Reply to Married and infatuated with coworker

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt. [/quote]

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older. [/quote]
Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that. [/quote]

PP here. I get it. Yes, women are unfortunately forbidden to even be friends with married men. Unless you’re frumpy 60-year-old Marge who wears kitten sweatshirts. Even if you’re the best of buddies at work and all you do is drink coffee together at the Starbucks downstairs. As soon as wifey gets wind that her husband has a female friend he enjoys talking to, she’s going to shut that down or at the very least keep tabs on the relationship. And start checking his phone. [/quote]
I hear you, I have never once checked my dh’s phone, not once.[/quote]

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