DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you overreacted, OP. I’m sorry! I have sympathy bc I know how annoying it is to put two kids to bed....but, if your DH helps the other six nights...then, I don’t see the issue?

The issue is OP resents her husband's weekly Friday night call with his friends. She has made herself into a martyr and since DH didn't choose to sacrifice himself the same way she has she is now at war with him.

This.

No she didn’t. She tried to take the time for herself one week and gave him warning. He didn’t step up! She communicated to him in appropriate form that she needed this time for herself.

And all she had to do was lighten up and allow her kid to fall asleep while using electronics this one time. She blew it up into a ridiculous drama unnecessarily.

I'd go so far as to say it could be handled this way every Friday night with no lasting damage to DC. Too much drama over nothing.

Yes why on earth is this such a big deal? Children don't actually need to be "put to bed perfectly" every single night. Doesn't sound like the kid was unhappy, pretty sure he would have drifted off to sleep just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. These posts are in bizarro world. OP, rest assured every rational, logical person with cognitive function who reads your post would side with you.

Wrong.

OP initiated the conflict on purpose because she’s been stewing with resentment about DH’s time with friends.

Then, DH handled the bedtime issue in a perfectly rational way. Let the kid relax with some screen time on Saturday night so both mom and dad can do their thing. But OH NO!! OP didn’t just want him to handle it, she wanted it done exactly her way. And exactly in a way where DH would need to cancel his plans.

And when OP learned what happened, she lost all control, made herself a martyr over a stupid and mundane issue, then started screaming at her husband “in public” like a lunatic. That is childish, embarrassing behavior.

It’s almost like I didn’t read the same post as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d never ask for a weekly standing date with friends for Friday. Maybe twice a month or join when I can. Neither would my partner. Maybe a Wednesday, but not end of the week when we are all run down from pandemic pressure.

Agree

There seems to be significant degree of self centeredness and control going in from the DH. Giving a kid a screen at 7 or 8 instead of tucking them in and lights out is BS. Kid is a own here.

He won’t even put the kid to bed to let his wife talk to a friend caring for a hospitalize Covid family member?

All to have another call within his old fraternity brothers? I can’t imagine any adult with you children being able to commit to a non urgent call before 8pm.

But it’s obvious it was more important for OP to see DH give up his weekly Zoom call for one night and put the difficult son to bed at the normal time than the actual call with the sick friend. Otherwise she would have prioritized staying on the call with her friend over yelling at husband to get off his zoom call and getting upset about son having additional electronics time in their room. Maybe it’s because I don’t have this kinda energy for perfect parenting but if I have a crisis call and I need the kids to be quiet and distracted with electronics or even a later bedtime, I can live with that one day out of 365. Even if my DH is on deck, the kids argue, sometimes aren’t listening etc, and I have to block that out and focus on what a I am trying to get done.

OMG, some of you are clearly projecting your own sh*t onto the OP. She prioritized her child's bedtime and wellbeing over her Zoom...as opposed to her selfish DH who prioritized his Zoom over everyone else.

Some of you are projecting your own issues on to the the DH/ OP didn't go put the kid to bed all she did was go yell at her husband. Someone who is so concerned about kid's sleep is not starting screaming fights at bedtime. It's not about the bedtime it's about OP's martyrdom. Sure DH could have altered things to get the kid in bed on time without electronics, but that the didn't is not that egregious. OP's behavior in this situation is extremely toxic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you overreacted, OP. I’m sorry! I have sympathy bc I know how annoying it is to put two kids to bed....but, if your DH helps the other six nights...then, I don’t see the issue?

The issue is OP resents her husband's weekly Friday night call with his friends. She has made herself into a martyr and since DH didn't choose to sacrifice himself the same way she has she is now at war with him.

This.

No she didn’t. She tried to take the time for herself one week and gave him warning. He didn’t step up! She communicated to him in appropriate form that she needed this time for herself.

And all she had to do was lighten up and allow her kid to fall asleep while using electronics this one time. She blew it up into a ridiculous drama unnecessarily.

OP's DH has joined the thread.

Dude, you are a jerk. Own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you overreacted, OP. I’m sorry! I have sympathy bc I know how annoying it is to put two kids to bed....but, if your DH helps the other six nights...then, I don’t see the issue?

The issue is OP resents her husband's weekly Friday night call with his friends. She has made herself into a martyr and since DH didn't choose to sacrifice himself the same way she has she is now at war with him.

This.

No she didn’t. She tried to take the time for herself one week and gave him warning. He didn’t step up! She communicated to him in appropriate form that she needed this time for herself.

And all she had to do was lighten up and allow her kid to fall asleep while using electronics this one time. She blew it up into a ridiculous drama unnecessarily.

I'd go so far as to say it could be handled this way every Friday night with no lasting damage to DC. Too much drama over nothing.

Yes why on earth is this such a big deal? Children don't actually need to be "put to bed perfectly" every single night. Doesn't sound like the kid was unhappy, pretty sure he would have drifted off to sleep just fine.

