Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said you weren't serious with him so why are you giving this so much though?

It would not have worked out for you in the long run.

Cut your losses and move on.

OP here...because it seemed like it could have potential to last a very long time. I want a long-term relationship. I just don't want to get married again. I do not think family ever needed to know. He said before he was not looking for marriage and kids. We seemed to be on the same page. This threw me. I would not have mentioned to family if marriage and kids were not in the future...I feel that this could have been the long-term relationship I wanted that did not have to result in marriage. I see no reason family needed to know unless marriage was discussed. It wasn't.

Are you saying you wanted to date him long term but never wanted him to tell his family?

Yes. Because I would not tell my family either. They would not accept it. I see no reason to tell family unless marriage is on the table. I have always felt this way...even in my 20s. Our families are not local and limited in person visits. A couple of times a year. Family never needed to know. Friends, fine. Local people, fine. Family? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suchhhhh an Indian......signed another Indian

This made me LOL because as I was reading this I was thinking of the 90 Day Fiance couple Jenny and Sumit (w/o the age difference).

His family expects him to marry and have children. Cut off all communication cold turkey and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said you weren't serious with him so why are you giving this so much though?

It would not have worked out for you in the long run.

Cut your losses and move on.

OP here...because it seemed like it could have potential to last a very long time. I want a long-term relationship. I just don't want to get married again. I do not think family ever needed to know. He said before he was not looking for marriage and kids. We seemed to be on the same page. This threw me. I would not have mentioned to family if marriage and kids were not in the future...I feel that this could have been the long-term relationship I wanted that did not have to result in marriage. I see no reason family needed to know unless marriage was discussed. It wasn't.

With you OP, he was not looking for marriage and kids WITH YOU.
His family on the other hand will absolutely be looking for those things, again not WITH YOU and so they have forced him to reconcile with their plans for his life.
He made his choice. Time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said you weren't serious with him so why are you giving this so much though?

It would not have worked out for you in the long run.

Cut your losses and move on.

OP here...because it seemed like it could have potential to last a very long time. I want a long-term relationship. I just don't want to get married again. I do not think family ever needed to know. He said before he was not looking for marriage and kids. We seemed to be on the same page. This threw me. I would not have mentioned to family if marriage and kids were not in the future...I feel that this could have been the long-term relationship I wanted that did not have to result in marriage. I see no reason family needed to know unless marriage was discussed. It wasn't.

Naive.

[Anonymous]

OP, Forgive me but I am slightly confused.

Soo....
You wanted a long-term relationship possibly, but you never want to marry again.

Plus you said you just wanted to have fun w/this guy but you never stated whether you loved him or not.

But now you are upset the relationship is dunzo?

Anyway, be grateful this man is gone.
Someone his age who lets his family still dictate who he spends his time with definitely needs to grow a few.
Like another poster said, this is likely why he never married.

I know that culture is very resistant to change & all, but this guy is too weak to stand up to his family for what he truly wants in life.

My best advice is to cease all communication with this coward and save yourself for a person who knows what they want in life and are not so worried about what others think or say.

I wish you the best!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said you weren't serious with him so why are you giving this so much though?

It would not have worked out for you in the long run.

Cut your losses and move on.

OP here...because it seemed like it could have potential to last a very long time. I want a long-term relationship. I just don't want to get married again. I do not think family ever needed to know. He said before he was not looking for marriage and kids. We seemed to be on the same page. This threw me. I would not have mentioned to family if marriage and kids were not in the future...I feel that this could have been the long-term relationship I wanted that did not have to result in marriage. I see no reason family needed to know unless marriage was discussed. It wasn't.

With you OP, he was not looking for marriage and kids WITH YOU.
His family on the other hand will absolutely be looking for those things, again not WITH YOU and so they have forced him to reconcile with their plans for his life.
He made his choice. Time to move on.

What bothers me is that he is likely to encounter this backlash with every American woman. He said he was surprised the backlash was so bad but I was not. He told me multiple times he is not interested in marrying anyone younger than 36 or women he has been set up with. He says he is over doing it their way. I thought he was beyond family pressure. I asked about this many many times. The truth is is that the “ideal situation” (young, no kids, no baggage with an actual connection without a checklist) is just not going to happen here in the US by the time you hit 40. And he told me he didn’t want way that anyway. He had those opportunities and did not feel it and stayed single.

[Anonymous]

OP here: And he said multiple times he does not want kids now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you dodged a bullet. Ghost and move on.

Agree!

[Anonymous]

expected the backlash but not this much

He's not strong enough. He's not a strong, independent person. Not enough. Not enough to be marriage material. For you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you dodged a bullet. My DH was not born and raised in the US and from a non western culture. It didn't seem to matter early on. But now, 15 yrs and 3 kids in, it does. His family has never fully accepted me and they are the source of a lot of tension.

This story is as old as time. Husbands especially don’t buck their culture.

If their mothers brow-beat and nag them for the first 24 years of their lives, how do you expect them to be independent adults? I have the same problem with my son and his over-bearing Indian mother.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. I know you feel insulted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suchhhhh an Indian......signed another Indian

Maybe? This was an age mismatch, marital baggage mismatch, children mismatch, culture mismatch, shared interest mismatch. He was lonely, wanted a girlfriend, was probably a virgin, wanted sex fairly early in the relationship and just wanted fun/sex during the pandemic. Then he may have caught feels because first time sex and all. Family yelled at him, showed him the picture of the young bride they have picked for him, and he decided to go where the grass was greener. Or, he has several women like "OP" he is stringing along for sex and found someone who was hotter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you dodged a bullet. Ghost and move on.

Seriously. He sounds like a child and would *never* stand up for you no matter how serious you were. You should NOT try to get him back. You should tell him plainly that his behavior during this situation has made it very clear that you do not want to have a relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

My husband of 24 years came and met my parents at my dad’s birthday dinner 6 weeks into dating because we head over heels in love. It felt natural. I am extremely close with my family.

You wanted him to hide you from his family and stay in secret? Yeah, that was going to turn out well.

He’s never been married, never had kids. They see you as trouble - divorced, your own kids, baggage and fertility likely gone if they wanted grandkids.

For somebody that didn’t care about his family and/or could live without them accepting their spouse- ok. This guy had strong cultural family ties. You sound like that family would be a big problem in the i tire and want to isolate him from them.

This worked out for the best.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you dodged a bullet. It’s better that you found out early. They would have found out about you eventually, and he sounds like his priority is his extended family, not his girlfriend (you).

What culture is his family? I was thinking from Jordan or Afghanistan.