Married and infatuated with coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

Judging someone like this stems from insecurity, I think. You don’t know a damn thing about this woman, you just want to one-up her some way in your mind.

I know enough about her to know that her main goal in life was to be married and have his babies. She makes it pretty clear. I may be insecure about some things but this is the complete opposite of myself, which is neither good nor bad. Both of them seem to have blunted emotions, flat affects, she’s worse than him. They seem to be on heavy doses of prozac, that’s just my perspective. It’s strange.

“They” as in both of them are medicated? Do you know these people well or not? Just because someone struck you as superficial does not mean you are correct.

Girl it is time to MYOB and get some therapy.

Please tell how therapy would help me

Because this is all in your head and has more to do with your own midlife crisis and insecurities and regrets than anything else. You don’t know him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

Judging someone like this stems from insecurity, I think. You don’t know a damn thing about this woman, you just want to one-up her some way in your mind.

I know enough about her to know that her main goal in life was to be married and have his babies. She makes it pretty clear. I may be insecure about some things but this is the complete opposite of myself, which is neither good nor bad. Both of them seem to have blunted emotions, flat affects, she’s worse than him. They seem to be on heavy doses of prozac, that’s just my perspective. It’s strange.

“They” as in both of them are medicated? Do you know these people well or not? Just because someone struck you as superficial does not mean you are correct.

Girl it is time to MYOB and get some therapy.

Please tell how therapy would help me

Therapy will help you figure out how you got here and what you need to do next to have a healthy life and be a good person. Your crush is largely irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older.

Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that.

PP here. I get it. Yes, women are unfortunately forbidden to even be friends with married men. Unless you’re frumpy 60-year-old Marge who wears kitten sweatshirts. Even if you’re the best of buddies at work and all you do is drink coffee together at the Starbucks downstairs. As soon as wifey gets wind that her husband has a female friend he enjoys talking to, she’s going to shut that down or at the very least keep tabs on the relationship. And start checking his phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

Judging someone like this stems from insecurity, I think. You don’t know a damn thing about this woman, you just want to one-up her some way in your mind.

I know enough about her to know that her main goal in life was to be married and have his babies. She makes it pretty clear. I may be insecure about some things but this is the complete opposite of myself, which is neither good nor bad. Both of them seem to have blunted emotions, flat affects, she’s worse than him. They seem to be on heavy doses of prozac, that’s just my perspective. It’s strange.

“They” as in both of them are medicated? Do you know these people well or not? Just because someone struck you as superficial does not mean you are correct.

Girl it is time to MYOB and get some therapy.

Please tell how therapy would help me

Therapy will help you figure out how you got here and what you need to do next to have a healthy life and be a good person. Your crush is largely irrelevant.

Agree the crush is irrelevant: the bigger issue is the regret and insecurity op faces

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older.

Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that.

PP here. I get it. Yes, women are unfortunately forbidden to even be friends with married men. Unless you’re frumpy 60-year-old Marge who wears kitten sweatshirts. Even if you’re the best of buddies at work and all you do is drink coffee together at the Starbucks downstairs. As soon as wifey gets wind that her husband has a female friend he enjoys talking to, she’s going to shut that down or at the very least keep tabs on the relationship. And start checking his phone.

Op is nearly 10 years older. Maybe she views him as marge

[Anonymous]

*maybe he views her as marge

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older.

Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that.

PP here. I get it. Yes, women are unfortunately forbidden to even be friends with married men. Unless you’re frumpy 60-year-old Marge who wears kitten sweatshirts. Even if you’re the best of buddies at work and all you do is drink coffee together at the Starbucks downstairs. As soon as wifey gets wind that her husband has a female friend he enjoys talking to, she’s going to shut that down or at the very least keep tabs on the relationship. And start checking his phone.

Umm this is not true. I am friends with married men. I do not want to sleep with them. Their wives know this and are fine with the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

Judging someone like this stems from insecurity, I think. You don’t know a damn thing about this woman, you just want to one-up her some way in your mind.

I know enough about her to know that her main goal in life was to be married and have his babies. She makes it pretty clear. I may be insecure about some things but this is the complete opposite of myself, which is neither good nor bad. Both of them seem to have blunted emotions, flat affects, she’s worse than him. They seem to be on heavy doses of prozac, that’s just my perspective. It’s strange.

“They” as in both of them are medicated? Do you know these people well or not? Just because someone struck you as superficial does not mean you are correct.

Girl it is time to MYOB and get some therapy.

Please tell how therapy would help me

Therapy will help you figure out how you got here and what you need to do next to have a healthy life and be a good person. Your crush is largely irrelevant.

I know how I got here and what I need to do, I have been doing it. I am unhappy, I want to feel chemistry with someone, i want passion and to be in love once in this lifetime. I have tried to distract myself with work, exercise, family/friends, hobbies and I can’t get divorced, for a year now my mind is always on him and hoping he is thinking of me.

[Anonymous]

Watch Lost in Translation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

Judging someone like this stems from insecurity, I think. You don’t know a damn thing about this woman, you just want to one-up her some way in your mind.