Yup. Do Friday night movies for the kids and you and your husband do Zoom friend meetings or whatever hobby you enjoy, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just really envious your husband get a social visit pass no matter what is going on. What other parent is guaranteed weekly free time?

No reason she couldn't claim Saturday nights to herself! The martyrdom is ridiculous.

So her entire zoom group needs to reschedule around dh’s? How long does he get to claim Friday night? Forever?

Since there wasn't actually a real problem with the children--just one she invented--it was possible for both adults to enjoy their friend time on the same night.

But sure doesn't seem to be an issue with her claiming another night to herself since he already has a longstanding date with friends. Only pure pettiness would dictate a problem with selecting one of the other 6 nights open, since she can't seem to handle the way her DH does things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you overreacted, OP. I’m sorry! I have sympathy bc I know how annoying it is to put two kids to bed....but, if your DH helps the other six nights...then, I don’t see the issue?

The issue is OP resents her husband's weekly Friday night call with his friends. She has made herself into a martyr and since DH didn't choose to sacrifice himself the same way she has she is now at war with him.

This.

No she didn’t. She tried to take the time for herself one week and gave him warning. He didn’t step up! She communicated to him in appropriate form that she needed this time for herself.

And all she had to do was lighten up and allow her kid to fall asleep while using electronics this one time. She blew it up into a ridiculous drama unnecessarily.

I'd go so far as to say it could be handled this way every Friday night with no lasting damage to DC. Too much drama over nothing.

Yes why on earth is this such a big deal? Children don't actually need to be "put to bed perfectly" every single night. Doesn't sound like the kid was unhappy, pretty sure he would have drifted off to sleep just fine.

Yup. Do Friday night movies for the kids and you and your husband do Zoom friend meetings or whatever hobby you enjoy, OP.

Op seems too controlling for that but she'd be a lot happier if she lightened up and gave it a try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you overreacted, OP. I’m sorry! I have sympathy bc I know how annoying it is to put two kids to bed....but, if your DH helps the other six nights...then, I don’t see the issue?

The issue is OP resents her husband's weekly Friday night call with his friends. She has made herself into a martyr and since DH didn't choose to sacrifice himself the same way she has she is now at war with him.

This.

No she didn’t. She tried to take the time for herself one week and gave him warning. He didn’t step up! She communicated to him in appropriate form that she needed this time for herself.

And all she had to do was lighten up and allow her kid to fall asleep while using electronics this one time. She blew it up into a ridiculous drama unnecessarily.

I'd go so far as to say it could be handled this way every Friday night with no lasting damage to DC. Too much drama over nothing.

Yes why on earth is this such a big deal? Children don't actually need to be "put to bed perfectly" every single night. Doesn't sound like the kid was unhappy, pretty sure he would have drifted off to sleep just fine.

This. There was not a problem until OP made one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d never ask for a weekly standing date with friends for Friday. Maybe twice a month or join when I can. Neither would my partner. Maybe a Wednesday, but not end of the week when we are all run down from pandemic pressure.

Agree

There seems to be significant degree of self centeredness and control going in from the DH. Giving a kid a screen at 7 or 8 instead of tucking them in and lights out is BS. Kid is a own here.

He won’t even put the kid to bed to let his wife talk to a friend caring for a hospitalize Covid family member?

All to have another call within his old fraternity brothers? I can’t imagine any adult with you children being able to commit to a non urgent call before 8pm.

But it’s obvious it was more important for OP to see DH give up his weekly Zoom call for one night and put the difficult son to bed at the normal time than the actual call with the sick friend. Otherwise she would have prioritized staying on the call with her friend over yelling at husband to get off his zoom call and getting upset about son having additional electronics time in their room. Maybe it’s because I don’t have this kinda energy for perfect parenting but if I have a crisis call and I need the kids to be quiet and distracted with electronics or even a later bedtime, I can live with that one day out of 365. Even if my DH is on deck, the kids argue, sometimes aren’t listening etc, and I have to block that out and focus on what a I am trying to get done.

OMG, some of you are clearly projecting your own sh*t onto the OP. She prioritized her child's bedtime and wellbeing over her Zoom...as opposed to her selfish DH who prioritized his Zoom over everyone else.

Some of you are projecting your own issues on to the the DH/ OP didn't go put the kid to bed all she did was go yell at her husband. Someone who is so concerned about kid's sleep is not starting screaming fights at bedtime. It's not about the bedtime it's about OP's martyrdom. Sure DH could have altered things to get the kid in bed on time without electronics, but that the didn't is not that egregious. OP's behavior in this situation is extremely toxic

Nope. If you stick to the OP, it's pretty obvious the DH acted like a jerk. Regardless of all the hypothetical nonsense the team-DH people are trying to throw at the wall, the fact is:

DH has had months of Fridays to visit on Zoom with friends.
She asked DH to put the child to bed this ONE week, so that she could attend a Zoom with friends.
He agreed but did not do what he said he would.

It doesn't matter what *you* think about OP's bedtime routine for her kid, it only matters what she and her DH have agreed on. Clearly, he broke the agreement.

