legitimate professional relationship before the physical part started so I was already emotionally dependent on him. Separating was very painful. I loved him deeply (but no longer allow myself to) but wouldn’t do it again. My situation does not matter. It was only to say that it’s not always about the money, although I’m sure that was a consideration for him.

[Anonymous]

You justify the affair because it’s just too complicated and painful to divorce with kids. So, the affair fills the emotional and physical void and emptiness that is left in your heart from your marriage.

[Anonymous]

"I'm special"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating. That’s why cheaters hide their cheating. If you aren’t doing anything wrong, you don’t need to hide it. Cheaters know it’s wrong, so they hide it.

It's more about the judgement from people who don't know all the facts...like you.

Fact: cheating is wrong, and cheaters hide their cheating because they want to pretend they are decent people. Deep down they know it’s wrong and yes, society judges cheaters.

There are no facts that excuse cheating.

If there are no facts that justify cheating (in your opinion) then why do you ask people how they could justify it? In your world, there is no justification. Of course not everyone thinks the way you do and people continue to evaluate the circumstances of their life and act accordingly.

I don’t ask people to justify cheating. I know cheaters are selfish liars who will victim blame and make up excuses. They’d rather do anything then accept fault, blame, or admit they are wrong.

The whole “not a cheater, but cheating is really ok” crowd here are definitely cheaters playing games.

Cheaters love drama, games, sneaking around, lying about everything, playing pretend, etc. It’s who they are and what they do. I feel sorry for their kids.

Um. That the title of the thread

She’s hurt and she needs to invite people to her threads to lash out. She feels some power for once until she doesn’t, again.

It’s understandable, and certainly those who care, care A LOT.

But many simply don’t care.

Agreed. She and other betrayed folk want to think that post exposure “everyone” will “hate” people who have been unfaithful, even where it has nothing to do with their own lives at all. And maybe some feel that way but most people keep it moving and mind their own. That’s reality - but let the nuh-uh! screaming at this ensue, as it will.

Do you think cheating is okay, then? That the only measure of whether it’s right or wrong is how the “public” reacts?

It’s a sin like sodomy, homosexual acts or abortion. Part of the human condition.

Meh, it's a sin to harm another person. Sodomy and homosexuality, between consenting adults, does not harm another.

Not even going to get into abortion with you. No point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are justified in the same way that people justify not having regular sex with their spouse. The same fundamental question is at issue: Is sex important to a marriage? If YES: there would not ever be a sexless marriage, nor cheating. If NO: nothing wrong with infrequent marital sex, nothing wrong with the normal libido doing that unimportant thing (sex) elsewhere.

You would be right if cheating was all about sex. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for many people.

Most men who cheat do so only because their wife is uninterested. It’s rare for a married man who gets regular sex at home to cheat.

Not true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does OP keep asking this same question over and over again? People respond why they have affaires and can keep living. Every response to OP’s question is met with how that couldn’t be the case. OP isn’t will to consider that other people value cheating differently and rationalize it differently. Stop asking and ignoring all the responses. You think what you think. Move on.

“people value cheating differently”

No, people hate cheaters and cheating.

They really don’t.

+1 most people don’t care. Life is not black and white: not a cheater and a woman. Cheating is not the worst thing ever… and no one cares

Lying and stealing time, resources, and emotional energy from another person isn't "the worst thing ever" but.... it's pretty bad. Breaking up a family is hugely bad. Causing other people emotional trauma is bad. And when you put that karma out into the world.... it comes back to you. I've seen it time and time again.

Always take the high road and cheating is NOT the high road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

In fact, sometimes it is about the money for the cheater too. I slept regularly with my now ex. I thought we had a frequent and satisfying sex life for both of us. He never expressed any concerns. However, when he cheated, I found emails to the AP about how he wasn’t in live, was just staying with me for the kids, etc. maybe he was lying to her; maybe he was lying to me. Most likely - he was lying to both of us. In retrospect, I think he just partnered with me foe the money. I earned the same or slightly more than he did when we met, but it was clear I would go to grad school in a high paying path.

Unfortunately for him, I found out he was cheating just before I started on the high paying path and kicked him out. He dated around until he found another highly paid professional with a wealthy family. They married but, sadly for him, she made him sign a pre-nup and she forces him to spend at her level, which he can’t afford, so he is always stressed.

For many other cheaters, they justify cheating by saying they don’t wang to lose their money in divorce.

Yea, I’ve heard about men cheating on homey wives with partners at work to “affair up” all the time. My ex did this: his AP is just a corporate who. She’s even more selfish than him, has no interests beside money and her career. They are together but don’t marry likely she’s doesn’t want to take care of him when he’s old.

Women need to rethink twice if they actually want to marry some cheat in 50s-60s. Men age fast, and usually all become men babies by 70

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You justify the affair because it’s just too complicated and painful to divorce with kids. So, the affair fills the emotional and physical void and emptiness that is left in your heart from your marriage.

This. It’s not that complicated. People take pieces when they can’t have the whole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s always about $. My ex had an AP that thought she was going to be taken care of. She didn’t work and her husband wasn’t a high earner. She saw out lifestyle and thought it was her ticket to the good life. Joke was on her when she blew up her marriage only after finding out all the $ came from me. And, then when it was out in the open he didn’t want to be with her anyway. Last I heard was she had to get some minimum wage service job.

I was a long term AP and did not care about or want his $. I loved him. Would have been fine with him giving his wife everything (which IMO she deserved under the circumstances) and starting over in whatever situation that meant. Probably moving to a LOCL area like a college town. I work and do okay enough for myself & whatever he could make before aging out would have been a bonus. They had a great life that she deserved to keep. Except that her DH was an incorrigible cheater.

Why would you want to live this way? I just don't get it.

I love how she thinks she is so kind and benevolent towards the wife😅 letting her keep HER OWN things/$ while she moves with the husband to a college town. Talk about strings. Man, what a fantasy world she created in her mind. And she admits the guy was an “incorrigible cheater”. It goes to show how all these ow harbor ill-will and want to end marriages. Though this one thinks she’s not so bad because instead of wishing death or a terminal illness on the wife she lets her keep everything while she rides off into the sunset with her husband. Such an active imagination. And, the wife has no idea she is a starring character or that ow even exists. It’s creepy AF.

Some real whack jobs.