Married and infatuated with coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np
It's always the old married guys who believe their advances are desirable. Op, make sure you are not delusional, even if you feel you see signs try to access an alternate perspective. You are the female version of this trope and think you are special and not "cookie cutter"

Yes, I have considered that perspective definitely, I feel like an old dirty dude hitting on a younger woman. However I don’t think I am perceived as an old married woman. We have kids the same age and I don’t know if he is even aware of my age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np
It's always the old married guys who believe their advances are desirable. Op, make sure you are not delusional, even if you feel you see signs try to access an alternate perspective. You are the female version of this trope and think you are special and not "cookie cutter"

Especially since op knows nothing about his actual life, values, how he deals with pressure, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

Your intuition is strong? With all due respect you sound like you were very naive about dating and men. Intuition comes from wisdom and experience usually.

I am almost a decade older than this guy, I think I got this. I’m not new to reading people.

You’re a decade older?! Yeah not going to work out. If these things work out the woman is almost always younger

Not a decade but more than 5 years, he looks my age.

Do you know the actual age difference or are you guessing again? You don’t know him at all

I know how old he is, not sure if he knows my age, as I have never told him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older.

Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

Judging someone like this stems from insecurity, I think. You don’t know a damn thing about this woman, you just want to one-up her some way in your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

How are you different from her? You posted here you got married because You couldn’t support yourself, you felt like you needed to have a nice marriage and have kids and live in the suburbs. Aren’t you pretty drone-y too?

My main goal in life wasn’t to land a rich dude, have a fairytale wedding and have ‘his babies’. I never ever wanted that. Yes, i wanted companionshipand to connect with someone of substance, someone intelligent, sharp. I found that, but without any chemistry, my dh is most likely on the spectrum as well. Not that I believe I am better than his wife, just different. I am not so cookie cutter in my ideas and values. But again, he may be more boring than she appears to be.

So how well do you actually know him and his “ideas and values” if you have to guess about them? This sounds like just limerence. It isn’t someone crushing on their best friend at work that they’ve gone through a lot of crap with and seen angry, or a childhood friend that grew up with them

I don’t know too much about him, I would like to get to know him better but I can’t. He seems to be intelligent, has a decent career, seems to be a great dad. I talk with him occasionally, at school functions etc., albeit very briefly, and I like him. Maybe it’s limerance or whatever, but who cares. Don’t many successful relationships begin with limerance?

Actually when people get with their limerent object or get to know them better, it’s often a massive disappointment. Limerence isn’t about the other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt.

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older.

Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that.

Honestly, OP, look into limerence. None of what you are saying makes a ton of sense. We all are somewhat bored more than a decade into marriage with kids, and we all have attractive coworkers. Your crush isn’t real to you, he’s an object, and none of this is about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

Judging someone like this stems from insecurity, I think. You don’t know a damn thing about this woman, you just want to one-up her some way in your mind.

I know enough about her to know that her main goal in life was to be married and have his babies. She makes it pretty clear. I may be insecure about some things but this is the complete opposite of myself, which is neither good nor bad. Both of them seem to have blunted emotions, flat affects, she’s worse than him. They seem to be on heavy doses of prozac, that’s just my perspective. It’s strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who acted on the feelings. Don’t do it OP, it’s not real. Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel. In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit. He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy. Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband. He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later. The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible. My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done. No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy. My XH was better looking and a better catch. But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving. I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that. Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.

I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really, after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship .

Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time. I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.

Christ. Your an a-hole? How on earth do you marry someone you never had romantic feelings for ???

My spouse and I were literal fire when we met. It was like a drug I couldn’t be without…and 24 years later that still can come out.

The options just weren’t there, I had very few palatable options at that time. My dh was and is a decent human being, I love him but not in the way you love your dh. I didn’t think I would ever need that head over heels love ever again, I thought it was immature and unrealistic. Now, 23 years later I feel like I missed out, big time, I am depressed over never having what you and so many others claim to have with their spouses, I cry over it. I am incredibly fortunate though, I have a supportive and loyal dh who is my best friend and kids who i adore, but i am missing romantic love. It will never be part of my life.

OP, I really feel for you. Really, its brutal being without any romantic love or passion.