This is on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just really envious your husband get a social visit pass no matter what is going on. What other parent is guaranteed weekly free time?

No reason she couldn't claim Saturday nights to herself! The martyrdom is ridiculous.

So her entire zoom group needs to reschedule around dh’s? How long does he get to claim Friday night? Forever?

Since there wasn't actually a real problem with the children--just one she invented--it was possible for both adults to enjoy their friend time on the same night.

But sure doesn't seem to be an issue with her claiming another night to herself since he already has a longstanding date with friends. Only pure pettiness would dictate a problem with selecting one of the other 6 nights open, since she can't seem to handle the way her DH does things.

Could you find any more excuses for a lazy dh? She tried to pick another night FFS!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hiding behind an early Frat zoom call every Friday to not properly take care of multiple children, including a difficult one, is not cool.

I would have escalated that to a head months ago.

Plus a million

[Anonymous]

At the very least you provided a nice reminder to his single guy friends on the call to never get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. These posts are in bizarro world. OP, rest assured every rational, logical person with cognitive function who reads your post would side with you.

Wrong.

OP initiated the conflict on purpose because she’s been stewing with resentment about DH’s time with friends.

Then, DH handled the bedtime issue in a perfectly rational way. Let the kid relax with some screen time on Saturday night so both mom and dad can do their thing. But OH NO!! OP didn’t just want him to handle it, she wanted it done exactly her way. And exactly in a way where DH would need to cancel his plans.

And when OP learned what happened, she lost all control, made herself a martyr over a stupid and mundane issue, then started screaming at her husband “in public” like a lunatic. That is childish, embarrassing behavior.

Someone is harboring resentment. Here’s a mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d never ask for a weekly standing date with friends for Friday. Maybe twice a month or join when I can. Neither would my partner. Maybe a Wednesday, but not end of the week when we are all run down from pandemic pressure.

Agree

There seems to be significant degree of self centeredness and control going in from the DH. Giving a kid a screen at 7 or 8 instead of tucking them in and lights out is BS. Kid is a own here.

He won’t even put the kid to bed to let his wife talk to a friend caring for a hospitalize Covid family member?

All to have another call within his old fraternity brothers? I can’t imagine any adult with you children being able to commit to a non urgent call before 8pm.

But it’s obvious it was more important for OP to see DH give up his weekly Zoom call for one night and put the difficult son to bed at the normal time than the actual call with the sick friend. Otherwise she would have prioritized staying on the call with her friend over yelling at husband to get off his zoom call and getting upset about son having additional electronics time in their room. Maybe it’s because I don’t have this kinda energy for perfect parenting but if I have a crisis call and I need the kids to be quiet and distracted with electronics or even a later bedtime, I can live with that one day out of 365. Even if my DH is on deck, the kids argue, sometimes aren’t listening etc, and I have to block that out and focus on what a I am trying to get done.

OMG, some of you are clearly projecting your own sh*t onto the OP. She prioritized her child's bedtime and wellbeing over her Zoom...as opposed to her selfish DH who prioritized his Zoom over everyone else.

Some of you are projecting your own issues on to the the DH/ OP didn't go put the kid to bed all she did was go yell at her husband. Someone who is so concerned about kid's sleep is not starting screaming fights at bedtime. It's not about the bedtime it's about OP's martyrdom. Sure DH could have altered things to get the kid in bed on time without electronics, but that the didn't is not that egregious. OP's behavior in this situation is extremely toxic

Nope. If you stick to the OP, it's pretty obvious the DH acted like a jerk. Regardless of all the hypothetical nonsense the team-DH people are trying to throw at the wall, the fact is:

DH has had months of Fridays to visit on Zoom with friends.
She asked DH to put the child to bed this ONE week, so that she could attend a Zoom with friends.
He agreed but did not do what he said he would.

It doesn't matter what *you* think about OP's bedtime routine for her kid, it only matters what she and her DH have agreed on. Clearly, he broke the agreement.

This is on him.

I did stick to the OP which is why I have concluded OP's behavior is completely inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just really envious your husband get a social visit pass no matter what is going on. What other parent is guaranteed weekly free time?

No reason she couldn't claim Saturday nights to herself! The martyrdom is ridiculous.

So her entire zoom group needs to reschedule around dh’s? How long does he get to claim Friday night? Forever?

Since there wasn't actually a real problem with the children--just one she invented--it was possible for both adults to enjoy their friend time on the same night.

But sure doesn't seem to be an issue with her claiming another night to herself since he already has a longstanding date with friends. Only pure pettiness would dictate a problem with selecting one of the other 6 nights open, since she can't seem to handle the way her DH does things.

Could you find any more excuses for a lazy dh? She tried to pick another night FFS!!!

Somoene is projecting and just looking to call men names. She didn't try to pick another night. She pretty much went along with what friends suggested. As pp pointed out Thursday was wide open, she didn't offer that. Her subsequent behavior shows OP just wanted to pick a fight. Thought I completely understand your taking up for , OP your name-calling and need to swear show similar lack of emotional control.