Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like an Indian. You dodged a bullet. Nothing wrong with Indian men, but if someone's family is so dead set against you without even knowing you, I promise you that doesn't bode well for the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you dodged a bullet. Ghost and move on.

Seriously. He sounds like a child and would *never* stand up for you no matter how serious you were. You should NOT try to get him back. You should tell him plainly that his behavior during this situation has made it very clear that you do not want to have a relationship with him.

OP here. I am not trying to get him back. I just might have a hard time if he changes his mind because I would be tempted to try again; I really liked him. I think there is a reason he has only told about one other woman in his life (no one has ever met anyone he dated). He is not strong enough to disappoint them even if it means he is unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said you weren't serious with him so why are you giving this so much though?

It would not have worked out for you in the long run.

Cut your losses and move on.

OP here...because it seemed like it could have potential to last a very long time. I want a long-term relationship. I just don't want to get married again. I do not think family ever needed to know. He said before he was not looking for marriage and kids. We seemed to be on the same page. This threw me. I would not have mentioned to family if marriage and kids were not in the future...I feel that this could have been the long-term relationship I wanted that did not have to result in marriage. I see no reason family needed to know unless marriage was discussed. It wasn't.

Naive.

He never introduced anyone in his life. They only knew about one person years ago. And parents did not know. Just a sibling. So I do not think I was naive...his past history indicates family was not involved with any relationships and since this was likely not going toward marriage ever, it was reasonable to assume a long term girlfriend/boyfriend thing was fine. We discussed it. With that scenario, no family needs to know...it only causes problems. Like what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like an Indian. You dodged a bullet. Nothing wrong with Indian men, but if someone's family is so dead set against you without even knowing you, I promise you that doesn't bode well for the future.

Not Indian. I am not going to say where.

[Anonymous]

I was in an almost comparable situation. My husband is 4 years younger than me and a different culture (I am from Europe and he is from West Africa). We met in college and had been dating for 7 years when he we started talking marriage. All hell broke loose. It was really bad. We got married despite the pressure and threats of cutting ties. I wasn't divorced and didn't have kids - I just wasn't good enough in their eyes because of the color of my skin and being older than him. Were are married with 2 kids now and they have simmered down. Initially though, he did kind of break up and try to comply to his parents' expectations. The pressure was intense. His parents are probably brainwashing him and trying to set him up with other women. My IL have done that to each and every one of their child and as a result some have had a hard time finding someone and are still single in the late 30's, which is not a good look for the family. Give it some time but don't hold your breath.

[Anonymous]

OP, you wanted a FWB scenario and so did he. It ended. Big whoop! You are a divorcee and your marriage to the father of your three kids did not work out. I am sure that was a bigger disappointment than some guy you are boinking for 6 months calling it quits.

He was just not into you and neither were you into him. You both were each others pandemic fuzkbuddies. Its not so deep. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you wanted a FWB scenario and so did he. It ended. Big whoop! You are a divorcee and your marriage to the father of your three kids did not work out. I am sure that was a bigger disappointment than some guy you are boinking for 6 months calling it quits.

He was just not into you and neither were you into him. You both were each others pandemic fuzkbuddies. Its not so deep. Seriously.

Op here: I do not have 3 kids. Not that if matters now but I wanted to cancel my wedding and then divorce immediately. I had family pressure to stay and hand an accidental pregnancy. No, my divorce was easy. My marriage was always a miserable horrible mistake. No disappointment whatsoever. Just relieved and sad I did not get out at the beginning like I wanted. ExH and I were never in love and never meant to be. No connection ever. Just a stupid mistake that ruined me being able to start over.

This is very disappointing. I felt something for this guy and thought it could be long term. I do not need or want the legal or financial entanglements of remarriage.

It did not feel at all like a FWB situation at all. He was crying when he broke it off: he is not happy about it and says as recently as 2 days ago that he misses me a lot. He said he was getting serious and afraid of getting deeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like an Indian. You dodged a bullet. Nothing wrong with Indian men, but if someone's family is so dead set against you without even knowing you, I promise you that doesn't bode well for the future.

Not Indian. I am not going to say where.

Iranian I bet. Btdt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in an almost comparable situation. My husband is 4 years younger than me and a different culture (I am from Europe and he is from West Africa). We met in college and had been dating for 7 years when he we started talking marriage. All hell broke loose. It was really bad. We got married despite the pressure and threats of cutting ties. I wasn't divorced and didn't have kids - I just wasn't good enough in their eyes because of the color of my skin and being older than him. Were are married with 2 kids now and they have simmered down. Initially though, he did kind of break up and try to comply to his parents' expectations. The pressure was intense. His parents are probably brainwashing him and trying to set him up with other women. My IL have done that to each and every one of their child and as a result some have had a hard time finding someone and are still single in the late 30's, which is not a good look for the family. Give it some time but don't hold your breath.

