Wife wants to be "alone" so this means we divorce?

[Anonymous]

Work stress is different than home/ children/ family stress.

Both is the worse yet. Both plus a special needs kid stress is the worst. And when fathers ignore that divorces crank up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she also plans to leave the 11 and 14 "year olds behind?!

I've been a WOHM and I've been a SAHM. It sounds like she lost her identity to being a mom. It happens. COVID probably heightened that awareness and now she has a lot of regrets. I definitely suggest marriage counseling. Can you take some time off at work?

My answer would be different if your kids were older, but a mom willing to leave her kid behinds hints at a much bigger issue than burnt out and regret. She needs things to change and a counselor will. Hopefully help you guys figure out how to do that

Leaving kids and not thinking about kids during an affair is the height of selfishness, “my needs” only. Lots of people like this. They use the “kids are better why I am happy” BS.

She never said she’s moving out. That was HIS only response to her confiding how unhappy she is with the current roles.

She said she wanted to be alone did not say she wanted to be alone with the kids

OP already admitted that he doesn't raise the kids, she does.

She's leaving him WITH the kids.

It sounds like OP isn't remotely concerned about that because.... he doesn't raise the kids, she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is just doubling down on his selfishness and total lack of understanding life. I hope he gets served tomorrow. He is not marriage material. Too dense. Too self centered. What a joke.

You’re standing in support of a woman who is the abandoning two children

of course she's taking her children. Like 99% of the other women who get divorced.

[Anonymous]

She just doesn't want to pick up after you, clean up after you, and cook your dinner OP. That's why she wants to be "alone" she wants half the work.

It sounds like she needs to consider going back to work, if she can find a job at this point, and you need to hire household help to do cleaning.

Doubt she is having an affair. She just doesn't want to have to be your mommy too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is just doubling down on his selfishness and total lack of understanding life. I hope he gets served tomorrow. He is not marriage material. Too dense. Too self centered. What a joke.

You’re standing in support of a woman who is the abandoning two children

of course she's taking her children. Like 99% of the other women who get divorced.

who do you know who is divorced? It is normally 50/50 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those saying the working parent sacrifices and suffers too...yes, that is true. But I don't think I am alone in saying, as a mother who has been home and a mother who has worked....home is harder. Significantly actually, in ways that can be hard to articulate. And really, it would be hard to grasp that fully if you have not done it. But it's in the neighborhood of a loss of status, stimulation, self esteem, sense of self,, etc. I very gradually got more depressed...nothing severe, I just started to feel empty. Work may be demanding, but if you have even a semblance of control and respect at work, you have more than what many mothers will feel in the day to day. Not all...but some. Try to cultivate empathy. She deserves it.

Maybe but it is all in how you define success and happiness. If you/OPs wife only looks to external validation from your circle and status level you will Always be disappointed in yourself. Seek counseling and figure out what makes you fulfilled and do that regardless of what others think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is just doubling down on his selfishness and total lack of understanding life. I hope he gets served tomorrow. He is not marriage material. Too dense. Too self centered. What a joke.

You’re standing in support of a woman who is the abandoning two children

of course she's taking her children. Like 99% of the other women who get divorced.

No she isn’t … she is sick of being “tethered to the kids” she wants to “live for herself”

Women who want the kids ask for a divorce snd stay in the family home.

She’s cutting and running.

No women judge is allowing a woman to move out with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHW, OP. I feel this way at least 5 out of 7 days but I work to tamp down those feelings because I know DH and kids are depending on me. Everyone desires financial and family stability but no educated person wants to focus on serving others -- even beloved children or partners -- in a menial capacity for decades. If your DW could enjoy nearly the same standard of living without having to live the lackey life, why would she not try to seize the chance to change? She does not care about the cleanliness of your underwear or your latest squabble with a colleague, and is tired of pretending.

Triple this if you are rarely saying thank you, or showing gratitude or appreciation or even listening to her daily.

The PP Sounds super pathetic. If you want something else go for it don’t just blame everybody around you because you don’t have it. The kids don’t need you 24 seven. Your husband can do his own freaking laundry. The kids can toO actually.

You feel worthless because everything you do has little to no value anymore you’re doing stuff for people they can do it for themselves and probably stunting their growth since you do it for them. Figure out what you wanna do with your life and do it but stop blaming others

Wake up.

That’s exactly what she is doing. She’s done with the current BS arrangement.

She’s prob at peace with the “worst case” scenario: 50/50 custody

If Op is truly a delinquent father they should mediate and do 80/20 or give her full custody and work out his visiting rights.

You live in a fantasy world nobody said the dad is delinquent.

She is selfish. She is not going to “make things happen”. She’s just going to be the same pathetic person but single.

[Anonymous]

This thread is a case study in projection. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She just doesn't want to pick up after you, clean up after you, and cook your dinner OP. That's why she wants to be "alone" she wants half the work.

