Wife wants to be "alone" so this means we divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those saying the working parent sacrifices and suffers too...yes, that is true. But I don't think I am alone in saying, as a mother who has been home and a mother who has worked....home is harder. Significantly actually, in ways that can be hard to articulate. And really, it would be hard to grasp that fully if you have not done it. But it's in the neighborhood of a loss of status, stimulation, self esteem, sense of self,, etc. I very gradually got more depressed...nothing severe, I just started to feel empty. Work may be demanding, but if you have even a semblance of control and respect at work, you have more than what many mothers will feel in the day to day. Not all...but some. Try to cultivate empathy. She deserves it.

Maybe but it is all in how you define success and happiness. If you/OPs wife only looks to external validation from your circle and status level you will Always be disappointed in yourself. Seek counseling and figure out what makes you fulfilled and do that regardless of what others think.

Exactly. Including not having a wife or kids since you contribute nothing of yourself nor care for them beyond being an indirect money source.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She just doesn't want to pick up after you, clean up after you, and cook your dinner OP. That's why she wants to be "alone" she wants half the work.

It sounds like she needs to consider going back to work, if she can find a job at this point, and you need to hire household help to do cleaning.

Doubt she is having an affair. She just doesn't want to have to be your mommy too.

She doesn’t want to be his mommy, but wants to spend his money.

OP says it's been two decades with the kids (so they may be over 18) and she may want to move out. She probably won't get much money at all; he might have to split his retirement at best.

I doubt she will actually divorce, think it sounds like she is just tired and wants a career of her own now that the kids are moving on.

She will get alimony, child support and 1/2 of everything they acquired during the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is just doubling down on his selfishness and total lack of understanding life. I hope he gets served tomorrow. He is not marriage material. Too dense. Too self centered. What a joke.

You’re standing in support of a woman who is the abandoning two children

of course she's taking her children. Like 99% of the other women who get divorced.

No she isn’t … she is sick of being “tethered to the kids” she wants to “live for herself”

Women who want the kids ask for a divorce snd stay in the family home.

She’s cutting and running.

No women judge is allowing a woman to move out with the kids.

At a minimum she needs a week of respite.

Then she’ll start peeling back all her unthanked efforts and match her spouse’s level of effort.

[Anonymous]

Of the resentment is real why would she want to stay with a self centered uninteresting workaholic “who is around when he can be” for another 10,20,30 years?

Why?

Why Op? Why should she stay?

And if all you have to say is your income (since after divorce that’s all that’s missing) that’s really pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She just doesn't want to pick up after you, clean up after you, and cook your dinner OP. That's why she wants to be "alone" she wants half the work.

It sounds like she needs to consider going back to work, if she can find a job at this point, and you need to hire household help to do cleaning.

Doubt she is having an affair. She just doesn't want to have to be your mommy too.

She doesn’t want to be his mommy, but wants to spend his money.

OP says it's been two decades with the kids (so they may be over 18) and she may want to move out. She probably won't get much money at all; he might have to split his retirement at best.

I doubt she will actually divorce, think it sounds like she is just tired and wants a career of her own now that the kids are moving on.

She will get alimony, child support and 1/2 of everything they acquired during the marriage.

Correct.

[Anonymous]

It ain't an affair. She probably means exactly what she said.

[Anonymous]

60 yo woman here. Feel the same as your wife. No affair or interest in other guys. In my case, I’m a golf widow and DH’s life consists of golf and work—in that order. I’m in my own bedroom right now and will have my own bathroom when DC goes to college this summer. I dream about living alone. I have my own money so DH doesn’t offer me much. Still, I don’t see the point in breaking up my family because of this. I suspect women have been feeling like this for centuries. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is just doubling down on his selfishness and total lack of understanding life. I hope he gets served tomorrow. He is not marriage material. Too dense. Too self centered. What a joke.

You’re standing in support of a woman who is the abandoning two children

of course she's taking her children. Like 99% of the other women who get divorced.

No she isn’t … she is sick of being “tethered to the kids” she wants to “live for herself”

Women who want the kids ask for a divorce snd stay in the family home.

