Married and infatuated with coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him.

I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit .

So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?

This is why you need to educate yourself on limerence and seek help. You know nothing about him and you even admit he seems stoned, you hate his wife without knowing anything , the complete fantasy is disrupting your life , etc. It’s not healthy and that’s not love. Like someone said upthread you sound like a completely unhinged mess of a person and it likely impacts your daily life. That isn’t love. It’s something you need to fix about yourself.

Then, I don’t know how to give or receive love from a significant other, I feel indifferent toward my dh, limerance feels better than indifference.

Limerence is kind of like a drug addiction, it’s a way for your brain to comfort itself and avoid thinking about difficult topics, like instead of thinking about how your marriage is not working out, you fantasize about this married guy. Unfortunately, this is not healthy, and you’re not going to feel good about it for long.

This. And once you start falling into the limerence trap, it’s an addiction, so once your fixation on your current limerent object fades, you’ll likely find another one and repeat the miserable cycle,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him.

I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit .

So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?

This is why you need to educate yourself on limerence and seek help. You know nothing about him and you even admit he seems stoned, you hate his wife without knowing anything , the complete fantasy is disrupting your life , etc. It’s not healthy and that’s not love. Like someone said upthread you sound like a completely unhinged mess of a person and it likely impacts your daily life. That isn’t love. It’s something you need to fix about yourself.

Then, I don’t know how to give or receive love from a significant other, I feel indifferent toward my dh, limerance feels better than indifference.

Limerence is kind of like a drug addiction, it’s a way for your brain to comfort itself and avoid thinking about difficult topics, like instead of thinking about how your marriage is not working out, you fantasize about this married guy. Unfortunately, this is not healthy, and you’re not going to feel good about it for long.

I understand this and it just makes me feel inadequate or not good enough, insecure. I feel like if he doesn’t hit on me I am somehow not good enough. So, in turn I try harder to better myself, by getting in shape, exercising, making more money, becoming a better parent, etc. I feel like if I become the absolute best I can be, it will be hard for him to resist. This sounds crazy and it’s exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him.

I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit .

So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?

This is why you need to educate yourself on limerence and seek help. You know nothing about him and you even admit he seems stoned, you hate his wife without knowing anything , the complete fantasy is disrupting your life , etc. It’s not healthy and that’s not love. Like someone said upthread you sound like a completely unhinged mess of a person and it likely impacts your daily life. That isn’t love. It’s something you need to fix about yourself.

Then, I don’t know how to give or receive love from a significant other, I feel indifferent toward my dh, limerance feels better than indifference.

Limerence is kind of like a drug addiction, it’s a way for your brain to comfort itself and avoid thinking about difficult topics, like instead of thinking about how your marriage is not working out, you fantasize about this married guy. Unfortunately, this is not healthy, and you’re not going to feel good about it for long.

I understand this and it just makes me feel inadequate or not good enough, insecure. I feel like if he doesn’t hit on me I am somehow not good enough. So, in turn I try harder to better myself, by getting in shape, exercising, making more money, becoming a better parent, etc. I feel like if I become the absolute best I can be, it will be hard for him to resist. This sounds crazy and it’s exhausting.

What exactly do you want to hear? It’s clear you need some therapy or counseling and you need to work on yourself. Your feelings for this guy will eventually fade but your larger problems will not go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him.

I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit .

So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?

This is why you need to educate yourself on limerence and seek help. You know nothing about him and you even admit he seems stoned, you hate his wife without knowing anything , the complete fantasy is disrupting your life , etc. It’s not healthy and that’s not love. Like someone said upthread you sound like a completely unhinged mess of a person and it likely impacts your daily life. That isn’t love. It’s something you need to fix about yourself.

Then, I don’t know how to give or receive love from a significant other, I feel indifferent toward my dh, limerance feels better than indifference.

Limerence is kind of like a drug addiction, it’s a way for your brain to comfort itself and avoid thinking about difficult topics, like instead of thinking about how your marriage is not working out, you fantasize about this married guy. Unfortunately, this is not healthy, and you’re not going to feel good about it for long.