It sounds like she needs to consider going back to work, if she can find a job at this point, and you need to hire household help to do cleaning.

Doubt she is having an affair. She just doesn't want to have to be your mommy too.

She doesn’t want to be his mommy, but wants to spend his money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is just doubling down on his selfishness and total lack of understanding life. I hope he gets served tomorrow. He is not marriage material. Too dense. Too self centered. What a joke.

You’re standing in support of a woman who is the abandoning two children

of course she's taking her children. Like 99% of the other women who get divorced.

No she isn’t … she is sick of being “tethered to the kids” she wants to “live for herself”

Women who want the kids ask for a divorce snd stay in the family home.

She’s cutting and running.

No women judge is allowing a woman to move out with the kids.

OP never once mentioned being concerned about who will care for the kids. Because he knows she may leave him but will take and keep caring for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Lol @ high pinnacle of success and oh so wealthy comments from OP. We get it OP your wife mommied you and your kids so you could be so great.

Guess what I’m an attorney and an involved mom and had to stay at home during covid and I tell you 100000% percent staying home with my kid and dealing with household and appointments has been harder than anything I’ve ever done at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is just doubling down on his selfishness and total lack of understanding life. I hope he gets served tomorrow. He is not marriage material. Too dense. Too self centered. What a joke.

You’re standing in support of a woman who is the abandoning two children

of course she's taking her children. Like 99% of the other women who get divorced.

No she isn’t … she is sick of being “tethered to the kids” she wants to “live for herself”

Women who want the kids ask for a divorce snd stay in the family home.

She’s cutting and running.

No women judge is allowing a woman to move out with the kids.

OP never once mentioned being concerned about who will care for the kids. Because he knows she may leave him but will take and keep caring for the kids.

OP never once worried about who will care for the kids because they are 11 and 14 are in school all day and don’t need somebody at home all day when they aren’t there.

Also working parents have been caring for kids forever it’s a non-issue, easy peasy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is tired. She is tired of having everyone depend on her and doing everything - not just physical labor but being the emotional backbone of the family. She is just tired.
Maybe she is having an affair, maybe not. This didn't pop up from nowhere, there had to be signs that you missed. Did she try to talk to you about stuff or have you take an interest and you ignored? Did she ask you to be involved in decisions like camps or schools and you acted uninterested? (I am totally projecting here)
She has one foot out the door. Give her time to explore herself and some freedom to have fun. Do not make this about you.

OP here, thanks for this and a lot of other replies. Yes, she does try to get me involved in decisions like camps and schools and the day to day and I will admit I fall short on those things more from a logistics standpoint - she will schedule a tour of a school or camp or activity but without notice to me my work schedule is packed and I can't make those things on 48 hours notice.

If I am accused of letting her handle the vast majority of the mental parenting load, I plead guilty. She has been a rock star in that regard and I tell her how much I appreciate what she's done.

We had a talk last night based on some advice given here. She said she's tired of the hampsterwheel and wants off. She also said something I found very hurtful: that my contribution doesn't feel equal to hers since most of what I do is professional and "you would have done that anyway" meaning it wasn't a sacrifice for her or the family. Again, totally wounding because it's completely untrue, I put in an enormous effort and reached a very high pinnacle of success professionally that I simply wouldn't have needed to do if I was only looking after me.

Thanks for all the feedback, it's helpful to hear perspectives that seem to match hers.

Of FFS, do you know how many CEOs I know who openly say that the reason for their career and life success is due to their wife. Their wife.
Their wife allows them to be a a myopic, workaholic, one trick pony allowing them to only focus on their professional work 24/7. And breeze in and out of their family life like a feather floating through a busy train station of kids, nannies, schools, sports, food, extended family, tutors, healthcare, friends, teachers, hobbies, travels, clothes, gear, vehicles, sitters/drivers, etc.

Btw, so you know the number 1 reason women don’t “reache the pinnacle of their careers and industries?” Self-centered, unsupportive, ignorant husbands who neglect them, the kids and the home.

Well said. Spot on. And the best part of all are those husbands that accuse their wives of being "ungrateful" for it all...which negates the contribution of the wives all along (either as SAHMs or WOHMs) and tells them that they should be happy to settle for the scraps they're given.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She just doesn't want to pick up after you, clean up after you, and cook your dinner OP. That's why she wants to be "alone" she wants half the work.

It sounds like she needs to consider going back to work, if she can find a job at this point, and you need to hire household help to do cleaning.

Doubt she is having an affair. She just doesn't want to have to be your mommy too.

She doesn’t want to be his mommy, but wants to spend his money.

OP says it's been two decades with the kids (so they may be over 18) and she may want to move out. She probably won't get much money at all; he might have to split his retirement at best.

I doubt she will actually divorce, think it sounds like she is just tired and wants a career of her own now that the kids are moving on.