She’s cutting and running.

No women judge is allowing a woman to move out with the kids.

At a minimum she needs a week of respite.

Then she’ll start peeling back all her unthanked efforts and match her spouse’s level of effort.

You mean excell because that is what he is doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She just doesn't want to pick up after you, clean up after you, and cook your dinner OP. That's why she wants to be "alone" she wants half the work.

It sounds like she needs to consider going back to work, if she can find a job at this point, and you need to hire household help to do cleaning.

Doubt she is having an affair. She just doesn't want to have to be your mommy too.

She doesn’t want to be his mommy, but wants to spend his money.

OP says it's been two decades with the kids (so they may be over 18) and she may want to move out. She probably won't get much money at all; he might have to split his retirement at best.

I doubt she will actually divorce, think it sounds like she is just tired and wants a career of her own now that the kids are moving on.

She will get alimony, child support and 1/2 of everything they acquired during the marriage.

Correct.

Which is not that much.

Her alimony will be gor a short period of time. The kids are <10 years away from no child support.

Then he’s making $$$$ and she’s broke.

[Anonymous]

But she doesn’t have a self centered, ignorant, unappreciative spouse to look at while pretending to be a functional couple.

That’s priceless.

The damage is done. And it may be permanent unless Op can get some actual empathy and understanding of what’s happened here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is just doubling down on his selfishness and total lack of understanding life. I hope he gets served tomorrow. He is not marriage material. Too dense. Too self centered. What a joke.

You’re standing in support of a woman who is the abandoning two children

of course she's taking her children. Like 99% of the other women who get divorced.

No she isn’t … she is sick of being “tethered to the kids” she wants to “live for herself”

Women who want the kids ask for a divorce snd stay in the family home.

She’s cutting and running.

No women judge is allowing a woman to move out with the kids.

At a minimum she needs a week of respite.

Then she’ll start peeling back all her unthanked efforts and match her spouse’s level of effort.

You mean excell because that is what he is doing.

We all know lots of divorced men who “excell” at work and have a personal life in ruins. Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of all the 70-something women who are happier and healthier than ever once their husbands kicked the bucket early. They were shells of a person until set free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is just doubling down on his selfishness and total lack of understanding life. I hope he gets served tomorrow. He is not marriage material. Too dense. Too self centered. What a joke.

You’re standing in support of a woman who is the abandoning two children

of course she's taking her children. Like 99% of the other women who get divorced.

No she isn’t … she is sick of being “tethered to the kids” she wants to “live for herself”

Women who want the kids ask for a divorce snd stay in the family home.

She’s cutting and running.

No women judge is allowing a woman to move out with the kids.

At a minimum she needs a week of respite.

Then she’ll start peeling back all her unthanked efforts and match her spouse’s level of effort.

You mean excell because that is what he is doing.

We all know lots of divorced men who “excell” at work and have a personal life in ruins. Easy peasy.

His life is not in ruins. He has beautiful healthy kids, a great life, good friends. He has a wife having a mid life crisis. That’s not something he created it’s just life, dealing with other people who refuse to deal with their own shit in a healthy way.

His wife needs nothing more than a little perspective.

Try voice to text and tell me if it excels at spelling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But she doesn’t have a self centered, ignorant, unappreciative spouse to look at while pretending to be a functional couple.

That’s priceless.

The damage is done. And it may be permanent unless Op can get some actual empathy and understanding of what’s happened here.

And he doesn’t have a pathetic princess who has done nothing with her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:60 yo woman here. Feel the same as your wife. No affair or interest in other guys. In my case, I’m a golf widow and DH’s life consists of golf and work—in that order. I’m in my own bedroom right now and will have my own bathroom when DC goes to college this summer. I dream about living alone. I have my own money so DH doesn’t offer me much. Still, I don’t see the point in breaking up my family because of this. I suspect women have been feeling like this for centuries. It is what it is.

Why did you wait? You could have started your amazing life years ago. Why do you need your own house to thrive as a person?