Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you feeling any better about the situation now that a couple of weeks have passed?

OP here. I don't know how to respond to this. I was not horribly upset when I posted. I was disappointed. We have been in contact. I do not know what is going to happen. This is the reason I posted. I did not think it was really over because he is confused (he does not want it to be over...but he has trouble--obviously--with making his own decisions--which at his age, he should be able to do more easily)...and that is why I asked if I dodged a bullet in the very first post (meaning should I forget this now and not try again if the opportunity presents itself). I am not sure what is going to happen (if it will be a no contact thing later or if we will see each other again).

What are you hoping will be the outcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you feeling any better about the situation now that a couple of weeks have passed?

OP here. I don't know how to respond to this. I was not horribly upset when I posted. I was disappointed. We have been in contact. I do not know what is going to happen. This is the reason I posted. I did not think it was really over because he is confused (he does not want it to be over...but he has trouble--obviously--with making his own decisions--which at his age, he should be able to do more easily)...and that is why I asked if I dodged a bullet in the very first post (meaning should I forget this now and not try again if the opportunity presents itself). I am not sure what is going to happen (if it will be a no contact thing later or if we will see each other again).

What are you hoping will be the outcome?

I am not thinking like that. I do not have any expectations. I just don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Ghost.

[Anonymous]

Any update, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said you weren't serious with him so why are you giving this so much though?

It would not have worked out for you in the long run.

Cut your losses and move on.

OP here...because it seemed like it could have potential to last a very long time. I want a long-term relationship. I just don't want to get married again. I do not think family ever needed to know. He said before he was not looking for marriage and kids. We seemed to be on the same page. This threw me. I would not have mentioned to family if marriage and kids were not in the future...I feel that this could have been the long-term relationship I wanted that did not have to result in marriage. I see no reason family needed to know unless marriage was discussed. It wasn't.

I am in my 40’s and want something long term short of marriage. Definitely no kids. Normal. No weird cultural or familial obstacles. Move on. We’re out here.

[Anonymous]

Guy here and you dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here and you dodged a bullet.

OP here: Thank you for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP?

He is still in touch. He says he misses me a lot—but his family is on his case and he does not know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said you weren't serious with him so why are you giving this so much though?

It would not have worked out for you in the long run.

Cut your losses and move on.

OP here...because it seemed like it could have potential to last a very long time. I want a long-term relationship. I just don't want to get married again. I do not think family ever needed to know. He said before he was not looking for marriage and kids. We seemed to be on the same page. This threw me. I would not have mentioned to family if marriage and kids were not in the future...I feel that this could have been the long-term relationship I wanted that did not have to result in marriage. I see no reason family needed to know unless marriage was discussed. It wasn't.

I am in my 40’s and want something long term short of marriage. Definitely no kids. Normal. No weird cultural or familial obstacles. Move on. We’re out here.

OP here—this is good to hear. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP?

He is still in touch. He says he misses me a lot—but his family is on his case and he does not know what to do.

Stop entertaining this. If you want a longterm relationship pursue it with someone who wants that with you. This is not that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP?

He is still in touch. He says he misses me a lot—but his family is on his case and he does not know what to do.

Yeah, this is unworkable. It shouldn’t be this hard. I’m sorry for him that he can’t get out from under his family’s thumb in midlife, but it really shouldn’t be your problem anymore, OP. I’d let go entirely, and if it’s confusing you to stay in touch with him, I’d cut it off. It’s now a no-brainer, and I say that with the full understanding of what he meant to you, and how wonderful your time together was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP?

He is still in touch. He says he misses me a lot—but his family is on his case and he does not know what to do.

Yeah, this is unworkable. It shouldn’t be this hard. I’m sorry for him that he can’t get out from under his family’s thumb in midlife, but it really shouldn’t be your problem anymore, OP. I’d let go entirely, and if it’s confusing you to stay in touch with him, I’d cut it off. It’s now a no-brainer, and I say that with the full understanding of what he meant to you, and how wonderful your time together was.

OP here. Yes, you and the last poster are right and I know this. I think the next time he reaches out--because I know he will--I am going to have to just say something like "You know I enjoyed our time together and thought there was something that could last a long time, but I can't be in touch anymore if you don't want to resume a relationship. I know you have family pressure and you have to figure out what to do about that."

I have already told him multiple times this issue is not really just about me. He does not know how he should deal with family pressure (if he should just get married to make them happy or not). Not seeing me does not stop their pressure now. I can't wait around for him to figure it out. I think he is keeping me in his orbit because he really does like but does not want to close the door completely. He needs to make a decision about dealing with his family. The fact that he did not deal with this years ago when he was dating an American for years (and he did not tell his parents but siblings knew) is beyond me (and his dad gave his blessing to marry an American. It is just like he has been avoiding an issue that should have been dealt with years ago. What is disappointing is he said early on this had been dealt with--and clearly, that is not true. I would not have pursued it at all if I was not assured by him that he was past this. He is too old to be dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP?

He is still in touch. He says he misses me a lot—but his family is on his case and he does not know what to do.

Yeah, this is unworkable. It shouldn’t be this hard. I’m sorry for him that he can’t get out from under his family’s thumb in midlife, but it really shouldn’t be your problem anymore, OP. I’d let go entirely, and if it’s confusing you to stay in touch with him, I’d cut it off. It’s now a no-brainer, and I say that with the full understanding of what he meant to you, and how wonderful your time together was.

OP here. Yes, you and the last poster are right and I know this. I think the next time he reaches out--because I know he will--I am going to have to just say something like "You know I enjoyed our time together and thought there was something that could last a long time, but I can't be in touch anymore if you don't want to resume a relationship. I know you have family pressure and you have to figure out what to do about that."

I have already told him multiple times this issue is not really just about me. He does not know how he should deal with family pressure (if he should just get married to make them happy or not). Not seeing me does not stop their pressure now. I can't wait around for him to figure it out. I think he is keeping me in his orbit because he really does like but does not want to close the door completely. He needs to make a decision about dealing with his family. The fact that he did not deal with this years ago when he was dating an American for years (and he did not tell his parents but siblings knew) is beyond me (and his dad gave his blessing to marry an American. It is just like he has been avoiding an issue that should have been dealt with years ago. What is disappointing is he said early on this had been dealt with--and clearly, that is not true. I would not have pursued it at all if I was not assured by him that he was past this. He is too old to be dealing with this.

YOU are too old to be dealing with this.

You are a single mom. Move on

[Anonymous]

Did you ever answer if he is Indian?

[Anonymous]

Frankly he sounds like a loser.

Clean cut and move on.