If it makes you feel any better, most couples after 2 decades aren't in passionate love. Some are - I am jealous of those! But even people like my spouse and I who had that crazy whirlwind sex 2x a day love when we met 20 years ago settle into something that looks like a good friendship and parental team with occasional so-so sex that is more mechanical than passionate. This is why people have affairs. I am not condoning them, I understand the hurt they cause, but I also get why it's such a powerful draw.

I have no real advice for you. I don't think you are cut out for an affair because your heart would want more than this man will give you. He will be thrilled with the sex part but that's probably all. Is there any way you can role play with your DH and try to harness this?

Listen to all of this poster’s advice. You have posted before and have an incredibly romanticized, borderline deluded idea of the “passion” in long-term marriages. You must be very selectively reading this forum as it is filled with women struggling with spousal contempt and resentment. Seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

Judging someone like this stems from insecurity, I think. You don’t know a damn thing about this woman, you just want to one-up her some way in your mind.

I know enough about her to know that her main goal in life was to be married and have his babies. She makes it pretty clear. I may be insecure about some things but this is the complete opposite of myself, which is neither good nor bad. Both of them seem to have blunted emotions, flat affects, she’s worse than him. They seem to be on heavy doses of prozac, that’s just my perspective. It’s strange.

“They” as in both of them are medicated? Do you know these people well or not? Just because someone struck you as superficial does not mean you are correct.

Girl it is time to MYOB and get some therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

Judging someone like this stems from insecurity, I think. You don’t know a damn thing about this woman, you just want to one-up her some way in your mind.

I know enough about her to know that her main goal in life was to be married and have his babies. She makes it pretty clear. I may be insecure about some things but this is the complete opposite of myself, which is neither good nor bad. Both of them seem to have blunted emotions, flat affects, she’s worse than him. They seem to be on heavy doses of prozac, that’s just my perspective. It’s strange.

Yet you have a crush on him? So he’s a hottie on Prozac but she’s a loser? Also how do you know her hopes and dreams?

[Anonymous]

I once said as in your shoes. I researched “infatuation” and learned it generally lasts only about 18 months. In my case, it lasted closer to 4 years but eventually it went away. I’m so very glad I never acted on it. We both had kids the same age and it would have destroyed two families. Plus I could see we were both having mid-life issues with marital boredom. The truth is I love my husband and had the presence of mind to let the (super duper strong) sense of infatuation pass and reignite my marriage. Think this through.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.

Said: every.otherwoman.out there.

Just disgusting. Every OW I know wants to be the wife and is in a secret competition with someone that doesn't even know they exist. She already won. She's not a disgusting cheater banging (or lobbying ) to bang other people's husbands. She is above you...and that's why, even if he banged you, he would never respect you enough to be with you because you are tainted, and a lying cheat, unlike his wife.

Ha! I know his wife and honestly, sadly she seems to be not all there…or heavily medicated or something. It’s so bizarre. She barely speaks.

Oh yeah you are so much better than her This post just reinforces what the pp said about these ow (and ow wannabes) constantly focusing and denigrating his wife. It’s a sick game and how they try to get self esteem.

Usually everyone in these situations is a mess.

I am unhappy in my marriage and super attracted to a married man but I am far from a mess. My intuition is strong and I feel a definite connection with him. His wife seems to be one of those women who’s main goal in life was to land a successful dude and have a fairytale wedding. she got what she wanted, and now just sits back and enjoys all the fruits of his labor. Her identity is wife to her DH and a mommy and that’s it. She seems to lack any substance. Of course I could be wrong or he may very well be a mindless drone himself.

Judging someone like this stems from insecurity, I think. You don’t know a damn thing about this woman, you just want to one-up her some way in your mind.

I know enough about her to know that her main goal in life was to be married and have his babies. She makes it pretty clear. I may be insecure about some things but this is the complete opposite of myself, which is neither good nor bad. Both of them seem to have blunted emotions, flat affects, she’s worse than him. They seem to be on heavy doses of prozac, that’s just my perspective. It’s strange.

“They” as in both of them are medicated? Do you know these people well or not? Just because someone struck you as superficial does not mean you are correct.

Girl it is time to MYOB and get some therapy.

Please tell how therapy would help me