Married and infatuated with coworker

[Anonymous]

I’ve never done this. But I have a new coworker and we just click. In every sense. He makes me feel like I’m 18 again with my first love…. Not the middle age married soccer mom that I am now. I’m deeply infatuated.

My marriage is blah, but DH is a nice guy. Coworker is also married, lives a plane ride away (we travel together sometimes), and while he shows signs of interest we both try hard not to acknowledge it - though I’m the one who holds back. It’s hard because we have to work together and I’m constantly coming up with excuses why I can’t collaborate when the reality is that I can only think of NSFW stuff when he calls and we are supposed to be reviewing spreadsheets…

It’s distracting and I want it to end this feeling and either a) move on with my boring dead marriage existence of driving kids to suburban soccer games or b) just do this already. But, I don’t feel like I can let my guard down because I could be wrong - he could just be nice and I’m interpreting nice as something more.

Any advice from someone who has been there done that?

I’m thinking of getting therapy.

[Anonymous]

Sounds fun!

-Another boring soccer mom that has no coworkers because I'm a freelancer

[Anonymous]

Of course he is interesting. He doesn't have to deal with the hum drum life of kids like your DH does.

If you value your marriage and your current soccer-mom life DO NOT make a move.

The implosion of your life is not worth a few exciting sexual encounters. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

Hello daddy issues

[Anonymous]

Orgasms are not worth imploding your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never done this. But I have a new coworker and we just click. In every sense. He makes me feel like I’m 18 again with my first love…. Not the middle age married soccer mom that I am now. I’m deeply infatuated.

My marriage is blah, but DH is a nice guy. Coworker is also married, lives a plane ride away (we travel together sometimes), and while he shows signs of interest we both try hard not to acknowledge it - though I’m the one who holds back. It’s hard because we have to work together and I’m constantly coming up with excuses why I can’t collaborate when the reality is that I can only think of NSFW stuff when he calls and we are supposed to be reviewing spreadsheets…

It’s distracting and I want it to end this feeling and either a) move on with my boring dead marriage existence of driving kids to suburban soccer games or b) just do this already. But, I don’t feel like I can let my guard down because I could be wrong - he could just be nice and I’m interpreting nice as something more.

Any advice from someone who has been there done that?

I’m thinking of getting therapy.

Meh. Form a clear mental image of him taking a nice big dump. Or leaving his toenail clippings laying around.

Take a look at the bolded. THIS is why you don't want to go for it-- fear of rejection? Rather than fear of losing your marriage...

Avoid him as much as you can, and focus on therapy and your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course he is interesting. He doesn't have to deal with the hum drum life of kids like your DH does.

If you value your marriage and your current soccer-mom life DO NOT make a move.

The implosion of your life is not worth a few exciting sexual encounters. Trust me.

+1 OP, you are crazy to think of blowing up your marriage to a nice guy. Are you going through midlife crisis or something. Take a step back from him if you can. Remove the temptation.

Think about your kids and what it will be like for them if you guys divorce. While I can understand how this man excites you like you were a teen again, think about your kids. It's purely selfish on your part to give into temptation. It's not like your marriage is on the rocks and your DH is a horrible person. You are just bored. Are you going to break up your family because you were bored?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never done this. But I have a new coworker and we just click. In every sense. He makes me feel like I’m 18 again with my first love…. Not the middle age married soccer mom that I am now. I’m deeply infatuated.

My marriage is blah, but DH is a nice guy. Coworker is also married, lives a plane ride away (we travel together sometimes), and while he shows signs of interest we both try hard not to acknowledge it - though I’m the one who holds back. It’s hard because we have to work together and I’m constantly coming up with excuses why I can’t collaborate when the reality is that I can only think of NSFW stuff when he calls and we are supposed to be reviewing spreadsheets…

It’s distracting and I want it to end this feeling and either a) move on with my boring dead marriage existence of driving kids to suburban soccer games or b) just do this already. But, I don’t feel like I can let my guard down because I could be wrong - he could just be nice and I’m interpreting nice as something more.

Any advice from someone who has been there done that?

I’m thinking of getting therapy.

Meh. Form a clear mental image of him taking a nice big dump. Or leaving his toenail clippings laying around.

Take a look at the bolded. THIS is why you don't want to go for it-- fear of rejection? Rather than fear of losing your marriage...

Avoid him as much as you can, and focus on therapy and your marriage.

You post this frequently and I just want to let you know that “imagine him taking a dump,” is not helpful advice, ok? It just isn’t.

It sounds like OP is falling into limerence, which is objectifying the coworker because of how he makes her feel. OP is not really thinking of him as a person at all, but rather a vehicle that makes her feel things. It’s an inherently selfish and immature way to think about the people around you. Make a choice OP, either your marriage and kids or this guy who might not even want you.

[Anonymous]

Don’t do it op. Think of your kids. Divorce is really freaking hard on kids and the scars last a long time. If your dh is a nice guy try to use this to spice things up and remember why you enjoy him and why you married. It will not be worth it to implode your marriage!!!

[Anonymous]

This is the warning sign that your blah marriage is not sustainable. You need to figure out how to fix it. Put your energy there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never done this. But I have a new coworker and we just click. In every sense. He makes me feel like I’m 18 again with my first love…. Not the middle age married soccer mom that I am now. I’m deeply infatuated.

My marriage is blah, but DH is a nice guy. Coworker is also married, lives a plane ride away (we travel together sometimes), and while he shows signs of interest we both try hard not to acknowledge it - though I’m the one who holds back. It’s hard because we have to work together and I’m constantly coming up with excuses why I can’t collaborate when the reality is that I can only think of NSFW stuff when he calls and we are supposed to be reviewing spreadsheets…

It’s distracting and I want it to end this feeling and either a) move on with my boring dead marriage existence of driving kids to suburban soccer games or b) just do this already. But, I don’t feel like I can let my guard down because I could be wrong - he could just be nice and I’m interpreting nice as something more.

Any advice from someone who has been there done that?

I’m thinking of getting therapy.

Everyone feels attracted to other people from time to time, even married people. You are married, not dead. However, people who value their marriage, morals and ethics, tend to have control over their reaction. If they feel that attraction can lead to trouble, they limit their interactions with that person to avoid proximity syndrome. If that doesn't help, they seek therapy. During your lifetime, you'll meet at least few people who share same wavelength as you, your are not going to violate your morals, marriage vows or professional ethics for your infatuation.

[Anonymous]

I have this situation, and I use it to feel excited, attractive and energized. I bring that energy back to my home and marriage. I work travel with this coworker and we never do anything except work on presentations together in our hotel rooms, go to dinner, and go to cocktails. Fun fun fun, but nothing beyond that. We talk work A LOT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have this situation, and I use it to feel excited, attractive and energized. I bring that energy back to my home and marriage. I work travel with this coworker and we never do anything except work on presentations together in our hotel rooms, go to dinner, and go to cocktails. Fun fun fun, but nothing beyond that. We talk work A LOT.

You work together in hotel rooms and drink together? Are you male or female?

[Anonymous]

I am not the PP, but I tend to find picturing someone I'm attracted to taking a dump is an acutely effective turn-off. It works. It is totally gross.

[Anonymous]

Eh it’s ok. I’m infatuated with my kids swim coach. It’s a fun time flirting with him. But I always remember that no matter how great I think he is, someone somewhere is fed up with his shit.