I understand this and it just makes me feel inadequate or not good enough, insecure. I feel like if he doesn’t hit on me I am somehow not good enough. So, in turn I try harder to better myself, by getting in shape, exercising, making more money, becoming a better parent, etc. I feel like if I become the absolute best I can be, it will be hard for him to resist. This sounds crazy and it’s exhausting.

What exactly do you want to hear? It’s clear you need some therapy or counseling and you need to work on yourself. Your feelings for this guy will eventually fade but your larger problems will not go away.

I feel like I am lacking something because I have never been in love with my dh, or if I felt chemistry or attraction toward someone it wasn’t reciprocated. I have felt limerence in the past but not real love because it was unrequited. I really just feel like i missed my window of opportunity to find a more suitable partner, I should have been out there in my 20s pursuing men but I wasn’t. All of my good friends met spouses in college, I didn’t, I went a different route than they did. I lacked the social networking that their college experience provided, I had a very limited social network. I regret this so much, and I realized this 20 years ago. By then it was already too late. I had severe social and was unable to live away at college, I had to commute to school while living with my parents. I should have been medicated and receiving therapy then and maybe I would be in a better place today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him.

I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit .

So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?

This is why you need to educate yourself on limerence and seek help. You know nothing about him and you even admit he seems stoned, you hate his wife without knowing anything , the complete fantasy is disrupting your life , etc. It’s not healthy and that’s not love. Like someone said upthread you sound like a completely unhinged mess of a person and it likely impacts your daily life. That isn’t love. It’s something you need to fix about yourself.

Then, I don’t know how to give or receive love from a significant other, I feel indifferent toward my dh, limerance feels better than indifference.

Limerence is kind of like a drug addiction, it’s a way for your brain to comfort itself and avoid thinking about difficult topics, like instead of thinking about how your marriage is not working out, you fantasize about this married guy. Unfortunately, this is not healthy, and you’re not going to feel good about it for long.

I understand this and it just makes me feel inadequate or not good enough, insecure. I feel like if he doesn’t hit on me I am somehow not good enough. So, in turn I try harder to better myself, by getting in shape, exercising, making more money, becoming a better parent, etc. I feel like if I become the absolute best I can be, it will be hard for him to resist. This sounds crazy and it’s exhausting.

What exactly do you want to hear? It’s clear you need some therapy or counseling and you need to work on yourself. Your feelings for this guy will eventually fade but your larger problems will not go away.

I feel like I am lacking something because I have never been in love with my dh, or if I felt chemistry or attraction toward someone it wasn’t reciprocated. I have felt limerence in the past but not real love because it was unrequited. I really just feel like i missed my window of opportunity to find a more suitable partner, I should have been out there in my 20s pursuing men but I wasn’t. All of my good friends met spouses in college, I didn’t, I went a different route than they did. I lacked the social networking that their college experience provided, I had a very limited social network. I regret this so much, and I realized this 20 years ago. By then it was already too late. I had severe social and was unable to live away at college, I had to commute to school while living with my parents. I should have been medicated and receiving therapy then and maybe I would be in a better place today.

*social anxiety

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him.

I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit .

So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?

+1 so anytime a married person feels attraction towards another person it’s must be chalked up to limerence? Single people never go through limerence? And god forbid what someone felt for the person they eventually married is downgraded to limerence, I guess?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him.

I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit .

So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?

+1 so anytime a married person feels attraction towards another person it’s must be chalked up to limerence? Single people never go through limerence? And god forbid what someone felt for the person they eventually married is downgraded to limerence, I guess?

I feel like limerance is just a another label and it’s minimizing my true feelings. I have no idea how this man feels towards me. Our feelings could be mutual, heaven forbid. So, minimizing it and calling it limerance means it can never grow into anything substantial, it’s saying I have a disorder, how crazy of me to expect requited love from anyone especially a married man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him.

I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit .

So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?

This is why you need to educate yourself on limerence and seek help. You know nothing about him and you even admit he seems stoned, you hate his wife without knowing anything , the complete fantasy is disrupting your life , etc. It’s not healthy and that’s not love. Like someone said upthread you sound like a completely unhinged mess of a person and it likely impacts your daily life. That isn’t love. It’s something you need to fix about yourself.