Op here: I have been in this situation in my past (before marriage); we never married but my family came around at year 5. We broke up at year 6. We were too young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suchhhhh an Indian......signed another Indian

Maybe? This was an age mismatch, marital baggage mismatch, children mismatch, culture mismatch, shared interest mismatch. He was lonely, wanted a girlfriend, was probably a virgin, wanted sex fairly early in the relationship and just wanted fun/sex during the pandemic. Then he may have caught feels because first time sex and all. Family yelled at him, showed him the picture of the young bride they have picked for him, and he decided to go where the grass was greener. Or, he has several women like "OP" he is stringing along for sex and found someone who was hotter.

How do you live in reality when your imagination is so colorfully and pleasingly false? You just created an entire plot that isn’t there. That is quite a loaded and baked potato you served us.

[Anonymous]

Yea my niece even learned Farsi ... was a level 5 Farsi speaker.

The family was like nope!

She got a great job with her new found talent though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you wanted a FWB scenario and so did he. It ended. Big whoop! You are a divorcee and your marriage to the father of your three kids did not work out. I am sure that was a bigger disappointment than some guy you are boinking for 6 months calling it quits.

He was just not into you and neither were you into him. You both were each others pandemic fuzkbuddies. Its not so deep. Seriously.

Op here: I do not have 3 kids. Not that if matters now but I wanted to cancel my wedding and then divorce immediately. I had family pressure to stay and hand an accidental pregnancy. No, my divorce was easy. My marriage was always a miserable horrible mistake. No disappointment whatsoever. Just relieved and sad I did not get out at the beginning like I wanted. ExH and I were never in love and never meant to be. No connection ever. Just a stupid mistake that ruined me being able to start over.

This is very disappointing. I felt something for this guy and thought it could be long term. I do not need or want the legal or financial entanglements of remarriage.

It did not feel at all like a FWB situation at all. He was crying when he broke it off: he is not happy about it and says as recently as 2 days ago that he misses me a lot. He said he was getting serious and afraid of getting deeper.

OP. The bolded is the lie that you need to grab by the bull horns and tackle down to the mofo ground. It is a lie, and only as powerful as your belief in it. Learn the truth about yourself and your value, and how some mistakes, losses and seeming misfortune build respectable character, compassion, wisdom, honor, loyalty, mercy. You are only ruined if you ruin yourself. No circumstance can control how you choose to respond to it. I hope 2021 reveals that beautiful parts of you that are NOT ruined, and are sitting and waiting patiently to be watered and nurtured with YOUR self care, so those seeds can bloom beautifully.

You never know who may stop and smell those blooms! 😊

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea my niece even learned Farsi ... was a level 5 Farsi speaker.

The family was like nope!

She got a great job with her new found talent though.

🍋 Lemonade FTW! 😉

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you wanted a FWB scenario and so did he. It ended. Big whoop! You are a divorcee and your marriage to the father of your three kids did not work out. I am sure that was a bigger disappointment than some guy you are boinking for 6 months calling it quits.

He was just not into you and neither were you into him. You both were each others pandemic fuzkbuddies. Its not so deep. Seriously.

Op here: I do not have 3 kids. Not that if matters now but I wanted to cancel my wedding and then divorce immediately. I had family pressure to stay and hand an accidental pregnancy. No, my divorce was easy. My marriage was always a miserable horrible mistake. No disappointment whatsoever. Just relieved and sad I did not get out at the beginning like I wanted. ExH and I were never in love and never meant to be. No connection ever. Just a stupid mistake that ruined me being able to start over.

This is very disappointing. I felt something for this guy and thought it could be long term. I do not need or want the legal or financial entanglements of remarriage.

It did not feel at all like a FWB situation at all. He was crying when he broke it off: he is not happy about it and says as recently as 2 days ago that he misses me a lot. He said he was getting serious and afraid of getting deeper.

OP. The bolded is the lie that you need to grab by the bull horns and tackle down to the mofo ground. It is a lie, and only as powerful as your belief in it. Learn the truth about yourself and your value, and how some mistakes, losses and seeming misfortune build respectable character, compassion, wisdom, honor, loyalty, mercy. You are only ruined if you ruin yourself. No circumstance can control how you choose to respond to it. I hope 2021 reveals that beautiful parts of you that are NOT ruined, and are sitting and waiting patiently to be watered and nurtured with YOUR self care, so those seeds can bloom beautifully.

You never know who may stop and smell those blooms! 😊

OP here: this scenario exactly proves my bolded statement...there is no way to truly start over like I wanted to being divorced with kids. I have accepted I will never be able marry or have children with someone I actually wanted to do that with. A series of mistakes and pressure led to a bad marriage and unplanned kids—I was planning a divorce before a shock positive pregnancy.

I asked many times if a long term bf/gf situation was ok. I was not expecting family knowing....if it became serious later, maybe but not now. That is why I am disappointed. And this happening is evidence that the statement in bold is 100% accurate.

[Anonymous]

He probably told the sibling to get a feel of the family's reaction and maybe gain an ally to approach the parents. It was getting serious for him. He's probably as disappointed as you are. If he hasn't stood up to his parents at his age I don't know if he ever will. Try to move on.