I know enough about her to know that her main goal in life was to be married and have his babies. She makes it pretty clear. I may be insecure about some things but this is the complete opposite of myself, which is neither good nor bad. Both of them seem to have blunted emotions, flat affects, she’s worse than him. They seem to be on heavy doses of prozac, that’s just my perspective. It’s strange.

“They” as in both of them are medicated? Do you know these people well or not? Just because someone struck you as superficial does not mean you are correct.

Girl it is time to MYOB and get some therapy.

Please tell how therapy would help me

Therapy will help you figure out how you got here and what you need to do next to have a healthy life and be a good person. Your crush is largely irrelevant.

I know how I got here and what I need to do, I have been doing it. I am unhappy, I want to feel chemistry with someone, i want passion and to be in love once in this lifetime. I have tried to distract myself with work, exercise, family/friends, hobbies and I can’t get divorced, for a year now my mind is always on him and hoping he is thinking of me.

You either find passion with DH or you get divorced and find passion in a real healthy new relationship and not a limerent object who you don’t know other than he seems stoned out of his gourd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older.

Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that.

PP here. I get it. Yes, women are unfortunately forbidden to even be friends with married men. Unless you’re frumpy 60-year-old Marge who wears kitten sweatshirts. Even if you’re the best of buddies at work and all you do is drink coffee together at the Starbucks downstairs. As soon as wifey gets wind that her husband has a female friend he enjoys talking to, she’s going to shut that down or at the very least keep tabs on the relationship. And start checking his phone.

Umm this is not true. I am friends with married men. I do not want to sleep with them. Their wives know this and are fine with the friendship.

They’re fine with it because they feel like they’re the ones ultimately in control of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older.

Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that.

PP here. I get it. Yes, women are unfortunately forbidden to even be friends with married men. Unless you’re frumpy 60-year-old Marge who wears kitten sweatshirts. Even if you’re the best of buddies at work and all you do is drink coffee together at the Starbucks downstairs. As soon as wifey gets wind that her husband has a female friend he enjoys talking to, she’s going to shut that down or at the very least keep tabs on the relationship. And start checking his phone.

Umm this is not true. I am friends with married men. I do not want to sleep with them. Their wives know this and are fine with the friendship.

They’re fine with it because they feel like they’re the ones ultimately in control of the situation.

Yep and they know the conversation hasn’t crossed into no go zones like complaining about spouses etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older.

Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that.

PP here. I get it. Yes, women are unfortunately forbidden to even be friends with married men. Unless you’re frumpy 60-year-old Marge who wears kitten sweatshirts. Even if you’re the best of buddies at work and all you do is drink coffee together at the Starbucks downstairs. As soon as wifey gets wind that her husband has a female friend he enjoys talking to, she’s going to shut that down or at the very least keep tabs on the relationship. And start checking his phone.

Umm this is not true. I am friends with married men. I do not want to sleep with them. Their wives know this and are fine with the friendship.

They’re fine with it because they feel like they’re the ones ultimately in control of the situation.

Yep and they know the conversation hasn’t crossed into no go zones like complaining about spouses etc

Ughh, this is exactly what I mean. God forbid, your ‘hubby’ make a real friend who happens to be female. It’s all so possessive and restrictive. I must seek therapy to change my outlook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older.

Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that.

PP here. I get it. Yes, women are unfortunately forbidden to even be friends with married men. Unless you’re frumpy 60-year-old Marge who wears kitten sweatshirts. Even if you’re the best of buddies at work and all you do is drink coffee together at the Starbucks downstairs. As soon as wifey gets wind that her husband has a female friend he enjoys talking to, she’s going to shut that down or at the very least keep tabs on the relationship. And start checking his phone.

Umm this is not true. I am friends with married men. I do not want to sleep with them. Their wives know this and are fine with the friendship.

They’re fine with it because they feel like they’re the ones ultimately in control of the situation.

Yep and they know the conversation hasn’t crossed into no go zones like complaining about spouses etc

Ughh, this is exactly what I mean. God forbid, your ‘hubby’ make a real friend who happens to be female. It’s all so possessive and restrictive. I must seek therapy to change my outlook.

Your outlook is that some man you know nothing about is your soulmate and you’ve never had passion in your life. Do you really want to keep living like this? Also the odds are stacked against this ending well for you if you keep pursuing it. At best he rejects your advances and tells you he’s not interested in you. At worst your world is ruined and you lose your kids, job, and he blocks you or comes after you for harassing him when you keep bothering him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older.

Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that.

PP here. I get it. Yes, women are unfortunately forbidden to even be friends with married men. Unless you’re frumpy 60-year-old Marge who wears kitten sweatshirts. Even if you’re the best of buddies at work and all you do is drink coffee together at the Starbucks downstairs. As soon as wifey gets wind that her husband has a female friend he enjoys talking to, she’s going to shut that down or at the very least keep tabs on the relationship. And start checking his phone.

I hear you, I have never once checked my dh’s phone, not once.