Then, I don’t know how to give or receive love from a significant other, I feel indifferent toward my dh, limerance feels better than indifference.

Limerence is kind of like a drug addiction, it’s a way for your brain to comfort itself and avoid thinking about difficult topics, like instead of thinking about how your marriage is not working out, you fantasize about this married guy. Unfortunately, this is not healthy, and you’re not going to feel good about it for long.

I understand this and it just makes me feel inadequate or not good enough, insecure. I feel like if he doesn’t hit on me I am somehow not good enough. So, in turn I try harder to better myself, by getting in shape, exercising, making more money, becoming a better parent, etc. I feel like if I become the absolute best I can be, it will be hard for him to resist. This sounds crazy and it’s exhausting.

What exactly do you want to hear? It’s clear you need some therapy or counseling and you need to work on yourself. Your feelings for this guy will eventually fade but your larger problems will not go away.

I feel like I am lacking something because I have never been in love with my dh, or if I felt chemistry or attraction toward someone it wasn’t reciprocated. I have felt limerence in the past but not real love because it was unrequited. I really just feel like i missed my window of opportunity to find a more suitable partner, I should have been out there in my 20s pursuing men but I wasn’t. All of my good friends met spouses in college, I didn’t, I went a different route than they did. I lacked the social networking that their college experience provided, I had a very limited social network. I regret this so much, and I realized this 20 years ago. By then it was already too late. I had severe social and was unable to live away at college, I had to commute to school while living with my parents. I should have been medicated and receiving therapy then and maybe I would be in a better place today.

Seriously you have a lot of self esteem issues and other issues that a therapist can help you with. None of this is healthy or normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

I actually feel for you, OP. I am in the same situation except I took the plunge. Don't trust him to hit the brakes, men are as faithful as their options. He probably will have sex with you.

The thing you have to choose is the least worst option. Is divorce with a chance at passionate love worth dividing your time with the kids?

I give myself permission to have out of town affairs if the perfect opportunity strikes. It helps me realize there is always a chance for me someday

New poster. I actually laughed out loud at this post, especially the bold. "Divorce with a chance at passionate love"! Once she divorces and is free...oh, wait, she won't be "free," because she has kids. The work crush isn't going to want to be her kids' stepdaddy.

Even if he and she get together, rut like animals in heat on work trips and have a blast, once she's actually out of the marriage, the transgressive bloom will be off her rose and he'll back away fast.

Counseling divorce for OP is just feeding her fantasy that this would be a real relationship. Even if they have sex, it won't lead to a real relationship and it will mess with her kids for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him.

I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit .

So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?

+1 so anytime a married person feels attraction towards another person it’s must be chalked up to limerence? Single people never go through limerence? And god forbid what someone felt for the person they eventually married is downgraded to limerence, I guess?

I feel like limerance is just a another label and it’s minimizing my true feelings. I have no idea how this man feels towards me. Our feelings could be mutual, heaven forbid. So, minimizing it and calling it limerance means it can never grow into anything substantial, it’s saying I have a disorder, how crazy of me to expect requited love from anyone especially a married man.

DP. How you got from "we go on work trips together, I want him" all the way to thinking you should "expect requited love" is stunning. OP, you keep coming back to defend your feelings. It's good to own your feelings but you seem almost to be writing yourself deeper and deeper into what you see as love, as you respond here.

Please, if you value your kids and your marriage vow at ALL (even your vow to a guy you say is a good guy you don't love)---put the work travel on ice any way you can, and get therapy now. Not just to see the reality of how you're fixating on this colleague, but also to figure out why you're so unhappy with your REAL life even if he weren't in it.

And OP, you won't believe this yet, but if your "we click" infatuation weren't this one man, it would be another one you met in some other context. Your unhappiness would find some other outlet in some other person. Deal with your actual life and its issues, rather than focusing everything on whether posters here are supposedly minimizing your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him.

I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit .

So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?

Yes and some people do divorce and marry their lover. It happens to coworkers all the time and can grow into love. Go get your soulmate OP

[Anonymous]

What’s absolutely hilarious is this guy likely thinks absolutely nothing for her, some old lady 10 years older than everyone knows is fawning over him.

Lady, you are 100% batsh@t crazy talking about true love with a married coworker 10 years younger that hasn’t even made a pass or acknowledged in that way. Respect his marriage, respect his wife and go bang your own husband or beat off, but leave this man and his family alone.

You are giving off major stalker vibes, especially with how fixated you are on dating you are better than his wife (who you don’t even really know).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

There is a reason: it’s you.

You tear down other women constantly. You covet what they have while denigrating them and calling them idiots and losers.

You haven’t found true love like then because you aren’t a good person. You are rotten inside and people can tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s absolutely hilarious is this guy likely thinks absolutely nothing for her, some old lady 10 years older than everyone knows is fawning over him.

Lady, you are 100% batsh@t crazy talking about true love with a married coworker 10 years younger that hasn’t even made a pass or acknowledged in that way. Respect his marriage, respect his wife and go bang your own husband or beat off, but leave this man and his family alone.

You are giving off major stalker vibes, especially with how fixated you are on dating you are better than his wife (who you don’t even really know).

I am not the OP, i am a different poster who relates to OP. I am far from an old lady, my crush is not 10 years younger, he is about 6 years younger which is insignificant. I am tired of everyone acting so self righteous and sanctimonious when it concerns marriage. It’s only about timing anyhow, it’s pure luck and chance that people marry a person with mutual feelings. It’s okay to have feelings for a married person, I am not disordered because of that. I’m not afraid to push social boundaries or norms, my feelings are raw and i have a strong intuition that this man feels the same. Why does a relationship with him mean that families must be destroyed? That seems a little dramatic but society tells us that’s what should happen so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a despicable person. Half your posts are tearing down his wife who you have zero personal relationships with.

You are an old loser. 10-years older than him with your peri-menopause grandma panties in a twist.

I’m sure everyone in the office gossips about you fawning over this younger guy

Life has given me crap so far regarding relationships, I have worked my ass off, trying to be the best person I can be and I look around and I see lazy idiotic women who had their ‘soulmates’ just fall into their laps. I deserve better than what I currently have, sorry, yes it saddens me, I hate seeing happy couples. I will never ever ever have that.

How do you know this guy is your soulmate? You know nothing about him. I feel like I’d be more sympathetic if he was your best childhood friend or somethung and you actually knew him.

I don’t know. I just know that I will never forget the first time I met him, it sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I haven’t felt such chemistry in so long, at least 20 years, if ever. I will never forget that. I admit I don’t know him well but I sense he feels similarly. I don’t work with him but we live in the same area and after we met he suddenly started walking by more frequently and chatting.

Classic limerence, he’s not that into you and you don’t know each other. You are addicted to how he makes you feel but you know nothing at all about him. Get therapy or join a limerence support community like the one on Reddit .

So everyone who has chemistry with someone is in limerance? How do you differentiate between lust potentially love and limerance? Couldn’t limerance grow into love?

+1 so anytime a married person feels attraction towards another person it’s must be chalked up to limerence? Single people never go through limerence? And god forbid what someone felt for the person they eventually married is downgraded to limerence, I guess?

I feel like limerance is just a another label and it’s minimizing my true feelings. I have no idea how this man feels towards me. Our feelings could be mutual, heaven forbid. So, minimizing it and calling it limerance means it can never grow into anything substantial, it’s saying I have a disorder, how crazy of me to expect requited love from anyone especially a married man.

I feel for people like OP. It is easy for me to understand how people find themselves in this situation. They get married to someone who the like well enough and perhaps even love, but then comes along the first situation with a crazy intense connection later in life. Limerance is fun and powerful, but unfortunately no indicator of a suitable life partner. It's not that there limerance means that "it can never grow into anything substantial", it's just that it's zero indication of potential for long-term compatibility and substantial relationship.

Finally, while I do have sympathy for the OPs situation, the OP does come across as bit mentally unstable from the comments about others who are in happy relationships. I would encourage them to seek counseling before pursuing any life changes.